So the boys are going to be in some awkward situations very soon just bare with me.
My leg bounced up and down nervously on the couch as I watched Mary pace. She had called John from the garage a few minuets ago and He was on his way home and now we were just waiting for Dean. Cas had long since left, wondering the streets, looking for our brother. Mary had tried to explain why Dean left but I didn't want to hear it, I wanted him to tell me not her.
"Sam sweet heart please stop that", She sighed referring to me thumping my leg. I frowned at her.
"Don't call me that", I snapped. I was angry with her, she kept a secret from us and now Dean's gone again.
She looked hurt but didn't scold me, I gulped. I was hurt, so she should be to. That's fair, I think.
"I'm so sorry", She mumbled to herself barley loud enough for me to hear. She wrapped her arms around herself and sat at the other side of the couch. She took deep breaths, holding back tears. I swallowed hard, I didn't want her to do that.
I crawled over to her and wrapped my arms around her, she was good at giving hugs. Like after nightmares and when we have to go and talk to are social worker. It was my turn to make Mary feel better, specially since I did this in the first place.
"I'm sorry", I whispered.
She laughed, "You have nothing to be sorry for", She said returning the hug. She brushed my bangs out of my eyes and gave me a small smile.
Something tugged at my mind, "Mary..", I asked hesitantly.
"Yeah".
"You said you wanted us forever, and we live in your house.. and you take us to school. You fix supper and do all kinds of stuff for us.. Are you our mom", I asked, the last part was mostly mumbled.
I felt Mary tense slightly, anxiety grew in my chest. I said the wrong thing.
"Do you want me to be", She asked, a smile tugging at her lips. I didn't know what I wanted Mary to be. Dean said when we were little that we'd only ever have one mom, because moms only love there real kids. He said if are real mom knew what happened to us she's be so angry. She'd come back to life and take us away, but that was when I was really little, and some foster mom I couldn't remember had popped my tooth out.
"My other mom would have liked you, Dean makes her seem like she'd like you", I admitted. Other mom, now I have two.
Mary smiled, wrapping me in another hug. She liked to hug a lot.
I struggled out of her grip and stood up, grabbing her hand. "I wanna show you something".
Up stairs I let go of Mary's hand and went to the closet. I pushed back the clothes and looked at the little square photo taped to the wall. It still hung there after five months.
I plucked it down and stared at the tiny family. A Mom and a Dad, and two brothers. Now I had a Mom, a sorta Dad and three brothers, that was even better.
"Here", I said handing her the photograph. She took it and traced her fingers over the tiny family.
"Your mom was beautiful", She smiled.
"Dean said she looked like and angel, now she really is an angel", I said sadly. That was something I never understood. How I could miss someone I never knew.
"Mary.. Sometimes.. can I call you mom, then you'd really be one.. and I could have one", I bit my lip. I was going to fast and should wait for Dean. But he wouldn't let me, he'd say it might scare them or that they didn't love us like that. He was always scared we'd do something wrong. But I think Mary and John do love us.. and they wouldn't mind.
From the look on Mary's face she didn't mind at all. She grinned and hugged me.. again.
Turns out random guys on the street were more than happy to buy a random teenager a case of beer, for twenty bucks. Anyway I got it and now I'm under the bleachers. I'm on the fourth one and I guess things are kinda making sense.
My Dad left, my Dad's back. He's going to take us away from Cas and Mary and John and Danny.
This all sucked.
I'm all screwed up. I'm drunk. I'm dead.
Angry red lines appeared on my wrist, key word being appeared. I bit my thumb nail to a sharp point and raked it down my arm. I guess this would be considered, unstable behavior. That's what it was when I was ten.
I stood up from my place under the bleachers and threw my empty beer somewhere in the corner. It was getting later, getting colder. I grabbed the next beer out of the pack and dropped back down to my knees.
Drunk wasn't so bad, made your head spin. Made you not care, and that was better than going crazy.
My wrists were stinging bad, red angry lines were now red angry cuts. Scratches. What was I doing?
I grabbed my wrist and tossed the half full can to the ground and pushed myself up against the back of the bleachers. My vision was blurry, that's to be expected I guess, but what got me was the fear.. I feel like I'm dying.
My pocket buzzed, for the hundredth time today. I pulled it out, the bright screen brightening up the dark area.
Danny
I smirked. I have no idea why? She's gonna kill me when I answer.
"Hello", I mumbled.
"Dean! Where the heck are you Cas came over thirty Minuets ago, we can't find you anywhere", Danny said booming over the phone.
Huh? She got Cas to help her look for me. Why did that sound weird. "I'm fine. Be back before dinner", I slurred.
"O my God Dean! Are you drunk", She snapped. "I knew it. I knew it, today you were acting so weird I should have known".
"Um".
I heard shuffling before a new voice came over the phone. "Dean of all the stupid crap I've seen you do this takes the cake", Cas said lowly. He was mad, he was so mad."I know Dean, Danny told me everything. He's not going to take you. John and Mary won't let him", He assured.
"I know he won't. I'd kill myself before that happens", I slurred again, looking down at my wrist.
"Don't! Do not talk like that where are you", He yelled.
"Bleachers", I snapped before hanging up the phone and tossing it where I tossed the cans. I leaned back against the wall and mumbled to myself.
The Beatles had a lot of good songs. Hey Jude of coarse is my favorite.
My brother and my girlfriend are coming to get me. I'm so screwed.
I have no idea what its like to be drunk.. Not a clue. Next chapter Cas and Danny are coming to get Dean and figure out what to do with him, then we'll deal with the Micheal situation.
