I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.
― Nelson Mandela
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Chapter 5
"It's just not right," Jane insisted, setting her tray down with more force than she'd intended. She winced as the loud noise attracted a few curious glances and sat down at the outdoor picnic table, Audrey taking the seat next to her. "We need to fess up."
"No! Jane, we absolutely, positively cannot do that." Audrey shook her head, squinting at Jane in the midday sun.
"Audrey, this wasn't how it was supposed to go, they were never supposed to be this young, plus the spell was already supposed to have worn off!" Jane paused and looked around, self-consciously. "We have to do something." Jane bit into her sandwich, chewing without tasting.
Audrey chased a blueberry around her plate with her fork as she spoke, "It's not that big of a deal. So what, they spend a few more days as a few years younger, what does it even matter anyway?" She speared the blueberry and lifted it to her mouth, as if punctuating her statement with the small berry.
Jane frowned at Audrey and pressed her lips together, observing Audrey's behavior for a moment before responding. "What's your problem?" Jane asked, impressed with her own boldness.
Audrey tilted her head slightly, smile frozen on her face. She placed her fork on her neatly folded napkin and laced her fingers together. "Excuse me?"
Jane's confidence wavered at the coldness in Audrey's tone. "You're so nonchalant about everything, I just don't understand you. You're not some heartless ice queen, and for the life of me I can't figure out why you want people to think that you are." She petered off at the end and averted her eyes from Audrey. She hastily stuffed another bite of her sandwich in her mouth so she couldn't say anything further.
"Is that what you think of me?"
Jane flicked her eyes up, surprised by the sudden change in Audrey's voice. Audrey had sounded, strange, almost insecure even. Audrey kept up a mask of indifference, but her previous question had already given away that she had been affected by Jane's accusations. "That's what a lot of people think about you Audrey, not just me." Jane spoke softly and slowly, carefully navigating through what she wanted to say versus what she should say. "I know that you're more than that when I see you helping another cheerleader after practice so that she can figure out a routine or when you spend your evenings in library to perfect an assignment. I've seen that you're more than that, but you hide it really well." Jane shrugged, feeling as if she were being scrutinized, as if Audrey was clinging to every word she spoke, and frankly Jane didn't enjoy the significance being placed on her words.
"Oh." Audrey's perfect pink lips pouted slightly, breaking her façade. She gazed past Jane contemplatively, and Jane worried with the crust of her sandwich, silently begging Audrey to say something—anything—else. Jane knew that this was unfair of her, but she felt uncomfortable by seeing this side of Audrey. She hadn't expected their conversation to take this turn, but she knew that there was no heading back.
"It's not like everyone talks about it all the time, it's just you can be kind of unnecessarily mean when there's someone competing with you for something." Jane let out a nervous laugh, rambling to end the tense silence between them. "Look it's not all that bad, I mean Chad seems to like it so there's that…" Jane trailed off, again abandoning her platitudes in favor of her sandwich.
Just when Jane was sure that she was going to fade from existence because of the uncomfortable atmosphere, Audrey finally spoke up. "I wasn't aware that I came off as so heartless, I only wanted to be the best."
"You know, you can be the best without having to put people down in order to get it," Jane responded, unconsciously matching Audrey's demure tone of voice. Audrey shrugged dismissively, but Jane persisted, "No really, you already have. You're the best cheerleader on the squad and you didn't use any sort of foul play to get there. You even help the other cheerleaders to improve. Would you do that if you were trying to undercut everyone? You can be kind with cheerleading, so why not with people in general?"
Audrey hesitantly met Jane's eyes and Jane was relieved to see a hint of determination in them. "I need to think about some stuff, but no matter what, you can't tell anyone about what we've done, alright? Just because I'm having a personal paradigm shift doesn't mean that you can go tell everyone the deets."
Jane hid a smile behind the other half of her sandwich. "I promise I won't tell anyone about what was said."
"Good," Audrey sniffed, back to her usual mannerisms. She gripped her tray and stood up, "I'll see you at practice later, yeah? I was thinking of a new routine that we could do that involves the mascot."
"'Course I'll be there." Jane waved as Audrey strode off, long ponytail swaying with her movements.
"Carlos, what d'you got there?" Jay crouched down in the hallway in front of Carlos. Evie stopped walking and tugged on Mal's arm, leading the girl back to where Jay and Carlos were.
"I found it!" Carlos chirped. "I found it at lunch and lookit! Says your name on it, says J-A-Y so I kept it safe." Carlos uncurled his fist to proudly reveal a crumpled piece of paper with Jay's name on it.
"Good job, Carlos! You're right, it does say Jay's name!" Evie cheered and Carlos beamed at her, distracted long enough for Jay to pry the paper from Carlos's fingers. "'Amana and I are very proud of you, honey." Jay cast her a quick glance at the unexpected sound of a name he hadn't been called in years.
Jay stood, unfolding the paper. He scanned the page, analyzing the blocky handwriting. Part of being a thief required attention to details. Jay would've recognized the handwriting if it belonged to someone he was friends with, but as he followed the lines and curves he found that he couldn't place who had authored the note.
"What does it say?" Carlos asked, head craned back to look up at Jay.
"Nothing, puppy, it was just my name." Jay handed the note to Evie to read. The note was not blank but rather held a message for Evie and Jay, reading: Meet Fri 2100 North Wing Entrance for Book. Evie's eyes widened slightly and she crumpled the paper again, stuffing it in her purse. She looked at Jay who mouthed 'Talk later' at her.
She nodded and clapped her hands together, "It's time for class! Carlos you'll spend the afternoon with Jay, and Mal, you and I get to have some girl time." Evie and Jay shared a fist bump as they took their respective four-year-old to their afternoon classes."
"Carlos," Lonnie cooed, keeping her back to the small child, "There's someone who really wants to meet you and be your friend."
"Whozzit?" Carlos asked, swing his legs over the counter where he and Mal were seated. During lunch, Lonnie had suggested that she and Evie watch Mal and Carlos during the Mathletes meeting. Jay had agreed, not wanting to figure out how to participate in Tourney practice while watching small children.
Lonnie turned, holding Dude in her arms, "This is Dude, he lives here in Auradon with us."
"Lonnie," Evie warned, stepping away from the proof she'd been writing on the chalkboard. "Don't."
"Just trust me," Lonnie pleaded, "Please."
"No," Carlos gasped quietly, eyes wide. Mal's eyes flashed green and a nearby stack of papers went flying towards Lonnie. Lonnie ducked and placed Dude on the ground who yipped happily, unaware of the potential turmoil his presence caused.
"Carlos, please listen to me." Lonnie straightened up and lifted a protesting Carlos off the counter. Evie quickly moved to intercept Mal and prevent the small girl from creating havoc. "Dude is really nice, I promise. All he wants is to be your friend. Dude and Ben are friends. Why can't you and Dude be friends?"
Carlos sniffed and buried his face in Lonnie's shoulder, only lifting it for a brief moment to say, "Because he'll eat me."
"What?" Lonnie paused, derailed by his admission. "Why would he do that?"
Carlos lifted his head again, watery eyes meeting Lonnie's. "I was bad and left home and bad boys get eaten by mean dogs," he explained, tears threatening to spill.
"Dude is the nicest dog you'll ever meet, you should give him a chance," Lonnie reasoned, wiping a stray tear from his freckled cheek. "Pretty please? With sprinkles on top?"
"What're sprinkles?" Lonnie heard Mal ask Evie from the countertop, watching the exchange over Evie's shoulder, scrutinizing Lonnie.
Carlos thought for a moment and said, "I guess they wouldn't let a mean dog go to a tea party, right?"
"Uh, sure?" Lonnie returned. She didn't understand his logic but figured she could chalk it up to the babblings of a child. "Will you let me introduce you two?" She asked him gently, waiting for his consent. Carlos nodded, bottom lip sticking out slightly. Lonnie knelt, feeling Carlos tense up as they neared the dog.
"Carlos, this is Dude, Dude this is Carlos." Carlos stared at Dude who sat with his tail wagging enthusiastically. "Do you want to pet him?" Lonnie asked. Carlos gave a tentative nod and reached out slowly. He patted the dog a few times, retracting his arm when Dude gave his hand a friendly lick.
"Ew," Carlos wrinkled his nose and wiped his hand on his shorts.
"He likes you," Lonnie cooed. She was concerned that this exchange would end in tears, but she was determined to see it through.
"Really?"
"Of course he does, look at his tail go," Lonnie explained. Carlos beamed at her, tension released and wriggled out of her arms so he could pet Dude again.
"Next time you go to a tea party, Mal and I wanna go too, okay?" Carlos spoke, stroking the dog. Dude yipped in agreement and Carlos recoiled, falling backwards on the ground, startled by the noise. He whimpered as Dude crawled onto his lap and tried to lick his face.
"Okay!" Evie lifted Carlos up, knocking Dude off in the process, "That's enough exposure for one day." Lonnie hummed in agreement and handed Dude to another nearby Mathlete, asking him to escort Dude from the room.
"I'm so proud of you Carlos, facing your fear like that!" Lonnie congratulated, clapping her hands together in excitement.
Evie gave Carlos a smile, "She's right, you were very brave. Why don't you and Mal go play now, alright?"
Carlos sniffled, but nodded, accepting the praise and the opportunity to play. Returned to the counter next to Mal, they proceeded to pick up where they left off in their imagination game, Mal casting suspicious glances at Lonnie every once in awhile.
"That was really bold, Lonnie," Evie commented, picking up her piece of chalk and returning to her proof.
"I know," Lonnie admitted, retrieving a nearby textbook. "But I really think it needed to happen. He and Dude are such good friends that it seems tragic for him to be afraid again."
"You're just lucky that you did this with me present and not Jay," Evie said, giving Lonnie a small smile that betrayed her stern tone. "Thank you though."
"That's what friends are for." Lonnie beamed before saying, "Watch your negatives, E."
"What? Oh no," Evie erased part of the problem and diligently began to rework it, chatting comfortably with Lonnie as they worked through sets of practice problems.
"What? I've been trapped in a tower? Oh no! Someone please save me!" Ben cried dramatically from his perch on his desk. He readjusted his tiara that had been jostled by his movements. His mother had dropped off some costumes earlier for Mal and Carlos to play with and as soon as Mal spotted the tiara, she'd determined that Ben had to wear it and wasn't allowed to take it off.
"I'll save you!" Mal promised, running around in a purple tutu and carrying foam sword. Ben smiled as she and Carlos pretended to battle, Mal the brave princess on a quest to save Ben, and Carlos the scary dragon trying to keep Ben locked away. During lunch Ben had offered to watch Mal and Carlos in the evening so Evie and Jay could get some homework done. Ben also knew that they would probably enjoy a small break from being on a constant watch to make sure Mal and Carlos were safe and comfortable.
"Roar!" Carlos giggled, pretending to spit flames at Mal who dove onto a pile of pillows to dodge. He clutched a stuffed dog to his person and wore a shield as a back pack. He held the toy in front of him and roared again, "Susan says roar too!"
As soon as Ben had unpacked the box of costumes and found the stuffed animal, Carlos had claimed it. Mal and Carlos determined that the dog's name was Susan and that Susan could shoot lasers and fly. Which of course led to Ben tragically being captured by Susan and trapped in a tower awaiting his rescue.
"Magical fairy blast!" Mal shrieked, throwing a feathered boa at Carlos.
"Nooo!" He clutched the boa, "My only weakness is feathers!" He collapsed on the ground and stuck his tongue out, pretending to be dead. Mal scampered over to Ben, climbing onto his desk chair.
"Come on, come on!" she insisted, tugging on Ben's hand. "Let's go just in case he comes back to life!"
"My hero," Ben swooned, "You saved me!" He followed her to his bed helping her to climb up and sitting next to her.
"You're safe now, we're back in the castle. Dragons can't get here because we have the anti-dragon shields up," Mal explained, watching Carlos sit up, bored of being dead.
"Oh thank goodness, I was worried about that," Ben quirked. "How did you know that feathers were the dragon's only weakness?"
"Everyone knows that," Mal gave him an incredulous look, "Duh."
"Oh, of course, how could I have forgotten?" Ben laughed.
"It's okay." Mal patted his leg, "Being kidnapped by a dragon is scary, you must have been so 'fraid you weren't thinking."
"Susan said that he wants to be a good dragon now and so do I," Carlos called from his spot on the carpet.
"Okay!" Mal chirped, swaying so that her purple hair swung around her face. "But no breathing fire inside, we don't want to burn down the castle."
"Yay!" Carlos climbed on the bed with Susan's tail clutched tightly in his fist. He settled down facing Ben and reached across to poke the king.
"Yes, Carlos?"
"I have a question," Carlos stated, gaining Ben's attention.
"Ask away, little dragon."
Carlos paused for a moment, smiling happily at being called 'little dragon'. "Who do you go to when you have a secret?" he asked cautiously, peering up at Ben. Mal snapped to attention, watching Carlos intently while fidgeting with the skirt of her tutu.
Ben tilted his head, "You talk to a friend that you know you can trust. Is there something you want to talk about?" Ben was concerned by his sudden admission of having a secret but also wildly curious as to what a four-year-old would deem important enough to keep classified.
Carlos opened his mouth to speak but hesitated, glancing at Mal. "We can trust Ben, he has good people eyes," Mal reasoned, encouraging Carlos.
Satisfied with her logic, Carlos nodded. "I wanted to say that, well, I love Jay. He's my bestest friend ever." He ended in a whisper, bashfully looking away from Mal and Ben. Ben looked at Mal, noticing her look of fear, then at Carlos, who looked ashamed.
"Carlos," Mal whispered, "You can't say that, we'll get in trouble."
"Wait, no, no one is in trouble," Ben cut in, realizing that he'd delayed responding for too long. "You can't get in trouble for loving Jay."
"Really?" Mal and Carlos chorused.
"Love is a good thing, you should never feel like you have to keep that a secret," Ben explained, reaching out to place a hand on Carlos's shoulder. "Auradon is different than the isle. I don't know how love was treated there, but here, love is encouraged. It's a beautiful thing and you're always allowed to express it, okay?"
Carlos nodded, unsure. "So you're not mad?"
"Of course not! I'm honored that you felt you could trust me with this." Ben smiled at the boy to put him at ease.
"Ben?"
Ben looked at Mal who was giving him a wide eyed expression. "Can I tell you something too?"
"You can always tell me anything."
Mal took a breath before saying, "I think I love strawberries."
Ben coughed to cover up a laugh at the unexpected admission. "That's wonderful Mal, thank you for sharing that with me."
Mal blinked once and smiled, as if freed by her confession. "Come on puppy, there's a treasure map over there!" She pointed suddenly towards the opposite corner of the room. "We have to find the treasure before the other pirates do!"
The two leapt off the bed, digging through the costumes to find what they deemed appropriate wear for their imaginary pirate ship. Ben let out a sigh and relaxed against his headboard, glad that they had trusted him, but saddened by the knowledge that even as early as age four, they'd been taught to repress feelings of love. Ben hoped that he'd said the right thing to convince them that love was a good thing.
"Hey!" Jay laughed, catching Carlos as he flung himself at Jay. "Did you have fun?"
"Yes!" Carlos nodded vigorously before giving Jay a hug. "Guess what, guess what, guess, guess!"
"I don't know. What?"
"I love you!" Carlos bubbled gleefully, "And Mal loves strawberries and it's okay to say that here!"
"W-what?" Jay stammered, caught off guard by Carlos's abrupt greeting.
Mal pattered over with Ben who explained, "Earlier this evening Mal, Carlos, and I had an important discussion about how they won't get punished for loving."
"Do you love me too?" Carlos asked, looking at Jay hopefully.
"I, well, um," Jay felt his face heat up as he flustered uncharacteristically. He internally cursed at himself to get a grip. "Yeah, I do." He gave a nervous laugh that was noticed by a smug Ben but was ignored by an ecstatic Carlos. Jay stood up, holding Carlos and reached his free hand out for Mal's. "It's time we get going. Bed time is pretty soon." Jay said hastily, ignoring Ben's snicker.
"Good night, Jay," Ben said suggestively.
"Shut up," Jay responded and walked out of the room, his heart beating faster than normal.
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So this chapter was really difficult because writer's block hit me like a train, plus I was so swamped this week because college. Sorry that it's slightly shorter than normal. Let me know if you spot any typos and don't forget to review! Honestly, if it weren't for your kind words, I probably wouldn't have been able to finish this chapter, it was pretty rough going. Thank you for the motivation to keep writing!
Since I'm about to go to the store and buy a bunch of different cheeses for a party I'm attending tonight, the question of the week is: What is your favorite type of cheese?
My favorite for just eating alone is smoked gouda, but I absolutely love warmed brie on a cracker with a little bit of jam. Mmmm cheese.
Updates on Sundays! :)
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