A/N: Hey! *wry smile* So I missed a day - I was going to make it up, but then I started writing this and it was better for today's prompt than yesterday's and basically no.

Title: Crown of Thorns

Author: liketolaugh

Rating: T

Pairings: None

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Mild blood/gore

Summary: There are the days the exorcists feel like they've been lined up as humanity's martyrs, here to atone for the sins of the world. Other days, they forget it's not normal. On the worst days, it's both. Chapter 224 countdown.

Disclaimer: I only wish I owned D. Gray-man.


Day 4: By Your Side (Favorite Relationship)


Lavi often wondered if the Order would let them go if he and Bookman chose to leave.

Originally, it hadn't even been a question. They were Bookmen; it was their right and their privilege to come and go as they pleased, and venture where history called. They'd only come to the Order because history was being made, and Leverrier knew it.

Now, Lavi was far less sure. The Order had done much worse things than the petty violation of international treaties to keep exorcists on staff.

Still, the question was ultimately irrelevant. They had no plans to leave. And with luck, they wouldn't. Not unless Bookman realized how attached Lavi was becoming.

It was maybe for the best that Bookman hadn't been in the infirmary when Lavi was protecting Lenalee.

He glanced over at Bookman, pen pausing in mid-motion as he thought. Even to him, Bookman was pretty unreadable a lot of the time – he had a lot of practice, the stupid old panda. So it was hard to say how much he was missing, and how much he was willfully ignoring for Lavi's sake.

If, you know, Bookmen did that sort of thing.

He set the pen down.

"Old man?"

Bookman turned his gaze away from the book he was reading and onto Lavi, even and expectant. Lavi met it just as unreadably – or at least, he hoped so.

"How old were you when you decided to become a Bookman?" he asked.

Bookman set the book down and studied him for a long moment, a visible frown now on his face. In response, Lavi let his own expression fall into a half-grimace, reaching up to pull his bandana down and run his fingers through his hair.

"Almost thirty," Bookman said at last, inclining his head toward him slightly. "I had nothing to hold me down and no inclination to form new ties, only a dedication to truth. It was rather a simple decision."

Lavi nodded absently; he'd had much the same feeling when Bookman had first invited him along. No reason to stay, no prospect of finding any, and a whole world to explore. He tugged at his bandana, warm and thick around his neck.

An easy decision. An easy decision that was so much harder to justify when Lenalee was looking at him, expectant and bright-eyed and trusting, when she was scolding him for being childish or when she was crying because she cared about all of them more than Lavi had ever cared for anyone.

He didn't want to give up his dream, damn it. He didn't. But he couldn't seem to scrub these thoughts from his mind, either. He couldn't stop wanting.

"I imagine it's far more difficult in adolescence," Bookman said after a moment, voice heavy, and Lavi's head jerked up, eye widening slightly. "Still, boy- Remember. Nothing worth doing is easy."

Lavi smirked, shrugged, and let go of the scarf around his neck.

"Course not," he said easily. "Life ain't like that."

Bookman rolled his eyes and returned to his book, but Lavi knew that he wasn't nearly as fooled as he pretended to be. Was nice of him to act, though.

Lavi looked down at the words forming on the page and wondered for a moment.

He loved to see the world. He loved to travel, to learn things he knew no one else did or ever would. He liked recording what he saw, liked to remember, to pare everything down until there was nothing but the plainest truth of the world.

There was nothing he'd rather do than learn. Becoming a Bookman had been his dream, his goal for years. And he was almost there. He knew he was.

It was easy to think now, when it was just him and Bookman here. But he didn't want to fail in the final rounds. That'd be- that'd be stupid.

Just as stupid as his dumb puppy-love crush on-

Dammit.


And yes, I did miss CC today - sorry about that. I got half the chapter done, but it took literally seven hours and it was six in the morning by that point and again, no. *shakes head* Also: apparently I'm still in the elementary stages of Lavi characterization, lmao. Thanks for reading, and please review!