Yo peoples! I'm back with more!

Mate #2: Leafpool

Then, when all the Clans had settled around the lake...

'Gee Leafpool wanna go play poker with me?'

'Like, soz Squirrelflight, but I like, have like, a secret date with Crowfeather right now.' Leafpool attached a clasp around her neck and applied another 20 layers of blush.

Squirrelflight gasped. 'But that is against the warrior code! I must tell Firestar.'

Leafpool looked up pleadingly at her sister and did that big, puppy-brown-eyes-thing. 'Awww,' she begged, 'please. You're my sister! Pretty-pretty-please!'

'Fine.' Squirrelflight pouted. 'I HATE YOU! I'M SEEING BRAMBLECLAW!' And she stormed out. Just then, the bag of poisonous Greystipe's burp fell and burst on her. Squirrelflight dropped half-dead.

*Leafpool turns to face audience* 'Well,' she shrugged, 'I had to be sure I was safe, right?'

Then...

Sneaking out of camp unnoticed was easy as Cloudtail was on guard duty, and, as usual, he was complaining about being hungry.

'But Thornclaw, I want a cheeseburger!' he whined.

'Shut up, Cloudtail! We're on guard duty!' Thornclaw hissed back.

'But I want a cheeseburgeeeeerrrrrrrr!' Cloudtail wept.

So ya. Easy job.

Once out of camp, Leafpool tip-toed, ducked, and slid across the forest as swiftly as a coursing creek, holding her brand-new PraCat handbag. Almost there...

Then she dropped down from a vine onto the border ThunderClan shared with WindClan.

'Cro-oweey?' she cooed, but got no answer. She looked at her watch. 11:59. In exactly a minute and zero-point-zero-one second, Crowfeather would be LATE. And LATE-ers were losers to Leafpool.

One minute and five-point-four seconds passed until Crowfeather arrived.

'You're LATE!' Leafpool was fuming.

Crowfeather looked at his hypo-speedo-wind-2000 watch. 'Oh,' he said.

'I HATE YOU!' Leafpool screamed.

'Aaawww! But it was only by five-point-four seconds!' he whined.

'SO WHAT?!' Leafpool shrieked. 'YOU'RE LATE, AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! I HATE LATE TOMFRIENDS! I HATE YOOOUUUU!' she was in hysterics.

'B-but...' Crowfeather stammered. 'If I promise to come five-point-four seconds, earlier next time, will you still love me?' he begged.

Leafpool sniffed. 'Well...' she began uncertainly.

'OF COURSE I WILL!' she burst out. 'CRO-OWEEY, YOU'RE SO COOL! I SHOULD NEVER HAVE DOUBTED YOU! WHAT A GENIUS IDEA TO SET THINGS RIGHT! I LOVE YOOOUUUU!'

Crowfeather looked relieved. 'So I'm still your tomfriend, and you're still my queenfriend?' He held his breath..

'Of COURSE!' Leafpool beamed. 'As long as you are the BEST tomfriend to me FOREVER!'

'Good,' Crowfeather let his fur sag. 'I will.'

The date begins...

'Oh Cro-oweey, you won't BELIEVE what Daisy did to Brightheart the other day! She put a toad in Brightheart's rabbit, but like, Spiderleg just walked in, and he was like, 'OMG Cloudtail look at your poor queenfriend, she's just like SUFFERING, you're SUCH a lame tomfriend to her, I totes think you're so ugly you should be BANISHED from ThunderClan,' when he was wearing a striped top, and, like, EVERYONE knows that striped tops are like, so leaf-fall, and then the other day me and Sorreltail so CAUGHT Sootfur and Sandstorm SMOOCHING, so Firestar made him do apprentice duties for a quarter-moon, but like, I don't even UNDERSTAND Sootfur, I mean like, why was he even DOING that, was it just to make Firestar jealous? And the other day he put on his shirt BACKWARDS, which is like, so LAME, and Rainwhisker was like, 'wow, Sootfur bro, is that really the best you can do?' which is just so RIGHT, considering that he at least puts his jeans on the right way, but like, being a medicine cat is so LAME, I mean that time Birchpaw had a thorn in his paw and he was like totes, like, 'muUUumy!' so I was like, 'can you please shut up?' and Dustpelt was walking by and he told me, 'can you please be a little nicer to my son?' and then like Whitepaw gave Mousefur like, WET bedding, so guess WHO had to soothe her aching joints? I did, obv, but what made it worse was that that IDIOT Mousekit like, put fire-ants in my poultice, so like Mousefur was SCREAMING, and Longtail so ticked me out, I think he's has a crush on her but like, I'm not sure, but like, did you SEE Ferncloud's make-up fiasco the other day? It was HI-LAR-I-OUS, like, she had no idea she had the lipstick on her cheek, and the blush her lips, PLUS, purple eye-liners so does not go with tanks, and that mascara was, like, so tacky, the she-cats were like, practically wetting themselves, but like, then Sorreltail shouted, 'OMG, girl, I think you're a bit off the top!' do that made as all laugh HARDER, and then Squirrelflight took a pic on her new Thunderphone 6s+, which is like, so annoying, so now I'm one update down, and she like, won't let me hear the end of it, and don't you hate it when a vole's too sour? Like, the one Spiderleg brought in was like, SO disgusting, I told him he might as well have served me PUKE, but like, Mothwing still has her net down, so we can't text, which is like, SO annoying, and do you like my new PraCat handbag Cro-oweey, I like, brought it specially for you, and the eyeshadow is so cool, right? It's like, totes matching with the skirt, and the necklace is Squirrelflight, but don't tell her that 'cause then she will totes chew me out, but yeah how are things in WindClan?' Leafpool said.

'Err...' Crowfeathet answered.

Leafpool leaned in close to him and sniffed. 'Eeww, like, what is that AWFUL smell?' she asked.

'Err,' Crowfeather blushed. 'I might have forgotten to wear deodorant.'

'WHAT?!' Leafpool shrieked, at once pushing herself way from the table, which toppled over onto Crowfeather's foot. And, by the way, the table was a rock.

'OOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!' Crowfeather shrieked, clutching his foot.

'YOU FORGOT TO WEAR DEODORANT?!' Leafpool bellowed. 'HOW DARE YOU, YOU DISGUSTING FOUL LITTLE PIECE OF FOX-DUNG!'

'OOOW! Err, queenfriend, I thunk you like, don't realise I'm in mahussive pain!' Crowfeather whined.

'WHO CARES YOU'RE IN SO MUCH PAIN AND COULD BE ABOUT TO GET CRIPPLED FOR LIFE?! YOU'RE NOT WEARING DEODORANT, THAT'S WHAT MATTERS!' Leafpool's tantrum echoed for miles.

'But-'

'I THOUGHT YOU PROMISED TO BE A GREAT TOMFRIEND! YOU DUMB LITTLE VULGAR CHEAT OF A LIAR!'

'But that was after I arrived here and was dressed!' protested Crowfeather.

'I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXCUSES! YOU'RE SO LAME! I'M DONE WITH TOMS!'

And with that she stormed off.

Crowfeather and his broken toe were crestfallen. 'I should have known from the start she was out of my league,' he sighed.

Leafpool's POV...

Leafpool was stomping back to ThunderClan camp, still fuming. 'Honestly, I go out of my way to by a brand-new PraCat handbag for the occasion, and he thinks he can just show up five-point-four seconds late AND not wearing deodorant! He is so LAME!'

An' I gotta say, I kinda agree with her.