Luffy and the Beanstalk

Once upon a time in the East Blue, there was a farmer named Monkey D. Luffy, who lived with his wife Nami and son Kapi in a cottage outside of Fuchsia Village. Luffy was a tad disappointed that the needed rain for his crops didn't come, so he didn't do any farming, which pissed off his wife a bit who scolded him about the situation.

"Luffy, if you're not going to grow any crops, then you might as well go to the village market and sell the cow if we are going to get any food." Nami said. Luffy groaned in disappointment, got up, put on his straw hat, and took the cow to the market.

He didn't go to the market instead he went to his favorite pub known as "X(Diez) Cuchulain's Tavern" on the east side of the village when he came across a guitar playing skeleton, who asked "Hey, man, where ya goin'? "."Just here to get a drink then off to the market to sell my cow and try to get some money",said Luffy. the skeleton, whose name was Brook by the way, reclined on the couch, took a puff of his bomber and said, "Why money, when you can feed your family for a month with beans." Luffy thought about it for a while then said okay. With that Brook took the cow and filled Luffy's hat with beans.

Luffy came back with a big grin on his face and his straw hat filled with beans. Nami thought he had gold coins in his hat, but when she saw he had a hat full of beans, god was she furious. "Luffy, what the FUCK are these?" Nami yelled.

"What, those beans can feed the family for a month" Luffy said. Nami was angry and took the beans to the window and threw the out, much to Luffy's then scolded him about the importance of bringing in money and not go to that "pig-fucking shithouse", but all he heard was 23 f-bombs thrown at him.

After his lesson Luffy went to bed, looking at his gun in the nightstand drawer, and started thinking what suicide would do to his wife and he decided not to do it he closed the drawer, kissed Nami on the cheek, and went to sleep.

Unbeknownst to Nami and Luffy, the beans found their way to the family crop field, and once there the beans started germinating to a massive plant.

The next morning Nami got to the kitchen to make porridge for the baby when she hit what felt like a wall,

Luffy got out of bed to see what all the screaming was about. When he found Nami she was staring at the base of a large beanstalk. Nami was petrified, so Luffy ignored her and got some climbing tools from the shed and proceeded to climb the beanstalk

Luffy spent hours climbing the nearly endless beanstalk,until he went to the skylands. He felt the clouds with his hands and then with his feet. He found the clouds soft yet firm like Skypiea's Angel Island, so he proceeded onward.

Luffy walked for two hours until he came across a giant looked at the magnificence of the house and thought there will be treasure to feed his family for life, so he ran into the house.

Luffy's tour didn't go as well as planned(What the hell, does he plan anything?), mainly because he was picked up by a large girl wearing a dirndll(German festival clothing), whose name was Jaguar D. Robin, who thought Luffy was one of her dolls.

"There you are Mr. Periwinkle. I've been looking all over for you, we are late for our tea party.", Robin said. Luffy was scared shitless thinking what would happen, became as silent as a doll as Robin took him to her room.

As Robin passed a study, Luffy's scent emanated to the nostrils of a larger giant dressed in lederhosen(german festival clothing) who was playing poker and having a few Queen Anne's with two other guys named Dorry and Brogy, when Saul took a whiff of this smell, he yelled:

"Fee-fi-fo-fum,

I smell the blood of an East Blue man,

Dorry interrupted with "Be he to death, or with life"

"so he can come to plow thy wife" Brogy said while chugging a beer

Saul angrily replied " You leave Olvia out of this"

"Leave me out of what? your little drinking party?"

Meanwhile, in Robin's bedroom, Luffy saw dolls big and small, new and old, including (to him life size) Shichibukai and Yonko plushies. Robin put Luffy in a chair near a Ryuk and Luna Moria plush.

After ten minutes of fake conversation, Olvia came into the room asking "Robin, have you seen the medicine vault keys?". with a conversation between mother and daughter about Saul and his friends getting wasted, Luffy used his Gomu Gomu no Rocket to get from Robin's room to the study on the far side of the corridor. When Luffy got in the study he heard a voice he got to the top of of a desk to investigate, he found what looked to be a golden woman attached to a golden harp singing:

"You can meet a boy that gives you a light

Once in a life he can makes you feeling fine With you and me together

I can't say goodbye to you, you were my world

Baby you killed me in a moment with a knife and a rose in your smile

Please

Save me

Baby I need you please

Save me now

I don't believe you want to leave me alone

'Cause baby I can't survive

You got to keep me alive

So baby save me

I need your love

To keep my faith and be strong

Now we can try again to get along

'Cause baby I can't survive

Please baby save me"

Conis stopped when she saw Luffy listening and asked, "who are you?".

"I'm Luffy and I just came came looking for treasure to feed my family",Luffy said.

"You're looking at the only treasure in this whole castle", said Conis.

"good then, you're coming with me."

I can't lave unless my master gives me permission or is dead"

Just when Luffy was getting ready to take Conis with him, Conis yelped, and a large hand took hold of Luffy. said "Oi, so you're the East Blue man whose giving my husband grief"

Luffy, scared out of his wits, asked, "What do you want from me?".

"I was going to ask the same question about my heirloom"

Luffy told Olvia about the beanstalk and his crazy trip, Olvia first wondered 'Really?' , then became sympathetic and gave him the harp(Conis), a bite size piece of silver, and five golden eggs, under the provision to never climb up a beanstalk again.

Saul didn't know about Luffy and Olvia's negotiation, so when he saw a smiling Luffy with the loot he started chasing Luffy in a drunken stupor with what looked to be a Wallace sword.

Luffy heard large footstep ran till he got to the beanstalk, figuring how to get down with his treasure intact, decided to slide down the beanstalk with the bag strapped to his back.

Nami was wondering where her husband was all day the next morning when Luffy put down the stuff from the giant's cottage."I went out on an adventure" said Luffy, going to the basement to get an axe so he can chop down the beanstalk.

Luffy knew Saul would be after him, so he chopped down the beanstalk as hard as he could.

When Saul started on the beanstalk, his weight could not be supported and the beanstalk and it toppled over, taking Saul to the not into the ground as one would expect, but into the water. I woke him up from his hangover so he went back to Dawn Island so he can interrogate the thief.

When he got to Luffy's farm he asked about the harp and treasure. He was told about the exchange and the following promise never to climb up the beanstalk. Sal was able to find a way back because he a set of magic beans and waited the next day to climb the beanstalk.

With his ordeal over, Luffy decided to keep Conis, and sold the eggs and silver for one billion beri, which got got him out of poverty. Robin got her real Mr. Periwinkle doll which was under her bed. Luffy and his family moved to a ranch in the village and Luffy and his son went back to farm work.

Owari


cameos: Brook-bean giver/stoner(marijuana reference)
Monkey D. Kapi(OC) - baby
Nico Robin(kid)as Jaguar D. Robin, the giant's daughter
Conis-magic harp

ships: LuNa(Luffy/Nami)-obviously
Saul/Nico Olvia

I was going to have Hancock as the harp,but Conis played a harp in Oda's manga so why not have Conis as the harp eh,eh?

song:"Save me" from Leslie Parrish(Initial D)

Finally finished after 5 days of work, what do you think?