Chapter Thirteen
"Duskpaw, wait!" Duckwing's desperate cry followed her as she ran. She didn't stop, running as fast as she could out of camp. This couldn't be. She had finally gotten to talk to Duckwing again, felt that they really were close.. and he betrayed her the next morning. The feeling deep inside of her was like nothing she had ever felt. There was only one word for it: wrong. She hadn't paid attention to where she ran, she just did. The frigid air ignored her pelt and froze her to the bone. The clouded sky lent her no light to see by. Her mind began to focus again as Duckwing caught up to her. He kicked up twigs and leaves haphazardly as he pelted after her, unable to see what blocked his way.
"Duskpaw, please!" he cried. "You talked to her! You know I'd never tell them.. I just wanted you to be safe!" the sadness she heard in his voice almost made her feel bad. Maybe he was telling the truth…
It didn't matter. Something he should never have done had just ruined her life. She may not have been born to be a warrior, but she had wanted so much to make her brother proud. The way he stared at her after what Thunderstar said; the thought of it sliced her open like a claw and made her feel gutted and lied about. She shuttered and leaped, shimmying up a tree trunk to the lowest branch. She crouched panting on the low bough. The cold wind dug into her skin through her summer-thin pelt.
"I was trying to protect you!" Duckwing puffed, slowing down and standing at the base of the tree. His wide blue eyes stared around, desperate to find her even though it was useless for a cat such as him to do so. His breath pumped relentlessly from his stinging nose, struggling to calm himself after the dash. "P-please.. I thought you would tell her.. that you trusted her enough to help you, to help other cats."
How would it help anyone? she scoffed to herself. Duckwing responded as if he could hear her. Maybe he had.
"You know it won't stop with you. Someone else will be treated like you were. I don't want that to happen." he meowed. What he said afterwards was barely audible, just a whisper from the tree branch. "I wish none of this ever had."
Duskpaw stayed silent, closing her eyes. Duckwing didn't say anymore, and after awhile, with no reply to tell him where she was, he turned and left. The way his tail trailed on the ground told her all she needed to know. She wished she could believe him; but it just couldn't be true. She'd never trust a cat to keep a secret, again.
After some time alone to calm down, Duskpaw had no choice but to return to camp. It was much too cold to stay out long. Besides, if she would never become a warrior, there was no point to apprentice training, and no chance she was going to be made to take care of a Clan that treated her as a lawbreaker.
She walked as slowly as she could, avoiding the commonly used paths the patrols took. She even veered off and walked aimlessly for a bit, but inevitably she arrived at the heather tunnel. She stepped through it with paws of stone. Few cats were still around. Mostly the kits and queens. Still, the looks of pity from Brindleflame and Greenpath were unbearable. She went quickly towards the apprentices' den but stopped just outside. Would she sleep here anymore? She didn't know and wasn't willing to test the idea at the moment. Instead, she crouched in a small space between the camp wall and the back of the den. Thankfully, it was warm enough if she curled up tightly.
"Greetings, Duskpaw." the apprentice was so lost in her hopeless thoughts that she jumped when a cat approached her. It was Callaspring.
"Oh-hi." she murmured. The white she-cat purred sympathetically.
"I know you Clanborn cats speak so formally but I'm no good at that-so I'll just say what I want to say and I'll leave you alone."
"I'm not Clanborn." Duskpaw retorted, and then didn't really mean what she said. "But okay."
"I'm sorry for what happened. I don't know the warrior code or what's really going on most of the time but I know you must feel wretched. If you want, you can share my nest with me. Strathfang lets me sleep outside of the medicine cats' den because I'm not so used to being around so many cats all the time. If you don't, I understand. If you need someone for any reason, I'm always around."
Part of Duskpaw wanted to lament the former loner, but she knew better and dipped her head.
"Thank you." she said, her voice returning to her normal soft volume.
"No problem." Callaspring purred and turned to leave.
Duskpaw jumped to her paws and padded just behind her, following the she-cat to the medicine den. She drew to a stop and stared up into the sky. A gust of wind died down as tiny white specks floated through the empty air. A flake glanced her nose and she sneezed. The white warrior glanced around.
"I do hope winter among a Clan is nicer than on your own." she murmured to herself. Duskpaw silently agreed. Callaspring blinked warmly at her and waited a moment. The pair walked side by side, pelts brushing lightly as they stepped into the mild shelter of the medicine clearing.
Inside, Rivertail was grooming herself at the entrance to her den. For once, the herbs were stacked neatly away, where they should be. A section of the fern walls was flattened down into a soft nest. Duskpaw guessed two cats might barely be able to fit. As soon as the tabby she-cat saw the ex-apprentice she turned and disappeared into her den. Duskpaw was too tired to care either way what she did.
"If you want, you can share my nest with me or you're welcome to make your own. Nobody will mind." Callaspring told her. Duskpaw nodded and approached the new alcove. She thought better of it and stepped over to one side. She batted a few fronds down and flattened them, making a nest for herself a tail-length from Callapsring's. It was barely past sun-high but she could no longer resist the tug of sleep on her eyelids. She curled up tightly and closed her eyes. No one bothered her.
Duskpaw didn't know how long she slept, but when she woke next the ground was cold, abandoned by sunlight. It couldn't be night, yet, as the sky was still bleeding with bright reds, oranges, and pinks. As she took her first wakeful breath, her nose was filled with the scent of a familiar black cat.
"Duskpaw." Strathfang murmured. He must have been the one to wake her. Drearily, the small she-cat sat up. Her eyes were still unfocused but she could tell they were alone.
"I'm sorry, Strathfang, I didn't hear you. Did you need something of me?" she said. Her head climbed quickly out of her murky unconsciousness.
"Um, yes, actually." he began awkwardly. Strathfang stared at his paws. "I know.. er, recent events have-your health should come before anything and I want to.. make sure you are okay."
It was Duskpaw's turn to look at her paws. She nodded slowly. "Okay."
"Okay." the tom sighed in relief. "I'll just start by asking you some questions. How have you been feeling?"
Duskpaw swallowed and thought carefully for a moment. "No different than usual. I've had an upset stomach in the mornings the past few days but that usually happens when I don't eat in the morning. Actually, I've gotten tired a bit easier, too, but that's for the same reason, I think." she meowed.
Strathfang nodded and stood. "Alright. If you don't mind, I'd like to go over you and make sure you don't have any scratches or bruises." he forced the words to come out as casually as he could. He knew she must be suspicious already, but if he could manage it at all, he wanted her to feel as normal as she could. If he were in her paws, he would want nothing more than to be treated normally.
He stepped carefully around the shorter cat. He sniffed tentatively here and there on her pelt, trying to look very interested in what he was doing. Finally, he couldn't find a new way to stall and softly pressed his nose to her lower flank. He felt her flinch under his touch and he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. More importantly, he felt something else, and it wouldn't be long before she felt it, too.
"D-duskpaw-" he jumped back in surprise. The cream-pelted cat pricked her ears in concern.
"What is it?" she asked quietly. He met her eyes and hoped she couldn't sense the apprehension deep inside of him.
"Er, I might be wrong- not that I'm a bad medicine cat- but, um, I think the cat you.. you're carrying his kits."
Duskpaw's pupils shrunk to tiny slits. She blinked rapidly, restoring them slightly to their original size. Her chest stuttered for a moment, seeming as though the breath had been knocked out of her. She opened her mouth but for a time nothing came out. She closed it again before anything did. She sat down and wrapped her tail around her paws. The fur along her spine rose partially and she took a moment to force it down. She seemed almost calm when she managed to utter a word.
"What are the chances that you're wrong?" she asked in a clear voice.
"Well, very low. It's hard to be wrong about these things." Strathfang said honestly.
"What does this mean? Will I be a queen, will Thunderstar banish me?" the panic rose in her mew and Strathfang leaped to her side, pressing against her comfortingly.
"Thunderstar is a sensible cat. He would never put a young cat or… or her kits in danger." he soothed. She looked at him.
"What will I be? I'm too young to be a real queen, and I don't want to be. I just want to go back to my training.." The medicine cat could barely stand the sympathy he felt for her. He couldn't imagine how she felt. And judging by the tom absent from her side, whomever it may be, she would feel it alone. Stathfang sighed.
"I'm sorry, but that isn't possible. Maybe one of the queens can care for them once they're born. And perhaps Thunderstar will see how brave you've been and let you continue your training after that. Until then, you can stay here. It won't hurt anyone to have an extra paw around here to help." he said.
"What will they all think about me?" she murmured.
"It doesn't matter what other cats think. If they're still your friends, that's wonderful. If they can't get over you breaking the rules, they're not being honest with themselves. A cat is bound to go against the warrior code at least once in their lives." Duskpaw blinked and looked deep in thought for a moment.
"I guess I don't really have a choice. Thank you, anyways, Strathfang. I'm going to sleep, again. I don't want to think about this very much, right now." the tom was about to protest, but before he said anything her head was laid against the soft ferns. She seemed to be asleep, already.
He stood and left her alone. He was almost ready to rest his head on some soft moss, himself, when a soft swishing alerted him of a cat's arrival in the medicine clearing. He turned around to see two white forms in the entrance to the open space. He blinked rapidly in the darkness until he could see their faces clearly: Duckwing and Callaspring.
"Why are you here so late?" he whispered, fearful of waking the sleeping she-cat a few tail-lengths away.
"I saw this young fool milling around in the clearing just next to the ferns and I knew something was bothering him. I just convinced him to come in but I suppose we're too late." Callaspring murmured, flicking her tail towards the furry lump among the ferns.
"Maybe not. I don't think she'd mind a little lent warmth, tonight." Starthfang purred, glancing at the bits of snow clinging to their similar pelts. Callaspring nodded and padded towards Duskpaw. Duckwing seemed worried but the she-cat wrapped her tail around his neck and gently pulled him along with her. Each of them sat on one side of her. Duskpaw whimpered almost inaudibly before returning to her normal sleeping state. Strathfang went away to his own den and Callaspring folded her forelegs underneath her. Duckwing refused to tire and sat sentry by her side throughout the entire night.
