Wow, thanks so much for your reviews so far, it's so great to read feedback and hear that you like this story! Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!


His feet stumbled forward, carrying him down the long hallway and toward the elevator. He slammed his fist against the button, letting the power of his pent-up grief ding the doors open in front of him. Taking a long, shaky breath, he let his feet skid across the carpet and into the small boxed-in space. His mind traveled to the events of the last half hour as he paced back and fourth in the small room. Focusing on the ground to avoid the mirrors positioned around the walls of the elevator. As the unit halted to a stop and the door swung open, Jay found himself marching out of the apartment building with new purpose.

His chest felt heavy, tight with emotion. All the walls he had been building for weeks threatened to break as he stood in their apartment. As he listened to her talk. Watched her breakdown in front of him. Watched her fall apart because of him. It made something inside of him snap and he found himself stepping around the corner of an old building down the street, toward a dimly lit alley. Away from the main avenue. Away from cabs. Feet dragging forward as his chest heaved uncontrollably, the tightness becoming unbearable as images of her flashed through his mind.

His feet kept walking, moving different directions, pulling him farther and father away from home, away from her. Heart pounding and chest feeling like a thousand tiny needles, he tried to clear his mind of any other thoughts as the October breeze carried him forward. And he turned down another dark street and another until he was in a part of town that in the dark moonlit night and his still somewhat inebriated state, even he couldn't recognize.

It wasn't as if he was paying that much attention to the world around him anyhow. His eyes trained downward. Cast onto the ground as they stared at debris and litter piled up along the side of the cracked cement. A strange laugh left his lips as he kicked an empty beer bottle across the ground, slamming his fingers deep down into his leather jacket pockets as the wind picked up around him.

Not until that moment did he notice the large wet drops that were falling with ease down his cheeks. Looking up, he let his gaze get lost in the deep gray sky as he halted in the middle of the small street. Watching as the raindrops danced their way down to the ground. Swinging and swaying, mixing together before landing with soft purpose into the hard ground beneath him. The corners of his mouth lifted up and he couldn't help the sting in his chest- the jealously he felt toward the droplets of water as they made their way effortlessly to the ground. The loud crack of thunder followed by the bright flash of lightening made Jay's eyes widen as he shook his head. Took a firm step forward, new determination in each footfall. And as he finally shifted his gaze toward the road in front of him, locked eyes with a dingy building across the street, a wide toothed smile appeared on his lips. Now, if that wasn't pure luck, what was?

"Well son of a bitch." he chuckled, crossing the road hurriedly as a car honked inches behind, splashing water onto the dark-wash of his dirty jeans.

With each step forward, his feet picked up pace. New purpose inside him, rumbling through his bones. The tightness of his chest already subsiding to a dull ache as the loud bass blared through the street just outside. The line was non-existent as Jay fished through his pocket, pulled out a small stack of ones to toss some at the man at the door, and offered a genuine smile as he placed his hand out to be stamped with the dark black ink.

The strobes were powerful, and for a moment he had to stop. Find his footing and reach out his hands toward the grimy wall, guide himself into the dimly lit room beyond. Small groups stood, tangled together in a dance-filled, sweat-covered mess, as Jay squeezed by. He easily made his way to the half-empty bar, taking a seat before surveying his surroundings once again. His eyes traveled over to a few drunken regulars, the clusters swaying offbeat to the shitty and overly-loud techno music on the sound system, then over to a couple in the corner that was in desperate need of a bedroom, and finally landed on his destination- the bartender.

The man gave him a short nod as their eyes met, offered him a small smile as he told him he'd be over in a second. Continued with his conversation with an older brunette in a short dress and bright pink pumps. Jay nodded his head in return before shifting his gaze to the bar in front of him. His eyes shutting for a moment as the events of the night replayed in his head.

'What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?'

Will's words came out sharp and stern, but his eyes were filled with unspoken words. Silently begging just as hers had moments before. He shook his head roughly, trying to rid himself of the images of her as he raked his hands across the scruff on his jaw. Begging, pleading for him to open up. And he stood. Motionless. Emotionless. Before completely loosing his shit- again. Snapping at her just because she cared. Because she wanted to help.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

"Alright, kid. What can I get for ya?" The simple nickname and deep, gravely voice caught him off guard, and his eyes snapped open at the sound before he relaxed slightly in his chair. Took a deep breath and eyed the man a few moments longer than necessary before replying.

"Whiskey. Neat."

The man stared for a moment under squinted eyes before dipping his head once, a small shrug on his shoulders. Turning and grabbing a small glass and the large bottle and filling it before he set it down gently in front of Jay.

He wasted no time as he grabbed the small glass. Brought it to his lips and downed the contents in one gulp. Only wincing slightly at the deep burn in the back of his throat. The guy's eyes widened but then he nodded as Jay eyed the glass in front of him with a hard stare. Shaking his head slightly for emphasis. From that point on, the drinks showed up as fast as he could drink them. Only stopping for a few minutes when the bartender would leave to go start up small-talk with other patrons of the club after realizing Jay wasn't about to offer up any personal information about his life.

He wasn't sure at what point of the night the glasses stopped being handed to him. Were replaced instead by a darker, taller beer bottle which lasted a few minutes longer in his grip. Couldn't tell you if that was his choice or the man standing behind the bar. Either way, he couldn't have cared less as the cool liquid ran down his throat.

As he brought the nearly empty bottle to lips, he jumped slightly at the feeling of a gentle hand against his bicep. He stilled for a moment. Letting the cold liquid turn warm before swallowing and turning his attention to the left of him.

"How're you doin', handsome?" Her voice was soft, yet high-pitched. It made him shudder and tense as he narrowed his eyes in her direction doing a quick once-over of her body. Long bleached-blonde wavy locks fell around a fitted crimson mini dress with matching red heels. Her skin a deep bronze, an obvious result of a few too many sessions at an indoor tanning bed. Makeup heavy and unnatural as her deep red lips pursed in his direction.

He took a sharp intake of air to stop the chuckle from escaping his lip. Brought the bottle up once again and downed the remainder of his beer, motioning the bartender for another before he turned his attention back to her. He rolled his eyes as she smiled and bit her bottom lip, her fingers drawing smooth patterns into the arm of his jacket. "I'm fine." he mumbled out.

She smiled, taking a small step forward as she moved her hand up to rest on his shoulder. "Rough night?"

Shifting in his seat, Jay's body tensed slightly at the contact and he shook his head in her direction. Never meeting her gaze. "You have no idea."

Another step forward, she slid her hand back and forth as she beamed up at him. "Why don't we get out of here then? You can tell me all about it."

His brows furrowed as he finally shifted his gaze to meet hers. Watched as she sucked her bottom lip fully into her mouth and chewed on the plump lipstick covered skin, eyebrow raised with seduction. A deep chuckle escaped his lips as he heard the sound of a full beer bottle being set against the counter. He turned and nodded his appreciation toward the bartender before meeting her encouraging eyes.

If nothing else, at least she was confident.

He sighed, an unamused look spreading across his face as he shrugged away from her touch. "Look...that's not gonna happen." He said bluntly before turning back toward the new bottle. Bringing it up to his lips and taking a long pull.

She frowned, taken aback by his words. Not used to being turned down, especially not in clubs by attractive men sitting alone. That one should have been an easy pick-up. Letting out a hollow laugh, she stared back at him. "You're serious?"

"Deadly." He replied sharply, wincing at his own choice of word.

And she let her gaze wander over his face then. Took note of his worn out appearance and sad, desperate eyes. Concern creeped into her features. She sighed, shaking her head roughly as she examined him taking another pull from the beer. Already completely past the conversation they just had, no longer even remotely paying attention to the fact that she was still inches away from him.

"Well at least let me give ya something. Something ya might want." she said, licking her lips. A wink directed toward him made his body stiffen as he once again shifted in his seat, turned back toward the bottle of beer sitting on the bar before he stared down at the small, newly placed item on the surface of the bar. His eyes widened in complete disbelief as he stared down at a few white, small ovals placed in a tiny clear bag to the right of him as she pulled her hand up to his shoulder once again. He tensed at the touch, and she squeezed, giving a compassionate nod in return.

"We all go through hell once in a while, right? It sucks, and it'll make ya want to give up on reality. On everything." He looked up at her words, confusion evident in his brows. "For your troubles…help ya forget for a while." she added with a shrug before giving him a final squeeze on the shoulder and turning back toward her awaiting group of friends and walking out the front of the club.

His eyes were wide as he watched her disappear out of the double doors. Scanning the near-empty room, he eyed the few drunks before his hand moved up, placed it casually on top of the sticky surface. Slowly curled his knuckles as he wrapped the baggy into his palm. And then quickly shoveled the small, white globes deep into his leather pocket. His gaze traveled once more around the room before he looked back to the full bottle in front of him. Clenched it tightly in his grip. Took a deep breath before bringing it to his lips, tilting his head back and letting the deep amber liquid slide down his throat in a few long gulps.

His tired eyes were bloodshot and filled with a dark haze as he used his arms to push himself off the stool and stand on wobbly legs. Throw a few more bills out of his jean pocket and onto the bar before turning a little too quickly, and having to put his hands out to steady his swaying form. After he took a deep breath, he managed to shuffle his feet forward, unfocused eyes finding the exit to the club and pointing with his index finger as he led himself out.

He swung the door open just as the cool air and beads of rain hit his face like hard needles. Took one step forward before his head pulsed and he rocked on unbalanced feet. Steadied himself beneath his hands and the brick wall a few inches away as he rested his head heavy against the cold surface and let his eyes drift shut.

"Hey! Hey, why don't I call you a cab?" The bouncer asked with worried eyes as he observed Jay perched against the crumpling brick wall.

Jay's eyes swung open as his gaze traveled toward the small man standing before him. He let a condescending smirk play across his lips before he pushed himself off the wall. Mumbled some choice words back at the man as he stumbled forward. His feet dragged heavy as words replayed in his mind. Bounced around his skull. We all go through hell once in a while. A small chuckle escaped his lips as he continued forward, breaths heavy as memories threatened to escape. He shook his head rapidly, willing them back down. Forcing the images to stay locked deep within. But as his feet dragged forward and his breath came out rigid and unsteady, images flashed through him at a rapid speed. Each blink of his eye bringing another vision, each step another image.

Blood oozed between his fingers, warm and gooey between his shaky palms as he pressed harder and harder begging for the nightmare to be over.

Weight heavy on the fatal wound, seeking closure. Pleading the liquid to stop,to stay in place, as tears flowed endlessly down his cheeks.

Soft mumbled words broke through the chaos behind him as foot steps and promises went in one ear and out the other. The feeling of a gentle hand on his shoulder completely unnoticed.

The jagged breaths beneath his palms were short, inconsistent. Blood seeped out of his mouth, trickling onto the ground beneath them. Mixing into the puddle already formed into the oak floors. His heavy eyes, dull and unfocused as a strangled sob escaped Jay's lips.

His hands pressed harder against the rigid form beneath him as sirens sounded right outside. Desperate pleas falling as the grip on his shoulder tightened- pulled him.

And he shook his head, let a deep growl fall as he stayed firm in place. Eyes never leaving the unfocused gaze below him.

Until two solid sets of hands pulled him off, dragged him backward. Onto a crumpled mess on the kitchen floor a few feet away.

He stopped, dead in his tracks as the large drops came down hard against his shaking form. Let out a few rough breaths as he shook his head quickly, ran a hand through his hair forcefully and let a large groan spill from his lips. Gritting his teeth, he stared aimlessly at the dark street. Into the flickering streetlight above him as he willed his body to relax and he shoved his cold, wet hands deeper into his pockets. He sighed, unable to let the air fill his lungs. Unable to stop the images replaying over and over in his mind. His finger brushed up against it then, broken free from the baggy inside his pocket. Slightly dampened and crumpled beneath his touch due to the rain. He wrapped it in his palm, quickly fishing out the two others and bringing his hand out into the cool Chicago air.

His eyes involuntarily closed as he let out a strangled breath. As he swallowed the lump filling his throat. Swallowed the bile threatening to escape along with the demons pushing up once again into his conscious. He let his gaze travel down to his open palm. Stared as the small pills mixed with the small puddle of water pooling in his hand. And he took one more sharp intake of air as he clenched his fist, brought it up toward his mouth and popped all three of the small capsules inside. Swallowing roughly before scanning his surroundings once again.

A 7-Eleven stood across the street, lights bright and inviting under his foggy gaze. He took the steps quickly, despite the sway of his body in the wind. Swallowed harshly as he felt the tickle of the small pills against the back of his throat. He needed something to wash down the memory. Wash down any recollection of the night- of her tired, sleep deprived eyes. Of her tears, flowing endlessly down her face. Cries of help, pleas of understanding. He needed to forget. He needed another drink.


A/N: I know this story is different, but I hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I love writing it. This chapter was insight into how it's been for Jay the past few weeks, and I will let you in on Erin's world as well before bringing them back to each other. Hopefully this helps put into perspective how hurt he is right now, he needs to be really spiraling- totally broken in order for this to work the way I want it to! Anyways, sorry for my rambling :) Please review!