I lay on my bed and smile to myself.Four... isn't he just handsome.Tobias eaton.The most beautiful creation of a guy.I wish i could marry him and have a family.But death loves me,thats why it decided to take me sooner.
I can feel my death is coming.
And i hope to tell Tobias that I am his Bea before i die.
Maybe we can be friends at least...
I am waiting for the perfect moment to tell Him.
1 week later
Four smiles at me and i wave at him.Today is the day his services of being a servant ends and we officially forgive him.Tobias comes to sit beside me and i move to leave a space for him.My days have been great so far.
'Four...can I ask you something?'
'yeah go ahead' he replies
'I was wondering...Have ever fell in love.I know you had lots of girlfriends but have you ever loved any girl truly?'
I ask him hesitantly.
He looks at me and smiles
'I have and I still love her.She is the most beautiful being on this planet...I left her when i was young but i love her to the moon and back...and i still will.She is my true love.'
'Whats her name?'Christina chirps
'Beatrice Prior' and thats it.My world stops.I feel tears threatening to fall from my eyes.But i hold them back.He still loves me dearly.He loves Beatrice and that means he still loves me.My Tobias loves me.All these years he had only loved me.I feel so happy that I could fly.Maybe If i did not have cancer.Tobias and I could get together.We could start a relationship,get married and have Kids.Mine and Tobias's babies.They would have blue eyes like him and dark straight brown hair like him.
We could be a small happy family.I feel reality dragging me in.I know that will not happen and it crushes me.I cant be with the guy I love.God why is love so painful.
I have to tell Tobias one day that i am Beatrice and ask him to move on.I wont tell him about my cancer of course.He would be heart broken.I get up from my table and walk towards the girls toilet.I start pouring out my feeling by crying.My head aches from thinking about all these things.What did i do wrong in my life to suffer like this.Why cant I live like a normal teenager.
I sit down at the corner of the toilet and i continue crying.Thats when i see a slim brown girl approach me.Christina.
'Whats wrong darling...why are you crying..You can tell me anything Tris.Please tris ...i really want to help you and i know you are hiding something...I promise i will be careful about your issues,so please tell me whats bothering you...'
i wipe my tears away
'Chris...why dont we talk about this at my house...this is not the place.I trust you.' I say truthfully
I am going to have to tell her.I need help desperately.
After school, Christina follows me home.I lead her to my room and gesture her to sit down on my chair.
'Christina I will tell you everything but promise me.That you would guard this secret with your life and not even tell this to Will or your parents.It is that private...get it?' i ask her
'Pinky promise Tris.You can trust me.' she smiles
I take a deep breath and blurt out every single information from Four to my cancer.
Christina starts tearing and hugs me.I see pity in her eyes.I hate it,Thats why i dont tell anyone about myself.They always pity me.
'Oh tris,I am so sorry...i cant believe you have to go through this...You will make it okay...I believe in you and I will help..But Tris please take my advice,and tell Four its you before its too late.Please Tris.' She sniffs
I smile at her innocently.'When the time comes Christina ...i will'
Page break...page break...page Break
Its going to be my bedtime soon.I take out my diary and look through my bucket list in my diary.I know i would never be able to complete them.I put my book down in that thought.I pick up my phone and spot a message from Tobias.
F:Hey want to hang out together tmrw?T:Sure why not...but where?F:The Beach?you okay with thatT:Sure..i will meet you after school and we go together ...ok?F:OkFour pov
Yessss.She said yes...I am so happy.My plan is working perfectly.Tris is pathetic.She might be hard to break at the start but she seems like an easy target.Dont know whats with the guys saying...she is hard to get...mhhhhmmm I wonder why she is easy for me.
Its been an year.I have been constantly contacting Fernando but he never picked up.I always contacted Fernando to ask details about Bea but he did not even answer my calls once this whole year.
I try again...I pick my phone and dial his number.
After a few dials ,he astoundingly picks up
'Yo four whats up'
'Dude why the Fuck did you not answer my calls for an year.You freaking ass whole..!!'I yell at him over the phone.
'Calm your tits Four...My phone got confiscated for one whole year by my wonderful parents thats why'
'I did not call you for your nonsense...Now tell me about Bea.How is she?Is she fine?'
'Sorry dude,that Bea girl moved away to Chicago last year.I dont know what happened to her'
'WHAT ...CHICAGO...SHE IS HERE ...NEAR ME' i stutter.
i hang up on him.
Bea.My Bea is here.My love is here.We can be together finally.If i find her.I know i will change for the better.I am ready to do anything for her.We can be together at last.I can imagine myself...Kissing her as she holds our daughter in her tiny hands after returning from work.Life would be perfect.She is my happily ever after.My ride or die.My one true love.Beatrice prior.I will find you.
But i am afraid that she might spot me with Tris.I have to finish my matters with Tris faster than ever.
Time flies fast doesn't it?
Its time I meet Tris to hang out in the Beach.I really don't want to but I have no choice.I have to admit that she is a unique and nice girl.But she is nowhere near my Bea and that does not stop me from crushing her.
'Hey Four'She waves
I wave back...I find Nita eyeing me seductively ...I control my urge to kiss her.
I immediately grab Tris's wrist and lead her out of school fast so I can escape my urge to taste Nita with my lips.
'whats that for?'She asks
'nothing'I chew my cheeks.
I lead her into my car.She follows without saying a word.After few minutes,She finally breaks the silence.'Hey Four,Do you like Bea that much?'
Emotions flow in when tris says that name.I dont know why i feel like sharing so much with her.I never even shared so much about my personal life with Zeke.But with Tris,It feels familiar and natural...like i've done this before.
'I love Bea to the moon and back Tris...I will wait for her no matter how long it takes..'i pour my feeling out.
'Hey Tris'
'mhmm'
'I know it sounds stupid but will you be my girlfriend?I love Bea but at the same time i do have feelings for you...I will always love Bea but bea might have moved on so i think its right that i move on too' I lie
I will never move on from Bea.This is all for sake of my dare.Even if Bea moved on from me i will always wait for her.Bea belongs to me.She is mine and only mine.
'Yes.I think i would like that'She replies
But there is a tinge of sadness in her tone.It feels like she would drift away.Honestly i have to admit i do feel something for Tris.She is just different but i cant have that.I could never cheat on Bea.My love would only be for Bea.
TRIS POV
As soon as he asked me.I wanted to jump in happiness but also curl into a ball and cry.I could have said no.But this is my chance.I cant be with him forever.I know what is coming.I know he will break my heart for another girl because to him i am not Bea.He will keep on playing with girls until he finds Bea.And i know i am one of his play toy now.I can see it in his eyes.He is not sincere.But i want to change him.Cus Bea is never coming back.She is dead.Only Tris is alive and she is gonna die too.I need to change Tobias into a better person.He needs to love another girl truly rather than just playing with a girl's feelings.He may think i am a slut for saying okay like any girl would to be his girlfriend.But i need to be close enough with him to change him.
And most importantly,I get be with Tobias like how i imagined.It might be a short time but Tobias will be my boyfriend for that short while.i am doing this for my short lived happiness as well.This is for myself,then i will leave planet earth peacefully.I will leave my Tobias in the hands of another girl.
Hey guys i was literally crying when i wrote this.Yes my exams are gonna start but i cant help but write this.FourTris forever and ever.I will make sure i go slow in this as i dont want to make it look like i rushed.
