It wasn't me. The tears, the staring distantly, none of it. My cold hands touched my wet face. It was unfamiliar. My tears seemed as though they had a mind of their own as they streamed down my face. I swallowed as I looked up into Mello's. Should I say something? If I did what was I supposed to say? He still looked perfect. Still...
"Matt?" He looked genuinely concerned, but was it just a lie? Could I believe him, much less the expression on his face? There was that look in his eyes that had always drawn me in. It burned, now. No it just fucking hurt now. There was no comfort in it. Who else had he given that look to besides me? I nodded my head,
"Yeah, I'm alright. I just..." It was my turn for lies now. "Missed you." I choked out the last sentence, my heart sinking at the thought of having no choice but to lie to the one person I was supposed to be completely honest with. I wanted him. I wanted that stupid boy so, much that the thought of someone else having him was unbearable. I couldn't do this. I wasn't cut out for it. This wasn't love. I shook my head, pushing the thought away.
"Actually, I was thinking that maybe I should just go home tonight." I sat, folding my hands in my lap. The bed shifted as Mello sat up beside me. I could hear rustling as he pulled his shirt over his head. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I should've said something, but what was the use? He'd do what he wanted regardless.
"You're not okay. I know you, Matt, and you should know me well enough by now to know I can tell when something's wrong." His warm hand touched my shoulder gently. As if he cared. I snuck a glance in his direction at the contact.
"Do I really know you?" I mumbled under my breath. The tension in the air was thick. There was no way Mello couldn't feel it. It only proved that he was a lot better liar than I had given him credit for. His smile, those kind words, all lies. Out of all the things he'd told me, what was true and what wasn't? There was no way of knowing, at least not without asking.
"It's fine if you don't want to talk now. We can talk tomorrow if you want?" Mello patted my back as I got to my feet. He stood beside me in nothing but blue flannel pajama bottoms that came below those protruding hip bones that I had always found irresistible. I wondered who else had found them irresistible.
Turning without saying a word to the blonde, I walked towards the door. My thoughts were racing and my heart was pounding. Mello walked a few silent steps with me before stopping me. His touch on my shoulder, tender, stopped me in my tracks as I turned and faced him. Icy blue eyes met my green ones. He was calm, there was no guilt in his eyes at all. It stung. The more he made a mockery of me the more my heart broke, until finally the unthinkable happened.
Mello turned and he leaned forwards, blonde hair softly brushing the side of my face as he pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was passionate, if only a few seconds long before I broke it to open my mouth to say what neither of us wanted to talk about.
"Matt, dont do this," he interrupted. The look in Mello's eyes held a telltale sign that he knew what I'd seen. He knew!
I stepped back, shaking my head, the feeling of betrayal washing over me. I shook my head more violently. "Mello," I choked out, barely containing my feelings. "Are you cheating on me?"
Mello froze, the room got silent, and at that moment both of us broke.
