To The Beautiful Lawyer of Track 17,

Dang. I didn't actually think you'd reply, but you did and now I'm replying to your reply! I found your letter when I made it to work and let's just say you're really clever for shoving it in the tip jar! How'd you know that's where I go first...are you sure you're not the stalker?!

What a twist :p

About the boxer advert- you'd think that a souvenir shop would have at least a small notebook to write on, but apparently that's not a thing. That being said, wasn't just a letter from me to you-it's a suggestion. Buy the boxers- they're great deal for something with the super cool Danish flag on it~

Oh man, I can just picture you wearing them. So. Sexy. You, not the Danish flag- though it's sexy by association, I guess.

Okay, I have to admit- that might've been a little creepy. Fortunately, the fact that you actually wrote back lets you know you're most definitely interested in little old me! I'm honored.

I can sense you rolling your eyes, but there's no point in denying it. Your closing statement was just as sarcastic as the rest of your letter- which was pretty damn sarcastic by any normal person's standards. You wouldn't have gone out of your way to answer all my questions if you weren't interested in the Amazing Dane (that's me!).

Hmm...What else did I plan on writing about...Oh, right-

I HAVE SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. I'll only ask a few because I'm running out of space on this receipt paper I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed use. Eh. This job is temporary anyway.

I've established that the person you're on the phone with is not your dead or dying grandmother, but who is the person you're talking to? Another dying family member? A persistent telemarketer? A secret lover? (If so, I bet they smell like eggs.)

Anyway, you make being a lawyer sound really uninteresting (though that could just be how you write in general, to be honest). What makes it so bad? Are you a divorce lawyer or something? That'd be perfect low-budget romance movie material! I could totally play the college student who swoops in like a handsome and cheerful mute swan (Danish national bird FTW) and teaches you how to love again...

I'd write more, but I'm really running low on illegally-touched paper and ink in this cheap pen (my manager is frugal unless some kind of alcohol is involved).

With as much love as someone can have when they haven't even had a legitimate face-to-face conversation with the person they're writing to,

The Amazing Dane


To The Idiot Dane,

I'm writing this letter in the notebook I've decided to give to you. If you can only recognize the Danish flag (which, with what I know about you, isn't that hard to believe), I'll have you know that the cover art is actually my country's flag. Seeing as you're surrounded by all things Danish, it really seemed like you needed something Norwegian in your life. Save your thanks.

On another note, I've officially come to the conclusion that you are the weirdest person I've met in my twenty-seven years. Who thinks to use a mute swan as their bird-related simile for a rom-com archetype? You, apparently.

While I'm still on the subject of your dreams, I'm sorry to say that I'm about to crush them.

I am not a divorce lawyer. I work at a personal injury firm and my cases typically involve hit-and-run car accidents. Do you understand why I don't necessarily feel the need to smile now?

Why do you seem to be so happy? Though I've never had the likely displeasure of seeing you in person, writing is symbolic of the person behind it. You write with unnatural enthusiasm, yet you're employed at what I can only assume is a low-paying job and you take money from the tip jar before you've actually worked. This is why we can't have nice things.

And, aren't you a college student? What are you studying? Why aren't you studying? You've made it very clear you're Danish, but legos and good beer can only get you so far.

I'm sorry. My brother always tells me I go overboard with the whole stern older brother approach. He's younger, but he might be right, at least in this situation. Which leads me right into answering your next question.

It's none of your business who I'm on the phone with, but I'm sure you won't let up until I tell you. Usually, I'm on the phone with aforementioned little brother, who had the genius idea of moving away to Iceland with his boyfriend he met online a few hours after graduating high school. Before you start, yes, my life is exactly like some shitty drama you watch when you're avoiding your studies.

I would tell you more, but seeing as I don't know your name, let alone anything else about what kind of person you really are, that's not going to happen for a while.

On a final note, notice how I strategically ignored your comments about the boxers and my (lack of) interest in you? Since you think you know me so well, just guess my reactions. They're not positive.

With indifferent regards to your comments about potential love,

The Man On Track 17


STORY TBC (again, we shall see when 0.0)

I'm having so much fun writing this. It's kind of hard to incorporate a plot when you plan to write in letter format the entire time, but a little challenge in my life is good for me :3

Thanks for following- it's really encouraging to know there are special people out there who have taken interest in what I have to say/write! I hope you all are enjoying this as much as I am XD

(And yes, the mute swan will return one day because I'm a dork that finds it too amusing not to.)