I'll throw

my

voice into

the stars and maybe

the echo of my words will

be written for you

in the clouds by

sunrise.

All I am trying

to say is;

I will love

you

through the darkness.

-Christopher Poindexter

Things had been running fairly smoothly the next two weeks after, and Callidora and Evan had been there a month already. However, Carina did not stop working late in the Department of Mysteries and kept coming back more stressed than ever, and tonight she had come through, collapsed into bed, and fallen asleep shortly after.

Her sleep had been peaceful the first few minutes, until she had begun to writhe and whimper beside Hermione in bed in a way she hadn't for years. She was having a nightmare, and when Hermione attempted to wake her, everything seemed to go wrong all at once.

Carina's entire body shook, head whipping this way and that as she lashed out furiously, and Hermione ducked under a fist as this happened; her wife suddenly bolted upright and let out a scream, one that drew out into a frightening, eerie howl.

Her eyes snapped open, and her breathing was ragged and erratic as she attempted to get out of the bed, only succeeding in falling to the floor in a tangle of sheets. She struggled violently, and Hermione leaned over the side of the bed.

"Carina," she tried. "It's alright!"

The raven haired woman did not respond, merely screamed again in frustration before she finally freed herself and scrambled to her feet, racing for the door; Hermione sprung to her feet and raced after her, just barely managing to skid to a stop before the door.

Carina's eyes were wide and frantic as she cried, "Move, you have to-have to move, I need to get out!"

"Why do you need out?" Hermione attempted again desperately. "Carina, snap out of it!"

Her wife shook her head wildly. "No, no, I need out, need out, need to get out of here and find Dad, find Remus, anyone—"

"They're dead!" As much as it pained her to even say it, she had to, though it caused the younger woman to shake her head again, harder this time, arms drawn around her torso, fingers digging into her upper arms.

"No, I need to talk to him, they're coming, they...I need Dad, I need Remus, they're coming back for me, I can't, I need them, I need them…" Carina did not seem to be herself, not this extremely frantic and frightened creature; never before had something like this happened. She had never leapt straight from the bed and tried to run before.

"Rina—"

"You don't understand!" the other witch suddenly surged forward and grabbed her upper arms, shaking her hard. Hermione winced. "I need them! They're coming for me, I need them, they'll protect me, Dad said he would never let me be hurt again, said no more lashes…"

Oh no.

"Rina," said Hermione, feeling her eyes well with tears as she reached up and cupped Carina's own cheeks. "I'm so sorry. They're gone. They're both gone, darling, there's nothing we can do about that. They aren't here anymore."

"But he said...he said no more...he said I'd be safe, said I wouldn't be hurt anymore…" hot tears rolled down her wife's cheeks and hit Hermione's hands, while wide, hazy gray eyes stared back at her. "I can't protect myself, not from them, who will help me now? I'm alone, always alone, always, always…" Carina squeezed her eyes shut. "Make it stop, Hermione, make it stop," as the brunette gently stroked her face, one final word escaped her, then, "please."

"You're not alone," Hermione drew the other woman in close, slowly at first, and pressed their foreheads together. Carina's eyes were open, now, still filled with tears, gleaming brightly in the dim light. The poor woman was a mess. "I'm here, Rina. I'm here. It's alright."

"Something is coming," the raven haired witch whispered, almost as though in a trance.

"What's coming?" the older woman stilled her movements abruptly, feeling worry overtake her. There was no answer. "Carina, what's coming?"

There was still more silence as Carina only stared back at her, unblinking, before she suddenly attempted to jerk away; Hermione held her face firmly. A low whine broke free of Carina's throat as she averted her eyes.

"Carina?"

"I don't know," hoarsely came the answer, and the other witch shook her head. "I don't know. But it's coming for someone."

"Coming for who?" Dread filled Hermione, then, as she watched Carina carefully. She was not herself and she was rambling, but something did not seem right; something was very wrong here.

"Me."

That was the night that everything changed.

~~~xxx~~~

Carina did not acknowledge what happened the following days after, though she did remember what had happened that night, because right after her proclamation, she had blinked furiously and then proceeded to say, voice almost too low to hear, "Please tell me I didn't hurt you."

Things changed. She was more...distant. And sometimes, Hermione would notice the way her hands would shake when doing something, how she would stiffen when one of the triplets made to hug her or grab her hand. When anyone would touch her, really. Not to mention the fact that, lately, it did not seem like she could stand to be in the same vicinity as Callidora and Evan, especially when they mentioned life in their dimension, Sirius, or Marlene. It upset her, it seemed.

Something was terribly wrong. Carina had not had nightmares, or at least, not frequent ones, in years; recently, however, they had gotten to be every night, and instead of continue to wake Hermione as she had the first few days, Carina would now retreat to the living room and lay down there, instead. It was suspicious, not to mention worrying, how unhealthy Carina was looking as of late when just a month prior, she had been perfectly fine and happy.

Hermione knew there was something Carina was not telling her, and so, she settled for observing first, hoping to gather some sort of information before she outright asked.

They were eating dinner at the moment, and as per usual, Callidora and Evan were regaling Teddy and the triplets with stories of life in their dimension.

"—Remus was so angry," Callidora was telling them, grinning."But then Dad walked around and handed him this huge bar of chocolate, and his eyes got so big…"

"He said he'd pretend the prank we'd just pulled never happened, for once,
Evan added, laughing. "All because of the chocolate. After that, Uncle Padfoot decided that we should all have a Quidditch game of our own, so he brought all the Weasleys over, roped Aunt Marlene and Draco in, and we had a wicked time."

"It sounds great," Teddy said wistfully. "I wish I could go there, just once, like you're here now…"

"Maybe you could," Callidora's eyes brightened, and she exchanged a look with the teen beside her. "We could take you through when we go through, you stay for a couple months until the portal regenerates—"

"And then we stuff you back through," finished Evan. "Have to make sure we aren't caught, of course…"

"No," came the sudden, sharp, quiet voice from the end of the table. It was accompanied by a thunk, and Hermione turned her head to see that Carina had stabbed her fork into the table and was gripping it tightly, brows drawn together and eyes alight.

"Mom," tried Teddy. "I just thought that, maybe it would work, and I could meet Dad, and...and…" he stopped short for a moment, before finishing lamely, "Mum."

"I wish I could see them, too," the scowl appearing on her features did nothing to reassure the boy. "But they're gone, here. They wouldn't be exactly the same, they'd be different."

The boy deflated. "I didn't think of that."

He seemed quite sad about it, and Carina narrowed her eyes at Evan and Callidora, who both returned the stare. They, it seemed, were braver than they looked.

"Come on," Callidora protested. "He's old enough to make his own decisions, don't you think? He wants to meet his parents, no matter the version."

"He's not old enough, and neither were you when you threw yourself into a portal that very well could have killed you," the raven haired woman hissed, just low enough that the triplets could not hear. "You still aren't."

"It wouldn't have killed—"

"You got lucky. It could have torn you to shreds and left your pieces floating about throughout existence for the rest of time," Carina leaned forward, and suddenly, she did not seem like the woman she had become. She seemed almost like...like…

But it can't be. She hasn't been like that for years!

"Well, at least we were brave enough to take a risk! We're here, aren't we? I bet you've never done one interesting thing in your life!"

"I could tell you all sorts of interesting things I've done, but I don't want to frighten you." Carina smiled mockingly.

"You're a liar," Callidora pointed at her, face turning red. She, obviously, was a hothead; Evan, seeming to sense that something was very off, was attempting to stop her from speaking more. "You seemed cool at first, but now we see who you really are."

"You know nothing about that," Hermione could see her wife's hands on the table begin to tremble as her fingers dug into the tablecloth. "Nor will you ever, you pampered little prat. I'm glad I didn't grow up like you."

"Shut up!" the girl slammed a fist on the table, and Hermione caught Teddy's eye across the table; he swallowed hard and looked between his mothers and the teens.

Is she alright? he mouthed.

No, Hermione mouthed back, feeling dread overtake her. Get the others and go to the playroom with them. I'll see you shortly.

He did not protest. He ushered the three complaining children from the kitchen, into the hall, and down to the playroom, shutting the door behind them.

"You've no idea the things I've been through, nor who I really am. Teddy is my son, and I wouldn't put it past you to try and drag him off with you if you can—"

"You're not his real mother!"

Evan visibly paled when Carina went abruptly silent and slowly stood; Hermione sprung to her feet as well, wand slipping into her hand in case something happened. Callidora did not seem to care, and drew her own.

"Say that again," Carina whispered dangerously. "I dare you."

"You're not his real mother. I know her, and she's ten times the witch you are!"

The girl was suddenly strung up in the air by her ankle, and her wand fell from her hand as she dangled; however, this time, when she fell, she went plummeting hard onto the table. She grunted and rolled off, snatching up her wand as she leveled it at Carina and yelled, "Stupefy!"

The raven haired woman ducked under it and came up with her own wand out and raised, gray eyes dark and flashing; Hermione reacted just in time and erected a shield between the two sides.

Carina's head whipped to the side, and she trembled with fury. This was not her. She was not this quick to anger, not this quick to harm, not anymore.

"Something is coming."

"What's coming? Carina, what's coming?"

"I don't know. I don't know. But it's coming for someone."

"Coming for who?"

"Me."

Now it made sense. The something wasn't a person. It was darkness, obviously left over and lingering in the other dimension, perhaps from the defeat of Voldemort, waiting to latch onto the right person to possess…

And now it's found it. Carina, Hermione realized. It's taken her because she was the best vessel. And for numerous reasons, too, she knew. Though Carina had been half asleep and trapped in her mind during that night, she remembered it vividly; this must have been what Carina had been researching for so long.

"Put the shield down," the raven haired woman commanded, and she was actually glaring. "Now."

"Carina, this isn't you," Hermione told her, and though her wand was not raised, it was ready at her side.

"I want to kill her. I think that qualifies as me," the other woman's smile was dark, frightening, even. "You've seen what I've done to others. Now, I want to kill her...or, I suppose, myself."

Killing herself, but not really killing herself...that sounds wrong on so many levels…

This was almost like her during the war, except this woman was different. Just as frightening, surely, but somehow...colder. Just different in general.

"You'll have to go through me first," Hermione straightened and firmly added, "They're innocent, Carina. Exasperating, irritating, but innocent. And your children are in the playroom right now, wondering what's going on. Teddy is worried for you."

Carina's wand lowered, and she frowned deeply for a moment before shaking her head, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment; when she opened them, they were their normal gray color as opposed to the darker, nearly black they had been before.

"Teddy?" she blinked rapidly, and then shook her head again. Her eyes flickered to Callidora and Evan, to the shield, and back to her wife, before she abruptly bolted down the hall and, presumably, to her children.

Hermione followed.

~~~xxx~~~

Carina dropped roughly to her knees in the playroom before her children, who were all sitting on the floor and playing with their toys; or, rather, the triplets. Teddy was just watching them.

"Mumma!" cried Rigel, and when he flung himself at her, she allowed herself to fall back onto her rear and scooted against the wall, pulling him into her lap and hugging him tightly to her.

"You okay, Mumma?" Caelum clambered up beside his brother. He pressed a chubby hand to her cheek, concerned. "You looked mad."

"Yeah," agreed Rose, who had crawled over and pressed herself into Carina's left side. "Real mad. Was it 'cause you don't want Teddy to go away?"

"Ted," the raven haired woman managed instead, swallowing hard. She beckoned him over. "Come here."

The boy carefully scooted over, and she wrapped her free arm around him (the other was around Rose) and tugged him closer. She pressed her cheek to his head; he did not move, merely leaned against her.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured to him. She had known, she had known that something had come through, that something bad would happen. And it had. Whatever had gotten hold of her was only bringing forth things she would rather not remember, bringing back the nightmares and the tremors, and it felt like everything was just now happening all over again. Her closed wounds had not just reopened; they felt as fresh as when she had first gotten them. The dark feelings inside of her she could control for now, but what would happen when she couldn't? "for anything I do. Something is very wrong, Ted. They brought something with them they shouldn't have."

She could feel Rigel and Caelum shift closer, yawning, and Rose snuggle into her side; that was good. They did not need to hear this.

"Are they trying to hurt you?" Teddy whispered back, and lifted his head, worried amber eyes regarding her.

"It was unintentional," she swallowed again. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but you need to know. Something dark followed them here, and it latched itself onto me. I was...I was in a war when I was younger. I wasn't the person I am now, I did terrible, terrible things. I'll want to do them again. When you see me get angry like that, get the others and hide."

"Will you hurt us?"

"Me? Never." Carina prodded his shoulder with a finger, and he reached up a hand to grasp hers, sensing what she wanted. The triplets were already dozing, worn out from the day they had had. "I'll be honest with you, though; whatever comes over me, it might make me try."

"But, that won't be the real you, right?" Teddy gazed up at her, brows drawn together. He appeared a little frightened.

"No," she shook her head furiously. "No, it won't. If I can help it, I won't do anything to you, Ted. Any of you. But if that happens, Floo to Andromeda's, or Harry and Ginny's, or even Rolf and Luna's, and stay there. Let Hermione handle me."

If she can. Carina knew she was powerful. She knew Hermione was powerful. She just hoped that she herself didn't completely lose it and attack her, because she knew Hermione would not be prepared to kill, and with the way things were going...Carina just might. I hope she does kill me if I try.

As much as the teens that had come through irritated her, she did not want to kill them either, not really. Perhaps she wanted to send them a few stinging hexes or frighten them,but kill? No. She did not want that. The problem would be, however, was that she probably wouldn't regret it. The only things she would regret doing were hurting Hermione or her children; it would really send her spiraling off the deep end if she killed one of them.

"Teddy," came a quiet voice from the doorway. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, Mum," he hurriedly told her, and his other mother winced at the penetrating brown eyed stare she received. "Are Callidora and Evan okay?"

"They're fine. Callidora will have a bruise or two in the morning, but she's alright."

"Good," the boy let out a breath of relief. "D'you want me to leave so you can talk to Mom in private?"

"Please."

Teddy cast a glance back at Carina before he pulled away, stood, and left the room. Carina very carefully leaned over to deposit each of the triplet's onto a beanbag; they did not wake.

She did not remove her eyes from the wall when she sat back again, even when she heard the thump beside her, the telltale sign of Hermione sitting beside her.

~~~xxx~~~

"Carina," Hermione said softly. "I know. When were you going to tell me?"

Carina worked her jaw before answering. "When I had it handled."

"When you had it handled?"

"Yes."

"Carina!" the other witch felt a twinge of irritation. "This isn't something you should have kept from me."

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does!"

"I thought I could handle it. I wasn't positive anything would happen."

"We don't keep things from each other, Carina." Hermione watched her wife carefully, but she made sure to keep her voice even this time. "I would have told you what was going on so you could try to help."

"Riggs and I have been looking for ways to get rid of it," Carina's hands trembled as she clamped one fist over the other in her lap; Hermione could see her fingernails digging into the back of her hand.

"And you've found?"

"Nothing. We've found nothing."

"You still should have said something," the brunette murmured. "I'd have tried."

"All you've done is try," the raven haired woman finally turned her head, and the dark spots under her eyes were more prominent than ever. She looked tired, almost sorrowful. "I'm sorry."

Carina Black was not one for self pity. That was not what this is, Hermione knew. It was genuine fear of what could happen and what she would do, this was ruefulness for dragging her wife into what she assumed were her problems and hers alone. She didn't want to hurt her family; her time for killing had past, her time for revenge. All she wanted now was the peace she had had for a small number of years, a peace she had never experienced before the war had ended.

"Carina," Hermione could not help but sigh as she felt the sting of tears in her eyes. Noticing that her wife had drawn blood, she reached over to clasp one of the younger woman's hands in her own, while she used the other to tug her closer. Carina did not budge at first, merely glanced down at the blood that had appeared in the crescent shaped marks on the back of her hand. However, after a moment, she wiped the blood on her pants, turned her head to face Hermione again, and hesitantly held up a hand.

Gray eyes roved over her face, and when the brunette did not move, Carina gingerly cupped her cheek and stroked her wife's jaw with her thumb; Hermione felt a jolt at the contact. She was reminded, then, of the way things had been during the war, the way they drew strength from each other, the way Carina would glance over in the middle of battle to be sure she was alright, the way they held each other at night to escape the horrors their minds wrought upon them when they were alone.

The raven haired woman studied her intensely, and then, not altogether gently but not unwelcome, pulled Hermione into her arms and held her tightly.

"Everything will be alright," Hermione told her softly. "Things will work themselves out."

"Even if they do," came the muttered reply. "What will we do in the time between?"

"I don't know." And she didn't. Hermione did not have the faintest clue of what was going to happen in the coming days, weeks, even months, but she knew they would have to be prepared. She also knew she would have to have a talk with Callidora and Evan about their behavior earlier—or, rather, Callidora. What she said was uncalled for and she had no right to say any of those things. Carina was indeed Teddy's real mother; she had raised him, loved him, accepted him, and given him everything he had ever wanted within reason. He was happy here. But neither of them could stop the yearning for the birth parents he would never know; however, that did not mean the two teens could just suggest taking their son through a portal without their permission. That had irritated her a bit, too.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Promise me something." Carina lifted her head and leaned back slightly.

"Anything," Hermione said immediately.

The gray eyes regarding her were very serious, as was the expression of her lover in the now dim light of the playroom, which had previously only been lit up by the light streaming through the window. "If I go mad…"

A feeling of dread hit the brunette suddenly. "Carina—"

"No," the raven haired woman swiftly cut across her. Her eyes were hard. "If I go mad, if I try to hurt one of the kids, or, Merlin forbid, I try to hurt you...I want you to kill me."

"It won't come to that." Or, she desperately hoped not.

"If it does," Carina gripped her chin and angled Hermione's face so that the brunette was forced to look at her again. "Kill me. Promise me, Hermione."

Her stomach churned at the thought. Could she really kill her wife, the mother of her children, if she really were to go mad? She knew how dangerous Carina could be, had seen what she was capable of; if she even stood a chance, how could she?

Because your children would be at stake, that's why. You wouldn't harm her if it were her or you, a voice inside her whispered. But your children…

Hermione knew it was right. If it came down to she or Carina, she probably could not kill the younger woman. But if her children were about to be harmed, if her wife actually went off the deep end and tried to do something terrible to them, Hermione would not hesitate to protect them. She did not know what would become of her after, although, and that frightened her more than anything.

If I go mad, if I try to hurt one of the kids, or, Merlin forbid, I try to hurt you...I want you to kill me.

Kill me. Promise me.

No matter how much the mere thought made her heart clench painfully, how just speaking the two words felt like someone was strangling her with a rope, or how hot tears were rolling down her cheeks, Hermione did not back down. She had made her choice.

"I promise."