Smut at the end of this chapter. Merry Christmas ;)
If Anna's last part is a little bit awkward, it's meant to be. It's her first time , I didn't think she would instantly become a expert, so I apologise in advance.
November 3rd 2277
Anna
"Are you nuts ?!"
I don't understand how Charon cannot get it. I have to go back, they need me. He grabs my arms and gives me a gentle shake.
"Last time you were there they tried to kill you Anna."
"They need me."
"Yeah, now. What's to say once it's over they won't try to get rid of you again. You can't go running to them just because they want your attention now. Where have they been for the past 8 months ?!"
"It's my home."
Something about my choice of words causes Charon to back off.
"I guess you better see what they need then" he spits.
I know he is angry at me, I know I am putting my life in danger but I really really have to do this.
"I'm going alone Charon."
He nods, his mouth a tight line and backs off to sit on the couch.
"I'll be here if you need me."
Suddenly I am furious. Why can't he understand?
"What is your problem ?!" I scream.
"You're walking into a trap !"
"Did you ever think that maybe they were scared the first time. Scared of change. Maybe now something can happen with the outside world and the vault !"
He doesn't answer. He sits on the couch fuming staring at the wall. I continue my rant knowing that I should have stopped before I started.
"Why do you care anyway ? Worried that your precious contract holder will die in a vault so you'll be stuck out here without your fucking bit of paper !"
"It's not about the contract !"
"It must be because that's the only thing you care about ! You're a fucking machine Charon you show no emotion. Does this even commute with you ? Did my fathers death ? Or is it all a big waiting game until you can kill the next person ?!"
I realise that in my anger I am actually letting out my biggest insecurity. Charon is all I have left and I am not even entirely sure he wants to be with me out of choice. I want him to want to be here. A brief part of me also notices I am not arguing about the vault anymore.
"Do you even care about me or am I just transport to your next target practice ?!"
The air is slammed out of lungs as I am thrown against the wall. Charon stands in front of me holding me up against the wall by my shirt. His face is full of rage and I know that I should be scared.
"Don't. You. Ever. Think that I don't care about you" he spits.
He doesn't reply all I can hear is his erratic enraged breathing. I want to hit out and scratch at him. I want to scream. I want to feel. Instead I do the first thing I can think of and it surprises me how much I want it.
I grab Charon's face and I kiss him. I am surprised by how quickly he responds. His hands move to my thighs to hold me up and I melt into him. The kiss is deep and ferocious there is more than just anger here. One hand moves to his neck and the other clutches his shirt begging him to come closer.
Charon pulls back with a gasp and looks at me intensely.
"What about your 'boyfriend.'"
I give a small "oh" of realisation and remember that I shouldn't be doing this that I should be feeling guilty but I don't. I haven't thought of Paul in a long time. Thinking of him feels childish, what we had was no more than exchanged kisses in corridors. This is much much more. This is a burning in the pit of my stomach. Paul was a want but Charon is a need.
"Where has he been the past 8 months ?" I say as I caress Charon's face. "But you, you have been by my side. Always when I need you."
Charon nods and his forehead falls against mine and I continue our passionate kiss but he pulls back again.
"Go to the vault but I will walk you there and wait outside. If you still want this when you're finished then we will talk."
For once Charon is the voice of reason although his eyes portray desperation. I nod slowly taking the information in.
"I've made my choice" I whisper as I give him a quick kiss on the jaw. "I will go only for Amata but I will be coming straight back for you."
"I will wait until you return."
Anna
"Butch !"
I can't believe I am actually glad to see this moron. At first he stands there with his pistol raised and then blinks rapidly.
"Nosebleed ?" He says unsure.
"Hello" I smile and then I am taken by surprise when Butch freaking Deloria honest to god hugs me.
"Look at you ! Fucking hell you're packing !"
He slaps my back and I laugh at the dust that comes from my jacket. Only in this clinical environment can I see how dirty I really am.
"Where's Paul ?" I ask.
I want to see him, talk to him and tell him I can't do this anymore. I need cut free the tie before I respond to the much stronger one Charon has on me.
Instead of telling me Butch looks at me sadly.
"Anna...Paul died. The day you left."
"Oh."
I am surprised when I don't cry. There has been enough death in my life I have simply became numb but I do respond to the small surge of pain in my chest. I feel sad, guilty even that I could not help him.
"You okay nosebleed ?" Butch grips my shoulder.
"Yeah. Just stunned I guess."
I feel lousy and tired. I am sad to the extent I just want to crawl into bed and sleep everything away, moving suddenly seems exhausting as I realise how much my life has changed.
"How'd he die ?"
"Radroaches."
It seems ridiculous. I now know how sheltered Vault dwellers are that death by radroach is a possible option. Outside it would be ridiculed. I now know that I have to protect the people inside 101. If they are to thrive they will need a lot of help.
Charon
The vault door opens with the horrible screech and I stand and wait for Anna. She emerges from the crooked wooden door with tears.
"Are you okay ?"
I rush to her but she holds up a hand and quickly wipes the tears away.
"You were right" she whispers "I was kicked out, again." Anna says the word with malice and a sneer. "I guess I'm only useful when I'm needed huh ?"
She presses her forehead against my chest and takes a few controlled breaths.
"Lets go home."
She gives me a sad smile but holds out her hand for me to take. Anna has now made her final choice and severed her tie with the Vault.
Anna
In my dream I was alone there was nothing but the Wasteland. I couldn't shout and I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried. I wake up with a sense of claustrophobia and sadness. I've lost everything in such a short time.
I slip out of my bed and walk barefoot downstairs to Charon. He sleeps so silently I have to judge if he is really sleeping. He sleeps on his back with the covers pooled around his waist. I don't want to simply be held. I need his contact, I need to know I am not alone.
I straddle his figure and begin to lightly kiss his neck and jaw. He murmurs slightly then with a flinch I am quickly thrown onto my back. His face changes from anger to confusion.
"Anna ?"
I don't reply instead I simply continue to kiss him. I press myself up again him and open my lips inviting him in. He recuperates and I shiver as his hand becomes intwined with my hair. He drowsily sits back and his eyes skim over me. The burning heat has become an unbearable itch I need Charon more than anything now and for once he is being too slow and gentle with me. I drag his shirt from his chest and quite simply, I pounce.
Charon
I am slammed back onto the bed as Anna straddles me. Her lips are everywhere over my mouth, cheek, neck and jaw. I can hear her panting by my ear and she drags a hand down my chest.
A brief thought enters my mind that this is too fast, too rough for what Anna deserves. This is nothing like the moment she gave me but it occurs to me that maybe this is what it is meant to be. Anna is soft, calm and serene but I am rough and full of rage. Both first times represent who we are to each other and what we need.
This is much much more than lovemaking, it is desperation. Desperation of a woman who has lost everything and desperation of a man who has waited for so long. I growl as she bites my lip and I let go. Anna's bed shirt feels flimsy as I rip it from her, she will scold me for that later. She gasps as I run my tongue down her neck and give her nipple a quick flick. She wears no underwear under her shirt and I groan as she bucks against me and my trousers become unbearably tight.
She whimpers a 'please' as I grab her hips and press into her. I guide her back to the bed ensuring that my weight is not on her. She is a vision with parted lips and wild hair spread across the pillow.
I need to know that Anna wants me, not the human contact. At this point in her life she will crave the numbness that comes with sex but I want to be treated as more than just a painkiller.
"Say you want me."
She is without haste pulling my trousers from my hips.
"I want you Charon. Please." Her reply is breathless and full of desire but I need more. I need to know that she wants me with all of my flaws and image imperfections. I need to know that this is where we start, the us Anna told me about in the past.
"Look at me."
She looks up into my eyes and she gives a small hitch in her breathing. Her eyes suddenly become clear and focused and she strokes my cheek.
"I want you Charon. Only you."
She gives me a tender kiss and I increase the speed kicking the already down trousers off.
"Anna you've never done this before."
She shakes her head and scowls.
"You have ? Who with ?! Wait don't tell me."
I let out a small laugh. Anna is currently cursing herself without her knowledge.
"It doesn't matter."
I work my way down from her neck to her stomach and draw my tongue along her sex. I know that this act will hurt for her and I do not want to cause her any pain.
Anna
I am suddenly feeling very self conscious as Charon works 'down there'. I've never done this before. I've certainly never done that before. I gasp as Charon does something that my body like very much. I close my eyes and concentrate on how nice it feels instead of how terrified I am. I want this more than anything but my heart is pounding and my stomach is fluttering madly. When his pace increases so do my moans. There is a sharp sting as he enters a finger but the results of his previous actions seem to ease the pain. I briefly wonder who he learned this from and a bang of jealousy hits me. I quickly try to dismiss the thought whoever that was is well and truly in the past. This is now.
Charon
Anna's gasps have become deep throaty moans as I pump my fingers into her and suck at her clit. She bucks her hips against me and I feel her nails lightly graze the back of my head.
"Charon !" It is a gasp that can only boast my ego and she erratically bucks her hips more "I think...I'm gonna.." She doesn't finish as she lets out a long drawled out moan and her walls tighten around me and increase in moisture. I grin as I sit up. Anna's skin is beautifully flushed and she looks at me with a dopey smile.
"If you told me you would have done this I think I would have learnt how to hold a gun properly much much quicker.
I let out a loud bellowing laugh, the first in a very long time. I crawl my way above her again.
"Are you sure you want to do this."
She kisses my shoulder as she nods "mmhmm" and I slowly let myself enter inside her giving her time to adjust.
She hisses as it gets deeper and I stop.
"No. Don't. Keep going."
A rhythm begins to take place and little signs show that she is becoming more adjusted to it. Her clenched fist relaxes and rests on my neck, her bitten lip is released bringing with it soft moans and her legs relax and she brings one to hook around my waist. Gaining confidence I increase the speed.
The pleasure is intense, my memories do not give the moment justice. It is not long until Anna groans into my ear and I feel another release of wetness. Her walls tighten around me and I growl as I slam into her faster desperate for release. My name is chanted in a breathless whisper in my ear and I feel Anna's goosebumps as I caress her thigh.
Intensely I come into her and she gasps. Every muscle seems to have unwound in my body and I have been left a incomprehensible mass.
I roll off of Anna keeping my arms around her and kiss her forehead.
"Hey Big Guy."
"Yeah ?"
"I love you." Anna smiles at me shyly and my chest tightens with a warm heat.
"I love you too." I have for a very long time I think.
I have finally found my Anna and I have no plans of letting her go.
