I'm sorry for taking so long to update!

This is one is sad, again. I know some of you don't like it, but here's the deal: I can't imagine FourTris not going into something difficult.

Plus, the next one will be really nice. I promise.

CAREFUL WHILE READING.


SONG: "BABY, DON'T CUT" BY B-MIKE

Tris ran to the bathroom and shut the door, tears streaming down her face. She rested her forehead against the wooden door and closed her eyes. She didn't know how long she stayed that way.

Finally, she took a deep breath and walked to the sink, taking her grey jumper off. A large grey jumper which was one of the most comfortable clothes the seventeen-year-old had. She searched the medicine cabinet and found it. The razor.

Her fingers lightly touched the blade, delicately enough to save the soft skin of her fingers of a cut. She lowered the razor, pressing the blade against her wrist. In one slow movement, the sharp end opened a cut in her skin. A long hiss escaped her mouth, matching the razor's movement, but she wasn't worried about someone hearing. There was nobody home.

It took almost no strength to cut the smoothness of her skin, and soon dark blood spurted from it. The red substance ran from the wound, shining in the light of Tris' small bathroom.

There was only one brief moment of pain before an immeasurable pleasure consumed her, making her ask more.

The second cut soon followed the first, this one longer. Deeper. The red thick dark liquid ran down her arms to her elbow and fell on the sink, painting it too.

Her wrist had countless scars, some old and some new. She would constantly reopen them or make new ones. And she knew why.

This is all their fault. Peter. Molly. Drew. Nita.

Why couldn't they live her alone? Every day they would mock her, even if Tris was simply breathing, not even moving. They would make her life a living hell. And they liked it.

And that day wasn't any different. They talked about her brother, the one who died to save her while they were children.

The memories brought salty tears to her eyes.

Tris and Caleb were in the backseat of their parent's car, enjoying the view. It had snowed that day. The glassy road was slippery. The snow made the car slip and fall into a lake. Tris and her mother hit their heads with the sudden turn and passed out, but her father and her brother were awake. Andrew got his wife and daughter off the seatbelts, only helping Caleb since he was awake. When the time to swim to the surface came, Andrew could only take two people with him. Caleb knew that, he was a smart little boy. He gestured to his father towards Tris and Natalie and pointed to the surface, signaling that his father had to take them. Then, he pointed at himself and gave his father a thumbs up. He was indeed having swimming classes, but he was far from good. He was far from being able to survive this. Andrew didn't know that, so he took his wife's and daughter's arms and brought them to the surface.

Caleb never resurfaced on his own. He never breathed again.

Those memories were too painful for Tris, even after all those years.

She sniffled. The amount of blood dropping from her wounds came faster, due to her accelerated heart rate. The memories of the accident always made her uneasy, agitated.

"Tris?" a voice came through the door. She would recognize it anywhere, anytime. Tobias. She smiled and then remembered her actions from 10 seconds ago.

She hid the blade in the cabinet of the bathroom and smoothed her hair and clothes. Her shaky hands turned the faucet on and she cleaned the blood and the tears. Her face was still red, but her breathing was even although shallow. She put the jumper on again.

"Tris, please. Open the door," he sounded desperate and she hated herself for doing that to him.

She unlocked the door and opened it slowly.

Tobias stood there. His face contorted in an expression of worriedness and fear. His hands held her shoulders and pulled her closer, embracing her small frame in a warm hug, running them up and down her back. She inhaled his scent. Safety. It made her feel that way since they were little kids.

He kissed her forehead. "What happened?"

Tobias was in his History class when he saw a figure running in the parking lot. He soon recognized his girlfriend headed to her car. He noticed she was crying and his heart missed a beat. He didn't waste a moment before running after her. He got held up by the teacher that got irritated by Tobias' lack of respect toward him.

"Sometimes I just think they're right, you know. I am useless." Her voice cracked as she tried to explain. He embraced her stronger.

"Don't care about them. I need you, you're not useless. Or unworthy," he pulled away, "You are worthy to me."

"Useful to kill my brother."

So they talked about her brother. Tobias felt his blood burning, his rage towards Peter grew in that split second.

Tris felt her eyes welling up once again and buried her head on his muscular chest. Tobias led them to her bed, lying her down and sitting next to her.

"You know what Caleb did, you know why he did it. He saved you. I have you with me, which is all I need. And I thank him every day for that, Tris," his long and narrowed fingers stroked her cheek carefully, cleaning the tears.

New ones soon replaced them. He kissed all of them, making those go away too.

"You know this is just not for Caleb," she sighed. "I feel like my parents blame me for what happened to him. I know it isn't true, but I still think it's my fault. I can see them wondering sometimes, about Caleb, what would it be if he was here instead of me? Maybe if I went to the swimming lessons with him, he'd be here, too," she sniffled.

Tobias held his girlfriend's trembling body for minutes. Hours. He didn't care, she needed it. And there wasn't a thing he would not do for her.

"It's not your fault. I would have died with you in that river if Caleb hadn't saved you that day. I would be dead with you. And you know why? Because I love you. So please, if you did anything, you allowed another day for me to live. You saved me the day you chose to live, Tris."

She pulled him toward her, fitting her mouth to his in a loving kiss.

They pulled away, both of them breathing heavily.

"I'll make you a cup of tea, okay?" he ran his fingers through her long hair. She nodded.

When he rose from his seat though, he saw the sleeves of her jumper. They were darker, looking wet. He crouched beside her, reaching over. He pulled her sleeve up and confirming his ideas: blood.

He thought about the time she tried to kill herself by choking down a bunch of pills. Her parents found her asleep hours later, her breathing almost fading. She spent days in the hospital and was assigned a therapist and depression prescriptions.

The therapist sessions ended two years ago and Tobias was always afraid she'd try to her life away again.

He looked at her, sitting in her bed, no light in her eyes. She felt hopeless and for a moment, so did he. Until the idea of living in a world without her crossed his mind. The pain came in an absurd amount.

His eyes met hers, both filled with tears. "I'm sorry," she chocked.

He tried to embrace her but she pushed him away. He didn't deserve to suffer with her.

And she knew he suffered, she remembered the time she spent in the hospital because of little attempt. The look in his eyes, the pain, the worriedness… And now again, because, once again, she couldn't deal with her problems.

He wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything would be fine and that tomorrow would be better, like he had done many times before, but she wouldn't let him touch her.

And then his eyes landed on her arms, noticing for the first time the scars that buried deep within her wrist.

She felt numb. She didn't know what she was doing felt numb, but she knew her body was on automatic control to keep him away from her.

"Why, Tris? Why did you do it?" he begged, his voice cracking.

Her thin arms hugged herself, in an attempt to hold herself strongly.

"T-this way I-I," she mumbles, "I feel like I can control the pain."

His face and voice softened.

"Pain? What do you mean?"

"The pain I feel inside," she whispers and closes her eyes.

Tobias' arms embrace her trembling body.

"How long?" he ran his hand delicately through her long hair. "How long since you felt this way? Since you've been doing those?" his large hand held her arm, his thumb tracing the pink scars that marked her skin. He felt useless, to say the very least.

How he didn't notice those before? How he didn't realized what his girlfriend – the most important person the whole world for him – was going through so much?

"A while. I didn't want you to know. I guess I needed better luck," she mumbled bitterly.

He felt tears pricking his eyes. Some tears were still falling from her eyes.

"Tris, I-" he took a deep breathe. "I know you're feeling all alone. I know that now, and I'm sorry I never realized before-"

She shook her head and placed her finger on his lips, shushing him. That was the last thing she wanted, for him to blame himself for her actions.

"But you don't have to feel alone anymore. You were never alone, okay? I love you and I'll always be here for you. Don't listen to them, they don't know shit about you. About anyone. You can do anything you want, I know that."

And she believed him. They had known each other for ages. He knew her.

"You're the most important person in the world to me, Tris. I know your heart hurts, but it'll get better. I will make it better, okay? I will, even if it's the last thing I do."

The seriousness in his voice made her realize he wasn't lying.

He gently placed his hands on the sides of her face. "Baby, never cut. Tris, promise me. Please."

"I promise."

The next day at school, Tris felt better than the day before. She parked her car, grabbed her bag and walked in the school.

She remembered the words from her boyfriend.

You're the most important person in the world to me.

I love you and I'll always be here for you.

And she cracked a small smile.

But it was too soon for any celebration. Tris was so focused on the memory that she didn't notice Molly nearing her, a mischievous look on her eyes, and a sadistic smile on her lips. Her body moving like a lioness – no, a naja - to attack its prey.

Molly was a tall and bulky girl, so when she bumped her shoulder to Tris' small form, she sent the blond girl to the ground. Her books reached the ground with a loud noise, drawing attention from the whole class. And everybody in the room just seemed to point and laugh.

She quickly gathered her things and sat down on her usual seat: far behind, far left.

During the whole class she felt snickers and looks in her direction. She had had enough, she sent her boyfriend a text.

"I love you with my body, heart and soul to death."

The engines were already running in her head.

On the other side of the school, Tobias' phone vibrated. A text message.

He smiled when he read the words his girlfriend wrote, thought nothing, typed "I love you", then he sent it.

It just never crossed his mind that by "death" she had literally just meant it.

When the bell rang, Tris went to her car. She drove madly fast to her home, opening the door and running to the bathroom. She didn't bother to lock, or even close, the front door.

She turned the water on and laid on the burning water. The razor soon was in her hand, cutting the soft skin on her arms, in horizontal lines.

The laughs and the mockery of the students filled her mind. She could hear them as if they were right by her side.

The water was a painted red, still burning hot. But she didn't care. She didn't feel it burning her skin.

She stared at the bloodied blade and remembered her promise. She thought to herself she wouldn't break her promise that soon.

She remembered her boyfriend's words.

I will make it better, okay?

She wanted him. She needed him to help her.

I will, even if it's the last thing I do.

But she didn't want to drag him into the pit of dark feelings. She wanted him to move on and be happy. And she knew she would never be able to do that. If she was alive, she'd still want him no matter what. She loved him so much.

She loved him so much she had to let him go. And to do that, she would had to let herself go.

Then the pain will be over, at last.

So she started cutting vertically.

One cut.

Two cuts.

Three cuts.

Four…

The blood just started dripping from the tub to the floor.

Tobias looked at the phone for the tenth time in 20 minutes. He was uneasy, he had a feeling in his stomach that he hated. He never waited for the end of the class before running through the door and out the school. His heart was accelerated, his was breathing fast when he reached her house.

The front door was open and he stood in the hall for a couple of seconds before he heard the water running. His feet carried him up the stairs, he stormed into the bathroom and his heart started gunning.

The vision before him made him gasp. His saw his girlfriend in the tub, the water red from the blood that marked the skin in her arm.

So much blood.

He ran to her side, placing her arm around his shoulder, trying to lean her back up.

"Tris!" He screamed, but there is no response. He lifted her light body up and placed her beside the bathtub. "Tris!"

It was the worse sight of his life. The girl he loved dying in front of him. He needed her to live, he was nothing without her.

Her eyeballs were rolling, drifting out of consciousness.

He called for emergency, screaming out so heavily, "Sent an ambulance, now!"

Why the hell she did this? Why didn't she stop?

Why did she start?

The ambulance arrived, the medics ran to the bathroom. They rush her to a stretcher carefully, wrapping her arms up.

He took one last look of the bathroom before following them down the stairs. She'd lost a lot of blood. It dripped on the tub, on the floor. Even Tobias had blood in his hands, arms and clothes. He hadn't noticed it before. But he did pick her up from the water.

The scene gave him a bad feeling.

The place looked like a murder scene.

He runs down the stairs, just in time to get into the ambulance that goes flying to the hospital. He noticed how pale Tris was in that moment. She had always been pale, but now… Now she looked like a ghost. Her skin was similar to silk, a very delicate and white one.

He looked at her face and, to his surprise, she seemed at peace. It was like she was dreaming about something good. Her eyes lightly shut, her eyebrows unfrowned. And even a small smile played on her lips.

Tobias held Tris' hand all the way, gently caressing it with his thumb in circular motions.

When they reached their destination, the paramedics rushed her in. The doctor didn't take a second look at the girl's body to yell, "Emergency!"

They had a clear passage down the hallway, pushing the stretcher as fast as they could.

An hour later, the same doctor walked over. He approached Tobias, who was pacing on the waiting room, his clothes stained with Tris' blood. The doctor had the same stains on his uniform.

Tobias noted a sour face on the doctor's face.

"Tris Prior?" he asked.

Tobias nodded. "How is she? Will she be okay?"

"Excuse me for the words that I'm about to say," he said. He took a long breath, "We did everything we could, but it wasn't enough. I'm sorry for your loss."

The boy couldn't distinguish the words he had just heard. He started breathing heavily, his vision became blurry. He felt the world spinning.

Tris. His own world – his own girl – just took a crashing.

Why didn't I notice it before?

He blamed himself for not seeing what she was going through, even though it wasn't his fault.


Yes? No?