A/N: This chapter was originally extremely nonsensical as it was written by Lassitude, as you can tell from all the ridiculous bits. Therefore, many thanks go to Classic for legitifying it to the best of her ability. We sincerely hope this does not put off readers :(
Warning OOC Akashi (but for a reason in the context of the plot)

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Disclaimer: We do not own Kuroko no Basuke nor its characters.


It was morning.

Akashi got up exactly 3.456789s before his alarm clock rang. And when said alarm clock rang, he shut it up with one decisive press of the button. He ran his fingers through his impeccably neat hair, and discovered that one single section of his hair stayed combed back.

What the hell?

Akashi paused. His hair was not perfect. This called for an emergency.

He retrieved his hand from his hair, only to discover that his index finger was covered in a waxy, sticky substance. He stared at the alarm clock button, covered in the same substance. He frowned. His eye twitched.

Some idiot was trying to mess with him early in the morning.

This morning had gotten off to a bad start.

In order to appease his anger, he decided to go ride his horse for the day.

Pinkie Pie neighed happily upon seeing its master. (If you're wondering why his horse was named Pinkie Pie, it's because he decided to dye Yukimaru pink and rename it in the spur of the moment.)

Akashi got on his horse.

"いけ!!" He commanded. No one knew for sure, but it was theorised that many individuals within a 20m radius at the time experienced a spontaneous heart attack. Luckily, there were no casualties.

As it was, Pinkie Pie sprinted off, galloping at what he thought could be equivalent to wind speeds of 350km/h and above, faster than a Category 5 hurricane. Akashi sat straight, upright, his back exactly 90 degrees to Pinkie Pie's back, feeling the wind whip all around him (like whoah) with much satisfaction. Riding did always help to clear his mind. Additionally, he was actually glad that he had gel in his hair now. Imagine getting off his horse with his hair all tousled and unsightly. He'd sooner commit seppuku than allow that (or any form of defeat) to happen. (Akashi happened to be in his mansion compound at that time so he was more or less 80% surrounded by walls and hardly anybody could actually see him even if he were to be in that state but obviously he was not in the right state of mind/simply wasn't giving a crap.)

Then Akashi blinked.

Kuroko Tetsuya walked past.

Suddenly, it felt like time had slowed down.

The winds around Akashi died down as a brilliant ray of light cast its glow upon said blue-haired boy.

Kuroko turned his head in Akashi's direction. In that instant, flowers started flying all around him. A sweet smile graced his features as he laughed softly.

Then Kuroko somehow skipped through the wall that separated Akashi's mansion from the mainstream streets and extended one fine, muscular arm towards Akashi. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, towards Akashi, his thin, soft lips puckering ever so subtly.

"T-tetsuya!" Akashi gasped, eyes glittering.

Those. Luscious. Lips!

Akashi closed his eyes and leaned towards Kuroko as well, his heart soaring. Finally, he could share a deep, passionate kiss with Tetsuya!

AKASHI SEIJUUROU

The words that come to mind upon hearing his name are always the same.

Charismatic.

Absolute.

Perfect.

The key to his charisma and absolutism was of course, his perfection.

And with his perfection, he couldn't be considered human. Not 100% human, anyway. He was a work of art, sculpted with perfection and hard work, down to the last detail- be it the cold, hard, expression etched onto his stiff face, or the way his cunning, scheming eyes were carved right up to the tips of his corneas. The result was a perfect person- not a perfect human- to the point where his only human parts were the living, beating organs inside the vessel known only as Akashi Seijuurou the Absolute.

These organs were imperfect of course, seeing as to how they were actually alive, and therefore inferior compared to Akashi. Year after year Akashi had believed that he was indeed a perfect being, right up to the point when a mild-mannered boy by the name of Kuroko Tetsuya waltzed into his life.

From that very second onwards, Akashi's imperfect human heart cracked and the imperfections surfaced within, the fault lines growing with every passing year.

One day, these cracks would appear on the surface, and break his imperfect perfection.

Today was that day.

Because right now all he wanted to do was run off into a delusional sunset with Kuroko.

.

.

.

Then Akashi was hit by a bout of dizziness and fell off his horse.
Pinkie Pie buckled wildly and kicked Akashi in the leg.

Kuroko walked on sipping on his vanilla milkshake, not even giving Akashi a glance.

Akashi felt his kokoro shatter. And also his shin.

"#$*" Akashi swore uncharacteristically though with a straight face as he processed what had or had not just occurred.

Two hours later Akashi was lying on an immaculate white bed in a room labelled "Ward 1-A".

Evidently, he had suffered the consequences of being hit by a case of allergies. He would never near seaweed again. It was clear that it tarnished his perfection, no matter how temporarily.

And he had to do something about Kuroko and those milkshakes.