A/N
4th to the last chapter!
Chapter 11
Camping Pt. II
It started off pretty good. Rose and I were having a girls night out at the bar, like we always do. We were joking. We were talking about boys and we were jostling. She put her arm around my neck. I know we always do this, play rough. But this time, it didn't feel right. I played along, knowing she could never. We're best friends. Then she pulled her arm tighter around my neck and I started to panic. I start trying to catch my breath and pulling her arm away. She wouldn't move. I start to try screaming to the people in the bar. I need to breathe. I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe. My bestfriend is killing me. I can't fucking breathe.
"Bella!"
I gasp for air and open my eyes. I gasp for as much as I can. I realize two green eyes looking at me with their eyebrows pulled together. I scramble upright and reach for the owner of the eyes. I pulled him to me and started crying quietly. I couldn't breathe and he saved my life. It was just a dream.
I pulled away realizing what I was doing. I realize his girlfriend was right next to him on the other side. Stupid fucking huge tent.
"I'm sorry," I swallow and look down. I run my hands through my hair, dry my face and pat my pockets. I don't have to get them from my bag. I put my boots on in haste. Stupid me. I crawl out of the tent and sit on a log. I light up a cigarette and take a hit.
I can hear rustling from behind me so I turn to look at what it was about. Edward's coming out of the tent with two bottles in hand. "I didn't know you smoke," he says, handing me one.
I shrug and continue smoking, looking at the stars and trees. I don't know what to tell him. I don't exactly know why I felt this way, why I had that dream.
"Hey," he sits next to me and bumps knees, "you can tell me anything. Are you alright?"
I look at him, really look at him. He looks so fucking beautiful. Still fucking beautiful. Especially under the moonlight. I thought after all these years, I'd realize he's the ugliest man on the world and boy, was I wrong. He continues to look at me, waiting for an answer.
"I'm fine. Just a little peachy," I give him a sad smile. I took a swig of whatever the bottle contained and bite my lip. Beer. I raise it to check the label. "Huh, tough choice."
He drinks some, as well, "I thought you might need it."
I nod in response and take another hit of my cigarette, dabbing it on the ground as I finish and tossing it in the trash bag after. It was quiet for a while before Angela started calling his name.
He looks at me as he responds, "I'll be right there, sweetie." I think that was pain in his eyes. I'm not sure but he didn't look happy for a moment there. He gives me a tight hug before going back in the tent.
It takes me some time and a couple more cigarettes before I feel sleepy again. I decide to go back to the tent to sleep. I look at Em and Rose, my heart breaking and feeling sorry that I had that dream about Rose. I love her with all my heart. She was the best for my brother. I let my eyes drift to Edward and Angela. They look cozy together, tangled in their sleeping bag. Before a pit starts forming in my stomach, I zip myself up in my sleeping bag and turns my back from the others willing sleep to settle within me.
In the morning, I avoid Edward. I didn't really sleep well after the dream. I throw my long locks up in a pony tail and tell the others I'm going for a run. I start off really fast. I want to expel the frustration, tasting the sweet chilly air as I breathe in and out.
"Bella! Wait up!" he calls behind me. I stop in my tracks and catch my breath. I lean by a tree as I watch him come nearer.
"What do you want, Edward?" I ask him.
"I want to talk," he looks at me sadly.
"I thought you didn't want to from the way you left."
"I'm a coward, I'm sorry. Was a coward, still a coward," he says it like it's a curse. I don't say anything so he continues, "I didn't know what to tell you. I knew I had to leave. I knew I had to leave you."
"We could've tried! We could've fucking tried, Edward!" I cry this out, "I fucking loved you, Edward. I would've done anything for you. Even put up with the distance if I had to but you never gave me a choice!"
He looks at me, at loss for words, "I...I'm sorry."
"I thought you loved me. You told me you did and now, you tell me that you left me, admitting you're a coward for it, because you didn't know what to tell me?" I can't understand. I don't. "I lived the past few years with a heavy heart. I couldn't find a single guy that made me happy. I tried to look but there was no one. Because you didn't even give me a proper goodbye. It was all I wanted, then. It was the least you could've done."
Tears are now falling silently down our faces.
"I never told anyone. Not even Rose nor Emmett. I kept us for you. My first love was a fucking secret! It wasn't even something to be ashamed of," I told him, "unless, I was something to be ashamed of."
"No, no, no, Bella," he came rushing to me, pulling me into his arms. I try to resist but it's futile. "I wasn't ashamed of you. I was just scared of Em. I was worried he might pull us away because he didn't like me for you."
"It still doesn't equate to what you did," I whisper.
He peppers my face with kisses, "I'm sorry. I came back for you, you know, but when I did, you were gone. You were off to uni and your dad said you weren't coming back for a year. I thought then that you were done with me. But I looked for you. I looked for you in every girl I met."
He kisses me softly on the lips. The only sound we can hear is a soft gasp a few meters from us. We turn to look but it's too late.
Angela's retreating form was going back to camp.
