Chapter 10: Peeta, Will You Marry Me?
After sharing that kiss upon my return from the Games, Peeta and I enter into a relationship. Throughout our first touches, hand-holding and stolen kisses, I feel awkward. I've never been in a romantic partnership before. Yes, Gale and I pretended to be lovers to gain sympathy from sponsors in my first Games, but it never was real for me. Gale was more like my brother.
Peeta, of course, is different. Every time his hands are on my body, or his lips on mine, I feel like I am being heated in one of his baking ovens. I slip away to the Bakery as often as I can, always making sure to go when the Bakery is either closed or Peeta is sequestered away in his office. One night, I even dare to spend the night with him, making sure to steal back to Victors' Village long before sunrise. Though we do not embark on anything sexual in that encounter. It was a rule I established early on, that we not make love until we are both ready. We agree to keep our new whirlwind romance a secret from the rest of the District. People would surely talk, and if word got back to the Capitol... I shudder to think what might happen. Only one person discovers us - my apprentice, Dean. He happened in through the back of the Bakery one day, to pick up an order, when he came upon Peeta and I kissing heatedly in the storeroom. I flushed red as a beet when I saw the young man, mouth open in shock.
"Dean, you can't tell anyone. Otherwise, I shoot you with my bow. Am I clear?" The threat was of course made in jest, but Dean readily agreed to be sworn to secrecy.
The months pass. Before long, snow has blanketed the district. The colder it gets, the colder my heart becomes from nerves.
The Victory Tour was something I've never worried about since the days of my wins, because I never had a Victor whom I needed to guide through it. But now, I will be responsible for formally inducting Dean into the Capitol way of life and into the Victors ranks. His cocky manner is actually the least of my problems. I am more anxious that Snow might punish Dean and his victory to punish me, for getting a tribute out alive. Ever since the Second Rebellion failed, I know the President has strived to brand me a failure in everything I do - especially in mentoring the Games. I wonder if all the years I watched both tributes die was due to the arenas being rigged against District 12? But if that's so, then how did Dean break the system? These thoughts might sound paranoid, but when you have an omnipresent, perhaps even omnipotent government, no scenario seems too far-fetched. No theory too conspiratorial.
Thankfully, I have a boyfriend who is deeply in love with me, and who I love just as passionately in return. Plus, it helps that Peeta has always been a natural listener and confidant, even before we became romantically involved. Now as a couple, I find myself divulging even more of my deepest thoughts and fears to him. The rational part of me wonders if I am foolish to share such secrets with him - the more Peeta knows, the higher the chances that the Capitol will make him a target. But I need to confide in someone. Otherwise, I'm sure I will go mad. Then again, perhaps this yearly death match between children has driven me mad already.
So it is one evening in the bakery, after dark and long after closing time. "The Victory Tour is in a few weeks. I mean... is there anything I need to prepare? As the Mentor? God, I wish Haymitch was here!" I rack my brain, trying to remember what Haymitch did to prep me when I won the first time, if he needed to at all. "And then... leaving you... I'm sorry."
Peeta pecks my lips with a chaste kiss. "It's definitely not what I'm used to. I'll miss you. But don't worry about me, sweetheart; I'll be fine. I think you should be more concerned about yourself."
"No. Dean is who I should be worried about. What if he steps out of line at one of the stops? What if the Capitol creates some excuse to punish him?"
"You're making it sound as if whatever Dean does points directly back to you. It doesn't," Peeta chides me gently.
I snap my head up and shake it vigorously. "You don't know these people, Peeta. I led a Rebellion against the Capitol! I'm a pariah! Most of my colleagues don't even speak to me. I know Snow has wanted me to fail even at this, being one of his precious Victors. Saving Dean is just another way of beating him."
"Except you didn't beat him. Dean did. By beating the arena. Dean beat the Games."
"But I helped him to! And a lot of that is thanks to you and your wonderful..." Still thinking of his gesture and the money he raised makes me emotional, to the point where I grab him and kiss him soundly. "Thank you." I dab at the tears welling up in my eyes.
Peeta studies me for a moment before finally clasping his hands together. "OK, I have to jump in here. I know you think you have this thing gripping you by the tail, but I can help." He begins to pace around the shop. "We know the Victor has to make speeches while on the Tour. I don't know how naturally that comes to Dean, but he should still practice with public speaking. So first off, I know how to make a good sales pitch from dealing with my customers. We bring Dean by here, and I could drill him on how to speak calmly and eloquently. As for his attitude, we lock him up in his mansion in Victors Village, and give him a parental Fear-of-God speech, because you can talk him into this. You can talk anybody into anything!..."
As Peeta continues his diatribe, I find myself smiling at his compliment to me. Then, I register what he is saying, what he is planning. He is willing to get himself involved in these dangerous games (because the Games never truly stay within the confines of any arena)... for Dean? This realization fills me with bubbly happiness, and I suddenly find myself staring at Peeta adoringly.
"... but either way, Dean will not take the fall! He earned this! You earned this! I am not going to let any of this bad stuff happen!" He pauses when he realizes I am staring at him, filled with love. "What?"
"Peeta will you marry me?"
A beat, and then he breathes out, "What?"
I get down on one knee before him. I know this is a little unorthodox, the woman asking the man, and I have no ring. But I don't care. I'm in love. "Peeta... will you...?"
"Yes."
"Well, you don't have to answer so…
"Yes."
"We can take a minute to…."
"No." Peeta suddenly grins and exits into the back of the bakery. I blink, utterly baffled.
"Exactly the reaction I was looking for..." I mumble facetiously.
Peeta returns with a little box. A ring box. "I, uh... bought this... years ago... I should probably get a new one..."
I stare in astonishment, before tenderly smiling. "Don't you dare," I grin. I stand and let Peeta slip the ring on my finger.
"You know, you were the one who I wanted to marry all along." Peeta admits, blushing.
I gasp, and stare at him in disbelief, flashing back to our conversation in the basement. Peeta laughs at my reaction. "It's like I said: you never seemed open to the idea."
"Well, I was a different woman then." He's right of course. Even before the Games, but especially after, I swore that I would never marry. But then, Peeta opened my heart. Even so, taking me as his wife is a risky bet for Peeta, given my status. Victors marrying is not ubiquitous, but it's not rare, either. Cecelia Sanchez, a Victor from District 8 who fought and died in the Third Quarter Quell, was married. Had three children, too. And though I might not be able to fulfill the bearing-children part, who's to say I can't be Peeta's wife?
"Just so you know, the only way out of this is in a body bag," Peeta cracks.
"Hmm," I purr, actually amused by the morbidity when I should be anything but. "And now we don't have to write our vows." And then, we share a long kiss.
