"Matt please-"

"No! I want a straight answer Mells!" I was loosing it. The look on Mello's face was a cross between sadness and superiority; that look was making me fucking loose it. I wanted to punch that damn look off his face, that perfect fucking look...

"Matt, I'm sorry. Please just sit down-"

I cut him off quicker than I could think of all the right words to say. My eyes looking up so quick that I could feel light headed if I hadn't been so angry. "Why?! What the fuck Mello! What the fucking hell?! Why would you do this to me?!"

I wanted to hit him so, I began to pace again. I paced. All I remember about that moment, that night is the yelling, the pacing, and the look that seemed to had plastered itself on Mello's face. He had tried to slowly inch his way towards me, but I shot him a quick glance before clenching my fist and pushing past him to continue my pacing.

The room became very still and quiet like the calm before the storm. Aside from my pacing that created the dull sound of shoed feet on carpet there wasn't a noise in the medium sized room. My mind, my ears, they were all clouded with the simplest of noises. Tonight I couldn't focus on anything, but the carpet. What was I supposed to do? I looked up at Mello who had seated himself on the edge of his bed which groaned in response to him sitting. I shot my goggled eyes over to him they burned as they stared with disappointment. Who was so important that he'd throw me away?

"I didn't toss you away Matt. I swear." Mello's voice was low, but collected. His tone made me think that maybe he felt this wasn't as serious to him as it was to me. His head was hung low as he spoke. He seemed to be gazing off in no particular direction. He was deep in Thought. I could tell. He always stared off as if he was day dreaming when he was thinking hard.

"Then what were you doing if you weren't throwing me away?"
"I just didn't think you were so, serious about all of this. It's not like we're dating." Mello mumbled. My body began shaking, my emotions threatening to overflow. I wanted to run. I wanted to cover my ears and block out the world. We weren't dating that was the truth. It was painful to think that I had been so serious despite that fact. Releasing a breath I shook my head. I couldn't do this, my insides hurt too much.

"Im leaving," turning towards the door my hand hesitated as it stopped in mid reach for the golden knob, but not quite grabbing it. Maybe I could be okay with it. Maybe I could stay here and pretend it didn't happen. My arm dropped to my side. I could stay because nothing changed. I could still have Mello even if he had someone else. At least Mello was mine. Right?

I didn't believe any of that bullshit, but maybe I could. I would if it meant I could have Mello. So, why then was my heart breaking and my feelings overflowing onto my cheeks? I was in love with what I knew would kill me.