Disclaimer: I don't own anything from The Outsiders


6

I had never celebrated Valentine's Day. I never had a reason to. February 14th never had any significance to me, so when Scott called me up early that Sunday morning and asked me what time I wanted him to pick him up, I was surprised.

"To do what?"

"Babe..." Scott laughed on the other line. "It's Valentine's Day."

I laughed off the embarrassment. "Oh. Yeah, uh, anytime after 4 is fine."

"I'll pick you up at 6, okay? I've got something planned for dinner. And, Debbie?"

"Yeah?"

"Wear that dress you wore to that party."

"Why?" I asked quickly. That dress represented such an awful night for me. I never wanted to put it on ever again. When I got home after Macy's party, I washed it and put it in the back of my closet, forgetting that it was even there.

"Because I like the way it looks on you. Why else?"

He hung up after that.

I went to church with my mother and then when I got home, I pulled that awful dress out from the back of my closet and put it on. I walked past the mirror without looking in it and I went straight to my vanity, to fix my hair.

Scott was very confusing. He had moments where he would almost completely ignore me and then he would be all over me. Depending on what mood he was in, his affections varied. I was good with being ignored. It was the being all over me that had me wanting to escape.

I was twisting parts of my hair out of my face and I found myself wishing the night was already over.

Scott picked up forty minutes late - not unusual - and he drove me all the way up the side of a mountain. I recognized it as the first night he took my into the backseat of his car.

There still wasn't enough light - no streetlights or anything, except for the headlights on the car. It was 7:30 at night by the time we reached the top. I was starving, but I couldn't see how we could eat all the way up on the hill.

I got out of the car and walked around to the front. "What are we doing up here?"

Scott walked to the back of his car, opening the trunk and pulling out a picnic basket. He smirked, also grabbing and thick blanket. "Happy Valentine's Day."

I smiled. "Scott." I was surprised. Something genuinely romantic and sweet was the last thing I expected from Scott. "Wow."

He handed me the basket and he laid out the blanket on the more grassy part of the landing we were on. He sat down on it, patting the area beside him. "Sit down, babe."

I sat down beside him, putting the basket in between us. I opened up the basket, feeling my stomach contract. I reached and grabbed the cup of grapes. "This is really very sweet, Scott."

"Do I get something in return?"

I looked up at him and his expression. He was looking at me with determined eyes, a smirk on his lips. He was staring at me like he always did when we were alone. I hated that look. "Of course." I leaned forward and kissed him briefly. When I leaned away, I smiled. "Let's eat!"

We ate all the food that was in the basket, which wasn't very much. The sun was slowly going down and it was getting a little chilly. Scott gave me the jacket he was wearing and we were laying down on the blanket, looking up at the sky and waiting for the stars.

Scott's arm was acting as a pillow for my neck and our bodies were pushed together. Scott was silent almost the entire time. I was almost sure he was asleep.

"What are you wearing under your dress?"

He was definitely not asleep.

I chuckled, nervousness coming to me for the first time that entire night. "What?"

Scott moved so that he was sitting up on an elbow. He looked down at my. "What kind of underwear do you have on?"

I looked him in the eyes, searching for some sort of sign that he was joking. When I saw that he wasn't, I sat up on the backs on my arms, facing getting slightly closer to his. "Normal underwear, Scott."

Scott smirked. His hand reached up and grabbed the fabric that was sliding off my shoulders. "Can I see?" He pulled it down, making me suck in a nervous breath. He kissed me and moved to hover over me.

I wanted to give Scott what he wanted - I really did. I felt awful that I had been dragging him along for a couple months and I still hadn't given him the one thing more than anything. But every time Scott set his intentions, I got nervous enough to throw up. I started to sweat and panic. I hated every second that his hand travelled up my thigh or pulled on shirt.

Valentine's was no exception.

He yanked harshly on my dress, pulling the fabric off my other shoulder. He pulled the dress down to my waist, his lips detaching from me to look at my chest.

I reached up and covered my bra. "Scott, I'm not ready for this."

He tried to smile soothingly, but it was unsettling more than anything. He grabbed my arms and pulled them away from me. "Come on, Debbie. It's Valentine's Day. I did all of this for you." His hand moved to my chest and he seemed to be enjoying himself.

I closed my eyes, trying hard to see if I could manage to sit through it. I quickly pushed him away, knowing my answer, and he landed on his back beside me. I pulled my dress up quickly and I put my arm around myself. "Thank you for everything tonight, Scott, but I'm not ready to do that."

Just like when he brought me up to the same spot a couple of months ago, when he realized he was getting it from me, he turned to a sour mood. He told me to get in the car and he angrily packed everything up.

The ride down was silent and awkward. The ride home just as much so.

"I'm sorry," I said to him, breaking the silence.

Scott huffed. "I don't know why I go out with you. You never wanna do anything fun!"

I pretended not to be hurt as I scooted closer to him. "I really am sorry." I did feel bad and I felt like I needed to give him something if I wanted to keep him. He was going to break things off with if I didn't step up.

I didn't know why I wanted to stay with Scott. Us breaking up wouldn't be the worse thing. But I liked being apart of the Soc group, despite the glares I got from Mandy. I like being pretty enough for one of the most popular and rich kids in the whole school. I liked how much my mother liked him. And I liked how much Two-bit seemed to hate him.

Needless to say, I was still a little bitter about Two-bit kissing that other girl.

I rubbed Scott's chest and timidly kissed his neck.

Scott glanced at me, smirk returning to his face. "Should I take a loop around the block?"

"Yeah." I nodded, figuring I could push myself to satisfy him for a total of five minutes without taking an of our clothes off.

Five minutes later and I was running into my house. I closed the door quietly and went to the kitchen to get something to eat, but when I turned to corner of the living room, I screamed.

My mother was sitting at the dining room table, hair disheveled, robe on, glass of what looked like bourbon in front of her and half a cigarette in between his small fingers. She looked over at me, her tired eyes staring. "I thought you were going to be later."

I had never seen my mother smoke before. And I had only seen her drink once.

I walked toward the fridge to get a glass of juice. "Uh, no, we finished a little earlier than I thought."

"Hm."

I bravely said, "I didn't know you smoked."

She pulled a pack out of the pocket of her robe and held it up. "Always have, honey."

I walked toward the table and sat down across from her. "Where did you get the bourbon?"

"Top cupboard of the shelf you and your brother never go in," she said, laughing a little. She reached for the glass. "God's secret."

I nodded awkwardly, ready to stand. "Well -"

My mother put her hand over mine, the look on her face desperate. "Wait." When I was sat in the chair full she said, "You and Scott are together, right?"

"Yes."

"A nice Catholic boy?"

"Yes, mother."

She laughed, leaning back in her chair and shaking her head. "Oh, goodness." She put the cigarette close to her lips. "Do you really like him?"

I watched her take a long drag and I waited until my shock subsided until I answered her. "I guess."

"You know, before I met your father, I was so in love with this boy that was not at all right for me." She looked past me, starting to smile. "He was in and out of jail, too old for me, and an Atheist. When my mother caught us together, she slapped me and told me that life wasn't about being happy, it was about being good."

This was the most my mother and I had ever talked, so I leaned forward, interested in what she was saying. "What happened?"

My mother shrugged. "I cut all ties from him. I was heart broken and so was he. My mother introduced me to your father and I knew that I was being good. I married him because he was a nice, Catholic boy, and I had kids with him because that was what you're supposed to do." She shook her head, scoffing. "I wasn't happy one second in that marriage."

I nodded. "I know."

She looked me in the eyes, unrecognizable. "Are you dating Scott because it's what I want?"

I looked at her intensely, debating on whether I was going to lie, but then I remember what she always used to tell me. An honest girl is a good girl. I nodded. "Somewhat."

"Do you want to be with someone else?"

I sighed, not wanting to think of any of it. "Maybe, I don't know."

She pointed at me. "Don't do what I did, Debbie. Don't turn into me, because then you turn into -" She gestured to herself, her eyes fluttering. "This." She sighed, slowly putting her head down on the table. "And you don't want to be like me."

I watched her for a minute. When she didn't say anything else, I took the cigarette from her and stomped it out in our backyard. I took her glass of bourbon and dumped the little that was left into the sink. I washed the cup and put it away. I grabbed a pillow from the couch and put it under her head.

I thought my mother was happy with who she was. I thought she was comfortable with the way her life turned out, but she wasn't at all. And all because she didn't choose the right person.

I wanted to slap myself. I didn't want to think too far into it because I would start making some stupid decisions.

Scott was good for me, or at least he was...for me. Two-bit was going to hurt me if I was with him. I saw the way he looked at other girls and I knew the way it made me feel. Scott did the same thing, but it didn't have nearly the same effect.

I sighed heavily, making my way to my bedroom.

I was too tired to think about it anymore.

I was asleep almost as fast as my mother.


May 4th. I wrote that on the top corner of my page, my name on the other side.

I could feel the burning glare on the back of my head. She wanted me to disappear. She didn't have to say it because I could feel it. I could feel the burn on the back of my head in the History classroom.

I was unbelievably thankful when the bell rang.

I nearly ran out of the classroom, going straight for my locker. I opened it, a piece of paper delicately falling down to the ground. I leaned down and picked it up, unfolding it and reading it.

Everyone's life would be better if you weren't alive

xoxo

I looked around the hallway, seeing Mandy and her friends laughing at me. I quickly looked away, ripping it in half and stuffing it into my bag. I closed my locker and starting walking out of the school.

Scott's body barrelled into mine, knocking me down.

I seethed, sitting up and reaching for my books.

He looked down at me. "Hurry up and pick your shit up, Debbie, we've got places to go."

"I told you, I work today."

I had gotten a job at Jax. I didn't really need the money. I didn't buy anything for myself, really. I never went out to eat and I never went shopping. I had a little money from babysitting when I was younger, but I only did that to get out of my house. Maybe it was the same thing. It gave me some time of not being home and time away from Scott.

"Alright." Scott turned, walking out of the school with his friends.

I picked up my books and walked out of the school, covering my eyes from the sun as I crossed the street. I ran all the way to work, knowing I would be later otherwise. I was counting on Scott as a ride, but knew that it was a slim chance he'd offer.

"You're late," my boss told me as I ran inside the back door of the diner.

I focused on grabbing my outfit from my cubby hole. "I know." I shoved my bag and books inside the cubby and then I ran to the bathroom, slipping on the tight, pale yellow dress. I came out of the bathroom, tying the apron around my waist.

"How was your day, kid?"

I looked at my boss, surprised that he was asking. "Fine."

"Make that fantastic." He looked at me, gesturing to the front of the restaurant. "We've got a lot of people today. Put on a smile, unbutton your top button and get out there."

I grabbed a tray, my brows furrowed at him. I waited for him to say something else, but he just gave me intense eyes and gestured for me to get out there. I walked out to the front of the restaurant, notepad at the ready.

I smiled as I walked up to my first table. "Are you guys in the right place?"

Curly smirked, looking me up and down. "I sure am."

I laughed, looking at Ponyboy. "How are you, Pony?"

He shrugged, cigarette in his fingers. "Good."

"You don't seem sure," I said, giving them some menus.

"Two-bit's just in the bathroom," Curly said suddenly, eyes trained on the menu only.

I coughed awkwardly, leaning against the booth. "Don't you guys have a diner closer to where you live?"

"The Dingo," Pony answered.

Curly shrugged. "But Two wanted to come here."

"They have better fries," I heard from behind me. Two-bit's arm came around my shoulders and he smiled. "Hey, baby."

I couldn't help but to also smile. "Two-bit."

He sat down beside Two-bit, hand grazing my leg. "Nice outfit."

I chuckled, smacking him over the head. "Shut up." I pulled the pen out of my apron, clicking it. "Alright, what do you guys want?"

"Burger and fries," Curly said confidently. "And a large Cola."

"Same," Pony said.

Two-bit shrugged. "Same thing for me."

"Great." I nodded, spinning around and walking toward the kitchen.

"But I'm only gonna tip you if we hang out tonight," Two-bit said, standing and following behind me.

I shook my head. "Can't."

"Come on, Debbie," Two-bit said, sinking into the counter dramatically. "I feel like we haven't hung out in forever."

I tried not to smile. "I have a job now, Two-bit."

"Well, book off some days next month. The 15th and 16th. Me, Danny, Steve, Evie and Soda are gonna go out of town to this bar that Evie's cousin owns. We can get free beers. We're gonna spend the night there."

"I don't know..."

Two-bit grabbed my chin and turned my face to face him. "Come on, baby, have some fun."

I slowly started to smile. "Fine."

He smiled widely, cheering loudly and kissing my cheek before running away.

Such a strange person.