Roy knew Ed would be up before him, he was an early riser nowadays and oddly quiet even with the walking stick. Before he would be terrified of Ed hurting himself walking around without his help, but slowly he knew the boy grew in confidence of his surroundings. As small as they were.

Roy remained curled up on his bed, not noticing he was spooning the pillow to his right tightly. Immediately he thought of Hawkeye, how he wished the pillow was her feminine and strong body. A small wiry smile appeared on his face, almost devilish. "As if" he thought, "she'd probably be the big spoon anyway…" and with a groan, clutched the pillow and got up with a few clicks of sore muscles and a stretch that caused him to get slightly dizzy. "Ugh, this is getting ridiculous"

He soon had himself washed and dressed, looking surprisingly smart for how little sleep he had. His team had been working hard on an investigation into possible terrorist threats in the capital and every lead was a dead end up until now. He should probably bring them all some food and coffee this morning, hating the fact he had to leave them last night, but they insisted on account of Ed being home alone.

Looking at himself in the bathroom mirror he couldn't help but frown. Ed still hadn't left the house this month, he refused to budge, even to go get simple groceries with Roy. As much as he would have hated to admit it two years ago, he really enjoyed Ed's company, even when he was being...Ed. But he really wanted to broaden the golden haired boy's horizons. Before the accident, before...Al, Ed was the most confident and outgoing person Roy ever met. As short as that boy was, Roy looked up to his righteous and brave nature.

With a small meditative breathe, he made his way downstairs to where the blind boy sat in the living room. Rounding the corner Roy was about to say good morning but stopped himself at the sight of Ed. Ed's hearing had gotten freakishly amazing over the years, so it surprised him more that he wasn't noticed coming down the stairs, even though he made himself particularly loud for the boy's benefit. His eyes were glazed, sandwich halfway between his plate and his mouth. Roy knew what this was about. Edward was concocting another plan on how to save Alphonse.

Roy made a pained expression, the knot in his chest twisting and physically hurting his heart. He knew he should be kind to the boy when this was happening, but he couldn't help but feel frustrated when it did…all progress lost.

Al was gone, he had been for two years. The accident left nothing of his metal body intact, including the symbol which contained his very soul. The armour was just dust in the wind. Roy saw it himself…

But Ed was in denial. The 15 year old boy had vehemently fought for investigations into Al's where abouts, even while struggling with his sight loss. Edward was convinced he was missing. And who could blame him? He didn't believe his brother was dead because he couldn't see for himself. Everyone was wrong, including Roy. For years now, and after many arguments between him and Roy, Edward had put everything, every bit of money he made and including his retirement money into finding his lost brother. But nothing had turned up.

To Winry's horror, Ed even refused to go to his own brother's funeral. 'Why go to a funeral of someone who isn't dead?' No wonder she doesn't visit that often. Things were way too sour between them after that.

There were only two times that Ed let himself mourn, and Roy shuddered at the thought of choosing which was better.

Denial was more damaging in the long run but...when the poor blind boy tried acceptance, there might have been two deaths in that family. This was Edward protecting himself. And Roy was here for as long as it took.

The first time he was 15, Ed had eaten a chilli and accidentally downed a bottle of fine whiskey, thinking it was water before his brain registered the woody, bitter taste. Roy had spent most of the night holding Ed's golden locks out of the toilet and making sure the boy didn't die from alcohol poisoning. After a couple of hours hacking til his lungs felt like they were burning and nothing but his organs remained, Edward collapsed into a ball on the cold tiles of the bathroom. After a few pants, a quiet whimper left his mouth. With a start, Roy knelt down beside the boy's frail frame and saw his pale lips quivering. His eyes pale like ghosts producing the most stunning crystal tears. He blinked making them fall gently down his face and onto the floor.

Roy thought it might have been just exhaustion and pain.

"Are you okay Fullmetal?" Trying and failing to dull the concern and panic in his voice.

A tiny answer came past Edward's quivering lips "...I know...he's dead" Closing his eyes and letting more tears flow.

That hit Roy like a knife. After 6 months he had finally admitted to what had happened. And now Roy wished he could make it all go away again.

Roy took the small boy by his shoulders and picked him up slowly, leaning Ed against his strong and broad chest. Roy sat down on the floor of the now very sickly smelling bathroom and held Edward in his arms. Nothing was said but Ed buried his face into the Colonel's chest.

There was silence for a long time, until Roy felt small shoulder shakes coming from the boy in his arms. He could hear hiccuping and small little sobs, and as soon as Roy held him just a little bit tighter, the wailing started. "HE'S DEAD, HE'S REALLY REALLY DEAD OH GOD HE'S DEAD…" Poor Ed...poor, poor Ed. That was all Roy could think as he sat there, cradling his former subordinate. He had never heard anyone cry like this except maybe a mother who had lost her child in the Ishvalan war. It was a hopeless, destructive and cutting wail. At that moment he wished he had died instead. He never wanted Ed to feel this pain.

After a good hour of heart wrenching cries, Ed couldn't take anymore, and Roy was pretty sure he was still very much drunk. He picked up the small boy and brought him to bed.

That morning though, other than a massive hangover, Edward remembered nothing and continued on with his search for Al.

The second time he got to acceptance, was a lot more terrifying. He didn't want to think about it.

Roy snapped out of his dark thoughts and faced the present day.

Roy decided to approach Ed and attempt to normalise the morning once again.

"Mornin' Ed!" way too cheerfully and kinda corny really…

Edward's eyes snapped out of his daze and he looked in Mustangs general direction, though missing by at least a foot. You could tell by his flushing cheeks that he was a little embarrassed to be caught mid thought. He put his sandwich down on the plate. "Uh, morning.."

Roy pretended not to notice for the seventeen year old's sake. He made his way to the kitchen and prepared some toast for himself, it would have to be a quick meal, he had to get somewhere early before work and he was pretty nervous about it.

"You seem a little on edge today...everything alright with work?" Edward asked suspiciously. Mustang had been acting strange since yesterday, like when someone is planning a surprise birthday for you, but Ed was pretty sure it was no one's birthday soon…

"What? Oh, yeah! Everything's fine I guess...not really making any progress at the moment" Roy went silent for a moment deep in thought, almost like he was nervous about saying the next thing. "Listen, i'll be late coming home tonight, you okay to take care of yourself for a bit?"

He saw Ed go rigid for a split second almost like he was thinking 'no'.

"Wow waitta have confidence in me asshole...i'm blind, not dumb, I am sure I can survive while you take care of your social life" That came out a little harsher than Roy anticipated and so just nodded "MmHm, sorry didn't mean it to come out patronizing. Anyway...i'll be back later just so you know"

"Yeah, yeah just enjoy her all you can!"

Roy gave a small smile. Edward really did think he had nothing better to do than go on dates. Even though that might normally be the case...it wasn't tonight. This was a mission for Edward.