Perry sat and stared at the floor.

"I know exactly how ya feel." A raccoon agent said.

Perry didn't look up.

"Many times I've sat here." The raccoon said. "They always said she'd get better. But she never did. She's still just as bruised and broken as the day I laid eyes on her."

Perry tried to memorize the tile pattern on the floor.

"Poor little apple." The raccoon said, shaking his head. "I told Gene the giraffe not to bite her and throw her on the ground. He never respected the eat-what-you-can law of nature. He coulda at least left the stem. But no, now she has to suffer as they try to pump her back into her former red beauty. She's not eaten, she's not whole. My poor little apple."

Perry slowly looked up from the tile and stared at him.

"You're talking… about an apple."

"Yes." The raccoon said. "But your apple is in trouble now. And I know just how you feel."

"No." Perry said coldly. "You do NOT know how I feel. I've been afraid of losing things for years. Ever since my friend was killed. He had no choice, no chance at life, no purpose as far as anyone knew. They believed his sole purpose was to die. They didn't care about him, or what kind of a creature he was. I lost him because of that. Because people didn't care. They didn't take one moment to think about how others feel, and whether they feel. I live in fear of losing my entire family and way of life at any moment. I could lose them. My boys. My family. My nemesis. The agency could just drag me away from them and everyone I care about. I lost connections with half of my pups because I couldn't balance them with the rest of my life. I lost a friend when I tried to make more out of our relationship. See where it's left me? Staring at the floor. Trying to prepare myself for more loss. But I'm never gonna be prepared. The universe is going to keep taking everything I love away from me, and I'm going to get hurt every single time. It's always been that way, and I can't change it. So no. You do not know how I feel. Not even close."

The raccoon's mouth was completely open.

Perry went back to staring at the floor.

"Man." The raccoon said quietly. "You made my apple story sound totally lame."

The door next to their bench swung open. An orangutan padded out.

"Agent P?"

Perry stood up. "Orville. Is she okay?"

"Can't tell at this point." Orville said. He motioned for Perry to follow him into the room.

Perry obeyed, his hands shaking.

Orville closed the door behind them and pointed over at a small bed.

Perry approached it and kneeled down beside it. He lightly stroked Prince's head.

"Prince? You okay?"

Prince smiled a little.

"Hey. What took you so long? You busy reading the magazines in the waiting room?"

"Are you going to be all right?" He turned to Orville. "What happened?"

"Twins." Orville said simply. "She laid a twin egg. They're very unusual. Larger than normal eggs. However... it shouldn't have been such an ordeal. I'm still trying to figure out why you had to bring her in."

"…Twins? So…"

Orville pointed to a large egg sitting in an incubator.

"We're having twins?"

"Yes."

Perry tried to process this.

"How do you think the twin thing will work?" Prince asked weakly. "One good and one bad? Or... both?"

"What?" Perry asked.

"She's confused. She doesn't know what she's saying." Orville said. "You should probably let her get some rest."

"She knows exactly what she's saying." Perry said. "The curse. I don't know, Prince… I guess so… or… it could be that one twin is affected, and the other one isn't. Like… the older one will be affected? Maybe?"

"I must have been wrong when I told Monogram you were completely unaffected by that bonk on the head you took when you were two." Orville shook his head. "You're both crazy. Let her sleep, now. She's still very unstable. I'll keep running tests and let you know when she can go home."

Perry kissed Prince gently on the cheek and stood up. "I'll be back. Get better."


"But I WASN'T driving under influence! I learned to drive on my own accord! My parents even UN-influenced me to drive when I wanted to get my license. My mother always said I'd end up crashing into someone's house one day. Huh, I guess she was right."

"Save your breath." The policeman said.

Doofenshmirtz sighed. He hated dealing with the law. For some reason, the Danville police force didn't seem to like him much. Maybe it was because he always forgot to get a license for certain inators, maybe it was because he created that police-destructinator… he really couldn't know for sure.

The policeman led him into the Danville police office and sat him down in a chair across from Officer Bill.

"You again?" Bill said, sounding annoyed.

"It has nothing to do with hay bales this time, I promise." Doofenshmirtz retorted.

Bill turned to the policeman. "What happened?"

"The individual was seen speeding through a neighborhood before making a sudden turn and smashing into a family's house on Maple Drive." The policeman said.

"You know my name, guys." Doofenshmirtz said. "You don't have to keep doing that 'the individual' thing."

"Did you test him to see if he was under influence?" Bill asked.

"I told him already." Doofenshmirtz was beginning to lose his patience. "NO ONE ever influenced my decision to drive. I chose that. I didn't choose to slam into that random house, though."

Bill rolled his eyes. "Fine. What's your side of the story?"

"I was driving and suddenly I lost control of the steering." Doofenshmirtz said. "I don't know how. Next thing I knew, I was in some family's living room."

"Why were you speeding?" Bill asked.

"Well, you see, I was listening to this super-fast song on the radio." Doofenshmirtz said. "Sometimes I like to make the car dance along to songs."

Bill glowered at him.

"Um… I mean, I was in a hurry." Doofenshmirtz said quietly.

"I think we'll have to hold you here until we can find a witness." Bill said.

Doofenshmirtz swallowed. "What? You mean… in… in the jail? I… I mean…" He suddenly got angry. "What's the point of that? Someone could be going around beating people up or robbing someone's house! My steering locks up and you stick me in jail!"

The policeman shrugged. "It's been kind of a slow crime week."

"We can't assume that you ACCIDENTALLY hit that house." Bill said. "It could have been a murder attempt. So, you'll stay with us until we can find a witness or until someone pays your bail. You have one phone call."

"I can't call anyone." Doofenshmirtz said sadly. "My family wouldn't pay… and my daughter doesn't have that kind of money."

"Then I guess you're waiting for a witness." Bill said.


Perry headed down Maple Drive.

The cool night air during the walk home had calmed him a little. He was beginning to forget the hectic evening he had just had.

Until he saw a large car implanted in the side of his house.

Perry frowned. He was pretty sure the boys hadn't started a car-house project. And it did look more destructive than creative.

Like someone had driven the car into the side of the house at a really fast speed.

Perry's phone buzzed. He picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Perry? Perry the platypus? Oh I'm so glad this number works. Listen… uh… this is kind of awkward, but… I kind of need you to come down to the Danville Police Station and pay my bail. They think I tried to murder someone or convince myself to drive or something… I don't know. They make no sense."

Perry closed his eyes.

"Please, Perry the platypus? Please come. I hate being behind bars. It's really… really lonely here. And kind of scary. Pleasseee?"

Perry gave a meaningless chatter and hung up. He'd just have to find out about the random car later.

He turned around and ran back up the way he came.


Officer Bill unlocked the barred door and stepped aside so Doofenshmirtz could come out.

Perry was instantly hoisted into the air and squeezed.

"Thank you!" Doofenshmirtz said happily. "Oh, I knew you'd come, Perry the platypus. I kept telling myself you would."

Perry began to gasp for air.

"They didn't believe my story. But I told them, Perry the platypus will come and bail me out and then you'll know I was innocent because I actually have a frie- I mean, someone who's into all that law stuff who also… supports me and stuff. So, yaaay! Freesies! All thanks to YOU, Perry."

Perry desperately tried to get out of Doofenshmirtz's grip.

Doofenshmirtz suddenly released him. Perry fell to the floor, coughing and sputtering.

"Do you have a cold, Perry the platypus? Don't get your cold germs on me. I've already had a hard-enough night."

Same. I had to watch Kendrine Adems sing the world's worst song, my girlfriend nearly died, there's a car in my living room and I just used two weekly salaries to pay off your bail.

But when he looked up at Doofenshmirtz's happy, relieved face, Perry's mood softened. He half-smiled back at him.


"So… I didn't know that was your house." Doofenshmirtz wrung his hands. "Really sorry about that. I mean, even if I had known, I wouldn't have been able to do anything. My steering just went out and then everything went BOOM. So yeah. Really sorry."

Perry shook his head.

"I hope the ice cream at least kind of made up for it." Doofenshmirtz said. "Was it good, Perry the platypus? I know chocolate's your favorite, but I'm sure chocolate chip was a good substitute."

Perry shrugged. He felt very tired. It was quite a bit past midnight, and he had been up since six in the morning.

Doofenshmirtz seemed to notice. "Maybe we should sit down for a second." He pointed over at a bench in Danville Park. "But we can't wait long. I have to get back to my building before three or Norm gets worried and starts stepping on everything. I learned that the hard way. The hard way is experience, by the way. That's the way that the hard way is by the way, anyway."

They sat down on the park bench.

Perry stared up at the sky. The stars looked so pretty. He remembered Phineas telling him once that one of the stars was actually a milkshake bar.

Perry squinted to try and make it out, but he didn't know where to look.

"Aren't they pretty, Perry the platypus?" Doofenshmirtz said. "I'm sure glad I'm here instead of in that stupid jail. Stars don't look that pretty through bars. Ha! I rhymed something. Without meaning to."

Perry was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He shivered a little.

"Are you cold?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

Perry nodded.

Doofenshmirtz took his lab coat off and handed it to Perry. Perry draped it around himself.

He became too tired to sit up. He lay down and rested his head on Doofenshmirtz's leg.

It was odd that being with Doofenshmirtz had been the calmest part of his day.

He watched the stars until he drifted off to sleep.