Cayde "Babysits"
"But mooooommmmm," a tiny Awoken child whined, "Cayde taught me how."
The girl's mother turned and frowned down at her three children. "Cayde did what now?"
The children's eyes widened and they glanced back and forth between themselves, silently bickering. "He tmmmn mu ombmr," the oldest child, a boy of nearly ten finally mumbled.
"Charles, use your big boy words." His mother crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently on the ground.
"He taught us how to play poker!" Charles blurted out in a rush. His little sisters giggled and inched behind him slightly.
"Oh, did he?"
~o~
Cayde-6 walked through the Tower whistling an old Golden Age tune. He passed a Hunter talking to the Crucible master who good heartedly chucked a knife directly at his head, and waved over his shoulder at them as he dodged the knife and kept walking. Another one of his schemes had worked out fairly well, and as he swaggered, very on purposely obnoxious, into the Hall a fireteam was preparing to transmat a collection of valuable information.
Ikora was talking to somebody that Cayde recognized as a retired Guardian. The woman turned to point at Cayde, a scowl on her face. Ikora said something to the woman before turning to Cayde as well. She was frowning. Zavala looked angry, but that was his usual so Cayde didn't think he was involved in this particular grievance.
"Cayde," Ikora started as the other woman stalked back toward the Watch, "did you happen to run into a group of children in the City?"
Shrugging Cayde leaned over his map. "Yeah, I watched a gaggle of 'em while their parents did some stuff. Ya know, helping the community and what not."
"What did you do with the children?"
Cayde became intensely interested in a line on the map. "Taught them some life skills."
"Such as…?"
"The value of money." Cayde said without missing a beat. "How to read tells. Numbers. How to keep an ace up your sleeve during a brawl. Just... normal things."
Zavala leaned forward to look at Cayde incredulously. "You taught children poker?"
"And go fish. See, I started with go fish, but they got bored and asked me to teach them something new. Didn't see any harm in it. Some of the little buggers were pretty good, too. Man, those kids would make good Hunters."
Ikora sighed heavily. "Cayde, we've had three complaints already. This-"
"Really? Only three?Some of them must be better at bluffing than I thought."
"Cayde!"
"Okay, okay." Cayde held his hands up in surrender. "Next time I go down there I won't teach any kids poker."
Ikora nodded, appeased, and went back to her work. Zavala was already talking to a Guardian, so Cayde went back to examining his map.
Next time…
"All clear?" Cayde asked, peering down the street. The group of children that was bouncing around Cayde's legs giggled expectantly. "Alright, small ones," Cayde crouched down to be eye level with the children, "I got something to show you!"
The tempo of the excited bouncing picked up and they started a chorus of "Show us! Show us!"
Cayde motioned to his Ghost who immediately transmatted a crate of water guns down into the midst of the children. "You all know how to use these?" He asked as the children reached for the toy guns.
A second crate appeared, full of water balloons detailed to look like various grenades.
"Are these like the ones the Guardians use!" A particularly small kid asked as she hefted a water gun modeled after an autorifle and a "tripmine grenade" above her head.
"Indeed they are, little one. Are you all ready to hear your mission?"
"YES!"
"Okay, listen up because this is very important. Commander Zavala is going to be walking down this street in precisely thirty-four seconds. Your guns are already loaded so find a position, hide until I give the signal, then hit him with everything you got. Understand?"
The children nodded in unison.
"Then scatter."
Dispersing into the street the kids went rushing for any place to hide. A few kids slid into alcoves or alleys, some simply backed into the wall, but the majority stopped in the street and covered their eyes when they realized they were out of time.
Zavala turned a corner and came into view not far from the the hiding children. Thankfully he was talking to some City official and wasn't paying attention to the very obvious, giggling, roadblocks. Cayde waited until Zavala finally looked up at path ahead of him and began to notice the kids before he let out a high whistle.
"Grenades" came flying from every direction, a few even came falling down from above. Cayde hadn't even noticed the handful of little monkeys that had scrambled upwards.
As Zavala reeled, suddenly finding himself soaking wet children dodged out from hiding places and took aim with their guns. As soon as a child found themselves out of water they turned and ran, leaving Cayde standing in a puddle staring at a very confused, irritated Zavala. The City official who had gotten caught in the crossfire rolled her eyes and began to wring out her hair, a small smile on her lips.
"CAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYDE!" Zavala's voice echoed between the buildings, and seeing no other option, Cayde followed the kids' example and booked it away as fast as his Hunter legs could take him.
~ASDFGHJKL~
Okay I legit had a dream about this. It was glorious. Cayde teaching little kids how to pull pranks and play poker is one of my favorite things to think about. I mean, Cayde is basically just a child so why not? I feel like Cayde is a favorite of the small children in the City whenever he goes down there, on Vanguard business, of course ;)
