My sweet Caroline,
On my last letter I skipped a fundamental moment in our relationship, and that is the night of your birthday, when I fed you with my blood for the first time. Now, you must understand I didn't do it because I didn't care, but because that particular night had such a deep impact in my life, that I believe a few lines wouldn't be enough to cover it.
I'm aware that in my last letter I was quite descriptive with the way I feel about you. Perhaps it came out as a tad dramatic. I assure you, it's not. I did feel all those things when I first met you, Caroline, I just didn't know what they were, I didn't have a name for them since it had been so long since I felt something like that. But I understand it now, and I want to put my feelings down into words, since I didn't have a chance before.
The night Tyler bit you, your birthday, I walked into your home feeling the same way I always felt while putting a scheme in motion. I felt manipulative after I got your mother's invitation and I felt how Donovan threw daggers to the back of my head. It was nothing that I hadn't felt before, and I relied on those feelings for so long, I came to love them. I was a powerful man who made everyone around him feel helpless. But then I walked into your bedroom and something shifted.
You were a little ball of pale skin, swear and blood, all covered by a blanket. You looked so fragile, yet you managed to look up at me and ask me if I was going to kill you. I asked you if you really thought I would be low enough to kill you on your birthday and you hissed a "yes". I knew it then, you were probably the strongest person in Mystic Falls, a fighter till the end, even in your deathbed. You even made fun of my age when I told you I love birthdays.
I wasn't used to find someone willing to talk back to me like that. You didn't hide, you didn't beg for your life. It was refreshing, which I found very surprised, and being the most powerful creature in the world and always having an answer for everything, you can imagine I don't deal well with surprises.
I never intended on curing you. It was never part of the plan, and now it pains me to think that I could've let you die. I was only doing it to get your mother's favor. But something shifted as I stood beside you. I found myself sitting on your bed and opening myself to you. In a way it reminded me of better times with Rebekah. I could be honest with her and she understood. Maybe she understood me even better than myself, since she was more in touch with her human side.
I told you about the world, and I was sure that you could barely get an idea of how much time and beauty that meant, but looking back at it now, I realize I didn't know the true weight of those words myself. Sure, I traveled a lot and I saw it all, but I didn't understand the concept of genuine beauty until later, when I found myself picturing you there, traveling and seeing it all, with me by your side. A thousand years old and I still have so much to learn, Caroline. The thing is, I don't wanna learn or see anything else without you. It wouldn't be as beautiful as it should be.
I held you in my arms as I fed you my blood. I feed people before, but it never felt as intimate as it did with you. Even with your body weakly laying against mine for support, I still felt an uninvited acceleration. I know it's wrong to feel that way, with you dying because of the poison. It feels like I would be taking advantage of you. But my body reacted in a way I wasn't expecting nor that I could control. I felt an unknown ecstasy when your mouth touched me and I would be lying if I said I didn't think of it the rest of the night.
My mind still wanders to the different ways that night could've ended if I had taken your right then. At first it feels erotic and exciting, but at the end it leaves me feeling dirty. I want you Caroline, more than I ever wanted anything or anyone, but I want you willing. I could never force myself to you, not even when I was possessing Tyler's body. But perhaps that's a story for another time, maybe another letter.
I wonder sometimes if you think about me that way too. I know I left scars and wounds in your memory, but I hope you saved some good thoughts too. I wouldn't mind if they're the kind that makes you blush. In fact I would be flattered.
I leave you now, my darling. I have a city to rule and enemies to destroy. I'll think of you tonight, hoping you do the same.
Yours, forever.
K.M.
