I had a bad habit of doing things that caused more harm than help. I was self destructive, but I thrived on it and delved in it.
Mello's arm was wrapped around my midsection as he slept and I lied awake staring at his ceiling wishing that I was at home staring at the stars instead. I couldn't bring myself to leave him. We weren't dating that was a fact, he was right. I could live with that. I snuggled closer. Mello and I had been like "this" for awhile. Things weren't ever going to change if I could help it.
The buzzing of Mello's phone vibrating against my hip in his pocket caught my attention. This was the fifth time. Snaking my hand into his pajama pants I pulled his phone out curious. The screen was illuminated with an unsaved number that I certainly did not recognize. Curiosity and fear I might say, washed over me. I wanted to, but didn't want to. I went to unlock it my hand shaking and my pulse speeding up. My chest felt as though a bomb had been set off in it- I was terrified. My palms even began to sweat.
I unlocked it and clicked on the message and almost immediately Mello grabbed my wrist.
"Is this where we're at in our relationship Matt?" He snapped pulling his phone out of my hands. He threw his Samsung on the floor before scratching his head and sitting up. I followed suit.
"we're not dating though." I responded fiddling with his comforter. I didn't dare look into his eyes. Though the room was dark I knew I'd be able to see into them and that scared me. What I'd see In those icy blue orbs scared the hell out of me.
"Point made. We aren't dating so, don't act like you have the right to go through my phone like a paranoid girl." He was cold. Mello knew how I hated to be referred to as a girl. Tonight he didn't care. Tonight he'd be cold because he knew he was wrong. I smiled at the thought as I dared copped a look into his face that was glaring holes in me. "The fuck is that smile?"
"Let's go back to bed. There's no point in doing this." Laying back I commenced to staring at the ceiling once again only this time Mello had climbed on top of me, blond tresses lightly brushing my cheeks, powerful hands around my wrists holding them down, and his legs I entwined with mine. I smiled. "I upset you?"
"Matt, I get it. Sleeping with other people upsets you. Let it go." Where had it come from? I hadn't spoken a word of it. I had avoided it altogether because how badly it hurt to think about it. Mello was okay with it though. I never would be.
"Dump him." My eyes stared into his the fear melting away. Mello was no good at hiding his feelings not like I was. Right then he was frustrated. I could tell he wanted to hit something. My smile widened.
"You mean them."
I arched an eyebrow. Maybe tonight I couldn't contain my feelings, Maybe tonight I'd beat the living hell out of him, maybe tonight I would prove to Mello that I was worth more. Was he for real? There was more guys?
"How many?"
"Three altogether." He was smirking.
"You slut."
"I didn't commit. So, are we in agreement you'll stop the whole crazy girlfriend thing?"
I wanted to punch him. Hard. Instead I shook my head yes, leaned in, and kissed him as if everything was okay. No, this was just the beginning. I was determined to get even.
