Mate #5: Tawnypelt

Blackstar was sitting. Sitting on his couch.

"FLASHNEWS! I AM SITTING ON MY COUCH!"

"Grooooooaaaan," groaned Applefur, rolling her eyes. "Boring."

Tigerheart glared at Blackstar. "You're not sitting in your couch, you're sitting on your couch picking your nose and drinking espresso! That's disgusting!"

Ratscar sighed and shrugged. "Whatever."

Blackstar reached for the remote control, and found that it was not in its usual place. "Where's the remote control?!" he yelled.

Detective Dawnpelt ran over and began taking photos of everything. "I am Detective Dawnpelt! I solve all your mysteries! I charge ridiculous prices! I follow clues! I fail my enquiries! I frighten baddies with my bad breath!" And with that, she tipped her jaws open and a wave of foul, lurid-smelling breath cascaded out.

Blackstar beamed. "Sounds good to me!"

Detective Dawnpelt began smelling the couch and scribbling in a notebook, muttering "How queer!" every so often.

Ratscar sniffed the air. He smelled something...something odd. Should he alert Detective Dawnpelt?

Before he could say something, Detective Dawnpelt looked at Blackstar and waggled her eyebrows in a really waggly way. "Where did you last see the remote?" She waggled her eyebrows in a really waggly way again.

"Where did she learn to do that?" Tigerheart muttered.

Detective Dawnpelt glared at him. "I sush you with my waggly eyebrows that waggle in a really waggly way!"

Ratscar looked puzzled. "But I thought cats don't have eyebrows."

Detective Dawnpelt looked put out. "Oh yeah." Then she waggled her eyebrows in a really waggly way again and turned to face Blackstar. "Answer my question! Where did you last see the remote?"

"Err, in it's usual place," mumbled Blackstar after a sip of espresso. "In a pile of my snot."

"That's so gross!" wailed Tigerheart.

"I see," muttered Detective Dawnpelt, walking to a pile of Blackstar's snot. There was a dent in it, where the remote should be. "We have a serious case here!"

"Err, no," interrupted Ratscar. "The remote control is right here." He pointed to a cat who was hiding under a bush. A cat that had been the mysterious strange scent that Ratscar had smelled. A cat who was Cloudtail.

"CLOUDTAIL WHERE DID YOU PUT MY REMOTE?!" yelled Blackstar.

"Ugh, in here," answered Cloudtail, pointing to his stomach. "I ate it accidentally."

"WHAT?!" bellowed Blackstar,

"The case is closed!" Detective Dawnpelt beamed. "I solved the mystery!"

"Ugh, no you didn't," meowed Ratscar. (ignored)

"I demand my fee!" Detective Dawnpelt continued. "Blackstar, you owe me 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 mice!"

Blackstar, one fist hurled at Cloudtail, the other up his nose, turned to face Detective Dawnpelt, quivering, his face flushed scarlet with anger. "I FIND MY REMOTE HAS BEEN LOST, AND YOU ARE DEMANDING A FEE?!"

"What are you doing here anyway? You're a ThunderClan cat," Ratscar asked, looking meaningfully at Cloudtail.

Cloudtail, meanwhile, was staring at Blackstar with a puzzled expression ok his guilty white face. "Ugh, I can just throw up the remote, you know. It isn't lost." He tried to waggle his eyebrows in a really waggly way and failed. "I throw stuff up all the time."

"FOR STARCLAN'S SAKE!" screeched Tigerheart.

Blackstar ignored Tigerheart and spun round. "Wait...you're right! Throw the remote up RIGHT NOW, Cloudtail!"

Cloudtail beamed and looked at Blackstar. "Sure!" Then he realised what he had said. "Wait, no...why did I say that?"

"Throw it up, please! I want to watch TV!" Blackstar begged.

"Ugh, no," answered Cloudtail.

Blackstar's lip wobbled. He looked as if he were about to burst into tears.

"Wait! Stop!" Detective Dawnpelt shoved her way through the bickering pair. She waggled her eyebrows in a really waggly way. "Cloudtail, you have no legal right to be in ShadowClan territory! Therefore, if you don't throw up Blackstar's remote control this instant so he can watch TV, I'll arrest you!" This time, she put extra waggly emphasis when she waggled her eyebrows in a really waggly way.

Cloudtail shrugged. "I don't care if you arrest me. I'm not throwing up that remote control."

Detective Dawnpelt grew red with rage. She was so mad, that her eyebrows popped off her forehead. "IF YOU DON'T THROW UP RIGHT NOW, I'LL UNLEASH MY BAD BREATH!" And with that, her throat tightened, her jaws dropped, and thick, green, mouldy breath wafted out.

"Oh my, that's SO DISGUSTING!" yelped Tigerheart, terrified.

"Eeeeeeew!" shrieked Cloudtail, so disgusted by the bad breath that he threw up.

Tigerheart averted his eyes and pounded the ground with his fists.

"Yay! My remote control!" beamed Blackstar, snatching up the dripping, sick-covered remote.

"Kill me now," sobbed Tigerheart.

Cloudtail let out a loud burp.

Tigerheart burst into tears.

Dawnpelt plopped her eyebrows back onto her forehead and waggled them in an extra-really-waggly way at Cloudtail, still cowering under the bush. "Go back to ThunderClan!" she roared.

"Where did she learn to do that...?" muttered Cloudtail, scooting away.


Blackstar was curled up on his couch with Detective Dawnpelt, Tigerheart and Ratscar. He switched on the TV with the newly-found remote control.

"FLASHNEWS! I AM SWITCHING ON THE TV!" he yelled.

"Boring! Whatever, Blackstar!" replied Applefur.

Suddenly, the TV screen flickered into life, and a plastered image of Tawnypelt in Tawny Shade sunglasses appeared. (Tawny Shades was her major sunglasses-brand.)

"And today," she chirped, "on Tawnypelt Celebrity Interview, live from the Tawny Hub, we will be delving into a sneak-peek of a romance-addict's life: time to interview WindClan's prosperous Crowfeather!"

Crowfeather appeared, wearing his own pair of Tawny Shades (model: Tom Funky). "Hi everyone!" he meowed in a fake American-movie voice, throwing up his arms for applause.

"What a show-off," Detective Dawnpelt sighed, waggling her eyebrows in a really waggly way.

The crowd on screen was divided: some clapped politely, some she-cats sighed dreamily, and most booed.

"StarClan curse this arrogant brat!" yowled Nightcloud from the audience pews.

Tawnypelt ignored the booing and flushed beneath her Tawny Shades. "Ooh! I see you're wearing some of my brand's best bestsellers! How flattering!" Then, fluttering her (hidden) eyelashes, she waggled her eyebrows in a really waggly way.

"HEY! SHE TOTALLY COPIED THAT FROM ME!" glowered Detective Dawnpelt from off-screen.

Tigerheart's face was a tomato. "Mother!" he gasped.

Tawnypelt giggled as Crowfeather flexed his unexisting muscles. "Take a seat, I implore you!" she gushed, sitting down at the Grand Tawnypelt Celebrity Interview Desk and straightening some papers she was holding. Crowfeather followed her example. "So," she giggled, "I'll be interviewing you today about what you are best known for: your totally messed-up, hectic, failed romance life. You've had four mates, four queenfriends, up until now, I presume. Is that true?" Hazeltail the attendant magically poofed and handed Crowfeather a microphone made out of candy.

"Yes, I have..." boomed Crowfeather in his totally fake American-movie voice, still clutching his microphone made out of candy. "...up until NOW, that is."

Tawnypelt sighed dreamily. "Because of that, cats often take you for a crazed, thug-ish maniac, isn't that right?" Some members of the crowd cheered.

Crowfeather sighed deeply, like a handsome hero from a thriller movie. "Yes, I'm afraid that's the truth, Tawnypelt. Many cats often regard me as a useless, messed-up saddo..." Hazeltail the attendant magically poofed with a tissue, and handed it to momentarily removed her Tawny Shades and dabbed her eyes with it.

"Do you agree with that opinion?" she enquired, stifling a sniffle. "You're quite famous because of your mates. You're a celebrity, even."

There were boos from the audience. "He's not a celebrity!" glowered a cat. "He's a cele-BRAT-y!" Guess what...that was Nightcloud.

"Well, you see, Tawnypelt, when one is wrapped in true love, one feels that that true love is the only thing that matters anymore. Hence, it is easy for one to forget about everything else, including the past and future, and one's reputation."

Tawnypelt was on the verge of tears. "Attendant!" she hissed under her breath. "I want another tissue!" Hazeltail the attendant scooted over and magically poofed a tissue, which Tawnypelt snatched and sobbed into. "Brave, wise, words..." she murmured softly, fingering her microphone.

"Sappy!" groaned Blackstar, picking is nose.

"Will you stop that?" Tigerheart snapped.

"Stop what?" Blackstar meowed dumbly, still picking his nose.

"Picking your nose!" Tigerheart replied furiously. "It's unhygienic and disgusting!"

"Guys, shut up!" growled Ratscar.

Tawnypelt continued her interview. "So were all your mates true love, then?" she pressed.

Crowfeather looked down at his candy microphone. Then he licked it.

"Eeeeeeeewww!" shrieked the crowd.

Tigerheart fainted.

"SHUT UP!" Tawnypelt glared at her audience. The audience shut up, because Tawnypelt was a celebrity and they all were crazy fans for her.

Crowfeather looked up from the microphone dreamily, still using his totally fake American-movie voice. "Ah, you see, once I thought they were, but..." His voice trailed off meaningfully.

Although no-cat could see, Tawnypelt's eyes were shining under her Tawny Shades.

"...I'm sure they were just crushes in my young foolishness."

Nightcloud's fists were curled furiously. "Foolishness is another word for it!" Her yowl rang out from across the audience.

"I see," Tawnypelt giggled, pleased by this answer. "Could you name your four previous "crushes", then, perhaps?"

"Certainly," Crowfeather smiled, looking like a movie star. "They were Feathertail, Leafpool, Frightcloud and Swallowtail."

Nightcloud was lurid. "CAN THIS DUMB TOM EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME?!"

"Could you describe them to me?" Tawnypelt asksed, waggling her eyebrows in a really waggly way.

"THERE SHE GOES AGAIN!" huffed Detective Dawnpelt, furious.

"Of course," said Crowfeather in his heavily-accented movie-voice. "Feathertail...oh, sweet, spoiled Feathertail. So fond of her honey spread thickly on her toast... Of course, she was merely my apprenticehood pash. When she died, I'm sure it was- was- destiny..." he croaked.

"Leafpool," he continued, "was wonderfully attractive, you see, and I'm afraid I fell for simply that. That was, of course, a mistake. A witch can easily lie under a princess's gown." In the audience, Leafpool glared. "OMG, so FAKE!" she hissed.

"Under her numerous layers of Praza lipstick, fake eyelashes and tomato-hued blush, her real nature was just too...fussy for me. I felt something at the time, you know. I was a young, excitable, and to me, the thought of sneaking out at night to meet another cat seemed so dangerous and thrilling. But, alas, Leafpool was not the cat for me."

Leafpool glared under her fake stuck-on eyelashes.

"And by that time, I had been shamed for dating a cat from another Clan. A queenfriend - from ThunderClan? My Clan thought it was disgraceful. So, back then, I was keen to patch it up a notch, and Frightcloud was what I decided to use..."

From the audience, Nightcloud turned crimson. "Do you hear that?!" she bellowed, sticking out her paw accusitavely at him. "Do you HEAR that?! He USED me! He's disgusting! He's a thug! Plus, my name is NIGHTCLOUD!"

Crowfeather merely gave her a disdainful glance. "When Onestar announced Valentines Day, I jumped at the chance. I'm afraid that for the third time, I was simply being too rash."

"DUH!" shouted Sorreltail from the audience.

From the audience, Swallowtail poked her head through the pews. "It's me next!" she announced proudly.

"GET BACK TO YOUR APPRENTICE DUTIES!" bellowed Onestar.

"Swallowtail, as you all might know, possessed a rare and dangerous talent...witchcraft. I'm sure she bewitched me into loving her!"

"I did NOT!" Swallowtail whimpered.

"Mah ticks need removing!" yelled Tornear, holding up a pawful of watery mouse-bile.

Tigerheart recovered from fainting, looked up into the screen, saw the dripping mouse bile, and fainted again.

Tawnypelt ignored all the interruptions. "Thank you!" she beamed, holding up her microphone proudly. "Thank you, Crowfeather, sincerely. I have just one last question. It's been an honour to have you here."

Crowfeather grinned cheesily. "No, Tawnypelt," he breathed. "It's been an honour for ME to see YOU."

Detective Dawnpelt cowered beneath a cushion. "Rowanclaw, help, our mother's being disgusting!"

"Crowfeather," Tawnypelt continued, pausing dramatically. "Crowfeather." Then she looked around, as if to check that no-one was looking, which of course they were, be used she was interviewing someone live. "Who do you think will be your next mate? Your next queenfriend? Who do you have a pash on right now? Who do you have hope for?"

That's when Crowfeather snapped up his Tawny Shades, revealing bright, amber eyes. The audience gasped. Tawnypelt swooned.

"I have hope for YOU, Tawnypelt," he murmured softly, I'm his totally fake American-movie voice "Tawnypelt: do you accept this invitation to be my next mate?"

Hazeltail the attendant magically poofed with a fan, which Tawnypelt snatched and began fanning her scarlet face with. "I...I would LOVE to become your next mate, Crowfeather!" she gushed.

The audience sniffed. A million Hazeltails magically poofed, attendants, and handed every audience member a tissue each.

"Plus..." Tawnypelt screwed up her face tightly with tears, as Crowfeather began to cry romantically, "your American-movie voice is TOTALLY not-fake!"

That's when Tigerheart recovered form his second faint to see his mother and Crowfeather smooching live on TV.

Crowfeather threw away his shades and gazed into Tawnypelt's. "EVERYBODY, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!"

Cheers rang out.

Then Crowfeather waggled his eyebrows in a really waggly way.


"WHAT?!" screeched Detective Dawnpelt. "HE'S COPYING ME AS WELL! THAT'S IT, I'M CALLING THE POLICE!"

"Ugh, you are the police," meowed Ratscar uncertainly.

"Whatever," Detective Dawnpelt muttered.

Blackstar, ignoring those remarks, snatched the remote, gagging, and switched off the TV.

"FLASHNEWS!" he yowled. "I JUST SWITCHED OFF THE TV-"

"Oh please, WOULD YOU STOP THAT?!" bellowed Applefur.

"-WITH THE REMOTE CONTROL!" finished Blackstar triumphantly.

"FOR STARCLAN'S SAKE!" screeched Applefur.

Detective Dawnpelt swing around to look at Blackstar questioningly, waggling her eyebrows in a really waggly way.

"How does she do that?" muttered Ratscar.

"Speaking of that remote control..." Detective Dawnpelt began, "I think you supposedly owe me a fee."

"For what?" muttered Blackstar dumbly, picking his nose.

Detective Dawnpelt sighed exasperatingly. "For that mystery I solved earlier, you duh-brain!"

Blackstar glared at her. "You didn't solve it, smart Ratscar did! You only frightened off Cloudtail!"

"Exactly!" Detective Dawnpelt huffed, crossing her arms and waggling her eyebrows in a particularly waggly way.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"I made Cloudtail throw up the remote! I'm the reason it's here! Now, PAY UP!"

Blackstar pouted like a three-year-old. "How much?"

"It's only 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 mice!" glared Detective Dawnpelt.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

Tigerheart woke up. Then he saw Blackstar picking his nose. He whimpered feebly.

Then, all the way from ThunderClan, Graystripe let out a massive burp.

Tigerheart fainted.

WindClan Ambulances & co came to pick him up.

"Hey!" Ratscar glared to the ambulance cats. "What are YOU doing here?"

"Picking up Tigerheart!" hissed Nurse Willowclaw, rolling her eyes.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"No way am I paying 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 mice!" Blackstar yowled to Detective Dawnpelt.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"But that's a WindClan ambulance!" spluttered Ratscar to Nurse Willowclaw.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail

"Yes you ARE paying up, because that's the deal!" snarled Detective Dawnpelt to Blackstar.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"Why, you little piece of *insert Willowclaw's favourite swear word*!" hissed Nurse Willowclaw, picking up Tigerheart's limp body and shoving him into the ambulance with Kestrelflight.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"We never made a deal!" growled Blackstar to Detective Dawnpelt.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"How dare you! You have no right to be in our territory!" Ratscar's eyes flashed to the WindClan ambulance team.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"Of course we did! I mentioned just after I came that I charge ridiculous prices!" Detective Dawnpelt snapped.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"Oh yeah? Why not? Your Clanmate needs treatment, and we're giving it!" Willowclaw retorted.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"Exactly! It's ridiculous! Who in the Clans even has 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 mice?!" Blackstar gaped, still arguing furiously with Detective Dawnpelt.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"ShadowClan can manage be themselves!" Ratscar growled.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"WHO CARES, JUST PAY UP!"

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"How?" Willowclaw snarled, her eyes fixed on Ratscar.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"NO WAY AM I PAYING UP!"

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"IT YOU DON'T GIVE ME MY FEE, I SHALL UNLEAHS THE WRATH IF MY BAD BREATH!"

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"With our ambulance service!" Ratscar replied.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

Blackstar burst into tears. "MUUUUUUUMMMY!"

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"Ugh, ShadowClan doesn't have an ambulance service," meowed Kestrelflight dumbly. Willowclaw smirked.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"MUUUUUMMMMMY!" sobbed Blackstar, picking his nose.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"Oh yeah," realised Ratscar.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"BLACKSTAR IS A WIMP," shouted StarClan.

"Is he dead?" asked Kestrelflight dumbly, looking at Tigerheart's limp body.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

A kit burst into tears.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"Pancakes!" chirped Hungrykit from WindClan.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"You're a medicine cat and doctor, you *okay just imagine the worst swear word ever*! You should know if this guy is dead or not!" cursed Willowclaw to Kestrelflight.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

Ratscar ran to The Kit Shop and bought a dummy for Blackstar.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

The kit howled, and her mother rushed up to her. "HOW DARE YOU?" she yelled, so loudly that the Tribe of Rushing Water could hear her.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

Ratscar ran to Blackstar and plopped the dummy in his mouth.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"POPCORN!" shouted Graystripe, so loudly that SkyClan could hear him.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

"He looks dead," said Kestrelflight dumbly.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

Blackstar accidentally swallowed the dummy.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

The kit shrieked.

"DUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

Then Cloudtail burped so loudly that India, although the cats had no idea what it was, could hear.

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" yelled Sorreltail.

Then the world exploded with duhs.


Tawnypelt smoothed the papers on her desk and adjusted her Tawny Shades (model: She-cat Greenleaf Chic). In five seconds flat, the lights would snap on in the Tawny Hub and the weekly episode of Tawny Shades News, live, would be filmed and injected into all the TVs in the world...well, actually just the Clans.

"LIGHTS. CAMERA. CAT-TION!" screeched Hazeltail the attendant who magically poofed.

The lights flashed on, and the episode began.

"Hello, everycat, Tawnypelt here, your favourite celebrity, coming live from the Tawny Hub." She paused for suspense, smoothing her fur. "In this episode of Tawny Shades News, I shall be announcing the latest plans, news, and updates on our major sunglasses brand, decided by Crowfeather, me, myself, and I, the Tawny Shades team - and Hazeltail, I suppose."

"DUH!" screamed an audience member. I'll leave you to decide who it was.

"Sales update: Ever since I became Crowfeather's mate, half a moon ago, and made him part of the Tawny Shades team along with me, myself, and I - and Hazeltail, I suppose- the sales at Tawny a Shades have increased by 16.7%, rising our profits and therefore enabling us to release plenty of new Shades models."

"We're pleased to announce that in a quarter-moon's time, a "Back-To-School Late Summer Sale" will be introduced, on selected prices for kit and apprentice-sized Tawny Shades." Tawnypelt beamed at the camera. "Also, it's possible that multiple items in a new bumdle, the "Born Cool" bundle, shall be each released separately before the launch of the bundle.

"The survey that we took last moon has shown that 75% of toms want their Shade rims to be thinner, so we've designed slimmer-rimmed versions of five of our bestselling tom shades: Tom Rainbow Party, Tom Breezy Beachwalk, Tom Greenleaf Evening Date, Tom Pool Splash, and Tom Leopard Fashion. They will all be released tomorrow.

"And now, for the long-awaited wrap-up to our episode..." Tawnypelt paused for drama.

"DUH WHY AREN'T YOU WIGGLING YOUR EYEBROWS DUH?!" yelled Sorreltail.

"I PROCLAIM YOU CRAZY, SORRELTAIL!" shouted Willowpelt, Sorreltail's mother, from StarClan.

"GLADIATOR FIGHT!" roared Brackenfur.

"Ugh, that's not part of the script," said Hazeltail the attendant nervously.

"SHUT UP!" yelped Tawnypelt. Then she realised that everyone was looking at her. "Oh right," she said dumbly.

"Okay, well the great news is," she continued, "Crowfeather, since he's now my tomfriend, begged me to release a model of Tawny Shades about me and him together! It shall be released TODAY!"

" 'Him and me together', not 'me and him' !" corrected Hollyleaf the grammar addict.

"WHATEVER!" bellowed Tawnypelt. "Attendant! Poof a screen behind me, please, so our watchers and fans can see the design!"

Hazeltail the attendant poofed a screen behind Tawnypelt, and poofed again, so that a cartoon drawing of Graystripe burping appeared on the screen.

"Ugh, that's not the right image," said an audience member.

"Hey! That's me!" exclaimed Graystripe.

"Duh," whispered Sorreltail.

"Eeeeeerrrrrrrrr," mumbled Hazeltail the attendant.

" 'Eeeeeerrrrrrrrr' isn't a grammatically correct word," corrected Hollyleaf.

"ATTENDANT!" roared Tawnypelt.

Hazeltail quickly poofed again, and the imaged was replaced by a design of a pair of sunglasses. One side was tawny-ish gold, with a green tip and "TAWNYPELT" scrawled on the arm in green. The other was midnight-black, with an amber tip on the arm, and "CROWFEATHER" written on it in amber. The right lens had "TAWNY" plastered on it, and the left "CROW". In the middle of the shades, between the two lens, there was a "plus" sign.

"And now," beamed Tawnypelt, "Attemdant, you shall poof 1,000,000,000,000 examples of this design in the factory, so this model can be released RIGHT NOW!"

Hazeltail the attendant nodded quickly, and rushed off to the factory.

There a was sickly, tense moment, as the audience waited.

Five seconds passed. Tawnypelt grew bored. She ran to the factory, scooped up the mahussive load of newly-made shades, and dumped them in the Tawny Hub. Hazeltail the attendant poofed after her.

"And now-" Tawnypelt smiled, interrupted.

"Err, boss, you might want to know-" mumbled Hazeltail.

"Shush!" Tawnypelt glared.

"But there was an error in the making-"

"-THEY ARE RELEASED!" Tawnypelt finished proudly.

The audience was silent. Whoops. Tawnypelt hadn't proved the mistake...oh well. There was nothing she could do now. Once a model had been released, it had been released, and there was nothing to take it back.

Graystripe giggled. Sorreltail began to laugh between "DUH!"s. Then the whole audience began to snicker.

"What is it?" asked Tawnypelt suspiciously.

"Err..." mumbled Hazeltail, fiddling nervously with her paws.

" 'Err' is not a grammatically correct word!" shouted Hollyleaf.

Then Crowfeather barged in. He was looking very happy. (He also still had his totally-fake American-movie accent. "Ah, my darlin' Tawny baby, I see you have my customised shades-"

Then his face fell with horror.

For the machines in the Tawny Shades factory had processed an error, a typo, to be exact. Instead of saying "TAWNY plus CROW", they said "TAWNY plus LOSER".

"Oh, daaAAAAaaah-ling, isn't your American-movie accent so TOTALLY not-fake?" purred Tawnypelt.

Crowfeather grew angry. He looked so angry, that he looked like a tomato.

"You look like a tomato," pointed out Graystripe.

"DUH!"

"No, he looks like Firestar now," sniggered Tigerstar from the Dark Forest.

"True," giggled Hawkfrost.

Then Crowfeather exploded in anger.

"IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?!"

Tawnypelt was taken aback. "But, Crow, baby, look, they're right here, I did everything you asked!"

"WHY AM I A LOSER THEN?" screamed Crowfeather.

"'Cos you are," snickered Graystripe.

" ' 'Cos' is not a grammatically correct word," pointed out Hollyleaf.

Tawnypelt looked confused. "But you aren't a loser, dah-ling-" she began. Then she noticed the typo.

"I HATE YOU!" screamed Crowfeather.

"IT WASN'T ME!" wailed Tawnypelt.

"WE ARE SO OVER!" Crowfeather screamed.

"WHATEVER! YOUR AMERICAN-MOVIE ACCENT WAS TOTALLY FAKE ANYWAY!" Tawnypelt wailed.

And just like that, the whole thing was over.

Oh yeah. One last thing.

That evening, Hazeltail watched the whole episode over and over again with popcorn.