If Luke was apprehensive about walking around in public dressed in a black, spandex leotard emblazoned with Shazam written in sparkly rhinestones, complete with a cape lined in red satin, sporting a curly perm and eyeliner, while carrying a ventriloquist's dummy wrapped up in a pink paisley cape as if it were a child, he quickly learned he really needn't have worried at all. As he, Leia, Han, and Lando waited on the pavilion for the shuttle train to carry them to the Mas Regas strip, he spied beings of assorted species milling about in various costumes, perhaps coming from or going to work, and some in states of disheveled dress, perhaps nursing hangovers and doing the dreaded 'walk of shame.' No one made eye contact or even noticed the four of them, and he relaxed a little as the train pulled in.

He scooched into one of the two-seat benches and took the seat closest to the window while Leia settled next to him, and Han and Lando stood sentry beside them, holding onto the handgrips for support. Not crowded like last night, he mused, vaguely remembering the ride and the feeling of beings crushed into every side of him. Luke shifted the dummy on his lap, wondering absently why Lando even owned a pink paisley cape at all. Was he a secret toro-fighter? Did he have a matching pink outfit and, if so, on what occasion would he possibly wear it? Or did it belong to a lady-friend? Knowing Lando, those were all good, reasonable answers. He smiled to himself as the train bustled and jostled along, and turned to look out the window at the rushing pavement and tracks. The glass reflected his own image and he frowned, wondering at the chasm between the young, naïve farmboy turned Jedi who had faced down both the Emperor and Darth Vader and saved countless lives, and the image in the shuttle window: I look like a gay vampire magician! All I need is a top hat and a wand! His reverie was broken by Leia suddenly springing from her seat beside him and he looked over at her, startled.

"Hey!" Leia snarled, inserting her tiny, colorful form between Han and a pretty, young woman, dressed tastefully in one of the hotel's uniforms. "What do you think you're doing?!" She glared at the woman, narrowing her eyes dangerously.

The woman looked down at Leia with surprise and amusement, taking in the colorful braids and harsh make-up, and tried to catch Han's eye, as if to say, Do you believe this? But he was having none of it and chose to look down at the angry, little princess, a corner of his mouth beginning to rise.

"What is this?" the woman laughed, her tone matching her expression. "Who are you?" Behind her, a couple of her friends, dressed in the same uniform, began to snicker. "Are you, like, his pimp, or something?"

"No, sweetie," Leia said, folding her arms in front of her and leaning her back against Han. "I'm his wife." She watched with satisfaction as her words sank in and the woman backed up towards her friends. They gasped with disbelieving, derisive laughter. (Han wrapped an arm around his wife's stomach, pulled her close, and gave the three women a wide, Cheshire grin above her head.) In her career as an Alderaanian senator, as a rebel soldier/leader, and member of the current government, she had dealt with much worse than these three and she almost felt sorry for them. Almost, for right now, dressed as something similar to Skanki from Jerky Shore, she wasn't Princess Leia of Alderaan serving as Ambassador for the New Republic anymore. The name Foxy Lady Marmalade swam up into her mind, and, in a small flash of memory, she was suddenly aware she'd called herself that last night. Drawing on the power of her new persona, Leia affected a street-tough confidence and smirked. "The three of you have been staring at my man since we got on the shuttle, and there's nothing wrong with that; he's a fi-i-ine looking man. But then you (she pointed a finger at the offender) purposely came over here to stand next to him for no other reason than to giggle and flirt with him. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with that, because he's a fi-i-ine looking man. But when he didn't respond, you bumped against him three times and you put your hands on him. On purpose." Here she raised a sharply defined eyebrow. "You put. Your stanky hands. On my man. On purpose. Not once, but three times." She shook her head, her braids rustling around her. "And now we have a problem because I wonder what I'm gonna do about it. Tell me, what should I do about it?" Her raspy voice and steely, unwavering gaze silenced the three women, causing them to scamper toward the sliding doors.

The shuttle jostled to a stop just then and the doors parted. While the three stumbled out and other passengers pushed their way in, Foxy Lady Marmalade called out, "Yeah, you better run or I'll punch you in the vagina and kick your ass, bitch!"

Han snorted laughter into her hair, holding back the ball of fire that was his wife, as she flailed half-heartedly against his restraining arm. After a moment, she joined him. "That was fun," she giggled, trying to catch her breath and turning in his arms.

"I thought you were really going to kick her ass," Lando whooped, trying to reign in his laughter. He wiped at his eyes, lifting the pair of sunglasses he'd donned before they left the yacht.

"She so could," Han boasted, beaming down at her. "That's my woman. Isn't she's the coolest?" Leia flushed, and beamed back at him.

Luke grinned at them and remembered the time, it seemed ages ago, when Han had asked, "You think a princess and a guy like me . . . ?" He had known the pirate had been baiting him, but he'd still been quick to answer, "No!" because, even then, even though he hadn't even known much more than their names (and he certainly hadn't known the beautiful princess on whom he'd begun to harbor an unrequited crush, was his twin sister,) he absolutely could imagine a princess and a guy like Han. Maybe it was destiny, or the Force, or something more, some indescribable moment when two soulmates meet, but he'd known, just as they had, even back then. And now, after all the fighting and denying, after all the obstacles they'd created and overcome, here they were on a train, totally enraptured with each other, and it was glorious to witness. It made the young Jedi wonder if that would ever happen to him, if he'd ever meet someone and feel that way about her. He thought about the women he'd known (despite Leia's teasing about Rogue Squadron) - Gaeriel and Jem and Callista and Akanah. He'd loved them, he supposed, but he'd never felt about them the way Han and Leia felt about each other. Luke sighed. Maybe she was out there somewhere, right now, just waiting for him . . .

"Shazam!" a little voice said close to his ear and something poked him sharply in the chest.

"Hey!" Luke frowned. He'd been so distracted by Leia's commotion and his own thoughts, he hadn't noticed that someone else had sat down next to him when the shuttle started up again. Make that two someones. A woman in a nurse's uniform sat contentedly with her eyes focused on a reading devise. On her lap sat the source of the voice and the jab of pain: a little boy of perhaps four or five with dark hair, large blue eyes, and a face full of freckles, who stared back at Luke with an unabashed expression of brattiness.

"Shazam!" the boy said, and poked him again on one of the rhinestones. Before Luke could react, he did it again. "Shazam! Shazam! Shazam!" Poke, poke, poke.

"Ow! Cut it out, kid," Luke protested, rubbing at his chest.

"Knock it off, Ollie," the mother said in a tired monotone, never taking her eyes off her tablet.

Undeterred, Ollie made a face. ""Cut it out,'" he mimicked, "Wah! I'm a baby! I wear a cape! Wah!'"

Luke shook his head. "That's not very nice."

"'That's not very nice,'" Ollie sang back snottily. "Why are you dressed like that? Why does it say 'Shazam' on your shirt? That's dumb. You look dumb."

"I'm . . . a magician," Luke said hesitantly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Lando biting his lips, trying not to laugh. Before they had left the yacht, Lando had stuffed his jheri-curls under a wool cap and had laughed hysterically at Luke's attempts to disguise himself. First, Luke had tried to hide his perm by wrapping a scarf around his head, but he looked, in Lando's words, like 'a ballet dancer with a head injury' and when he'd tried on the sunglasses, Lando had declared him to be 'a blind guy who had obviously dressed himself and didn't know he what he was wearing.' Then Lando had decided not to wear his signature cape, saying that one person wearing a cape was okay, but two people wearing capes was 'too capey' and that they looked like 'a poor man's version of Zigfeld and Troy.' Luke's nostrils flared at the memory. "I'm, uh, The Amazing . . . Jeff."

"That's dumb," Ollie said. "Magicians are dumb. Shazam! Shazam! Shazam!" His little finger found its mark every time.

"Ollie, stop that," his mom said again without looking up. "Leave that nice man alone."

Ollie ignored her. "Is that your kid? Why is he wrapped up like that? That looks dumb."

"He's, uh, not feeling well," Luke answered, shifting the doll closer to the window and away from Ollie.

"What happened to him? Why's he sick? He looks dead."

"Look, kid, he's fine. He's not dead," Luke scowled at the cherubic face. Geez, the Emperor wasn't even this bad, he thought, and watched as Lando tucked his head down, shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"What's his name? Huh? What's your kid's name? I bet it's something dumb." At this, Lando coughed laughter into his hand (Han and Leia were still in each other's arms, engrossed in an intimate, whispered conversation and totally oblivious to everything around them.)

"Uh, his name is, uh," Luke sputtered helplessly, then looked over the kid's head. ". . . Lando. His name is Lando." Instantly, a pair of brown eyes glared at him over a pair of sunglasses. Luke returned the look with a slow, wicked smile.

"Lando?! What kind of name is that?! That's so dumb! That's the dumbest name I ever heard! Who names a kid Lando? Lando's dumb!" Ollie ranted, smacking his little forehead with his little hand at the obvious stupidity of it all.

"Ollie!" his mother said, finally closing off her reading tablet. "Hey! Enough. Look, here, go sit up here and play. We'll be at our stop in a minute." She pulled a couple of action figures out of her pocket and handed them to Ollie, who jumped off her lap and hopped into the empty half of the seat in front of her.

The woman turned to regard Luke. "I'm sorry about that," she apologized, "Ollie can be . . . a handful."

"Oh, no, that's okay. He's, uh, quite a scamp," he allowed with a smile, noting the beautiful blue eyes and hair the color of golden wheat.

"I'm Darcy. Hi," she smiled, offering her hand. "You're, uh, Jeff, is it? You must be on your way to work, too. I'm a nurse. I have to drop Ollie off at his sitter's and he isn't very happy about that, it being the weekend and all. I usually don't work weekends." Darcy fidgeted a little and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. In front of them, Ollie's voice was faint as he played with his toys. ("'I'm The Amazing Jeff! I'm dumb!' 'Well, my name's Lando! I'm dumber!' 'Oh, yeah? I'm a magician! I'll make you disappear!' 'You should make your hair disappear! It's dumb!'")

"Oh, yeah. I'm Jeff. I, I have . . . an act," Luke stammered. Could this beautiful woman be flirting with him? Seriously? Even dressed in a uni-tard and the crazy perm? "Hi." Luke felt his cheeks warm.

"Where's your show?"

"It's, uh, well, I'm, uh, auditioning," he said. Over her head, he saw Lando nod and give him a thumb's up.

"Oh. That's great. Good." There was a brief awkward pause. ("'Shazam! Take that, Lando!' 'You're no match for me, The Amazing Jeff!' 'Oh, yeah?' 'Yeah!' 'You're dumb!' 'No, you're dumb!')

Luke struggled for something to say. "I borrowed the cape. You think it's too much?"

Darcy smiled. "No, no, I think it's great. What's a magician without a cape? I mean, gosh, why else would you wear it?" she laughed.

"Why else, indeed," Luke chuckled, grinning broadly, shooting Lando a look. Ollie made little sounds with his mouth, as his plastic action figures had progressed from verbal assault to a physical fight. Luke began to envision an apartment next to Han and Leia's, coming through the door to be attacked by a troop of sandy-haired children (Ollie having been sent off planet to a private school), their own housekeeping droid greeting them with pre-dinner cocktails and a pot roast in the oven, Friday evening drinks with the Solos and an occasional night out with the Rogues. Ahhh . . .

"So, is that your son?" Darcy asked, gesturing to the bundle on Luke's lap.

"Oh. Yes. Taking him to his, uh, mother's. We're, uh, we're not together." He saw Lando roll his eyes and mouth the word 'Smooth.'

"I hope you don't mind my asking, but is he okay? He hasn't moved at all and . . ."

"No, no," Luke insisted, trying to tuck the dummy closer to the window, "he's fine, really. Just recovering from the flu. Really." He looked around desperately at Lando, but he was frowning down at Ollie ("'You're a dumb Butt-face, Lando!' 'Well, you're a stupid Fart-head, The Amazing Jeff!'".) He could see Han and Leia would be of no help, as they were too busy giggling and groping each other to notice.

"I'm a nurse. I could take a look to make sure he's okay," Darcy offered, reaching over for the pink blanket.

"I, uh, don't think that's a good idea," Luke muttered just as the train began to slow down and announce their stop.

"Really," Darcy insisted, "I don't mind. The flu can be tricky. Here, let me . . ."

"I don't . . ." Luke began as Darcy pulled at the cape. Just as her hand found the edge, Luke did the only thing he could think of: he used the Force. Under the cape, the puppet moved its head and shifted itself a bit. "There. See? He's fine."

"Well, he probably needs some air," she said, yanking the seam of the blanket back.

The train came to a stop, and for perhaps three seconds, time stood still as Darcy stared silently at the uncovered bundle in Luke's lap. She blinked, uncomprehending at first, her eyes and brain trying to process what it was seeing: a wooden dummy with a shock of white hair on top of a rather pointy head, with boozy, half-lidded, crossed, red eyes and a wide, gaping mouth. Luke winced, bracing himself.

Then the shrieking started.

Darcy jumped out of her seat and backed up into out-going passengers, most of whom watched with mild interest. "That's a . . . a . . . that's a dummy!" she yelled in surprise. This was enough to get the attention Han and Leia, as well as little Ollie. His little dark head popped up over the seat. "Wow!" he laughed.

"Darcy, I can explain," Luke said, pulling the cape back over the doll. "I know this looks weird, but-"

"But you said, you said it was your son," she stammered in confusion, pulling Ollie from his seat and attempting to push him behind her legs. "And you were taking him to his mother's!"

"Yes, well -"

"Jeff? You okay, buddy?" Lando asked in a tone one usually reserves for children or the feeble minded. A slow, devilish grin spread over his face that only Luke could see.

Luke narrowed his eyes and sucked his teeth. "Yes, Lando. I'm fine," he said tightly.

Darcy's eyes darted wildly between Luke and Lando. "But, he said that's Lando (she pointed at the puppet.) He said he's a magician and that's his son."

"Yes," Lando answered patiently, then turned to Darcy and whispered loudly, "Jeff thinks he's a magician. He likes to carry the doll around and pretend." He turned back to Luke and said in an overly slow and loud voice, "Don't you, Jeff? Are you ready to go back to the home now?"

Luke pouted fiercely, murder in his eyes.

"Lando, what's going on?" Leia asked, taking in the scene. She could pretty much guess, and she could hear Han begin to snicker behind her.

"That's his sister," Lando whispered loudly to Darcy, pointing at the little woman with the brightly colored braids and showgirl makeup.

"Oh, my," Darcy stuttered, shuffling further toward the open doorway, making sure to keep Ollie safely behind her. ("This is awesome!" he giggled.) "Your hair, it's, uh, colorful." As a nurse, she had taken care such people and she knew it was best not to upset them. She nodded at Lando. "I, uh, understand. I, oh, my, your mustache . . . it's . . . not . . . real. Okay."

Smiling nervously, never taking her eyes off Lando, she fumbled for Ollie's hand and dropped her purse. Han bent over to pick it up.

He gave her a particularly dashing smile, held out her purse, and said, "Hi. I'm Han Solo and that's my wife, Princess Leia."

Darcy calmly took her purse, finally getting herself under control. "Yes, sweetie. Of course you are. And that's her brother, Luke Skywalker, and that's General Lando Calrissian, I suppose" she agreed, making sure to smile widely. "Well, it was so nice to meet all of you," she said, continuing to back out of the shuttle. "We have to be going. Do you need me to call anybody? Does somebody need to come and get you back to the . . . home?"

Han put an arm around Leia as the four of them began to disembark as well. "Nah. We're fine. Dwayne Newson passed out on our ship and seems to be under some kind of sleeping spell. We all tried kissing him, but that didn't work, so we have to find our Wookiee friend, Chewbacca, to help wake him up."

"Well, bless your heart, of course you do," Darcy said in an overly-bright voice, glad to be off the shuttle and on the pavilion with lots of people and an escape route. ("That's so cool!" Ollie cried somewhere around her knees.) "You all just . . . be safe. Bye, now. Bye. Say 'bye,' Ollie," she said, beginning to pull Ollie in a half-run, half-walk.

"Bye, The Amazing Jeff! Bye, Lando!" Ollie managed to shout half way across the platform.

The four of them began to walk up the steps to the front of Teaser's Palace, sharing a good laugh, with the exception of Luke, who sulked between Han and Lando.

Han clapped a hand on Luke's shoulder. "Too bad, junior. Really thought you had a shot there."

Luke shrugged. "I did until Lando opened his big mouth," he turned to glare at the still-somehow-suave-despite-the-drawn-on-mustache man next to him and glared.

"It was never going to work out, Luke," Leia offered before Luke could say more.

"How do you know?" he said plaintively, "I was gonna tell her the puppet was part of the act."

"I know because I'm a girl," Leia smiled, teasing. "Besides, you lied, and you lost any chance with her once she saw that puppet in the blanket. There's no coming back from that."

Luke shrugged, all thoughts of him and Darcy wearing matching Winter Fete hats on holiday cards, or frolicking on one of the famous beaches of the planet Cocopple set to a music montage, slowly dissolving away like an antacid tablet on the tongue. "I guess," he grumbled.

"I think," Lando said as they entered the hotel, "we should look around a little bit and see if anything rings a bell. We'll ask the staff if they remember us from last night, and maybe they can show us the security tapes, too."

The lobby of the casino hotel was enormous and decorated in blonde marble and crystal chandeliers, with hundreds of velvet chairs and couches, fresh-cut, exotic flowers in expensive vases, and banks of slot machines lining the walls. Luke remembered goggling at it last night and began to feel a little better as they meandered about, trying to gather as much information as they could from last night's escapades. Lando saunter over to the front desk and began to chat up a pretty pink-skinned Cortesh humanoid female clerk while Han and Leia settled by one of the slot machines next to the entrance of the cavernous gaming floor. Luke quirked his lips and remembered a beautiful, pale blue Twi'lek serving girl in a revealing uniform roaming around the lobby with a tray of complimentary drinks, handing them out to guests. He'd taken one and she'd winked at him before moving along.

Maybe Leia's right, he mused, it would never have worked out with Darcy. First of all, I was riding a shuttle dressed in this get-up because I was so hungover, I can't even remember last night, then I lied to her about my name and this stupid puppet I'm lugging around, then there was that look on her face when she pulled back the cape. Not to mention that annoying kid with that pokey little hand! I really dodged a bullet with that one! Luke began to chuckle at the ridiculousness of the whole situation and the expression of utter, wordless, bewilderment Darcy wore when she'd come face to face with the puppet. No, he thought, it was pretty much over right there. Well, it's best to keep this little misadventure to ourselves. Thank the stars that the Rogues are on routine patrol this weekend so I don't run into anybody I know! I'd rather not be seen or remembered like this anyway; I'd never live it down! Whew! He sighed with relief, still chuckling, and took two steps toward his friends, when he heard:

"Skywalker, is that you?!"

Luke froze mid-stride. He knew that voice . . . as if he could forget. Somewhere on his right side, a short distance away, walking toward him was none other than -

Mara Jade.

He closed his eyes with that pained look Leia had perfected. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind in a couple of seconds: just pretend you're somebody else – 'I'm sorry, miss, you must be mistaken. Who's Luke? My name's Jeff'; tell her the whole Jedi thing isn't working out and you're trying out a new career; I have a head injury (Lando's suggestion) and I don't know what's going on or who I am; bachelor party gone wrong (or extremely right); It's a Jedi test I found in some of Yoda's old data chips; I'm in disguise and on a secret mission for the government; Luke's been cloned and is being held hostage by an evil, secret sith-lord – send help! He opened his eyes, hoping he was hallucinating. But he wasn't, because now Mara was standing in front of him, wearing a patterned green and white, casual, sleeveless dress and an amused look on her face that said, 'I don't believe what I'm seeing, but somehow I'm not really surprised.'

"Uh, Mara," Luke stammered, "hey. What, um, what are you doing here?" It was hard to sound nonchalant, dressed as he was, but he did his best. He adjusted the doll on his hip and tried to smile at her, as if this was the most normal thing in the universe.

"Well," she began, her emerald green eyes, travelling slowly up his spandexed body and cape, to the rhinestones, then flicking over to the bundle in his arms. "I'm on a mission. I just met my contact." She paused for an uncomfortable, confused moment. "I'd, uh, ask you the same, but I'm not sure I really want to know."

Luke felt his face heat up. "Okay, see . . . uh, it's . . . well, I can't . . . the truth is . . ." he sputtered, wishing he could disappear like Obi-Wan. Well, not just like Obi-Wan with the whole dead/Force ghost thing, but still. Why did she have to look so gorgeous? And like she was ready to bust out laughing? It just wasn't fair. Waking up with his head resting on Wes Jansen's naked chest and seeing Wedge's mortified face peeking into the small cockpit window was one thing. But this – having Mara Jade see him dressed as some kind of half-assed, magic swami was quite another. "It's not what it looks like," he protested.

Mara raised her eyebrows, taking in the perm. "No?"

"See, there were these hoodlums, and they forced us–"

"Because it looks like you and your friends came to Regas to have some fun and somebody must've roofied you guys. You all must've done some crazy stuff last night that you can't remember, and now you're trying to retrace your steps to figure it all out." She folded her arms, nodding slightly toward Lando, Han, and Leia, and smirked smugly at him.

Mouth still open, Luke stared at her in wonder for a speechless moment. "Oh. Well, then it's exactly what it looks like," he said simply, then smiled sheepishly.

The redhead laughed and shook her head. "You're too cute, Skywalker. 'Hoodlums!'" He chortled with her, feeling the hot flush of his face cool down.

Just then, a nicely dressed, handsome man of perhaps Luke's age, appeared at Mara's side and took her elbow. He gave Luke a quick look and turned to Mara. "You ready to go, Sara?"

She nodded, eyes still on Luke. "See you around, Farmboy."

Luke watched as they walked out the lobby to a waiting hover car and were gone.

"Ah, the lovely Mara Jade," Lando said wistfully, suddenly right beside him, watching as the car hovered off. He clapped his hand on the younger man's shoulder.

Just then, bells and whistles and lights went off by the slot machine Han was standing next to. He and Leia shouted and cheered as a worker came by to congratulate Han and hand him a credit voucher.

Lando and Luke shared a look as the two gleefully bounded over to join them.

"Can you believe it?!" Leia laughed. "Han put two quarters in the machine, and boom! He won five thousand credits!" The group began to make their way to the front desk.

"Of course he did," Luke groaned. "Han wins five thousand more credits, and what happens to me? I meet a beautiful woman on a train who thinks I'm a psych patient in group home, and then I turn around and there's Mara Jade. What's next? Who am I going to run into next? My prom date from Jundland Academy? Maybe there's a convention in town for Command officers of the Rebellion? Or maybe there'll be some kind of sting operation and the feds will flood in here, lasers drawn, camera's rolling, and we'll be caught in the middle of it and my picture will be all over the media outlets with me dressed like this! I can see the holo they'll have on the news – me with this perm and eyeliner, and just enough of my shirt so you can read 'Shazam', with the caption underneath, 'What has become of Luke Skywalker and should we be worried?'!"

Han, Leia, and Lando broke out laughing at Luke's whining rant. Han was right: Luke was a lot of fun when they went out and now the kid was on a roll.

Finally, Leia was able to say, "You went to the prom?" which broke them all up again.

Luke stopped and turned to them, putting his hands on his hips indignantly (as much as he could anyway) and said, "Fixer set me up with his sister. She was . . . she had a great personality, okay? It was either that or go with our old hydroponic gardening droid, K8-E, and she was on the fritz."

When they'd gotten themselves under control (Lando had to sit down for a moment), Han stepped over to his brother-in-law. "Okay, junior," he said, sniffling back some residual laughter and steering them back toward the front counter, "look, even dressed like . . . this, you got a beautiful woman to flirt with you on the train, so that's something, right?"

"Yeah," Luke admitted, shrugging.

"And Mara Jade did call you 'Farmboy'," Lando reminded him.

"She said I was cute, too," Luke nodded, standing a little taller now.

"That's two beautiful women who singled you out and flirted with you," Leia concluded. "Even with you dressed like . . . this."

"Yeah," Luke marveled. "They did, didn't they? And that guy with Mara – you think was he a contact?"

"Well, she used a fake name, so I'd say it was part of her mission," Lando assured him.

Luke began to smile again. "Good."

"Luke?" Leia asked, brows knit. "I gotta ask: You were kidding about that hydroponic gardening droid, right?" She had a vision (not a Force-vision) of K8-E dressed in Aunt Beru's old clothes and holding hands with her brother as they walked in the twin sunsets of a Tatooine evening, while Uncle Owen looked on in tired despair.

He looked down at his sister, pausing a second too long (in Leia's opinion) and said, "Of course. Kidding. Hah! Imagine taking a droid to a prom or a county fair or something. That'd be, like, weird."

Before Leia could ask more, they had reached the front desk and were greeted by the Cortesh clerk.

"We didn't rent a room, but Branna, here, said we could look at last night's security tapes," Lando drawled charmingly.

She batted her long purple eyelashes at the handsome man. "This kind of stuff happens all the time."

She led them to a small conference room down the hall where they each took a seat while she turned on the monitor set into the wall and flipped through some media channels. (" . . .has been reported stolen.' '. . . singer hasn't been seen since last night . . .' '. . .started a riot in the club . . .' '. . .impersonator and possibly a confused, amateur street performer . . .' '. . . Troy's tiger is on the loose . . .') until she reached the security channel and punched in the approximate time of their arrival.

"Look! There we are!" Leia exclaimed, watching as the five of them entered the gaming floor.

"Okay, good, there's Ch-ookiee," Han said, catching himself. No need to use their real names unless they had to.

Branna fast forwarded through about an hour of footage of Han and Lando at a Sabaac table with Leia and Luke sipping drinks in the seats behind them. And that's when two women appeared and joined them on the tape.

"Stop!" Lando called. "I remember losing at the table and then those girls came over."

"I remember Han was winning," Leia offered, studying the frozen image.

"We were having a good time, then . . . nothing. It just cuts off," Han mused.

"Hmm," Branna said, starting the tape again. "I know those girls. They don't work here, but they come in all the time, if you know what I mean. They're names are Sharla and Mandi. What happens sometimes, is, well, you were winning. The Pit Boss paid them to come over and distract you guys."

"You mean to spike our drinks?" Luke asked, shocked.

"No, just to break your concentration, maybe even take you somewhere else. But, look, here. Sharla brought you all drinks. That's when it happened." She sounded apologetic and again fast-forwarded the tape to show them engaging with the girls, laughing, and then leaving with them.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything else about those two, would you?" Han asked, holding out a twenty dollar credit to Branna.

She blushed a lovely shade of blue and took the credit. "Well, they hang out a dance club called Groove Thing, and, Mandi works as a hairdresser at In the Cut. Judging by your, uh, hairdos, I'd try there first."

**********************12345

In the Cut was located down at the end of the main strip behind a couple of run down burlesque and variety shows.

"Oh, my gods, you guys!" a cheerful young woman in an orange pixie cut and zebar print leggings screeched, running forward to greet them. "It's so great to see you again! Look at you!" She hugged Leia enthusiastically. "You guys are so crazy! Oh, my gods!" She giggled and chattered a mile a minute, pouring them coffee and urging them to sit for a minute in the back of the shop. The vid-monitor was on low, showing snippets of the missing tiger from Zigfeld and Troy's show.

"So, Mandi, is it?" Lando asked.

"You know my name, James," Mandi giggled, "why are you all being so quiet? You were all so wild last night!"

"We don't really remember much of last night," he explained, recongnizing that he'd used the moniker 'James' from those spy movies. "We think your friend, Sharla, might have roofied us."

"Oh! Oh, no!" Mandi cried. "Kriff, I keep telling her not to do that! Aww, I'm sorry. Some of those memories will come back, but are you guys all okay?"

They exchanged looks, then Han said, "Well, aside from monster hangovers, amnesia, and some funky hairstyles, we're okay, but we don't know where our friend the Wookiee is. You don't know anything about that do you?"

"Oh, the Wook! What a sweetie! Yeah, he was here. He even held James down when we shaved off that mustache. What a shame, too, cuz you looked sooo damn sexy with it! But a bet's a bet, right Dick?" she squeaked, looking at Han.

"A bet?" Han asked. And why was she calling him Dick?

"Yeah, you guys cut some cards at Teaser's and James lost the bet, so he had to shave off his mustache."

Across from Han, Luke began to snicker and mutter, "Dick. That's classic." He vaguely remembered Han had introduced himself as Richard, after some guy in one of Leia's favorite movies. ("But you can call him Dick for short!" Luke remembered wisecracking.) And Han must've remembered it just then, too, because Luke met his brother-in-law's narrowed eyes over the edge of the Styrofoam coffee cup.

"Yeah," Mandi continued, "then Sharla said Sandy looked like that guy in that old tv show, The Greatest Tarmarian Hero, and you made us give you a perm. Kept calling yourself Super Flyswatter and insisted you could jump really, really high and knew kara-tay. You were so funny, Sandy! That your kid?"

Sandy, because I'm from Tatooine, Luke thought. "Yeah, my kid. Picked him up from his mom's this morning."

"And you, you wild woman, Foxy," Mandi giggled at Leia, "you wanted rainbow braids like Fana – she was here last night, too, one of my girls. She's the one who did your makeup. Then James started singing 'Three Times a Lady' by that Lionel guy. Dick and Sandy said you'd look great with a jheri curl perm and you insisted."

"Oh, they did, did they?" Lando fumed while Luke and Han snickered at each other, remembering.

"So, um, I really like Foxy's hair," Han grinned, turning his attention to his wife giving her a wink.

"Oh, you did!" Mandi trilled. "You were so adorable, said how crazy you are about her, how she's the most beautiful woman in the universe. It was so sweet, it really was. And Foxy says, 'Let's get married here in Regas tonight!' She said we could only trim and highlight your hair cuz you're too gorgeous for a perm, and said that she'd been nuts about you the minute she saw you and she wished you guys had eloped the first time you got married." Here, Mandi took a moment to sip her coffee and wet her throat.

"Is that what we did then? Did we go get married?" Leia asked, blowing on her coffee, returning Han's grin. She wished she could remember that. Marrying Han was the best thing she'd ever done, and marrying him again, like this, would just make it even better.

"No, not yet anyway. You guys and us girls still wanted to party, so we went a couple of doors down to Groove Thing to dance. Besides, James still had to pay off the rest of his bet."

"What do you mean I still had to pay off the rest of my bet?" Lando asked slowly, dread rising in his gut. A memory began to surface, something hazy, but he was unwilling to let it form. Because it was too awful to think it could be true.

Mandi bit her violet colored lip. "Geez, you really don't remember? Oh, you poor thing. Come on. Let's go. It's just down the street, only be careful, cuz there's a tiger on the loose."

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Groove Thing dance club was, like In the Cut, a dive, decorated with lots of bright, flashing lights and velvet ropes. But that didn't mean it wasn't a happening place. Except now, at this hour, it was deserted. Inside it was dark and dank and smelled of beer, wine, and cheap perfume.

"Hey, Mave," Mandi greeted a pudgy older woman behind the bar. Around them, a few men were cleaning up the main floor of broken glasses and chairs.

"Hey, girl," Mave said, putting away just-washed glasses. "Quite a night last night, aye? We haven't had a bust-up like that in a while. That little rainbow girl was one tough hooch! I never seen anyone take down Big Sal! Ooh, the Red Hot Mamas are going to be hurting today, let me tell you."

Luke had gone ahead to survey the dance floor, and Lando leaned against the bar, head in hand, trying to unremember what had gone down. Han and Leia were lingering in the short hallway behind Mandi, and now he squeezed her hand. "One tough hooch, huh? And you took down Big Sal? I'm impressed, Foxy," he grinned in admiration. She laughed.

"Yeah, well," Mandi, shrugged, moving aside to reveal the four of them

"It's you! Foxy Lady Marmalade!" Mave exclaimed excitedly.

Leia moved forward a bit sheepishly. "I caused this? Me? Sorry about the mess," she began. What the kriff? she thought. I got into a bar fight, she marveled, and it looks like I won!

"You kiddin'? Those Red Hots are startin' to drive away my customers – they're some rough birds; they been trying to make this their hangout. The Boom Town Chicks don't like it one bit, cuz this is their territory."

Han reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a voucher. "Here. There's two thousand credits on that voucher. Should cover the cost here."

"Well, ain't you as sweet as you are handsome," she cackled, pocketing the voucher, devouring Han with her eyes. "Foxy was right to deck Big Sal. If you was my fella, and some chick-a-roo started to put her hands all over you, I'd have knocked her teeth out, too."

"I, I knocked her teeth out?" Leia stammered, remembering the tooth in her jacket pocket. She looked up at Han in wonder. And, let's face it, pride.

"Oh, yeah. Your man was gettin' you and your friends drinks and Sal comes up, puts her hands on his ass, starts to rub his arms and chest, and suddenly, you're right between them, yelling that you're gonna punch her in the vagina if she puts another finger on your guy. Now, Sal is almost six feet tall – she's a big one. She starts to laugh, and you just went off like a little fire cracker, fists flying, hair-pulling and moves I never seen. You were like a tiny, colorful tornado, kicking, punching, yelling like a longshoreman. Ol' Sal never knew what hit her. She was out cold before she even hit the floor. Got everyone's blood up and they stopped dancin' and started punchin'. You jumped up on the bar, held up Sal's bloody tooth for everybody to see, and shouted that you're Foxy Lady Marmalade and nobody messes with you or touches your man. Then Handsome, here, pulled you over his shoulder and you all left. Crazy night," she shook her head, chuckling. "And good riddance to those Red Hots!"

"I, um, I didn't punch her in the vagina, did I?" Leia asked hesitantly.

"I don't think so, but you were moving so fast, who knows?" Mave chuckled, then, noticing Luke, she asked, "Hey, is your friend's kid okay? He hasn't moved at all."

I married a total badass! Han thought, then said, "Oh, yeah, the kid's fine, listen, uh, do you by any chance remember a Wookiee who might have been with us?"

"The Wook? Yeah, big fella. We don't get too many of those in here. I don't think they like to dance. But he was here alright. You were all cheering on your friend over there," Mave said, nudging her chin in Lando's direction.

"Cheering him on?" Han asked, memories beginning to take shape. His lips began to twitch.

"Right up on stage in the dance contest," Mave answered. "He had some pretty good moves. The ladies were lovin' him!" She leered at Lando, who now sat with his hands covering his face, sunglasses and all, murmuring, "Oh, no. Please, no."

"Yeah, yeah, here, I got it on vid," Mave said helpfully, turning on the big screen behind her. The four friends and Mandi gathered to watch.

As Mave fast-forwarded through a few contestants, Lando positioned himself in front of the screen and turned to his friends in a final appeal.

"Okay, look," he pleaded, "I have a pretty good idea what's on that vid. And if we stop here now, if we don't watch it, I'll give you each a ship. And I'll send you on another three month honeymoon, and Sandy, I'll take you to Dizzyland for as long as you want. What do you say?"

The three of them looked at each other and grinned diabolically.

"Nah," Han laughed, crossing his arms.

"Now I have to see that vid!" Leia giggled mischeiviously.

"No way! Dizzyland is dead to me ever since they ruined that Celestial Battle saga last year!" Luke declared, remembering how he'd moped in disappointment and anger for months over the much-hyped, long-awaited sequel. "They shouldn't have Awakened it – they should have let it sleep! So much unnecessary bullshit storylines! And then the main guy is only in it for a few silent seconds at the end?! But enough of that – I wanna see that vid! Now move!"

Lando groaned, defeated and moved aside. Here he stood, with a magic marker mustache and jheri-curl perm. Maybe it's not so bad, he thought, I mean, how much worse could it really be, anyway?

It turns out, it could be plenty worse. Amid the cheering females (and some males), Lando took the stage to the tune of "Hot Stuff." He began to gyrate, clapping his hands, shaking his chest, and swirling his tush at the audience. "No," he moaned, peeking through his fingers (and sunglasses) as Han, Leia, and Luke convulsed with laughter.

Just when he thought it was almost over, and he'd live through it, he saw himself on screen unbuttoning his shirt. "Oh, no, I didn't!" he cried. But, oh, yes, he did. He flung the shirt off, much to the audiences' screams of delight (and the screams of laughter of his three so-called friends) and flexed his muscles, while making the kind of faces one usually makes in a bathroom mirror while posing alone.

Then the worst thing happened. Dancing Lando reached for the top button on his pants. "Oh, gods, no," he moaned, chanting, "Please don't take your pants off, please don't take your pants off."

"There they go!" Luke crowed. The three of them could barely stand for laughing. Mandi and Mave joined in.

On screen, Lando held his pants overhead, whipping them around like a lasso, all while dancing around in his gold satin, French-cut bikini briefs. Women threw dollar bills at him, stuffing them in his underpants when they could reach him.

"Well, that explains all that loose cash in my pockets," Lando pouted, as the holovid ended and his friends wiped their eyes after the hysteria finally abated.

"Gold bikini briefs?!" Han choked out, wiping his face.

When he could talk, Luke offered, "At least he was wearing underwear."

Leia looked over at her brother with another pained expression. He never failed to surprise her, and sometimes not for the better. He caught her eye and shrugged, gesturing down at his outfit. "Don't ask."

Mave clicked off the holovid. "That was fun! You were great up there, you stallion! The ladies loved you! And best of all, you won last night's contest."

"I, uh, I did?" Lando asked, not able to meet anybody's eyes just yet. "What did I win exactly?" Visions of himself twirling his pants around his head kept leaping to the forefront of his mind.

"The winner gets tickets to the Zigfeld and Troy Magic Show at the Illusion Theatre and Dwayne Newson's show at the Galamio."

"Magic Show?" Luke repeated, catching the eyes of Han and Leia (Lando still had his sunglasses on, but Luke was pretty sure he had his eyes closed in shame.)

"Yeah, it's a great show. You'd like it, sonny. Looks like you're into magic, too. Only, too bad about Mr. Jabbers, aye?" Mave said, beginning to wipe the bar down.

"Mr. Jabbers?" Han asked as he and Leia shot looks over at the bundle in Luke's arms. He frowned back at them.

"Kinko and Mr. Jabbers, you know, the famous ventriloquist act? Well, maybe not so famous, but somebody stole Mr. Jabbers last night after the show. It's been all over the media outlets. Kinko is beside himself and he's even offering a reward," Mandi explained, picking a wedge of orange out of a small dish on the bar. "Look, there he is on tv."

Sure enough, on screen, was a photo of Mr. Jabbers, a.k.a "Lando" the puppet that Luke had fallen asleep with in the dancing cage, and had been carrying around all morning wrapped in the pink cape.

The four friends thanked Mandi and Mave profusely before making a quick exit back onto the street.

"Holy kriff," Luke whined, "I've been carrying around a puppet named Mr. Jabbers?! Could it get any worse?"

"How is that worse?" Leia asked. "It's still the same creepy puppet."

"I don't know, Leia," he sighed, "it just, it just is."

"Don't talk to me about worse," Lando grumbled. "Dancing on stage and twirling my pants over my head! Sweet mother of Chachi . . ."

"Hey, buddy," Han soothed, "at least you won. That's something right?"

Lando glared at him over the sunglasses.

"Wanna go back to the home?" Han teased, easing the tension and making them all chuckle as they headed to the bus stop.

"I would slug you one, Solo, but you're just too damn handsome," Lando bantered back. "And I think your wife would knock my block off."

"I totally would," Leia assured him, grinning as they boarded the bus to the Illusion Theatre. "I'd add your teeth to the collection."

They were so busy whispering about the magic show and what might have happened there last night, that none of them noticed the dark haired, pretty, athletic young woman with red lipstick and a black jacket emblazoned with Boom Town Chicks on the back, get on the bus. She snatched a seat near the front and peeked back, keeping them in her sight.