Chapter 3: Tape 2, Side B
The static filled the room for long enough for Ray to forget that he had actually turned the tape and pressed play. It was silent for long enough for him to look down at the Walkman and confirm that he had, indeed, pressed play. Maybe the tape got stuck? – no, he checked it out, it was rolling.
It was playing, but Leonard hadn't said anything yet.
Funny.
He waited a little longer, maybe a whole couple of minutes, and he thought he heard some faint footsteps cracking the floorboards, or squeaking in the metal. He couldn't tell for sure.
Yeah, definitely more than a couple of minutes. That would be… a whole Bold song, if Ray wanted to throw back a few decades. Gee, he was getting old.
Raymond Palmer, proud owner of a Walkman and failed straight edge punk. That could be on his tombstone someday, and he didn't think he'd mind.
Quietly, Leonard finally started his new tale.
Shhhhh…
We have to stay real quiet for this one. Hold on.
…
Shhh.
When the second tape ended, Mr. Snart said that Cassandra Savage would be the subject of the next tape, and when he finished her tape, he mentioned Mr. Palmer.
Perhaps, Stein wondered, it was Raymond's tape now, if he was to follow that logic.
But he also had to remember that although Leonard Snart had an incredibly sharp mind, his logic didn't work in the same level was everyone else's. Martin wouldn't put all his coins on that obvious bet.
There was never anything obvious about Snart.
We are walking – or flying, or… whatever – into a booby trap. I know because I know things.
I'm not saying I have full knowledge of things, like an Oracle or something, but I've lived in this world for forty-four years and I'm a Snart. Sensing that things are about to go south is in my DNA.
Not to brag, obviously, it's just a family trait.
Except… well, father was a shitty senser, that's for sure. But again, he was much fonder of shoot before asking questions, so there's that-oops! Shhhh.
Leonard's voice dropped considerably and he went quiet again, giving Jax time to get comfortable. That seemed like it'd be a good tape.
He heard something that sounded mildly familiar, but couldn't place exactly what it was. Luckily for him, Snart spoke again, still in that low voice.
This hushed business is louder than one'd think.
Anyway. I think you are all curious to know why we're so quiet. Well, it's actually kind of silly, but also important for this tape.
I said it before, we're walking into a booby trap, and I'm not repeating myself to sound funny. This is serious. Very, deeply serious.
Even though part of me wants to believe that things will be alright, I can't help but think about Alexa. Ask Mick what I mean with that, or maybe even Lisa would be able to explain; there's no way in hell I'm going into details about that.
Here's what you've got to know: Alexa reminds me of that time things went so sideways I ended up with my nice ass in jail.
Now, of course I didn't stay there for long. I mean, you'd figure prison breaks are a bit of my specialty, but it was enough to color my experiences forever.
Huh.
I'm talking too much when I shouldn't. I'm here to listen.
Listen.
For a while, Sara thought that silence had fallen again, and she didn't understand Leonard's point at all to leave all those gaps, but then she heard it… just the faintest of the voices, the squeak of shoes pacing the floor. No, not pacing, going to a side to the other of the room.
Where was he? And who was talking?
She didn't know the voices, couldn't understand the words. Besides, Jitters was getting too noisy.
Sara hit stop and fished her phone from her pocket, already opening the delivery app. She was heading back to the apartment, where (okay) it was familiar and lonely, but also quiet, and she would be able to listen better. Maybe somewhere silent she'd be able to understand what was being said, like Leonard did.
When the voice started to make sense, she found out it was a child… and then a woman.
"…and we love you."
"Anything else you want to say?"
"Come home soon, Daddy."
Leonard's voice cut it short. Barry couldn't place what was it that made him sound so different so suddenly. Anything that was said before those words was too muffled to make sense, but…
Who was this tape destined to anyway?
Hm. That's… a little cruel. He's been listening to it for a while now in a loop. I wonder…
…
No, I'm not going there. I don't want to go anywhere today.
All I want to do is record this tape and get it over with.
Anyway.
I didn't have anything planned to say, in part because usually I don't have any, and in part because this tape is for someone who's been a big pain in my ass for a while now. I thought… that if I was ever to talk about him, it'd be something humorous, you know? With that half annoyed turn of mouth that says 'you know what? I kinda like you though,' but I can't do that, not here, not under these circumstances.
Here's what you already know – that we're going to do something really dangerous soon, and that I don't like how it makes me feel.
And here's what most of you don't know. This piece of shit some call a timeship, the Waverider, is layered and shaped much like a maze. I know that because Mick and I make sure to find out every crease of our locations in order to find escape routes and stash goodies. That's just something that we do, as the exalted crooks that we are.
There are many in-betweens in this ship, and I'm in one of them. I came because it's "bedtime" and something is off, so I'm checking. Also, I wanted to record this tape today just in case something happens tomorrow that would cloud my thoughts about him. You. Rip. Because, you know… I'd rather you listen to a calm truth than a flamboyant rant – and I'm oh, so good at those.
That's why I had the recorder with me.
Do you guys recognize that voice?
…
"…want to know if you're all right. Wherever you are, whenever you are, I love you, Rip."
…
"Go ahead, Jonas, he's listening."
Figured it out? I did in the first try, but to be fair, I was peeking.
I told you, it's cruel. But I've been hidden here for… fifteen minutes now and everyone is asleep, so very hopeful…
I just figured… you must be hopeful too. Terrified, certainly, but hopeful that after tomorrow you will finally be able to… go… home.
That might feel so crazy, doesn't it, Rip? Home, to your wife and child, wow.
It's been a while since I saw Lisa. I miss the kid. My baby sister, your tape is coming soon, promise.
I've a feeling I'll have to record them fast. I don't know what tomorrow brings, and I don't like to think about it, but sitting right here and watching you through this thin crack, Rip, I bet tomorrow is everything you can think of.
Wh-
"And we love you."
"And we love you."
…
…
Why are you doing this to yourself, Rip? It's… too much.
Hit stop.
Enough.
Rip…
That's… wrong. And I know it's probably the last thing you have of them, but you're torturing yourself watching this over and over. You shouldn't do that, you don't deserve it.
Stop it.
Leonard grew louder at each word. It seemed that he wanted to be caught, maybe because that would lead Rip to actually stop replaying the message the way Snart wanted him to.
Caitlin felt bad for the former Time Master. She knew how it was to replay something over and over looking for a solution or sometimes not even that, just looking for an extra tip as to what should be done next, even knowing that there was nothing there.
Most of all, she knew the results of that mission they were heading into during the recording of those tapes, knew that Rip would never see his wife and child alive again, and that worsened things, made them sadder.
You don't deserve the burden of carrying the destiny of your family on your sleeve. Destiny is just a thing that carries us away. You don't have a say on how things will turn out, not even if you're traveling through time fixing history.
How many times, Rip, did you say that time likes to happen?
Tell you what, we're not responsible for our future, same way we weren't of our past. We're temporary, just like Jonas and Miranda, and eventually we'll be gone. When things are out of our reach and we are out of resources, it's time to let go.
So far, we don't have a way to bring your family back without destroying the intrinsic thread we formed here, in this group you so wrongly titled Legends, but we're trying to live up to that name, and maybe, someday, we'll figure it out, crack the code.
Until then, take some deep breaths, let go.
Rip, be a little gentler with yourself.
We're going to the thing with the Time Masters with you and we've got your back, but first you have to find it in you to keep moving forward.
You haven't yet. You're trying, but haven't yet, and it pains me to admit that it worries me.
Come on, Captain, hit stop. Go to bed, have some rest. Tomorrow is a big day.
Huh.
Can't believe I'm secretly dad-ing you. Tell no one!
…
"We miss you."
"And we love you."
"And we love you."
…
"I miss you too, my darlings."
…
You stopped. And you turned it off… leaving the office.
That's good. Be nicer to yourself, Rip. You've suffered for too long and you deserve good things. Go find them.
Damn, that's nothing like what I was going to say, but it's okay. It's fine. In the end, it's what you should hear from me. I actually kind of like you, even though you try really hard to be the worst.
Yeah, it's what you should hear.
