Title: Unsteady
Pairing: Drarry (background) Dramione (friendship)
POV: Draco
Draco zipped up his jacket, attempting to block out the chill of the autumn air. If it was up to him he'd be nice and warm in the room at St. Mungo's, but instead of settling down with a of a cup of tea and good company, he was trudging after Hermione Granger as she lead the way through the Forbidden Forest. She hadn't exactly been the best of company but there was a good reason for him tagging along. Though watching her struggle up a steep hill was almost painful. "This would be easier if you-"
"Look, Malfoy." Hermione huffed in irritation, cutting him off. "I don't even know why you're here but I didn't ask you to come along, so if you could keep your complaining to a minimum that would be great."
The blonde scowled at the back of her head. "I'm not complaining, I'm just pointing out that there are much better ways to get the information you're looking for that doesn't involve us galavanting around in bloody woods."
"Oh? So all the grumbling about the mud ruining your precious shoes and how they weren't made for hiking is just you making pleasant conversation?" She asked mockingly.
If he wasn't trekking up the blasted hill he would have crossed his arms and given her the world's biggest bitch face. "These shoes aren't made for hiking and I just got them earlier this week. Forgive me for wanting to keep my things nice."
"Again, I didn't ask you to come."
"Perhaps not, but I made a promise, Granger." He replied steadily, cringing slightly as the atmosphere changed between them.
Her footsteps faltered and she stopped her ascent. "I...that wasn't...I had nothing to do with that." Her voice sounded small now, almost lost in wind and the trees.
He sighed, climbing a couple of meters to stand beside her. "Does it really matter?"
She finally met his eyes. "Harry isn't in any position to demand that kind of thing from you."
"Isn't he though?" He asked her. "He's worried about you, they all are. You've been running yourself ragged and that's why he asked me to take care of you."
She frowned and started moving again. "I am fine. I don't need you to babysit me so you can leave at any time. In fact you should do just that. I'm sure he's missing you." He could hear the edge to her voice but he just continued following after her. "I'm not going to crash. I eat and I sleep just fine. I've got it all under control."
"You can't do it all, Granger. No matter how strong you are or how intelligent or stubborn. No one is fine dealing with things like this. Not you, not Harry, not me." His heart ached in his chest a little at the words. "At least not alone."
She ignored him and continued on, looking for the path that would lead her to the thing she'd come out here for. They were both silent for a long after that, her searching desperately for the tiny blue flower that could possibly be the answer to their problems, and him standing quietly behind her as she muttered to herself. It wasn't like he didn't understand her desperation. In fact, he was acutely familiar with the frightening and unrelenting feeling that they were running out of time. Oh how he felt it. Every day. Every night. With every breath. But he could compartmentalize when the need arose. Granger couldn't.
That's why Harry had made him promise.
No matter what happens. Take care of Hermione. She will need you even if she doesn't say it.
He'd wanted to protest, to tell him that he'd never have to make that vow because Harry was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine. But deep down he knew. He knew they weren't going to live happily ever after and he was deluding himself if he thought otherwise. He'd somewhat accepted that either way their lives were going to change. He'd accepted it. But Granger handn't.
He pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched her. She was still digging around, pleading to a god to help her find it. After what seemed like hours Draco got tired of watching her pulling out weeds and crawling along the ground. He reached out to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. The touch made her flinch but she didn't pull away from it. She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve but he couldn't tell if it was her getting rid of the sweat on her brow or the evidence of her tears on her cheeks. "You've got to stop." He whispered, crouching down in front of her.
"I can't." She cried, softly. "I can't. I need to do this. He needs me to do this."
He shook his head and brushed her hair out of her face. "He needs you to be his friend right now, not his healer." She looked like she was about to protest so he continued, "I know you want to help, and we are all grateful for it, but he's dying, Granger."
She pulled away from him as if his words had burned her and they both stood to their full height. Anger seeped into her eyes as she glared at him. "I know that!" She seethed. "Why the hell do you think I'm out here? Why do you think I've spent more sleepless nights than I can count pouring through every book I can get my hands on? I'm not doing this to feed a hero complex, Malfoy. I'm doing this for him! For us!" She yelled, shoving a finger into his chest. "Because we can't lose him! I can't...I can't lose him." Tears fell unchecked down her face. "So don't tell me to stop. Don't tell me to give up. Because I won't! You all may have given up hope, but I will never give up on him!"
"No one is telling you to give up." He promised her. "And none of us are throwing in the towel, so i find that statement offensive. It's just...we need to be reasonable. It's like you said. You've spent more sleepless nights locked away from everyone than being with them. Don't you think he'd rather have you, his best friend, sitting beside him instead of your shadow? When was the last time you even saw him? Two weeks ago? Two weeks, Granger. How can you stand there and justify you being out here and not by his side?"
"Don't try to guilt trip me Malfoy!" She spit out. "I know how long it's been! But it's the right thing to do! I need to be out here! Every moment I'm not looking for a cure is a moment wasted."
"No, It really isn't." He said sadly. "Tell me honestly, If Harry…." He choked on the next words. "IIf he died tonight would you regret not spending his last few months with him instead of going on this wild goose chase?"
Her mouth popped open in surprise, and maybe a little outrage as they stared each other down. "That's not fair, Malfoy. That's not fair."
"Just answer the damn question. Would you regret not spending what little time you had left with him? Would you be fine with him dying while you are miles and miles away, too lost in grief to allow yourself any small amount of peace with him?"
Head bowed and hands shaking she answered, "I don't...I want to be with him...I'd regret that, but I can't just let him die."
"You're not the only one trying to help him. He has a team of Healers doing whatever they can and some of the best potion master's trying to come up with a cure. You aren't in this by yourself. He misses you. He wants to see you. He is so concerned that he had me promise to take care of you. Me. Can't you see what this is doing to him? He wants you to be ok."
"I'll never be ok." She admitted. "I won't be ok until he is healthy and out of that hospital bed. What am I going to do if he never gets up? I don't want to think about it. I'm trying so hard to make this right. He's done so much. Why can't I do this for him? I feel like a failure. He's my bestfriend, I love him, and I can't just sit here waiting for bad news."
Her conviction was almost tangible and his heart clenched in his chest. Granger wore her heart on her sleeve, her emotions out in the open for everyone to see. It made him a little bit envious. It was so different from him, who sat by his boyfriend's sick bed reading the daily prophet and talking about Quidditch before the other man broke down into one of his coughing fits. He'd hold his hand, whisper to him, be there for him. But he wouldn't shed a tear no matter what diagnoses they gave. He had to be strong. He had to be strong for all of them. But right now, standing in front of her, watching her cry and her body shake, he found himself slipping. Just a little.
"Granger." His voice sounded broken when he spoke and he shut his eyes, not wanting to see her reaction. "You're not...you're not the only one that loves him." Warm arms wrapped around him and he felt her head press against his chest between his chin and shoulder, her hair tickling his throat. It was an unexpected embrace but his own arms lifted automatically and pulled her in closer. "You're not the only one that won't be ok."
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I know it's killing you too. I just...it's sometimes easy to forget I'm not the only one whose heart is breaking."
"I suppose my stoic nature doesn't help much with proving you otherwise." He coughed, trying to stop the emotions threatening to surface.
She laughed softly, burying her face in his coat. "You don't have to hide your feelings, you know? It's ok to let them out every once in awhile."
"I know, Granger." He sighed, blinking away the tears, and holding onto her like a tether. "I know. But I'm trying...I'm trying to be strong here. Just….just let me take care of you so we can go back home and say I kept my promise and tell him all about our bonding experience out in the woods."
She nodded her head but gave no other response. "How is he?" She asked suddenly, breaking away from him. "How is he really?"
He looked to the ground as he replied, "He's...he's not good. That's why I'm out here. That's why I want you to come back."
"Shit."
"I know I can't make you come back with me, but I hope you do. I don't want you to have any regrets." He said, offering her his hand. "So, what are you going to do? Stay out here until it's too late? Or come back with me?" She looked down at his hand and then back up to his face. Her eyes were glazed and shiny, and he feared she was about to cry again. "Come on, Granger. Harry is waiting for us."
"Ok." She agreed, entwining their fingers together. "Let's go home."
