been a while...whoopsie. I havent abandoned this, i promise. Please bare with me heh.
Finally comfortable with the amount of minutes that had passed since Mina had rounded the corner, Shikamaru pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against and started walking, tracing the girl's steps that went in the direction of his own home. When she first walked away from him, he had remained where he stood, looking up to the stars and counting them to pass the time. But then she called his name and, startled and slightly embarrassed, he clumsily shuffled away.
Now as he walked, curiosity arose as he came to the conclusion that she must be a shinobi. The flip with which she'd incapacitated the man was a move Shikamaru had seen many times during sparring practices. And despite the simplicity of that move, Shikamaru was impressed by the fluidity with which she carried it out.
Questions began to form and for a moment he thought maybe it wouldn't have been that bad to have walked together. His thoughts began to wander.
If Mina is a shinobi, why has he never seen or heard of her before? He struck that question as soon as the thought finished, realizing that no one knew everyone. There were far too many shinobi in the Leaf, and anyway there were the Anbu whose true identities were often known by little. Was she Anbu..? This seemed unlikely. For all the secrecy surrounding their position, Anbu were skilled to make themselves easily not-noticed even in off-duty daily life.
She's much too noticeable.
His forehead wrinkled as he considered this thought. Mina was actually quite ordinary in physical appearance if he stopped to analyze her features. No pink hair like Sakura's that one could identify amidst a crowd. Eyes a striking green, yes, but not especially unique like the Hyuuga's kekkei genkai. Her voice didn't carry and fill the room like Ino's, whose presence was very commanding when she wanted it to be.
Yet in their few interactions, Shikamaru found himself unable to take notice of much else other than her. He frowned.
Auburn hair. Easily ignored; brunette was a common hair color. Green eyes. Bright, but Ino had even bluer eyes. And Sakura's were green too. Soft features to her face, a dusting of light freckles across her nose and on her cheeks. A laugh that felt smooth and clear and small yet seemed to fill him when he heard it. And lips that were quick to smile.
Quick to kiss, as well.
Shikamaru fought the urge to roll his eyes at himself.
His goal was to list the things that make her plain, convincing himself she couldn't be as distracting as he'd thought she'd been. But in the process, Shikamaru faced the dilemma of simply imagining her features, getting caught up in remembering the kiss, and realizing that he remembered more details about this girl than he would've liked. Thus dismantling his point that 'she isn't that distracting.'
Then every thought about her dissipated as a series of screams carried through the night. Shinobi instincts sparking alert, Shikamaru bolted to the apartment complex originating the sound of a terrified someone. As he approached the building, he noted that the cries were uninterrupted; different from situations in his experience in which people were being attacked. He ran up the steps two at a time to the walkway, thoughts racing through his mind, rapid but clear. No signs of breaking and entering, narrowing down the chances of an attack on a civilian to unlikely. Shikamaru decided against kicking down the door and forcing his way in, opting instead to pound against it with his fist.
The screams stopped, then a moment later a voice came from the other side of the door.
Surprise at finding it to be Mina made him forget that he had informed her he lived in the completely other direction. So when she opened the door and asked what he was doing there, a lame excuse fell from his lips. Then for once it was she who wasn't meeting his gaze. Shikamaru on the other hand couldn't look away from her.
She looks so fragile, he thought.
This Mina before him seemed to be a different person than the girl who could flip over a grown man, who laughed with ease, who boldly kissed strangers. Wrapped in her blanket and avoiding his eyes, Mina seemed to be retreating, away from him, from everything around her. For a brief moment, Shikamaru was unable to make sense of the panic he'd heard in her screams, or the tears that pooled in her eyes. But then his mind suddenly recalled three things- the first of Mina at the cemetery, laying flowers down at the grave of whoever she'd been visiting; the second, of her defending herself with shinobi ease earlier that night; and lastly, the sight of his own darkened bedroom, ears ringing, breathing ragged as he jolted awake from his own nightmare.
And Shikamaru believed he understood.
She'd been in the war too, and like himself, continued to struggle through the aftermath.
But before he could form a thought of what to say next, Mina began to close the door with a goodnight and a good-bye slipping from her lips. The lack of her smile in the parting was jarringly noticeable to Shikamaru. As he headed home, he may or may not have been aware of the developing resolve within him to see her smile again.
In the couple weeks that followed, Shikamaru caught his mind wandering to thoughts of Mina once at some point each day. On a day that it rained, he thought of her twice.
The month went on with an accumulation of reports and meetings that seemed to follow each other back to back in a never ending tumble. Towards the end of the month, a relatively simple mission had gone sideways; the noble that had requested the team of Leaf Shinobi found some reason for offense with their performance and was demanding to be compensated for his wasted time and emotional grievances in addition to what he had paid to have the ninja come. After further investigation, the relentless storm of the lord's shrill complaints over the most petty things, and a throbbing headache that lasted the entirety of a week, Shikamaru finally settled the matters.
He ended that week with the thought that maybe his mother's nagging wasn't so terrible.
The evening he returned to the village, he stopped by his old home for a visit.
"How long has it been since you've visited?!" Despite greeting him with a scold and a whack to the side of his head, Yoshino was grateful her son stopped by.
Shikamaru rubbed his head. "Mendokusai…" It probably wouldn't have made a difference if she knew he was was just recovering from his week-long headache. "Hey Mom, you're looking well."
Yoshino shook her head and nudged her son in through the door. "Since you're here, could you help me with dinner?" Despite the words being framed as a question, Yoshino's sharp eyes and crossed arms made it clear that she wasn't really asking.
Shikamaru's lips pulled up into a half-smile, remembering the times his father would try to joke with her, saying that he was too busy. The kunoichi would often respond with nothing more than a raise of a brow, and Shikaku would be in the kitchen without another word, a small smile on his lips as his wife gently nudged him with her elbow.
Shikamaru had never thought of either one of his parents to be high spirited and playful, but in their small interactions like this, Shikamaru would perceive a tenderness that hinted at a different side of his parents than typically presented. Growing up, he got used to his mother's stern voice, the rigidity of her posture when she was determined to do anything; used to seeing his father - the leader of their clan - submit to her stubbornness. But he began to notice subtle moments of affection, which always brought that same small smile to his lips.
"What are you smiling about?"
Shikamaru glanced down his nose to the wooden spoon that his mother was pointing at him.
"Just remembering something about dad."
Yoshino's lips had been pressed into a firm line, which now curved into a form to match the half-smile on her son's face. "He was practically useless when it came to cooking. Was more of a hinderance than a help in the kitchen!"
She wanted him for the company rather than the help. To hide his growing smile at the thought of this, Shikamaru rolled his eyes and turned to the vegetables laying on the counter. He swiftly diced through them, and Yoshino gathered them to add to the pan on the stove.
She sighed and jabbed her son in the ribs with the handle of her spoon. "And here I thought you were thinking about a girl, with that smile on your face."
The comment brought with it a recollection of Mina, who he hadn't thought about in nearly a month. His hand slipped, and the squash he was slicing was launched across the counter.
His mother was intrigued. "Is there a girl?"
"No, there's no girl. The vegetables are wet and this knife isn't very sharp."
"Shikamaru!" Yoshino tossed the squash back to her son and he caught it with ease. An eyebrow raised a fraction of an inch, and her dark eyes hardened.
Troublesome woman… Shikamaru knew he couldn't stand against his mother's resolve, but he tried again anyway. "There really isn't, Ma."
To his surprise she relented, taking a step back toward the stove. "Fine. But when there is, you'll bring her over for a meal."
"Sure."
As he continued to help his mother prepare their meal, for the first time in weeks his mind wandered to think about the girl with the gentle laugh and soft lips. The girl who cried at night with her nightmares. The girl who he had begun forget about.
A crease settled on his brow, a frown on his lips, and a weight in his chest. He didn't want to forget her. This girl who had taken up most of the space in his mind for a brief time.
As limited as their interactions had been, Shikamaru didn't want her to just be an arbitrary occurrence stored in the untouched corners of his memories. He wanted-
What do I want?
To see her again? To have his questions about her answered?
Why does that matter?
Throughout dinner, his mother gave him updates on the clan. Ensui has been sick, but was refusing to rest. Shikamaru was aware of this, as he had been in the Hokage's office when Kakashi ordered Ensui to remain off-duty until he was feeling better. The deer in the Nara Clan Forest seemed to be doing well, Maen had been spending more time with them and they welcomed his company - as they did with any member of the Nara.
Shikamaru could only give half his attention, as he was preoccupied with his self-interrogation of why he wanted to see Mina again as well as wondering how he could see her again. By the end of their meal, Shikamaru had decided he would take the road that passed by Shushuya on his way home. It was in the same direction, he told himself, it wasn't like he was looking for Mina. Just slightly increasing the chances of bumping into her again.
As he was approaching the pub, he slowed his pace, deliberating going in. But as he had previously convinced himself, he wasn't looking for the girl; he was just passing by this place on his way home. The only people that emerged from the doors was a couple too preoccupied with each other to give Shikamaru any notice.
He turned the corner and was trying his best to ignore the discomfort of disappointment that was settling in when he saw her a few paces in front of him. Her back was to him and she continued walking further away, unaware of his gaze. Shikamaru hesitated for a moment, wanting to keep his hopes low in case he was mistaken and the auburn curls and yellow jacket in front of him belonged to a different girl.
But then he imagined how her face looked right now, as she was walking, and could only pull forth the image of how she looked that last night. Eyes wet, shoulders drawn, lips tilted down. That recollection coupled with a strange desire to replace that image in his mind pulled forth her name from his lips.
"Mina." It almost sounded like a question.
She paused briefly as if attempting to identify his voice before looking over her shoulder, green eyes meeting onyx ones.
Shikamaru was at her side now, and to his relief there was a smile on her lips. Faint, but it was better than the expression he'd seen on her last.
"Shikamaru," she greeted. "Hi."
He was surprised to find that his neck remained it's normal temperature and no tightness formed in his chest. In the case that either of those made a reappearance and he lost his composure again, Shikamaru quickly tumbled out the words, "Can I walk with you?"
Mina's smile widened and touched her eyes, at which Shikamaru felt a flutter - just a small one - in his stomach. He ignored it.
"Are you sure you're going this way?" She teased as she resumed walking. He matched pace with her and rubbed the back of his head as he smiled sheepishly.
"Yeah, about that-"
"It's okay, you don't have to explain why you didn't want to walk with me that night." Mina's tone was light and she shrugged a shoulder as if to emphasize her nonchalance.
Contrary to her words, Shikamaru suddenly felt the urge to explain. "Mina, I-"
She cut him off again. "Can I ask you a question though?"
Shikamaru blinked, unsure what to make of her tone and wondering where this was headed. There seemed to be a shift in her air which Shikamaru thought to have become agitated though he wasn't sure why. Before allowing her to ask her question, he took a chance and proposed a condition.
"Yeah sure. But I get to ask one after you."
Mina eyed him with a raised brow. "Fine."
"Okay then, what's your question?" Shikamaru slid his hands into his pockets in an attempt to convince himself that he was relaxed.
"Do I make you uncomfortable?"
Shikamaru wasn't sure how to answer that. In a way, yes. He didn't exactly feel comfortable in her presence. But it isn't as if it was a bad discomfort that he felt.
"Um."
"You can be honest and I won't be offended. I just want to know because it's been bothering me." Mirroring his feigned relaxation, Mina also slid her hands into the pockets of her jacket.
Does that mean she had thought about him?
That tugged the corner of Shikamaru's lips into a small curve.
"Yes and no." He answered.
She turned to look at him and in his periphery he caught the bright green of her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You already asked your question," he drawled out. "I get one now."
She stared at him for a moment longer, then proposed, "why limit our conversation? Let's go back and forth while we're walking."
"Alright." Shikamaru shrugged, and found that the ease of the motion wasn't as feigned as he thought it would be. "Are you a shinobi?"
"Not anymore."
Why wasn't she anymore? How long had it been? What was it like readjusting to civilian life? He bit back the urge to blurt all of that out in one go.
Mina waited a moment, as if aware of the barrage of questions in his mind, then asked, "what did you mean by 'yes and no'?"
Shikamaru swallowed, unsure how to explain and unsure if he even wanted to. There was never anything spoken about how elaborate their answers had to be.
"'Yes', because I don't exactly feel comfortable. But also 'no' because it's not really a bad feeling either."
Please don't be red please don't be red. He hoped his willpower was enough to keep his cheeks from incriminating him once again.
"Oh, come on. What kind of explanation was that?"
Shikamaru smirked. "It's my turn to ask a question."
Mina rolled her eyes but a smile still played on her lips. "You're going to ask why I'm not a shinobi anymore, right? Or when I decided to step down from that life?"
"You just asked two more questions when it's still my turn."
Mina scrunched her nose at him and a laugh escaped him at her feigned displeasure. "Okay, well hurry up and ask."
At first, he was planning on asking about her past. But then a different question crossed his mind and in a moment of boldness that he wasn't expecting Shikamaru asked, "Why did you kiss me?"
Mina seemed to miss a step but recovered so quickly that Shikamaru probably wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't suddenly become hyper aware of her after having asked his question.
She countered with her own question. "Why did you kiss me back?"
