"Everyone! I have an announcement!" Monogram shouted.

The animal agents continued to ignore him.

"I can peck the table into nothingness." Winslow the woodpecker told Marvin the monkey.

"You're on." Marvin said.

Winslow began to peck.

"Prince is pregnant again." Perry told Pinky the Chihuahua.

"Really?" Pinky said. "Congratulations, Perry!"

"Thanks." Perry half-smiled. "I'm pretty excited. And kind of terrified."

"Understandable." Pinky said.

"No, I'm terrified because…"

"AGENTS!" Monogram yelled. "SILENCE!"

Silence fell.

Winslow gave one last tentative peck.

And then it was silent again.

"We have a new agent." Monogram said. "A transfer from another O.W.C.A division. Everyone, meet Agent J."

A large, muscular, good-looking jaguar stepped out from behind Monogram and placed a fedora dramatically on his head.

A few of the female agents swooned.

"Hello." The jaguar said. His jaguar growls had a different accent than the ones Perry was used to. "I am, how do you say… Juan."

The females swooned again.

"He doesn't even know how to say his own name." Perry whispered to Pinky. "So dreamy."

Pinky rolled his eyes.

"Your accent is so… so…" Ilana the ibis said admiringly.

Juan swept a lock of fur out of his eyes. "Ah, yes. It is one in a million, is it not?"

"He's Juan in a million." Perry mocked.

"Shhh." Pinky hissed. "He'll hear you."

"Don't look at him." Devon the dog said, covering the eyes of Carrie the cat. "Otherwise you may date him instead of me."

"But Devon, I'm scared to date anyone other than you." Carrie said nervously. "And I'm also afraid of the dark. Please take your paws off my eyes."


"Where are the boys?" Perry asked Candace.

Candace didn't look up at him from her magazine. "Follow the screaming sound."

Hearing no screaming, Perry decided to disregard her comment and just go look upstairs. But as he set his foot on the bottom step, he heard it.

Perry turned around and skittered into the kitchen. Both boys were sitting on the kitchen counter with scrapes covering their arms and legs. Linda was attempting to clean their cuts out, and Phineas was causing quite an uproar. Ferb, however, didn't seem to be bothered.

"OWWWwwww." Phineas wailed.

"I'm sorry, honey." Linda said. "How did you get scratched up so badly?"

"We were each walking six porcupines." Ferb said. "They saw a lettuce-shaped kite and they dragged us down the road after it."

Linda smiled. "Oh, you boys and your active imaginations."

"IT HURTS LIKE FIRE." Phineas yelled.

"Shhh." Linda said. "Let me get some bandages."

She left the kitchen. Perry hopped up on the counter next to them.

"Owwwwwwww." Phineas said in a quieter tone.

"I hope it feels better soon." Perry said sadly.

"How are you not screaming, Ferb?" Phineas asked.

"I am screaming." Ferb said. "I am screaming so loud you can't even hear me. I'm screaming so loud your eardrums have already given out and you're just hearing the ghosts of a thousand things that could have been said."

"Does it really hurt that badly?" Perry asked.

Ferb nodded.

"It hurts like fire." Phineas informed him.

"Why don't you two just invent a cream or something that instantly heals cuts?" Perry asked.

"Ferb, I know what we're gonna-" Phineas hopped down from the counter and winced. "Ow. My knee."

Perry's watch beeped.

"Agent P!" Monogram said. "I need you down here."

"Sorry, boys. Seems like I have to head to work again. I'll see you when I get back. Hopefully you'll no longer be hurting like fire or screaming like a thousand ghosts."


When Perry entered his lair, Monogram was on the screen, trying to console a young woman with shiny blond hair and extremely tall purple high heels. She was wearing a long purple dress and a matching hat.

Perry instantly recognized her. He narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, woe is me!" Shrieked the woman. "Woe is me!"

"Agent… Agent P?" Monogram struggled to talk over her wails. "You remember my childhood friend, Thad Badley? Well, this… this is his daughter, singing sensation Kendrine Adems."

"Not anymore!" Kendrine wailed.

"Miss Adems, please tell Agent P your problem. We may be able to help you."

Perry folded his arms. "She needs more help than we can give." He muttered.

Kendrine turned around to face the screen and lightly dabbed her big blue eyes with a tiny purple hanky. The letters KA were embroidered at the bottom.

Perry wondered if she changed her hanky every day to match her outfit.

"Well," Kendrine said with a sniff. "Last week, my hit single, 'Oh Yeah, Uh Huh', went down from number one to number TWO in the charts! NUMBER TWO!"

"Well, that is what it IS, anyway." Perry said.

"Your kind words console me, little duck, but I don't speak animal, I'm sorry." Kendrine dabbed her eyes again. "Anyway, I'm slowly becoming… oh, the wretched word… a HAS-BEEN. I am no longer the top pop singer in Danville. Oh, Uncle Francis! What am I going to do?" She buried her head in Monogram's chest and began to sob dramatically.

Monogram patted her awkwardly. "I'm… not your uncle, Miss Adems. Agent P, if it's not too much trouble, perhaps you could help Miss Adems… look for another place of work."

"It's all over!" Kendrine sobbed. "All over!"

"Yes, well… I'm certain Agent P can help you. We'll have you meet up with him sometime and discuss job opportunities."

Perry rolled his eyes. "I have better things to do. Like go name the dust bunnies under my bed. Frederick, Alexander, Martha Jane, Cody…"

"Oh, I just knew you'd help me!" Kendrine said, instantly recovering from her sobfest. "I just knew you would! Oh, thank you little blue duck! Thank you! What day works best for him?" She asked Monogram.

"He's free on Tuesday." Monogram said. "I'll appoint him to help you find work."

"I have to water my fish on Tuesday." Perry said.

"So it's settled, then!" Kendrine exclaimed. "Oh, thank you, Uncle Francis!"

Perry huffed and left the room. He obviously wasn't going to be included in the conversation, so he wasn't going to bother with being there for it.


"So what do I do?" Kendrine asked.

Perry pointed at the ice cream scoop. Then he mimed scooping out ice cream, putting it into a cone, and handing it to someone over the counter.

"Okay." Kendrine twisted her hair into a ponytail. "I totes got this. I totally look like a real worker, don't I?"

Perry didn't respond.

"I totally do." Kendrine told herself. She pulled a lipstick tube out of her purse and applied some to her mouth. "So, you're like, an agent? You like set up actors and actresses and stuff?"

Perry raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, right, NVM. Wrong agent." Kendrine said. She attempted to scoop some ice cream out of a bin using a cone.

Perry pressed his fingers against his temples.

"Are you like, psychic?" Kendrine asked. "Are you getting a vision or something?"

"No, I'm getting a migraine." Perry said through his teeth.

Phineas and Ferb came into the ice cream shop and waved to Perry.

"Ooh, customers!" Kendrine said. She straightened her uniform.

"Hi, Perry!" Phineas said happily. "We didn't know you worked here!"

"I don't." Perry said irritably.

"Is that singing sensation Kendrine Adems Clownington?" Ferb asked.

"I don't use the Clownington part." Kendrine attempted to flip her hair, but missed due to its ponytail state. "Are you a fan?"

"No, he just knows everything." Phineas said.

"I like cows, therefore I am." Ferb said.

Kendrine stared at him for a moment. Then she gave him her winning smile. "So, what will it be?"

"Where's Bob the ice cream man?" Phineas asked.

"It's his day off, so he hired Little Miss Crazy for the job." Perry said.

"I love your hair dye." Kendrine said.

Phineas and Ferb looked around to figure out who Kendrine was talking to.

"Red and green." Kendrine said. "How'd you get it that shade?"
"Well." Ferb said. "It was very dark, and I was just minding my own business, swimming around-"

Phineas nudged him.

Ferb continued. "And then I realized that there was a-"

Phineas punched Ferb in the arm.

"Ow!" Ferb glared at him.

"What my brother means to say is… that's his natural hair color." Phineas said. "Mine is, too."

"Oh." Kendrine said. "So what'll it be?"

"Eight chocolate shakes, please." Ferb said.


"Darn, I didn't win eighty billion dollars." Peter said, tossing his lottery ticket aside. "And that would have been a wonderful contribution to the Save The Pandas fund."

"Peter, you really should save your money instead of blowing it all on the lottery." Pinky advised.

Peter shrugged.

Perry entered the main room. He didn't look very pleased. He was covered in splotches of red juice, cream, and what looked like melting milk chocolate.

"What happened to you?" Pinky asked.

Perry sighed and sat down across from them. "Kendrine happened to me. Her first job was in an ice cream shop. Sounds easy, right? But when our third customer came in, she started putting on lipstick and…"

"She leaned against the milkshake maker and it exploded." Peter said.

"No, she swung her arm out dramatically after she finished it and it flew out of her hand and clogged up the drain of the sink, where you dump excess ice cream people haven't finished. So I had to try and unclog it, and she turned the sink on, and ice cream. Everywhere. Cherries. Blow up. Big mess. Ugggghhhh." Perry slammed his head against the table. "I can't wait until she's out of my hair. Not only did I have to put up with her breaking my eardrums every single time I switched on the radio, NOW I have to find her a job."

"Well, it's good you're helping her." Pinky said. "Maybe things will go well for her in her next job."

"I don't give a–" Perry began.

"Franklin." Peter supplied.

Franklin the flamingo glared at Peter. Peter waved at him nervously.

"Like I said." Perry said, scowling at Peter. "I don't give a Franklin what happens to her with jobs. I just want her out of my hair."

"Look, guys, I don't want this to become a regular thing." Franklin said.

"I gotta wash that international pop sensation outta my hair." Peter began to sing.

"Shut the Franklin up." Perry mumbled.

Franklin threw his hands in the air and moved out of earshot.

"He's in a bad mood." Pinky whispered to Peter. "Don't provoke him."

"Guess what, Perry." Peter said. "Sergei's taking over your work when you're gone. So you don't have to worry about me stealing Doofenshmirtz again."

Perry ended up having to pay for the Peter-shaped hole in the wall.