Disclaimer: I don't own anything from The Outsiders


9

I was walking around the diner, taking my orders. I got strange looks from people. My short hair was tucked behind my ears, just so it was out of my face, but that gave full view of my bruised and cut up cheeks. It hurt to walk and breathe and every once in a while, I'd clutch at my ribs and seethe, but I tried not to do that.

I had managed to get home late enough so that my mother was asleep and Danny wasn't there and then I got up early enough to get to work before my mother was up and way, way before Danny would be up. Neither of them saw me, which I was glad for.

I was just doing my job when Scott Landon walked right inside. He was looking around. He was looking for me. I spun around, putting the coffee pot down on the counter and running out the back door. I breathed heavily, my back against the wall of the diner.

"You okay, kid?"

I looked at the woman beside me. Her name was Carol and she was a sweetheart. She was middle-aged and looked better in the skimpy little outfit than most of our coworkers. She was a pretty woman, but she wasn't very nice, from what I heard. "Yeah," I said quietly. "I'm fine."

She gestured to her cheek, looking at mine. "Boyfriend?"

I touched my cheek. "No, no, I -"

Carol laughed, smoking her cigarette. "It's alright, kid. It's not out of the ordinary, I'll tell you that." She glanced at me and then looked at the street. "You came out of there pretty fast. Hiding from someone?"

I nodded awkwardly. "Yeah."

"Want a cigarette?"

I stared down at the white cigarette. "No," I told her, knowing I shouldn't have.

She shook it. "Trust me, Debbie, it will make you feel better." After I took it, she stood and wiped her dress. "Why don't you go for a walk? I'll cover for you."

"Thank you." I was surprised by her kindness, but I already knew that look in her eyes when she looked at me; pity. Carol went back inside and I walked away from the diner and onto the sidewalk.

Who did Scott think he was? If he thought I was going to fall back into his arms after what happened, I wasn't going to. I didn't know if he knew what Mandy did, but either way, it wasn't going to change anything. Scott was exactly who Danny told me he was going to me. I thought the Greasers didn't like him because he was a Soc, but they didn't like him simply because he was an asshole.

I hadn't realized that I was getting to the end of the cigarette or that I was breaching Greaser territory. I had been walking for a pretty long time. I hadn't noticed much at all ad I really didn't notice when a man started waving at me from across the street.

"Debbie!"

I looked, eyes widening. I turned around, fast-walking back in the direction of the diner. "No, no, no," I muttered to myself, the nervousness taking over.

Two-bit grabbed my arm, spinning me around. "Debbie." His cheeks were kind of red his eyes were trained on me. He was so handsome. "What the hell happened?"

"I - I -"

He reached up, grabbing my chin in his fingers and turning my head to both sides. His mouth shut tightly as he did, eyes no longer kind and funny. He let go of my face. "Did Scott do this?"

"No," I said strongly, wanting to make that clear.

"Then who did?"

I scoffed, shaking my head. "It's none of your business, Two-bit." I started to turn around, raising the cigarette to my lips.

Two-bit grabbed my arm again, pulling me to face him. "Enough, Debbie," he said angrily. He took the cigarette from my lips and threw it somewhere. "Tell me who did this."

I wanted him to leave me alone. I couldn't look at him anymore. It made me sad.

"Mandy," I said, looking him in the eyes. "A Soc girl, so good luck with that one."

Two-bit shook his head, confusion all over his face. "Why would she do that?"

"Because she's jealous."

"Of what?"

"Me and Scott," I informed him, turning around and walking. I felt the sadness creep up and up further. "It's over now. Everything's done."

"You broke up with Scott?" Two-bit asked, keeping a fair distance behind.

"Yes."

"Why?"

I spun around, angry instead of sad for that moment. "Because he cheated on me! With Mandy!" I huffed, glaring at Two. "Are you putting the pieces together now, Two-bit?" I turned back around, starting up on a jog. I could hear him and his old converse behind me.

"Debbie!"

I looked over my shoulder at him. "Please don't follow me," I said desperately, making his following come to a stop. I continued forward and I ran all the way back to the diner. I sat outside, back against the wall, head in my hands.

How did things get so messed up. I used to be the girl who sat in Scott's truck and listened to music. I used to stay go to bed at a decent time. I used to have all my homework done. I never smoked. I never drank. I never kissed boys I wasn't supposed to. And I certainly never got into scuffs like the one from last night.


I could feel the ache in my face as I walked up to my house. I ran up the steps and through the front door, tripping over a pair of shoes. I groaned loudly, the frustration of the entire day getting to me. "Danny!"

"What?" Danny came jogging down the hallway, hands in his pockets.

I glared at him. "Could you move your shit next time."

"Jesus, Deb," Danny said. "Bad day?" When I didn't answer and focused on untying my shoes, Danny leaned against the wall casually. "Two-bit left a message for you." I didn't respond and Danny walked over to me, grabbing my arm. "Two-bit called, Debbie, in case your didn't hear me."

I ripped my arm away from him. "I heard you."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "You won't tell me what the hell happened to you the night of the dance and now you've stopped talking all together?"

The ache in my face was too much for me to focus. I felt the pressure inside of me building. "I can't do this right now." I walked around him and went straight into the bathroom and slammed the door. I felt the headache coming on as I reached into the cabinet. My hands were shaking. I grabbed the bottle of aspirin, trying to open it.

Child protected caps. I couldn't twist the lid or figure out which direction. The clicking was no help.

I was getting angry. I was hurting. I needed a fix and it was impossible to get it without opening up the damn bottle of aspirin.

I struggled with it for no evident reason, getting more and more frustrated as the seconds passed. "Come on," I growled, hitting the bottle, feeling relief at the action. A couple tears fell down on my cheek and I threw the bottle down in front of me. I breathed heavily as I reached forward and smashed my fist against the glass, making a couple of cracks. There was barely a second between the time that I first hit it and then next and then the time after that and after that. I just kept hitting the mirror, shards of glass coming off quickly, the ear-piercing sound fuelling my headache.

"Hey, hey -" Arms wrapped around me as I sobbed, talking softly as he pulled me away from the mirror, squeezing my bloodied hand in his. "It's okay."

We sunk to the ground and I couldn't breathe. I just sobbed, gasping desperately for breaths in between. My chest started to hurt and so did my stomach. I sobbed and sobbed, my body against the cold tile as my head rested of Danny's leg.

He was saying something that I wasn't paying attention to, but his tone was nice and calming.

I cried until I physically couldn't. After that, I fell asleep pretty quickly.

I woke up to a tight face and a very dry throat. I rolled over in my bed with I saw Danny sitting in the chair in the corner, head back, mouth wide open, loud snores coming out of him. I laughed, tossing a pillow his way.

His head popped up quickly. "Huh?" His eyes met mine and he stood, sitting down on my bed just as quickly as he woke up. "How you doin'?"

I rolled my eyes, grabbing the water on the bedside table. "I had a breakdown, I didn't die."

"Deb." Danny took the water from me, setting it down He looked me in the eyes and reached for my hand. "I don't know what happened to you, but you've been acting not like yourself. You went from bad to good to worse."

"What?"

"You went from bad with Scott..." Danny paused. "To good with Two-bit..." he said quietly. "And then you stopped hanging out with Two-bit, started dating Scott and you got worse. You see a pattern here?"

"Scott and I aren't together anymore."

"What about Two?"

I looked at him. "So?" I snapped, not meaning to. "What about him?"

"Don't act dumb 'cause we both know you're not," Danny said harshly, stopping with the nice brother act. "You two are in each other's boots and you know it."

I stared at him, my slightly angered face matching his. "I don't love Two-bit." Maybe I was lying, but I wasn't about to flat out admit something that embarrassing to my little brother.

Danny rolled his eyes dramatically. "Would you at least talk to the guy, Deb?"

I sighed, feeling the exhausting sinking into my bones. I then looked at him, reaching out for my water. "I'll think about it."

"Great," he said, seeming satisfied. He grabbed my water before I could, gulping back the rest of it. He slammed the cup down and held his hand out to me. "Now get up, you're takin' me to a movie."

"Why's that?" I stood slowly, taking his hand as help.

"I let you cry all over me. I better get a movie ticket and a medium popcorn, at least."

Danny got a large popcorn - without me knowing, but surely I paid for it. We went to see some stupid horror film that used all the classic moves. It was predictable and boring, but Danny was really into it.

I kept my mouth shut and ate my popcorn, ignoring the ache in my hand, which was wrapped up awfully by the one and only Danny.

Everything was fine. I was fine.

Or I was until I saw her.

She was sitting next to Scott, both unharmed and happy. They were smiling and laughing, the both of them. Mandy's hair was all done up and her makeup was done to perfection and she looked beautiful in her dark green sweater. Scott was as handsome as ever, of course. His hand was resting on her leg and he was touching her lovingly - not like he ever touched me.

They were so awful. And they deserved each other. Both of them screwed me over. And after everything I ignored. I ignored Mandy's threats and bullying. I ignored Scott not listening to me when I said no. I let so many things slide. Not anymore.

I stood up, head lowered, glaring at the both of them. I watched as Scott kissed her cheek and left to go somewhere.

"Deb -"

I walked away from my brother, across the lot. I stopped in front of her, breathing heavily. I couldn't contain anything anymore. "We need to talk."

Mandy stood, smoothing out her expensive skirt. She looked at me like I was some stupid kid. She looked at me like she had sex with my boyfriend. "Why don't you go back to your side of the lot, Debbie?"

"All you've done is treat me like dirt!" I yelled at her, gaining the eyes of a couple people sitting around her. "I won't take it anymore!"

Mandy took a step forward, making me take one back. "I treated you like you deserved to be treated; like dirt, as you've put it." She was using a low voice. Her face was going red, matching the colour of the headband holding back her hair. "As far as I'm concerned, you no longer exist." She looked me up and down before sitting back in her seat. "We're done here."

I closed my eyes, breathing in and out. I didn't want to fight anymore.

"Oh, and nice hair, Debbie."

Actually, I did.

My fist was already in the air and I was ready to punch her in her pretty face and she looked smug in her seat. But I never go to punch her out. Someone grabbed my arm and yanked me back. I suspected Danny, but he smelt like beer.

"Jesus, Debbie, what's wrong with you?"

I shook him off, fixing Danny's jacket over my shoulders. "Plenty."

Two-bit stared at me in disbelief, his soft face concerned. He reached up and her grabbed my face gently in his hands. He took a step closer to me. "Baby, this isn't you."

I stayed where I was, enjoying the feeling of him touching me. And even though I loved that he was there, it didn't stop me from being mad at him. "You don't know anything about me."

He shook his head. "You're wrong, Deb." He let go of me face, hands finding my shoulders instead. "You're my best friend." He leaned away only slightly, glancing at the ground before looking me in the eyes again. "And more."

My lips parted, anticipating what he was going to say next. I was scared. "Two, I -"

He kissed me next. He held me against him tightly and moved his lips against mine, ignoring me when I tried to wiggle away. He kept kissing me after I tried to push him away. He just ket his tight grip on my jacket.

I wanted to be with Two-bit, but I didn't want it to happen that way.

"Two-bit, stop!" I elbowed his arms, making him release his grip on me. I watched him stumble away and I wrapped my jacket around me tightly. I looked him in his sad and regretful eyes and I couldn't take it.

I spun around and I ran. I ran halfway to my house before I couldn't anymore. My legs hurt when I slowed to a walk. So did my head. I felt nauseous.

Two-bit's lips felt so great on mine. So did his hands. I wanted him to be with me and I wanted to be with him, but I didn't feel right about anything, especially not myself. I felt out of my body and not...like...me.

I used to go to church and make supper every night and get my homework done. I used to pray, even though I would roll my eyes when I thought my mother was going a little over the top. I loved my family, even tough they weren't perfect. I didn't love my life, but it was simple.

Everything was so different. It was all Two-bit's fault. It was completely his fault that he made me fall in love with him.

I was on my route home. I was walking past the great house of God. The Church.

I used to go every Sunday with my mother. When Danny and I were kids, both of us used to go with her every Sunday. Danny dropped out and I stayed, and then I dropped out and left my mother to go alone. I felt awful about the entire thing. I didn't meant to hurt her.

I saw a light on inside.

I didn't even think about it before I walked inside, spotting Father Owens practicing something - probably a homily. His deep and reaching voice was all throughout the church. He was so loud, but so soft-spoken when talking to just you. He was my favourite person in the world when I was a child.

His eyes fell on me. "Debbie?" He started to smile. "Debra Wilson, is that you?"

I nodded and waved. "Hi, Father Owens."

He walked away from his podium, getting closer and closer to me. "I haven't seen you here in a while. Are you alright?"

His voice was so soft and he was so kind. He hadn't seen me in church, so he asked me if I was alright, instead of being angry with me. He saw my face change and he reached out to touch my shoulder. He didn't act shocked or push my away when I hugged him. He comforted me as I cried.

I sobbed, making my chest hurt. "Forgive me, Father for I have sinned." We weren't in the confession booth. It was all wrong. But I couldn't stop the words from coming out. "I've smoked and drank and - and cheated." I cried harder. "I've fallen away from myself and I don't know how to get back."

Father Owens pushed me ever so lightly away from him to look me in the eyes. "The mind strays from the heart all the time, Debra. You will be brought back. You have to say your prayers every night." He touched my cheek. "God will help you find the way."

"Thank you, Father."

"God Bless."

I knew people made fun of members of the Catholic Church. I knew Two-bit did. But the weight that came off my chest was indescribable. Whether it was the work of God or Jesus Christ or just having a piece of my old life back - I felt more myself than I had for the past couple months.

I wanted to be me again.

I was no longer attached to Scott and I was doing all the things I used to do. I was going back to myself - the way I wanted to be - the person I really was. The only thing that still didn't quite fit was Two-bit.

So, which was it? Cut him out completely or let him in?