April woke up with a pounding headache. She had not anticipated drinking that much last night, she was a tad bit embarrassed at how she had spoken to her friends. They were only trying to help her and they couldn't have known how much Emma affected her yesterday. She looked over at her nightstand where a picture of Matthew in his paramedic's uniform was placed; he had looked so handsome in the photo. She remembered the day he told her he wanted to be a paramedic, and just the thought of the gleeful smile on his face brought one to hers.
"April, April," he shouted, practically pushing her over like a bulldozer when she finally opened the door.
"Matthew, what is it? What's go you so happy?"
"I know what I want to do," he gleefully exclaimed.
"Oh? And what's that?"
"I want to be a paramedic. I mean it just makes sense. I'm helping people, I'd be able to be on the front lines, plus I get to wear a sexy uniform and I know how much you love a man in uniform."
"That I do," she said, "Come here," she instructed as she pulled her boyfriend in by the waist and took him to her bed. She had never been more turned on in her life, finally Matthew was sure of himself; finally he was happy and had a strong head on top of his shoulders. April had never really understood his apprehension when it came to his career, since she had known she wanted to be a surgeon since she was eight, but she tried to be as supportive a girlfriend as possible. But she had to admit, there was nothing sexier than a man who was sure of him, a man who was about to take the bull by the horns and conquer his life.
"April, what are you doing?" He asked. She was kissing him forcefully and her legs were wrapped around his waist.
"Matt, I want this," she admitted as she gazed up at him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Make love to me."
She stretched her arms up over her head and made her way to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and she wasn't impressed. Normally she wasn't the biggest fan of her appearance, despite the number of times Matthew had reminded her of how beautiful she was, she could never fully shake her sisters' voices calling her an ugly duckling. As she looked in the mirror now, she had last night's eyeliner smudged under her eyes, her hair was in knots, and her skin had a couple new pimples since she forgot to take off her makeup last night. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot because she slept in her contact lenses too. "At least it's just me and Claire," she thought to herself as she splashed some cold water on her face and then stepped into the shower. Although she had a pounding headache, she knew a hot shower would solve some of her problems.
After she got out of the shower and towel dried her hair, she put on an old Ohio State t-shirt and some leggings, since today was her day off she didn't feel like it was important to look fancy. She went to wake Claire up, since she and Francine were set to go to the zoo in about an hour. April would have gone, but Francine insisted on a grandma-granddaughter day and also that April have one day off. April was grateful that she could get some rest today, being a surgical resident and a single mom was taking its toll on her. She made a mental list of the errands she wanted to run today, she had to go grocery shopping to buy ingredients for the bake sale at Claire's school, then she had to go to the dry cleaners and pick up Claire's dance costume, her recital was in two weeks and it needed alterations, and finally she needed to go to the post office to send a package for her niece Heather's birthday. For most people the day would seem pretty full, but for April it was quite relaxing.
"Claire, sweetheart," April knelt by her daughters bed and gently stroked her cheek. She loved looking at her daughter who was sound asleep on her stomach, with her arms splayed out on her pillow just like Matthew used to do. April was surprised that Claire wasn't clutching Gary, but he was placed right next to her head. She smiled at the thought of her daughter kissing her stuffed animal goodnight, which had become a habit of hers as of late.
See, Claire knew all about Matthew, April thought it was best to never stray away from the topic of her father. It wasn't like Matthew had left or that he and April had gotten a divorce, he had died. And it was hard for April to explain to her daughter that her daddy was in heaven. She loved her daughter more than anything in the world, but there is nothing in the world that can prepare you for that conversation. As April gently stroked Claire's hair, which was the same color as Matthew's, she thought of the day where she had to explain to her where her daddy was.
Claire had been in kindergarten for three months when the flyer came out for the daddy-daughter dance, and when she showed it to April she felt her heart get stuck in her throat.
"Mommy, I want to go to the daddy-daughter dance, but I don't have a daddy," Claire explained to her mother. April knew that her daughter was a bright girl and that she had been picking up on other people's family dynamics. Her best friend, Gina had both a mommy and a daddy and so did her friend Yvonne. Both their parents had been so kind to April, offering to help her out whenever she needed, she was truly glad her daughter had found friends with such amazing parents.
April swallowed hard, "Honey, of course you have a daddy, everyone has a daddy."
"Then why haven't I seen him?"
"You can't see your daddy, not like other daddies, but you can feel him. Right here." She pointed to her daughter's chest as she tried not to cry.
"Will I ever be able to see my daddy one day?" She innocently asked. April didn't want to tell her daughter that her father was dead. She was too young to even know about the concept of death. Claire stared at her with her deep blue doe eyes and April knew she couldn't lie to her, what good would that have done?
"Claire," she gently responded, "You know how in Sunday school they talk about heaven?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, that's where your daddy is."
"Oh," she sighed, "So, he's an angel?"
"Yes," April smiled, "Your daddy became an angel before you were even born and he's been watching over me and you ever since."
"That's good," she laughed.
"Yes it is," April, responded.
"Mommy?"
"Yeah baby?"
"Will I ever have a daddy that I can talk to, hug, kiss?"
"I don't know baby, maybe." April didn't want to get her daughter's hopes up about the prospect of a new father. Truthfully April had been too busy to date, being a third year resident and all, and she wasn't ready to let another man into her life like she had Matthew. Even though his death was almost six years ago, the wounds still felt fresh. She guessed that was what it was supposed to be like when you lost your other half.
"I want you to have a daddy, mommy," the young girl stated, "Everyone else's mommy has a daddy. I'm okay with not having a daddy, but you need one." April couldn't help but smile at the genuinely kind sentiment her daughter had just said.
"I love you," was all April could mutter.
"To the moon and back," Claire replied.
"For the rest of my days," April laughed as she kissed her daughter's forehead.
"No, no, no," Claire groaned, always the complainer, never the efficient riser.
"You're going to the zoo with grandma today, did you forget?" The little girl popped out of bed.
"How could I forget the zoo? Mommy did you know that the zoo has every animal imaginable?"
"Really?" April asked sarcastically, while raising her left brow.
"Yes! Last time me and Grandma went I saw a giraffe, can you believe it?"
"You're kidding!"
"Mommy, you're teasing me!" The little girl scoffed, slightly embarrassed.
"No, I'm not. I just think it's kind of funny that you're so excited about the zoo. You sure do love animals don't you?"
"How can you not? They're cute, they're cuddly, and they're absolutely positively adorable!"
"Well, missy, if you don't get up and at 'em you may not be able to see them. Now, let's get you dressed."
"Okay, I want to wear my penguin shirt, and then my jeans, purse or no purse?" April just shook her head at her fashionista daughter. Where she got it from was a mystery to her, but it was absolutely adorable.
"No purse, you don't want to lose it."
"You're right! You're so smart mommy!"
"I try," April, laughed, "Now let's go downstairs and get some breakfast in that tummy before grandma gets here, piggyback ride?"
"Yes!" April crouched down as her daughter climbed onto her back, she loved getting her Saturday morning piggyback rides and April loved giving them.
As they made their way down the stairs, Claire shouted, causing April to almost drop her.
"Mommy! Who's that?" She pointed to the couch in the living room.
"Oh my God," April gasped, "Jackson." What on earth was he doing here, she thought. Why was he on her couch, sound asleep at 7:30 in the morning? Then the events of last night started to hit her, she had a lot of explaining to do. She put Claire down on the ground and told her to meet her in the kitchen.
"I'm going to talk to Dr. Avery for a couple of minutes, can you go in the kitchen please?"
"Okay!"
April walked over to the couched and gently woke Jackson up, who hadn't actually been asleep. Something about a little girl screeching like mad did nothing to help his beauty sleep. He opened his eyes and tried to act surprised at the fact that April was standing above him.
"Jackson?"
"Yeah?" He grouchily replied.
"Do you want breakfast?"
"You're not kicking me out?"
"Consider it a bribe, plus I know that Claire won't let me hear the end of it if she doesn't get to met you. So, go get yourself decent and I'll have breakfast ready in fifteen minutes. There's extra stuff in the bathroom upstairs on the right," she instructed.
After Jackson had gotten himself cleaned up, he made his way downstairs to the kitchen and then he saw her. He had never seen her so confidant, he had never seen her move around so effortlessly. In the hospital she was normally a bit neurotic, on everyone's toes about following the rules, and she could be a tad annoying. He never tried to think of her that way because she was his best friend, but sometimes he couldn't help it. Now, it all made sense. But as he stood in the doorway watching April, who was dancing along to some music and talking to her daughter about the day she had planned, she just looked like she was so in command of herself. She was free and it was sexy. He had never thought of his best friend like this, but now, more than anything he wanted to take her and prop her up on the granite countertops and have his way with her. He didn't know if it was because she was a mother or because he had finally seen all of April Kepner, after all these years.
"Morning Jackson," she smiled breaking him from his daze.
"Morning."
"Claire, this is Dr. Avery, he works with me at the hospital," she told the little girl who was doodling in a notebook.
"Hi," she greeted pleasantly.
"Hi Claire," Jackson responded back.
"So, why haven't I ever seen you before, are you and my mommy friends?"
"Yes, you could say that." He didn't know if it was appropriate to tell a six-year that her mother had hidden her existence from all her friends and co-workers at the hospital. That surely would have damaged her self-esteem.
"Well, I've never met any of mommy's friends from work, only the ones she meets at my school," the little girl uses her finger to gesture to Jackson to come closer, "And I know she doesn't like them as much as she likes her friends from the hospital," she whispers in his ear. "Damn, this little girl is smart," he thinks to himself.
"Alright everyone, I have eggs and pancakes, so eat up," April interrupted. The little girl was about to dive head first into her plate of food, until April stopped her and reminded her to say grace. So, she, April, and Jackson joined hands and prayed, although Jackson didn't pray because he didn't believe in God but he participated anyways.
Soon after they had finished with breakfast, the doorbell rang meaning Francine was here to pick up Claire. Once she had left, April made her way back to the kitchen where Jackson was sitting quietly.
"So, you have questions?"
"Why would you keep her hidden?" He asked, "She's a great kid. Witty just like you."
"Trust me, I don't know where she gets her sass. I swear I never let her watch raunchy TV shows or listen to inappropriate music," April defended.
"April," he paused, "She's great. She's really great. You've done an amazing job with her."
"Really?" She could feel the tears coming, "No one's ever said that to me before."
"You can't be serious."
"I mean, sure Francine and my family have told me I'm a good mom, but that's because they're obligated to. No one who isn't family has ever told me that I'm doing okay, thank you." Jackson didn't realize how much his words had meant to his best friend, so he just smiled at her and responded, "If you let people know about her, I bet more people would say the same thing."
"I know."
"Well, I better get going, I've already overstayed my welcome." As he got up to leave April called back to him.
"Jackson."
"Yeah?"
"I'm running some errands today, would you want to come? I know it's not the most fun thing in the world, but we never hang out outside of the hospital."
"I'd love to."
A/N: Hope you all enjoy this story! This will become Japril eventually and I'm sorry for this shorter chapter, finals are kicking my butt! Xoxo –R.
