Hi Everyone! I've missed you all so very much. I can't update at much as I'd like but I appreciate it that you've all stayed with me. That you've read, and reviewed, and criticized and praised. I need that all to keep me sane in the insanity that has become my life. This chapter is no where near as long as I had hoped but I don't know when I'll get another chance to post and I didn't want to leave you for so long.

As always let me know the good, the bad, and the ugly of what you think.

Disclaimer: Not mine. All Kurt Sutter and FX.

Chapter 16 - Here Without You

*A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same.
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.

She knows the pain is real because the tears have been falling for hours. It's been one hell of a morning and she's not sure she wants to ever have another one like it. This morning her attorney handed over the final paperwork for her divorce. It was real. This was it, the end of the line for her Jax. Even though she knew by heart every single thing that had led her here she's still not quite aware how they ended up here. The dream had always been her and Jax. Her and Jax and a couple of kids.

That dream seems like another lifetime. She had spent all of her youth trying anything to become a part of Jax's life and in turn the MC life, and it seems the entirety of her adult hood doing everything to ruin that. She knows that Jax isn't blameless in all of this but from the day she came back she did nothing to accept who he was and everything to make him think he had to be someone else to deserve her love. To deserve her, and their kids and that they needed to get the hell away from the MC and Charming.

Yet in the strange twist of fate he did get out, and she got more entwined in the world she supposedly wanted out of, and now here they were. One signature from them both and a judge's gavel would end the love that she thought would last forever. She signs her name on the line but it looks wrong. It looks incorrect, like seeing some forged version of her name on some foreign document.

She hadn't expected it to be this hard. She was after all the one that put the nail in coffin with her relationship with Filip. Jax had confessed his love, had pleaded his case and he was right, she had let him down. He had always loved her and even if he wasn't faithful with body he had always been faithful with his heart, even the years apart hadn't taken her from there.

It had however put someone else in hers. A man very much her senior, a man very much the wrong man, not that loving anyone else would ever have been acceptable, but being Jax's best friend was a betrayal she knows she could never come back from.

Thankfully Filip has left for work before the paperwork arrives. He won't have to witness her breakdown. It isn't fair. She does back into the kitchen to look once more at the divorce decree and custody agreement and being unable to see those words any longer she folds them and put them in the envelope to drop off with the attorney on the way to visit Charlie. She feels numb.

In what seemed the distance she can hear a phone ringing and it takes a min for her to realize it's her cell ringing. Answering it brings another flood of tears. The tiny, fragile voice on the other end says, "mommy where are you?"

"Hi baby." She cries, trying to hide the sound of the tears escaping. Her little girl laughs and says, "She's not saying anything daddy."

Tara laughs as she hears the phone being taken. "Filip, when…." She stops with the voice on the other end surprised her.

"It's Jax. I came by early to check on her before church. I kissed her head and her eyes opened." He lets it sink in for a second before continuing. "She really wants to see her mom."

"Of course! I'm already in the car. Be there in 10."

The drive seems to take forever and Tara feels like the hallway to Charlie's room keeps getting longer and longer and when she finally gets there she felt like she's hit pay dirt. Charlie sits on her bed between Chibs and Jax. Both men have smiles like she's never seen across their faces. They both love that little girl so much.

"Mommy!" Charlie yells when she sees Tara and both men immediately cleared the way for the mother and daughter reunion. Tara holds on to her daughter like her life depends on it. Charlie squirms and laughs but there's was no way Tara is letting go so easy. "How? Is she?" She questions with tears in her eyes.

"The wee lass is a fighter love. Doctor says there's nothing wrong with her." Chibs smiles.

"I'm ok mommy." Charlie laughs as Tara does her own assessment of the child. "Guess what?!"

"What?" Tara laughs.

"Daddy said he's getting me a puppy."

"I never said that." Chibs laughs defending himself.

"Not you Daddy… that Daddy." She says pointing at Jax.

"Me?" He says surprised.

"Yep. You said if I would wake up you'd get me a puppy." She says in all seriousness.

Tara sees the teams forming in Jax's eyes and while she's not sure what it's about she sure there's no way he'll be about to talk. She jumps in and distracts their daughter and when Jax quietly leaves the room she follows as Charlie plays with Chibs.

"Jax?"

"She heard me." Tara looks confused. He wipes away the tears he trying to hide. "After the accident I was in here talking to her. Telling her that I'd never leave her again, that if she'd just wake up I'd give her anything, that I'd even buy her a puppy. She heard me."

Tara is overcome with the emotions of the day and takes Jax in her arms. Together they stand in the hospital hallway crying and holding each other for a long time. When they part it's on by centimeters and while Tara knows it's wrong she hopes very much that Jax will kiss her and tell her everything will be ok.

She thinks it's going to happen when he takes her face in his hands, but instead of her lips her kisses her softly on the forehead and says, "I signed the papers this morning. It will all be over soon. I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain. Know that if I though fighting for you harder would change anything, I would have fought till the end of the world."

She blinks. This man before her was truly selfless. He still loved her, but for her he was letting go. How had she never seen it before? It may not have been the way most people loved, but in way it was so much better. It was love that transcended the physical, and the mental and was just something so pure. It was love at it's truest. Life just got in the way, life made it hard, and she made it harder by not seeing it.

He untangles himself from her stunned face and steps back. Chibs clears his throat and they both turn his direction. "We've got church ." He nods to Jax and Jax heads to his bike leaving Chibs and Tara alone. Tara falls into Fillip's arms and cries. It's a release of so much going on with her that she feels wrong crying on him, because not all of the tears are tears of joy for her daughter. It lasts only a second longer. "She's going to be ok sweet." He reassures her. She wipes her eyes and returns to Charlie's room.

Before heading to meet the rest of the MC Chibs and Jax head over to meet Althea in the parking garage. She already there when they arrive. She nods at them as they approach.

"I heard Charlie's awake. Congratulations." She says

When there's silence for too long she starts talking. "I found some info on Malone. Looks like there's been a bit of a coup in the organization. Not everyone, especially the real IRA has been thrilled with Connor stepping in. Buzz is that they've pulled all support since he can't even keep the guns on the DL from ATF and it seem like threatening the Sons sent them over the edge. You must have some loyal connection on the inside to be able to call off the IRA and their dogs."

"We haven't had any contact with the Irish in years woman." Chibs says, annoyed at what she's insinuating.

"Not my problem, until it's my problem. Understood?"

"Aye." He nods. The guys turn to leave but she stops them.

"That's not all." They both turn back. " He's only got protection from anyone that's decided to take his side, which I'm assuming is only a few if any, and last known address from the ATF tailing him is in Oakdale. ATF has backed off since they need to find out whose taking the new lead but I'm guess the window will be short. I don't want to know what you've got planned, as long as it doesn't come here, but it's gotta be quick." She smiled and turns to leave.

"Jarry.." Chibs calls as Jax heads back to their bikes. She stopps and turns back to him. "Thank you." He says very sincere.

She smiled at him and nods, "Figured it the lest I could do." She smiles sadly and walks back to her cruiser and drives away.

Back at his bike Chibs put on his helmet at nods at Jax. Together they ride back to Teller/Morrow to grab the guys and make sure Malone doesn't hurt anyone ever again.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

Tara texts the guys since she knows they're in church. The hospital is going to release Charlie to go home. The stay kept her long past what the insurance covered and since all her labs came back perfect there was no reason to keep her any longer. She was so excited to be taking her baby home.

It seemed like time is standing still as she sits and waits for Charlie to be released, but after what feels like hours the paperwork finally arrives for her discharge. Thankfully it's just before 2 so she doesn't need to find anyone to pick up the boys. She thanks the wonderful nurses and doctors that have taken such good care of her daughter before picking up the few prescription medication the doctor had prescribed to make sure Charlie stays healthy and before she knows it she's leaving the hospital with her daughter and on her way to pick up her boys.

She texts Jax and Chibs pictures of Charlie saying goodbye to her doctors; leave it to this one innocent little girl to bring these two motorcycle men to their knees. They loved Charlie and Abel and Thomas so much it brought on a peace between them all that Tara never imagined could happen.

The boys were so happy to see their little sister waiting for them in the car when she picked them up from school that even "I'm not a baby anymore mom" Abel was holding her hand and listening to her every word about all the things the doctors did to her, and how her "Dad number 2" was getting her a puppy and she would only let the boys play with the puppy if they were nice to her and played tea party. Of course right now they agreed to it all. Somehow Tara knew that there wasn't a chance in hell that Abel would actually play tea party, and it was physically impossible for Thomas to sit still long enough at his age.

After a quick trip to the market to get the stuff to make homemade macaroni and cheese with hotdog slices, Charlie's favorite thing for dinner, she pulls into the drive of the home she shares with Filip. She ushers the boys into their room to do homework, and Charlie can't wait to color some pictures for her daddies. It was a perfect day. A day she would always remember. From the lowest low of her divorce to the highest high of her daughter coming home. She is sure that every detail of the day would remain ingrained in her memory.

Before she could get very far in the cheese shredding process she heard the door open in the living room. Chibs must be home early. She has so much she wants to talk to him about.

The table made it's decision quickly and without hesitation. Now that they knew exactly where Malone was hiding out, thanks to Juice and his computer skills, it took only seconds for the table, and any willing member of the Sons to decide that Malone had to die. The club will ride together in force. The attack on one of their own, especially a mother and her children means that once he was caught what the club or more specifically Jax, Chibs and Happy would do to him would make it clear to anyone thinking about coming at the club to think again.

Jax and Chibs stood side by side watching the men prepare their weapons. There would be no surprise like their last meeting with the Irish kingpin. No hesitation, and no lack of firepower or willingness to use it and any means necessary to kill the son of a bitch. Malone's moments were numbered and that number was dwindling quickly.

"Quite a bit of luck for us that the IRA backed off on their support of Connor." Chibs says stoically.

"Yep." Is Jax's only reply.

Chibs steals a sideways glance at the poker faced man standing next to him. "It's a wonder they found out about his threatening us, and you so quickly. Wonder what made them so apt to denounce their US face."

Jax only nods.

That seems to end the conversation and both men stare straight ahead. The amount of men, both Sons, and prospects, and friends of the club, Mayans, and a few of the closest chapters of SOA load up their bikes, their vans, cars, trucks and any other vehicle that would hold weapons. Night grew closer and they would have to leave the shop in waves. A mass exit would only call attention and there was only so much they knew Jarry would be able to keep her men out of.

So it starts and a few at a time the men in leather began to drive off the TM lot. It will take at lest a few hours for the entire group to leave and find their positions to surround Malone and his men. The only thing Jax knows for certain is that Malone and those men will only leave that place one way.

Darkness has fallen by the time Chibs and Jax and the rest of the table are ready to leave. Tara had messaged both of them that she would lock the doors and that she and the kids were ok and home and safe. The men were overwhelmed with joy at Charlie coming home, even if she was still a little weak. They know that the plan is for both of them to make it home tonight and that they will do everything in their power to make that happen, but if it doesn't, they know that the other will never let that little girl forget the father she loves.

The club rides in formation, the lead position being ridden side by side by Jax and Chibs. Jax's kutte may not hold a presidents patch anymore, but he has earned the respect of these men. He has gone to prison to save this club, and even though he left, they all know they didn't blame him. He has lost more then any of them could imagine losing, in the name of the patch.

Althea watches from her office as a few at a time the club mounts it's attack on the IRA leader that had run Tara and the kids off the road. She occupies her officers with menial tasks to keep the roar of the motorcycles off their radar. The less she has to do to keep this on the DL the better. Just after the last of twilight is quelled by night she watches from her desk as Chibs and his men pass. It won't be long now before they finish what Connor Malone started. One thing she had learned from Unser was that it was best to find a way to work with the club, and as long as this didn't blow back on Charming she could think of no better punishment for a man that used a women and her innocent children as pawns in his own selfish game.

Tara smiles at the sounds of her children's laughter. No one other than Jax can make her children giggle the way Filip does. She's surprised that it took less time then she expected for the men to take care of business but also knows that when the Sons of Anarchy put their minds to something nothing and no one will get in their way.

She amazed at the way she's welcomed the violence back into her life. It feels like she's been holding her breath all these years of peace just waiting for the other shoe to drop and only now that it has can she finally breath again. She knows this life. The violence. The killing. Waiting at home with locked doors until she gets the all clear that her family is safe again.

It's a fucked up life. One she would have done anything to get herself and her children out of at one time. Can she really just accept it this easily? Part of her says yes. This man, Connor Malone, almost killed her children and deserves everything that's coming to him. Another part of her is standing, with crossed arms shaking her head at herself. She knows now that the club is back in this, it will hard to break away again. These men knew what they were signing up for when they joined the MC and it sure as hell wasn't legal living or puppies and rainbows.

She watched Happy the other day playing with the boys and for the first time in years she could see the smile behind the passive face. The excited buzz that use to fill the club house was back again. The men laughed louder, drank harder, and partied like there was no tomorrow because that was who these men were. Even Filip. She knows the safe living, the legal TM deals and bike runs were for her. They don't make him happy like he use to be. He loves her and the kids and she knows to him having them in his life makes it worth it, but little pieces of him were missing and the last few months she's watched the gaps fill in.

She mixes in the last of the ingredients and sprinkles more cheese on top of the casserole dish and puts it in the already heated oven. It will be about an hour before dinner is ready. She washes her hands and slowly puts away the things left out. There's no rushing tonight. Jax would be here soon and she and him and Filip and the kids would sit down to dinner together. It was not necessarily the family dinner she had always imagined but she feels blessed nonetheless.

Its been a long day and she knows she'll only have the time and privacy for a 2 minute shower, but she needs it. She stops quietly by Charlie's doors to listen to Filip and the kids play she hears them giggle again and she turn to head to her bedroom when she stop dead in her tracks. That's not Filips voice.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go,
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
And when the last one falls, when its all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.

* Lyrics - Here Without You by 3 Doors Down