Chapter 4
I
Amiens, 1470
The girl was barely 16, but already her heart was full of a lifetime worth of sorrows. You could easily see it, if you had time or the heart to care, in the way she walked with her back bend and shoulders hunched forward, as if she was carrying the weight of the world all by herself. A black scarf was wrapped around her head and hid the beauty of her youth. She did no longer care for it. The wide black dress she wore could only partly hide her large round belly from the judging eyes of the men and women passing by. As she went through the city gates and quietly made her way to the hidden spot by the river that was just outside of town, she could feel the infant kick inside her, as if it was pleading for his unborn life.
Too occupied by her own miserable thoughts, she hardly noticed that she was being followed. It was only when she crossed the rickety wooden bridge that span across a rushing river, and felt the narrow structure sway as a result of his footsteps, that she glanced over her shoulder and noticed the stranger.
"Oh, I am so sorry that I have startled you." The man apologized with a polite little bow. He was handsome, lean with long black hair that curled behind his ears, with a sharp pale face, and a set of hooded eyes that looked right into her soul.
"I have forgotten that I am no longer as light-footed as I used to be." As he said it, he felt his back muscles strain, his human body mourning the loss of his most precious heavenly assets by attempting to beat with his phantom wings. He shuddered and cursed his father under his breath.
"Monsieur, have you been following me?" The girl asked. Her hands clutched on to the fabric of her scarf so tightly that her knuckles turned white.
"I have to regrettably admit that I was." He replied. He had no cause to lie to the girl. It would not make a difference to her anyway.
"Why?"
"Because I know where you are heading."
"Are you trying to stop me?" She said it in a way that it could be interpreted as a question, as well as a cry for help. He knew that in truth, she was longing for kindness, for someone to offer her a hand to lift this heavy bleakness from her shoulders. Fortunately for the poor child, he was the right man to ask.
"Me?" Lucifer grinned his toothy grin. "No absolutely not. Your life is your own. If you've made the decision to commit suicide, it is not my business to criticize or intervene."
"But, if you're not trying to stop me, why are you then following me?"
"I need a guide." He explained, slightly embarrassed.
"A guide?" She repeated, not sure she had heard him right.
"It's complicated." He raised his eyebrows as he sought for the right way to explain his intensions to this simple human female. He chose to go with a short allegory, mostly because he had not much patience. "It is like I am seeking truffles in the wood and I need a good hound with a strong nose to find them." He tapped the side of his own with his finger. "You my child, have a very strong nose for truffles." He paused when he noticed that the girl was slowly backing away from him. It was obvious that she was getting more alarmed by his bizarre ramblings than she was getting enlightened.
"Look, you are desperate, are you not?" He tried again with a tad more patience. "The lover who you thought would be your husband has abandoned you while you are 6 months pregnant with his child. The man you gave your heart to has smashed it into a thousand tiny pieces, and it will never be whole again." He gazed at her, a cruel sadness lingered in his hooded eyes. It cut right into her already wounded heart.
"I know you still hope that your actions will force him to mend his ways, but believe me, he will not. He will not shed a single tear after hearing of your demise. Before daylight breaks and the fishermen drag your lifeless body from the river, he will already have spent the night in bed with another woman, younger and more beautiful than you. By next month, he will even have forgotten your name. Your time together, the many happy smiles, the long blissful nights dozing in each-others arms, the secret pet names that he invented for you and whispered into your ear, it all means nothing. You mean nothing to him."
"Stop it!" The girl cried out with rivers of tears flowing down her face. "Stop it! Why are you so mean to me? I have nobody left. He doesn't want to see me. My father kicked me out of the house. He said I was a disgrace. I have no one in this world. No one!" She wept miserably, clutching on to her belly, while snot dripped down from the tip of her nose.
"Oh yes." Lucifer murmured, taking in her sorrow with much satisfaction. "There it finally is, true, deep felt misery." He leaned towards her and inhaled deeply. "My child, forgive me for enjoying it so much, but your hopelessness has turned your body into one of the finest instruments on earth. Each exquisite note it sends out vibrates in the air, and is vocalizing such devastating sadness." He closed his eyes and gently swayed his head as if entranced by a soundless musical masterpiece. "It's a pity that you cannot hear it, it is absolutely beautiful."
"W-what d-do you w-want from me?" The girl hiccupped, choking on her tears.
Lucifer's eyes snapped wide open. Finally this was getting him somewhere. "It's simple. I want you to follow your heart. I need you to go the place where you want to take your life. Where were you heading before you noticed me?"
"To the riverside." She didn't know why she was telling him this, but it didn't matter. Nothing in the world mattered anymore. She felt completely dead inside. "There is a place I know where an old willow tree grows. A tree with tangled roots and low hanging branches that touch the flowing water below. It's quiet and very peaceful. I want to go there."
"Show me."
She took him there. It was exactly like she had described to him, a calm shoreline just around the river bend, half-hidden behind the swaying fields of reed. It had an ancient willow tree growing from its muddy soil, her long branches gently swaying along with the currents of the stream.
Still weeping, the girl pulled up her frock and stepped over the boulders on the shoreline into the water. Wading in till the icy stream reached up to her waist, she slowly turned around, and looked up at Lucifer with her large brown eyes pleading for sympathy.
"Oh don't mind me." Lucifer replied, turning his attention away from the pitiful creature. "Just do what you came here for." He added, just for encouragement. He no longer needed her. He had found what he was looking for. Placing his hand flat on the trunk of the willow tree, he felt an ancient heart beating leisurely underneath the rough surface of the bark. This tree that looked so ordinary, and grew unnoticed on the muddy banks of this unremarkable river, was humming with despair, exuberating anguish, bleeding pure misery. It was literally oozing with the most depressing human emotions known to mankind. This strange tree was what had attracted the girl and countless of others before her, to come to this specific place to end their lives. It was the call of pure desperation, cast out by the steady drumbeat rhythm that was engrained in its core that had drawn in so many of those without hope and comfort.
The girl lost her footing and splashed into the water. The currents swept her down to a deeper part of the river where she could barely touch the bottom, and was forced to balance on the tip of her toes to allow her nose to break the water surface.
"Are you still with us?" Lucifer shouted again over his shoulder.
Half drowning now and in absolute panic, the girl cried out for help, swallowing mouthfuls of water into her lungs as she tried to hold on to the low hanging branches of the tree. This commotion finally caught Lucifer's attention. Very much annoyed that he was distracted, he went back to the riverside.
The girl cried out once more, her hand stretched out to him, begging to be saved.
"Ah I see that you are struggling to keep your resolve." He observed the situation with a concerned furrow in his brows. "To be fair, drowning is not the easiest way to leave this life." He searched around, picked up a long sturdy branch, and pointed it at her. "Here, let me return your kindness."
At first the girl thought that he was offering her a way to get out of the water, and she let go of the willow branch to reach it. But instead of allowing her to grab on, her would-be savior put the tip of the branch against her chest and used it to violently push her down.
"Easy now." He muttered, while she desperately struggled to come up for air. "Easy. You will thank me when this is over."
She continued for a good two minutes till finally, a string of bubbles rose up from her mouth and nose. Then her body went limp.
Lucifer held her down for another two minutes, just to make sure. It was the least he could do for the poor soul. After being sure that she was dead, he pushed her out to the middle of the river. Soon her lifeless body was washed away down stream. Out of his sight.
He tossed the branch into the water and turned his attention back to the ancient tree.
"My brother, did you sense her?"
Gently, he rested his hand on the surface of the trunk. The fear that had eradiated from the now deceased girl was like a strong aftertaste that clung bitterly onto his tongue. "To be so miserable yet unable to end it all due her natural fear of dying." He shook his head in true disgust. "It is such a sick trick of the human mind. Our father has created a multitude of flaws in these creatures. It was a mistake to abandon them like this. They truly need guidance. Luckily, we are here."
He caressed the bark with his fingers, relishing the last fleeting moments in the existence of this ancient willow tree. He then took in a deep breath and took out an axe from his backpack.
"Now this may sting a little." He warned with a grimace, before he swung the blade hard against the trunk.
Where the tree was cut, it started to weep crimson blood.
He swung the axe again.
The branches of the willow shuddered violently as if it was in great pain, and the many birds nesting in its crown took to the air in fright.
He continued hacking into the trunk till the willow finally fell, uttering a loud miserable moan, while tearing the crimson cut that he had created further open like a wide bleeding mouth. As soon as it hit the ground, the leaves started to fuse into pale spiderleg-like fingers that ended in long green fingernails. A satisfied grin spread over Lucifer's lips, and he buried the axe in the bleeding stump. He then went to sit down in the tall grass to watch the rest of the transformation take place, chomping on a fresh red apple that he had picked from an orchard nearby.
It took some time for the rest branches of the old tree to join and twist together to form a complete human-like shape. Legs and arms were the first to appear, followed by a long torso, a sinewy neck, broad shoulders and a large round head. Finishing the apple in one bite and tossing the core over his shoulder, Lucifer stood up and walked over to the newly formed man to offer him his hand.
"Welcome back Zambriem, my heavenly brother, angel of desperation." He said most affectionately, pulling his brother up from the ground. The man he was talking to stood uneasily, swaying on two stiff legs like someone clumsy balancing on stilts. His skin, although pink and hairless like that of a human being, remained rough to the touch, and was flaky and brittle like tree bark.
"Who freed me? Oh, is that you father?" Zambriem said, he blinked blindly as he tried to look around. He had not used his sense of sight for a very long time.
"No, not our father." Lucifer wiped with his thumb over the corners of his brother's eyes to remove most of the ancient dirt and moss that had collected in there.
"Lucifer?" Zambriem exclaimed after his sight was somewhat more cleared. "Did our father send you? Have I finally atoned for all of my sins?" He asked with great hope shining in his eyes.
"Ah, well I am afraid I have to disappoint you again. The answer is no."
"But then…why am I free?" There was a most pitiful sense of dread in Zambriem's voice that annoyed Lucifer immensely. As if being free was not a cause worth pursuing in itself. Oh no, one had to be absolutely forgiven by their lord and master to feel satisfied…Now good luck with that…
"Because I need you." Lucifer replied, trying to remain patient with his brother. He could imagine that to be condemned to live on earth as an immobile plant for over 5000 years was not exactly going to leave one unaffected.
"You need me…for what exactly?" Dry flakes of bark came off his face when Zambriem creased up his forehead. "You're not going to rebel again are you?"
"No of course not."
"Because it didn't end so well the last time you tried. I wouldn't have ended up here on earth if it wasn't for you. You remember? I wouldn't have ended up looking like this." He rubbed his fingers together to demonstrate, releasing yet another cloud of crusty flakes into the air.
"Yes, yes I am very well aware what became of us last time father disagreed with my plans. Thank you for reminding me." Lucifer snapped back, wishing that his new awakened sibling would stop nagging him about his past failures. "I am not rebelling."
Zambriem looked at him with some suspicion. "Do you swear?"
Lucifer just sighed. "Yes I swear."
"Truly swear? None of that phony stuff."
"Yes, yes, whatever offers makes you satisfied."
"Cross your heart and hope to die?" Zambriem insisted, raising his hand as if to take an oath.
Rolling his eyes, and gritting his teeth Lucifer counted back from ten, then mimicked his brother's action and said: "I swear it. Now finally, can we get to business?"
"With you, it is always business." Zambriem mumbled. Moving like an eighty year old, he carefully sat down on a large boulder next to the stream, and gave his aching legs a good stretch. "Ah, that feels so incredibly good. You have no idea how awful it was to be standing up all the time. It had been pure agony."
"Zambriem, I know you have suffered because of the, perhaps tiny little mistake that I have made in the past, but I think we should put this all behind us now, and…well…you know, focus on the present?"
Lucifer paused when a huge black creature leaped down on wide spread wings from a nearby tree and perched on top of Zambriem's head. It gazed up at Lucifer with a mischievous twinkle in its beady little eyes.
"Ah master Crock, my good friend." Zambriem told the monstrous bird. "Master Crock and his family sleep in my crown every night." He explained to Lucifer. "He was born in the narrow cavity near my trunk on my second largest branch. I have know him since he was a chick." He scratched the ugly creature over his back feathers most affectionately. "You have no trouble recognizing me do you?" He muttered to his pet. "Can't very much say the same thing about you though." He added thoughtfully, while gazing up at Lucifer.
"What do you mean with that?" Lucifer huffed. He was getting increasingly convinced that Zambriem's long confinement had turned his brains into mush. "It's me alright inside this hideous human meat suit. Can't you see?"
"It's not your human form that is wrong." Zambriem replied. "You and I, you know, we used to be angels."
"We still are angels." Lucifer corrected him, rather stubbornly.
No." Zambriem shook his head, getting very upset and having absolutely none of it. "You know what I mean with this. We used to be heavenly hosts. We can see every living creature in its purest form. As soon as you arrived at the riverside, you knew that I was Zambriem. You did not see a crooked old willow tree, you saw me."
"Yes, yes, and when you look at me you see your loving brother Lucifer Morningstar and not some biped monkey that our father has created when he was scraping the bottom of the barrel. I am aware that we can see through mortal vessels and recognize our own kind immediately, but what's your point here exactly?"
"I don't see you, Morningstar." Zambriem paused, finding it really hard to explain, he furrowed his massive brows. "At least, not the whole of you…It's like something is missing…a part of you is missing."
"What part?" There was an awful feeling of déjà vu that came over him. Zambriem's strange behavior suddenly reawakened the memory of his first few moments that he had spent in this current human form. He had this moment of clarity before, back at the abbey, when he was standing in the kitchen larder biting into an apple.
A sense of something truly important that he had completely forgotten, but could not afford to permit himself to forget again.
"What? What is missing?" Lucifer pressed on, realizing that the clarity wouldn't last and that he had very little time left. "Tel me Zambriem! What do you see?"
Zambriem gazed back at Lucifer with the expression of a dying fish on dry land. His mouth slowly opened, just when he was about to tell him, but then the message slipped from his mind and settled back deep into his sub-consciousness, far beyond his grasp.
"What…" Zambriem mumbled, lifting his hand and slowly massaging his temples. "What was I trying to say again?"
"I have truly no idea." Lucifer muttered. The urgency of the conversation that took place a mere second ago was now completely forgotten. It was as if the two fallen angels had been affected by a communal case of severe amnesia.
Lucifer threw his head back and let out a frustrated sigh. Right, getting back to business, he reminded himself.
"My dear melancholic brother." He tried again. "Whatever grudge you may hold against me, the fact remains that I have freed you from what is, as you have so accurately pointed out, a very unfair and cruel punishment that our fa-"
"Stop wasting your breath on me Lucifer. I may be slow but I am very much aware that I owe you a favor." Zambriem interrupted him. "You don't need to remind me. I shall honor the old ways." He straightened his back and gazed at his brother with a tired expression on his face. "Just name your price and I shall do what must be done."
His answer pleased Lucifer a lot. "I want your help for a little project of mine. Nothing horribly offensive to our father, I swear." He added quickly, after he noticed the accusing look Zambriem was giving hem. "It's actually an absolution project. Something to surprise the old man, help him to get a bit of weight off his mighty shoulders."
"Absolution? For our sins?" Zambriem's eyes grew wide again with hope.
" Oh yes. Let me tell you this, if our father finds out what we are going to do for him, he is going to be so impressed! We will be back in heaven soaring over the silver city with our new set of wings before you can even drop down on your knees and say a little prayer."
"What do you exactly have in mind?"
The grin on Lucifer's lips widened till it stretched from ear to ear. "We are going to build a place for our father to house all the sinful human souls. I call it hell."
II
The great hall of our ancestral home was festively decorated with holly and evergreens. Candles were lit in every dark corner to cast out the winter gloom, and a band of musicians played a string of well-liked merry tunes. It was the first day of Christmas, and my father had invited all the nobles of his lands to come and celebrate our savior's birth. The long wooden table that could sit more than 50 was decked with a feast of rich meats, dried fruit, fresh bread, and good strong wine. My father, being in a cheerful mood, had allowed me to sit with the adults, and my sweet mother had sneaked in a spoon of honey into my cup to make the wine more palatable, knowing I disliked the bitter taste.
"Richard." My oldest brother Edward called out as he rushed over with my brother George to my seat. "Come quickly. We're playing kiss and seek. Come and join us."
"What is kiss and seek exactly?" I asked, hopping behind them, trying to catch up with their pace. I was excited to join my brothers. Edward was by now 15 and George 13 years of age. Both were often occupied with all sorts of important things that young men apparently needed to learn to pass into full adulthood, and had little time for horseplay with their younger sibling.
"It's like hide and seek, but with girls." Edward replied, giving me a wink.
"Why do we need to play with the girls?" I asked, skewing up my face. "They are rubbish with swordplay, and cry when hit them too rough. Can't it be just the three of us?"
"I think our Richard is perhaps, still too young for this game." George commented.
"Nonsense, he is only too young if he didn't have two wiser and older brothers to watch over him. He wrapped an arm over my shoulder and punched me in the chest playfully. "Don't worry little brother, just do as we do and I promise it will be fun."
We entered the antechamber where we were greeted by the young daughters and sons of my father's kinsmen and serving nobles. Their ages ranged between that of mine and Edwards. They were dressed in their finest clothes and were all in a most cheerful mood. Edward and George bowed gallantly to the girls who were standing in a group away from the lads. They responded with timid giggles among themselves. The boldest and oldest among them threw flirtatious looks at Edward who, as my mother often proudly proclaimed to anyone who would like to hear, was fast blossoming into a most handsome young man.
"Right, now we are all here, let's just get started." Edward said, rubbing in his hands and looking around the group. "Who is first?"
There came more nervous laughter from the young ladies, while the lads teased eachother in good humor, pushing the most reluctant candidates forward.
"May I go first?" A willowy figure stepped up to my brother. Her large doe-like eyes captured Edward's gaze for a moment. Young Isabel Neville was as beautiful as she was graceful, and many of the girls looked upon her boldness with a visible touch of envy.
"Certainly." Edward replied. A servant handed him a red ribbon. "May I?"
Isabel nodded, flashing a smile at him as he carefully secured the blindfold. I noticed that when his fingers touched her swanlike neck by chance, she did not recoil, and after a short while, pink blushes started to appear on her snowy skin.
"What is the purpose of this strange game?" I asked George, who was like me, captivated by the scene. "Why is she blindfolded?"
"Isabel has to chase us without seeing us. You should stay away from her if you don't want to get caught."
What happens when she catches me?"
"As it is Isabel, I would say, it will be one of the luckiest thing that could ever happen to you, my little brother." He smirked, and gave me a sudden push so I lurched forward in her direction.
Meanwhile, Edward had taken Isabel by her hands and spun her around several times. "Count to ten before you start, and no peeking!" He let go of her and the young girl swayed a little on her feet. Disorientated but wearing a merry smile on her face, she stretched out her hands, tentatively taking tiny steps in the direction of her sniggering playmates. "Where are you all? It's no fun if you don't make any noise. How am I to find you like this?"
"Here I am!" One of the older boys cheered. "Catch me Isabel. I am yours!"
"No, take me!" another said, pushing forward towards her. "I am right here. Try to catch me my sweet lady!"
But Isabel ignored them all. Instead, she moved in the direction where she had last seen Edward, waving her hands in front as she swayed her head to listen.
"He's is behind you Isabel!" Her lady friends cried out. They shrieked in great excitement when she turned on their instructions. "Edward is right behind you!"
Edward jumped backwards just in time to not let Isabel latch on to him. Stepping on his toes, he crept in a semicircle towards me and George, who chuckled at the ridiculous sight of our brother being hunted like a deer in the woods.
"Where did he go now?" Isabel asked.
"He's there near the window, five steps to your left. He's standing next to George!" Her friends replied.
"Seems like Isabel has made up her mind who to hunt, and is rather stubborn about it." George said in a loud voice, given away his exact position.
Edward elbowed him hard in his ribcage and shushed. Meanwhile, Isabel had hastened her steps and was so close and held her arms so wide that the three of us, all with our backs against the window, could not easily escape.
"I think you're about to be hooked like a fish onto dry land, by dear brother." George chuckled, pushing Edward forward.
"Not while I am still swimming outside the netting." Edward remarked, shoving back.
"Or maybe, the lady will be happy with a smaller catch." With a push in the back by George, I was launched forward, and fell right into the open, waiting arms of Isabel.
Startled and much paralyzed with dread, I let her tighten her embrace and lock her hands behind the small of my back. "Got you now Edward." She said with a radiant smile. "See, you're not that difficult to find."
Her friends covered their mouths in shock, and were about to say something when Edward put his fingers on his lips, urging them to hold their tongue.
Isabel moved closer. I could smell her sweet perfume, a scent of roses that mixed with her sweat and body warmth into a concoction that bound my senses into a soft intoxicated state. My heart rate quickened. My throat felt dry. I looked urgently at my two brothers, and found George pressing his lips tightly together, trying very hard not to laugh. Edward drew up his eyebrows and just stared back with a playful smirk on his face.
"Aren't you going to kiss me, my lord?" Isabel finally asked. Pink blushes bloomed on her cheeks and she wet her soft rose petal lips in anticipation. I could feel her rushing heartbeat resonate in her bosom. Her sweet breaths, rising and falling in her chest, it filled my head with so much of her presence that the whole world just seemed to dissolve.
I looked once more at Richard for guidance. He gestured and mouthed silently that I should indeed give Isabel what she requested.
Standing on my toes, I leaned forward, and with my good hand gently caressed that flawless cheek. I pressed my lips on hers, and felt the softness of that touch, melting away all of my doubts and fears, bringing in me a state of such complete happiness that I prayed it would never end. She leaned into me, placing her soft hand on my beating heart for a moment, than pulled back, parting our connection with a satisfied smile.
"That was wonderful." Isabel said softly. She fumbled hastily to unfasten the knots of her blindfold. "That was one of the sweetest kisses I ever had…"
Her eyes widened in shock. Horrified, she let go of me and backed away, her kind expression shifting into that of a most aggrieved hard-faced queen. George and the others burst in a loud fit of laughter as Isabel kept looking at me, her face skewed up in disgust. She wiped her fingers across her lips, as if to frantically trying to remove poison.
"It was you?" She cried, tears brimming in her eyes, she swept a scornful look over her entourage. "Why didn't anyone say something?"
"My lord did not want us to." One of her friends replied timidly.
The wronged maiden cast an infuriated look at my brother.
"Oh come on it's just a game Isabel." Edward shrugged and tried to reconcile with her by flashing an appeasing smile, even though he had laughed at her expense like a brazen cock with all the others. "Surely no harm has been done by kissing my little brother."
"Yes, I don't understand why she is so upset." George added. "Warwick's oldest has caught herself a fine young Plantagenet. Wasn't that what she was so ambitiously after?"
My brother's words led to another round of mocking laughter. Humiliated, she buried her face in her hands and started weeping.
Not knowing what to do, and not much understanding why I was the cause of her great distress, I naively tried to console her.
"My sweet lady, I beg you don't weep. I didn't mean to make the others laugh at you."
"Get away from me!" She shouted, anger rising in her voice. "You foul disgusting little toad! You made me look like a fool!" She fled the room, leaving me standing alone in the center of the amused crowd.
"Never mind her Richard." Edward said, he came to me and slapped my back, treating it all like it was just an innocent jest. "Everyone knows that Isabel Neville can be a hateful she-dragon when she does not get her ways. Let us continue with our game. Who's next?"
"Maybe Richard wants to take a turn." George taunted. "But before we start, let me ask the servants to block off the exits before all the maidens try to flee out of this room at once."
"George." Edward sighed. "I beg of you, hold your not so clever tongue -"
Before Edward could finish his sentence, I pushed past my two brothers and ran out of the chamber. With every step, I felt my heart sink deeper and deeper into a pit that I did not know existed before. Isabel's words rang in my ears and stabbed me with countless holes that made the memory of her kiss now taste like bitter bile. I fled out into the garden, and huddled down among the roots of the ancient oaktree that grew below the east tower, hiding myself from the scorn of all the others. It was a cold Christmas day, and as evening fell the first snow of the season started to drift down, covering everything in a thin blanked of icy down.
Later, I heard my brothers call out my name as they searched for me by torchlight with a group of my father's servants. They did not find me, nor did I wish to be found by any of them. After a while, they gave up, and returned to the feast.
Night came and revealed a clear pitch-black sky, littered with pinpoint stars. The air became frosty and silent. Then came the crackling footsteps in the snow. It was followed by a golden beam that reflected the shine of a million tiny ice crystals, drifting in the wind.
"My lord, are you here?"
I squinted my eyes against the bright light cast by the oil lamp that shone in my face. It was held by a young woman, dressed in a long black cloak trimmed with black feathers. A heavy hood threw a long shadow over features.
"Your brothers lord Edward and George are looking for you. So are your father's men." Her voice was kind, but unfamiliar to me.
"Who are you?" I asked, realizing that I did not recognizing her as one of our household servants.
"I am a servant of lady Neville. Your brother Edward is very worried. He stopped the games and bid us all to go look for you."
"Leave me alone, and tell my brother that I am not coming." I replied stubbornly. "Tell him to continue his merry games and just pretend he does not have another brother."
The woman lowered her lamp and much to my surprise, took my hand. "You're freezing." She said, rubbing over my stiff cold fingers. "You should go back inside. You've been out far too long."
"Don't touch me." I sneered, and snatched back my hand. "Are you deaf? I order you to leave me be. Go away!"
Disobeying my commands, she looked back at me in silence, bright eyes shining from underneath that hooded shadow.
"You should not take to heart what just happened in there." She finally said.
"They all laughed at me. She called me an ugly toad." I replied, turning my face away.
"Words can do no harm if you don't let them."
"How would you know? You're just…" I wanted to say normal, but then changed my mind. "Just a servant."
Instead of being deterred by my rudeness, she folded her long dress between her legs and huddled down beside me between the ancient tangle of roots.
"I do know. You know why? I have been serving my lady for a good few years now. Lady Neville is as shallow as she is beautiful. She believes that the loveliness she sees in her reflection mirrors the exquisiteness of a better soul. And as she thinks like this, she will only have eyes for others like her."
"Like my brother Edward you mean." I bowed my head. "She hates me. She thinks I am hideous. I look like a monster, so my soul must be rotten as well."
"You are not a monster." She said softly. "Isabel is wrong. A man could look like the purest of angels, but harbor within him the most evil of thoughts."
"That is not what my our priest says. He tells us our appearance is exactly how God sees us. It is the way how he has made us." I told her, recalling not without resentment, how the awful old man always made me say extra long prayers, so that I would spend hours on my knees in the family chapel in an attempt to save my most imperfect soul.
"Then your priest is also wrong." She scooped up a ball of snow. "Look." She placed the snowball in my hands and blew her warm breath over it. The snow melted, revealing an ugly black pod with dried blunt spikes curling all around its core.
"The way you look has nothing to do with what is inside." She folded her hands over mine. The warmth made my icy fingers tingle. Gently, she blew over it for a second time. The black pod started to shimmer like an amber in a dying fire. The shine grew and grew, till it became bright orange. The pod split open and out grew a strong vine, adorned with golden thorns and leaves. It formed a large bud at the end, which sprang open, revealing a large dazzling rose with petals made of countless butterflies, each with an incredible array of color. She blew once more, and the butterfly petals fluttered away into the air, fading and shrinking till it became a drift of snow. When I looked again, the magical bloom was gone.
"You see?" She told me. "You have a good heart Richard, and you're still young. Don't let the unkind words of others weigh it down and poison it so soon."
She stood up, brushed the snow from her dress, then held out her hand to me.
"Shall we go back, Richard?"
III
I woke with snow drifting inside my dirty cage. It had formed thin lines of powdery white on the wooden bars. The cart was moving in a jolting fashion, shaking the cage from side to side. Disorientated and with my throat parched, I scraped off the thin layer of snow and sucked the melting liquid into my mouth. The canvas that Audemar had spanned over the top of my dwelling had many holes, and failed to provide shelter against the bitter cold. Shivering in my thin rags, and with the world spinning in front of my eyes, I pulled myself up against the bars to peer outside. A winter landscape filled with barren trees, their many branches heavy with snowfall, stretched out as far as I could see. Nothing else seemed to exist except for this repetitive scene of wood and ice.
Stronger jolts followed as the cart drove over a series of potholes. I landed back on the floor. Too weakened to even grab hold on to something, I rolled around like a pebble in a shoe, retching and vomiting as nausea took hold.
"You're not well uncle."
It was my little nephew. Oh how incredibly happy I was to be visited by him again. During these long years of torment, my one time avenging ghost had steadily become a great comfort to me. "I think I have a fever." I murmured, my words were badly formed by my useless slurring tongue.
"You are burning up."
"My father was holding a Christmas feast in the great hall. Everyone was there. Your father Edward was there, and your uncle George. Do you remember him or were you still too young? You used to love him. He was full of parlor tricks."
"Your wounds are infected. It has poisoned your blood."
"I kissed your aunt Isabel. She was horrified and cried a whole lot about it. I ran outside to hide in the old oak, it was snowing, just like today." I swallowed and blinked my eyes several times, but the world remained a mist of vague shapes and distant noises, with only my nephew's light a somewhat steadied beacon for my troubled senses to focus on.
"I saw your father, just a moment ago. Where did he go? C-could you please help me look for him? I want to tell him. I want him to know that I am no longer angry with him."
"You're delirious. We need to get you somewhere inside, and keep you warm."
"And George. I need George here too. We must send out a post-horse to fetch him out of heaven."
"Uncle, listen. These men need to stop traveling and take care of you. Stay another day on the road like this, and you will die. Do you hear me?"
"They won't stop. We cannot stay in one place or revisit old places. We are no longer welcome there, and there will be no coins for my masters. We've been moving for ages." I muttered. "North. North. Always north. Like the wild geese in spring."
"Do you have any idea where they are heading?"
"Round and round we go." I whispered to myself, and twirled my head, drawing circles. "Round and round and round I follow my masters, straight to my ruin."
"Listen to me, I am going to see where they are taking you. Stay awake while I am gone."
"N-no, no don't go." A pang of panic stabbed me in my heart. "Don't leave. I beg you gentle nephew, stay a little while longer." My voice sounded diminutive and small, like that of a frightened child, pleading not to be abandoned.
"I will be back soon." He said determinedly.
The darkness became so much more intolerable after that faint light was gone.
TBC
