"You know Arthur, I've never seen you this happy before. Not even when you use to date Gwen" I commented, relieved that my good friend finally found happiness again.

The guilt of falling in love with one of my best friends' girlfriend, and even going as far as meeting with her behind his back still consumed me. Even after he found out and forgave us, giving us his blessing to be together. It was clear that our actions hurt him, but not because he was in love with Gwen. I believe that the reason why she sought solace in my arms was because she finally found out that even though Arthur loves her and will always care about her… it was only as a friend, a sister. But he blinded himself into believing that he wanted Gwen as more as a friend, in fear that he'll never find out someone who would love him and be with him because of his money. He found that in Gwen, who was completely and utterly in love with Arthur… but he never learned to love her back that way. I did… I do, that's why my friend let us be together. What really hurt him was or betrayal, that we broke the trust he had in us… something that hurt us both as much, if not more, than him.

"What else did you expect Lancelot, if you had seen him with his new belle you wouldn't say that" Elyan told me "Man, is he whipped".

"I am not whipped!" Growled Arthur warningly at him.

"Whipped and completely mad in love" I believe that Elyan has a dead wish "It's only been a couple of months since you got together and Merlin has you eating on her hand!".

"Merlin?" I questioned, not believing my ears… not wanting to "You don't mean Merlin Emrys?".

"You know her?" Arthur demanded to know, eyebrow raised and a protective glare in place.

I knew that if I answered his question I would lose his friendship forever. I've never seen his eyes shine with such a dark possessive glint. It was clear that he was in love with Merlin. How can you tell your best friend, the one his girlfriends cheated with you, that the one he was so desperately in love with used to be your fiancé? You see both, Merlin and I, had had bad luck in love. While I jumped from girl to girl trying to find the perfect companion, one that I never did because those girls always cheated on me, tired of me being so "perfect" as they used to say, they always felt as if they would never be good enough so they ended up looking for someone that didn't make them feel less. Which was bullshit, forgive my crude vocabulary, I always treated them as the princess they deserved to be treated as.

Merlin, on her hand, began dating when she turned fourteen. Will, her best friend since they were five, asked her out on her birthday party that year. She confessed to me that the only reason she dated him was because she was afraid of losing his friendship, and because of a whim she had at the time. When she was a child she planned her life, a destiny some might say, and she wanted to complete it no matter what, she was that stubborn. However, no matter how much she tried for her relationship with Will to be perfect, it wasn't true… she accepted that destiny can't be chosen and broke up with him when she was sixteen. They stayed friends, but things got awkward for a time. So she looked for solace in her other friend Freya, they dated for almost four months. At the end, Freya ended up falling for Will and they started dating, leaving Merlin all alone… until she turned seventeen, that's when we got together.

I was an volunteer at the hospital her mother was getting cancer treatment, more specifically I was chosen to help Hunith out. At the beginning she was only a nice girl and wonderful daughter. I admired her honesty, bravery and kindness. She made me want to strive and be better. Then we got to know each other, we sought advice from each other. Until I finally asked her out on her seventeenth birthday, I was the gentleman my mother had raised me to be and waited for her to turn eighteen to take her to my bed. We moved together, I continued her mother but this time from home, we were a couple for four years… until I met Gwen. Things weren't the same as with Arthur and Gwen, we did love each other deeply. She was my everything, and I was her steady rock she always knew would be there for her if needed… but never leaned on.

I am a gentleman, but also want to be a knight that the ladies in distress can go for in need. Merlin would have never given me that, she went through a very rough time… I believe she still is on it. However, only I know about, not even her mother. I, as Gwen did with Arthur, knew that she wasn't meant for me, that she needed to find someone she trusts… no, I know she trusts me. What she needs is the indicate man. Sometimes love isn't enough, not even with the trust and familiarity we had… no, have. Sometimes someone just clicks, and you know that this is the right person. It was hard and difficult, but I broke our engagement and assured her that I will always be there for her. She still calls me when things get dark in her life, but as usual never leans on me or accepts for my help.

What happened with Gwen… well, I didn't plan it. She just came to me in a moment of vulnerability, not that it is an excuse for betraying my principles and my best friend, but she gave me what I was always looking for: someone who admired me and let's me play knight in shinning armour. Merlin has always been such an independent and strong woman that she would have never let herself fall into the position of damsel in distress, even if she would have ended up leaning on me. That doesn't excuse me of helping her cheat on Arthur, or that I love her as much as I still love Merlin. The thing is that even though I know that Gwen is the indicate one, what I had with Merlin was so special and magical that… we know each other so much, we were almost in synch… we were together for so long that… The wound is still fresh, but I know that with time Gwen will become my everything, until then Merlin will continue to occupy that place in my heart. I just hope that she knows that I let her go for her own good, that she was never meant to be mine.

"I asked you something Lancelot?!" Arthur growled at me this time, the threaten crystal clear in his voice. I looked up from the floor, by the shocked looks in their faces I knew that I must have unconsciously shed a few tears.

"I might have stolen a girlfriend from you, Arthur" he flinched at my words… no, at the memories of our betrayal "But you… you stoked the first love of my life and my ex-fiancé" his eyes widened as an owl's.

I could only chuckle humourlessly and leave, I knew if I stayed I would have ended up breaking down in front of all of them. Not something I ever plan to do. I don't know how much time passed, but when I finally stopped walking I noticed that I were at the same spot of St. James park where Merlin and I used to have our Saturday's picnic. I smiled sadly at myself and sat down on the ground. I stayed there looking absentmindedly at the lake, recalling the time I had together with her. I didn't even notice someone sat down next to me until he spoke.

"How much time do you think will pass until she tells him?" I looked at Gwaine startled.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded to know, still shaken from the surprise.

"You know Merlin became my drinking buddy a year ago, approximately around the time you dumped her" I wanted to protest that I did it for her, but he just continued talking "I never thought that you were the idiotic fiancé who left her, but at least I should have imagined it. There are not a lot of people named Lancelot out there, specially not all of them are the perfect gentleman" he teased me, making me blush a little "She became my friend, a very good one at that. Merlin helped me finally see my true feelings for Percival and ask him out, she is the reason why we are this happy. But of course, before that I had the best one night stand in my entire life".

My eyes widened at his words. I know that Merlin is no blushing maiden, we had our own share of fun together and she had been with Will and Freya before we got together. However, she had never had a one night stand, she always believed that sex was linked with trust and love. Being with a stranger repulsed her, my heart ached at the thought I made her suffer so much she would seek companionship in someone she doesn't know.

"Relax your thinking head, we only did it once and she never took someone else to her bed since… until she met our Princess Arthur of course" he chuckled, I laughed a bit.

"You know he hates it when you call him princess" I commented.

"Well, if his royal ass can't stand the truth he should stop acting as such!" Gwaine replied, teasingly but soon sobered up. I was surprised cause I never saw him this serious "I told them before I got out how I also knew Merlin… Arthur won't be very happy with us for a while, and might never trust us enough to be left alone with his belle" I smiled sadly at his words, knowing them to be true "You should see them interact, they are it for each other. It's crystal clear… I've never seen Arthur so smitten" he smiled lightly, turning his gaze to the moon "And Merlin… I think that she knows that Arthur is the indicate man, but is afraid of rejection".

"Wait a minute… that means that you… you know?!" I exclaimed completely shocked.

"I slept with her Lancelot, what else did you expect? You thought I wouldn't notice the scars she has on her wrists. I know that she now learned the lesson and covers them with make up, even when she is with Arthur. So, I'll ask you again: When do you think that she'll tell Arthur that she has suicidal tendencies?".