It's been quite an eventful week... hell, an eventful month if I am concerned in anything. It all started when I noticed that my boyfriend, the love of my life and best friend since we were kids, took big amounts of money from our adjunct bank account. Not big enough that any of us would notice, we both have such successful careers that that quantity it's just like pocket money for us. But enough that for me to worry that his drinking habits, bad as they were, had gotten worse. So I investigated a bit, and found out that he arranged with the bank that the same amount of money will be taken from our account once a month for the next year. I called the bank and demanded to know where was all that money going to, but the only answer I got was that they were in no position to reveal that information. That's when I really began to worry. My boyfriend was keeping a secret from me... he never did that.
Even before we got together, he told me everything about his life. I did the same, we never kept anything from each other. Even though, I really would have liked for him to keep the details of all his conquests. It broke my heart all over again, to know that faceless unimportant people were able to have him but not me. However, that's in the past. We are together now and there is no turning back, we filed for legal partnership, have shared accounts and each other's power of attorney. We are even engaged! But now I found out not only that one of the most amazing nights of his life was spent with the sexy bombshell that is Merlin, but also that he is keeping secrets from me!
The fight from earlier this day was still fresh in my mind:
"I'm back!" announced my fiancé as he slammed the door of our apartment behind him. Another boring day of work, as he calls them. However, I know that he loves it... specially when he gets to annoy Arthur "Is everything all right?" he asked concerned when he saw my grim expression.
"Can you tell me why I got a notification from the bank today?" I asked him, trying to keep my voice levelled and soft. Maybe he just forgot to tell me about it, he tends to do that when he works too much.
"Shit... that..." he cursed under his breath "I forgot about that it was today..."
I knew it! I knew he just forgot to tell me about it, I thought relived.
"So... what is it all about? Are you planning something?" I asked, this time relaxed and carefree.
"I... I can't tell you Percival" his words froze me, what shocked me the most was the use of my complete name. Not the nickname I love so much since he gave it to me the day we met, he always calls me Percy... not even when he is drunk or angry does my birth name slip from his lips. It was a sign of how much he loves me, of how important I am to him "Please trust me on this, Percival. It's not my secret to share, and I swore to never tell anyone" there is again, I never thought I could hate my name so much... but I did.
"I am sure that whoever asked you to lie to everyone, didn't mean that you had to do it with your fiancé" I said, trying to keep my calm. I am normally a calm and peaceful man, only speaking when necessary. Gwaine speaks enough for both of us anyway. However, right now I wanted to yell and demand answers, rant about how important trust and honesty is to a marriage.
"Percy... please don't make me..." I've never seen him so nervous, begging with his eyes as if I were forcing him to kill someone. Whoever they were, Gwaine loves them very much. And it hurt... it hurt to know that the man I love more than anything in my life loved someone else enough to keep secrets from me.
We stayed there, just standing and staring at each other... well, I was kind of glaring at him. After a while I got enough and I left towards Merlin's café, a place that it had become our gang's meeting place.
"Thank you for driving me, are you picking me up as well? Or should I take the bus?" Merlin's voice snapped me out of my memories.
I looked up to find my favourite couple... of siblings, I have to remember that, standing by the door. While Arthur was all tense, forcing the smirk on his face to stay on place, Merlin was relaxed and happy. However, if you looked close enough and you know her, you would see that she was sad and confused. I sighed internally, Arthur didn't tell her the truth last night.
"I'll give you a lift back home, I can't have my queen going around by bus. Now can I?" he tired to lighten the mood by joking around, but I noticed it didn't work. Merlin just smiled, you could easily see it didn't reach her eyes, and thank him before getting to work. Arthur stayed in place, eyes never leaving her figure until she disappeared into the kitchen. When he was about to leave he noticed me sitting on my own, his first instinct was to look away in shame. Then he made the decision to head my way and sit in front of me "I tried to... I sear I tried to... but she looked so happy, so beautiful... I couldn't do it, I needed one more night... we only slept next to each other, that's all I swear!" he rushed to explain rapidly "I am disgusting, aren't I?" I never thought I would ever pity Arthur... but at that moment I did. He looked so miserable and broken...
"Are you sure we heard right?" I heard myself ask before I knew what I was doing. He snapped his eyes towards me, glaring to try to hide the hope building inside of him. Knowing that there was no turning back "Your father said 'from now on she is your sister', normally you would say 'she is your sister' not from now on. The only exception would be if..."
"... if he was going to adopt her" Arthur interrupted me "You are saying that we jumped into conclusions and that what my father was saying is that he considers Merlin his daughter, but not that she is his daughter by blood".
"What I am trying to say is that, we might have jumped into conclusions and that what my father was saying is that he considers Merlin his daughter, but not that she is his daughter by blood" I corrected him, not wanting to jump into conclusions... again.
"Could you give Merlin a lift back home please? My father owes me some explanations" he requested from me.
"Of course" I replied, it doesn't only give me time away from Gwaine but also I help a good fried of mine. Talking about killing to birds with one stone. I stayed until the sun settled and there was no other costumer "Merlin, Arthur had to talk to his father about something important so he asked me to drive you home" I told her when she noticed me still there, looking at me wit a puzzled expression.
"Oh, ok. Just let me grab my stuff and close the café, then we'll be ready to go" she said with a small smile, another one that didn't reach her eyes, before going back to the kitchen.
I really hope things settle down soon enough, I hate that the power couple of our gang were about to break up. I really hope that my guess earlier was right, or I'll never forgive myself from breaking Arthur once again. Cause having his hope rise up to then be crushed again... it will destroy him, of that I am sure. A few minutes later she was finished and we were in my car, there was an uncomfortable silence during the ride. As it's known I am not a man of a lot of words, but what I liked of Merlin is that she, as only Gwaine could, was able to fill that silence with a single way conversation without making me feel guilty or pressured to contribute to it. Also, whenever she didn't want to talk, which isn't a lot of times (I swear she talks more than Gwaine and that's something) we could have silence without it being forced or uncomfortable. This wasn't one of those times. If anything I've never felt so uncomfortable around her before.
When I parked the car in front her building she offered me a cup of coffee and a piece of her famous carrot cake, as a thank you for the lift back home. I accepted because I knew she had something important to talk about with me, also for I didn't want to get back home so soon. I still needed to clear my mind after my conversation with Gwaine.
"What is it Merlin?" I asked, cutting the chase short. I am patient and kind, however I hate being treated as an idiot when I am not. She left enough signs to know that whatever she was about to say is very serious.
"Don't be angry at Gwaine, he just kept my secret as I asked him to. The only thing he did was being an amazing friend, he doesn't deserve your wrath. If anything blame me" she told me, sitting in the armchair in front the sofa I was sitting on.
"H... how... how did you know?!" I demanded to know, startled "What is he keeping from me?!".
Her smile this time was tired, so tired that I myself started to feel exhausted. She took up and went into one of the rooms of the small apartment, when she came back she had a cotton with, what I believe is, remove make up. She applied it to the inside of her wrists, when she showed it to me I couldn't stop myself from gasping at the visible cut marks.
"You see, with me opening a new café money is a bit tight, not that I am in need but I can't be spending the quantity that the Saint George Facility is asking me for their treatment" she confessed to me "Also, I have to maintain the apartment, my mother's medication and ourselves. That's why Gwaine offered me his monetary help for a while until I get better or I can manage to pay for them myself".
"Saint George Facility... that's the same one Gwaine went for his driking problems during college" I thought out loud.
"They are mostly known for being able to keep quiet about the rich and famous drinking and drug problems... but they specialized in patients suffering from depression and suicidal thought" her words stuck me as a blade, I couldn't believe what a jealous and irrational fiancé I've been. Not only did I give Gwaine grief but also put Merlin in a position that she would have to confess something she clearly isn't ready to let anyone know, just because she is a good person and doesn't want her friends' relationship to break because of her "Don't blame Gwaine for helping me out, but also please don't tell anyone about this... not even Arthur..." she begged of me.
I knew that I couldn't promise her that, Arthur needed to know about this. But the guilt I felt for causing such a drama, plus the desperation I saw in her eyes made that decision for me. So when I left her apartment, heading towards our loft, with a heavy heart and a guilty conscious I began to reconsider how well I knew people... or if I am ready for a hard truth like the one I've got to know tonight.
