There's a certain kind of sadness that fills your soul to the brim, but leaves you feeling hollow. It's like a churning in the pit of your stomach, a nostalgia for something you have never had. It's like being homesick for a home that never existed.
It twisted in Castiel's stomach, throwing him off balance; deafening him. He no longer felt real, as if he were stuck in a dream he would never wake up from. He focused on the gentle sound of the water reaching the shore in weak waves. The lake was large, but surrounded by trees in such a way that it was almost always covered in shade. The early summer breeze was cool against his sunburnt face. He knew his mother would throw a fit if she noticed how red he was.
Even though it wasn't too far from the dirt road, no one else knew about this beach, at least, that's what Castiel thought. If they did, he didn't exactly care, as long as they weren't there at the same time as he. Castiel sighed, letting his toes dip into the water. Solitude had become a part of his routine, and this was the only place he could find it.
He let his eyes flutter open to meet the blue of the sky. Clouds rolled lazily overhead. There was a time when he would have loved to search for pictures and stories within the overlapping shades of gray. He supposed he had simply seen too many clouds. He already knew what they would hold in their depths.
He pushed the thought aside. He didn't want to dwell on depressing things. Not now. Not here. He didn't want to poison the one last good place on Earth. Not when there were so few places left not infected by the cyanide of mortality.
Summer brings many things. Sun, vacations, time, and days spent hiding away from family and pretending to be asleep. It also brings thunderstorms.
Castiel stood, drenched in the rain and sweat. His feet were sore and his legs burned with effort. His lungs screamed and fire pumped through his veins. He forced a smile, praying it would become real.
It didn't.
He skidded to a stop, nearly falling over from the vertigo. Mud caked his shoes, and some of it had even made it inside onto his socks. His mother wouldn't be home for another few hours. For now, she was blissfully unaware that Castiel had even left the house, let alone that he had run all the way across town.
Castiel could almost laugh, but any laughter was choked out by sobs. He fell to his knees and threw his arms against the ground to keep him from falling face-first into the mud. Even here, so far away from home, he still felt hollow and empty, like a black hole. That was what he was becoming. He took any and all light within reach and crushed it beneath his apathy.
A crash of thunder sounded above him. He sighed, rubbing the heel of his palm against his eye. He sobbed, shivers running up and down his spine. He hadn't thought of this; being stranded so far from home in a storm.
Oh well.
He didn't even look up when he turned to leave. He didn't think about where he was going or what he was doing. He just kept going forward. Did he run? Was he walking? He couldn't tell. He had lost himself in his void, falling through the black emptiness of his own mind.
Stop being so melodramatic.
He didn't want to go home. That was the one and only thought ringing clearly in his head. If he went home, he wouldn't hear the thunder as clearly, and the rain wouldn't be able to block out his fears with its ever present white noise.
Instead, he turned towards the lake. His lake. His own safe haven, where the world could never fall apart.
As he approached his beach, he caught a glimpse of a figure walking back towards the road out of the corner of his eye.
So, he thought, running a shaky hand through his dripping hair, I am sharing this with someone.
Sorry for taking such a long break; I've been swamped with homework, and I've been working on my other, original, writing project. I really appreciate all the reviews! Sorry for how short this one is, or if it seems rough or rushed. I haven't had much time to write or edit. Also, Dean will be introduced relatively soon. I just thought a description of the importance of this spot was important. Again, thank you all so much for the follows, likes, and reviews!
