He watched the light leave his eyes as the knife plunged into his chest. Cas crawled as best as he could to Dean. He let out a wail, knowing his buddy was dead. Cas ignored the stinging wound in his hip and stood up shakily. He stumbled towards Dean and collapsed at his side. Cas reached over to Dean's face, turning it towards him. His eyes were still open, dull and lifeless. He gingerly swept a steady finger over each eyelid, closing them softly. Cas buried his head into Dean's side and let out a small sob. This is the first time that he had ever really cried. And god, this was the first time he had felt so much pain. It burned for than the stab wound in his side. It hurt more than the time Crowley shot him in the gut. It hurt more than the time Metatron sliced open his throat and stole his grace. This is the most pain that he had ever felt. It was overwhelming. Cas couldn't breath as he sobbed loudly. He felt as if he were suffocating in his own sorrow. He brushed his lips up to Dean's cheek and pecked softly.

"I have always w-wanted to do that." Cas whimpered softly into the sharp edge of Dean's stubbly jaw. Cas would miss Dean's jaw line. He would miss taking a few glances if he walked by Dean. He would miss 'accidentally' hitting his hand against his cheek bones and his jawline. Then shyly replying 'sorry' and Dean awkwardly smiling at him. Cas clutched Dean's shoulders tightly. Dean's jacket bunched up tightly in Cas' fists.

"I'm gonna miss you s-so much." He cried out once again, kicking the ground with rage. He pushed his face into Dean's chest and sobbed once again. He is gonna miss the smell of whiskey and nature when he was close by Dean. He always smelled fresh, but like he just spend a whole day at a bar at the same time. And Cas would miss that smell so much. He let out a gasping wail and made a sound that sounded like he was screaming/sobbing. He shoved Dean closer into him and wrapped his arms tightly around Dean's torso, which was now a deep crimson color and soaked in wet, sticky blood.

"I always wanted to hug you like this." Cas shakily breathed out and sniffled. He rubbed his face onto Dean's sticky, red chest. He felt the blood sticking to his cheeks. He felt it dry on his lips. He felt it drip on his nose. He sobbed once more.

"If this is the pain that humans go through, I'm not sure I would ever, ever like to be truly and fully human again."