Mac's sleep was restless. And he didn't entirely know why.

The mission with The Angel of Death was mostly a blur, and the others had refused to talk about it. He knew they had been shaken up when he'd been taken by the killer, but they'd gotten him back. He was fine, so why were they being so weird?

Jack was more protective than usual and didn't like him to be out of his sight for long. Which, okay, he was kind of always like that. But there were other things too.

Like the way, he looked at Mac was heavy with guilt and worry. It was hard to endure and impossible to ignore.

Bozer looked sick, every time he saw him, barely speaking two words to him even though they lived together. And Riley didn't look at him at all, avoiding him where she could, and making excuses to leave the room whenever he came in.

Matty though, who wasn't one for patience, or coddling, gave them all a week off missions. That was what tipped him off, really. He was completely fine, it seemed to be everyone else that had the problem.

He didn't remember what happened during the mission, and it was starting to bug him.

His dreams were full of glimpses, and whispers. Red hair melting into bright blonde, a foreign accent in his ear, threatening him in a seductive voice. He felt the cold touch of metal against his throat, and a tongue forcing itself past his lips, into his mouth. The soft bite of teeth on his bottom lip.

And then he gasped awake, heart pounding. His hand flew to his mouth, as he sucked in huge lungfuls of air.

It had felt so real. But he had no memory of it happening.

Nightmares weren't uncommon in their line of work, but these were different, these were more like flashbacks in dream form.

He cornered Riley, the next day, where she was working in the lab with Bozer.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Riley's eyes were wide as she turned to him, and she quickly turned away, busying herself with her laptop. "Uhh, I'm kind of swamped with work for Matty, actually. Maybe later?"

Mac frowned, shoulders pulling back as his voice hardened. He was getting sick of them avoiding him. "Both of you."

Bozer was trying to keep his head down but winced at Macs tone.

"Mac…"

He was losing his patience with them because their strange behaviour was really freaking him out. What the hell had happened during that mission, that scared them so much?

Jack had said that they'd gotten him back right away, that Dahlia hadn't been able to do anything before they got there. And it wasn't like he hadn't been kidnapped before. It wasn't even his first time being drugged.

"Why are you acting so weird? Did I do something so wrong? Are you mad at me for screwing up the mission?" His voice softened, worried.

Riley shook her head vehemently, as Bozer reached out for him, quickly amending. "No, of course not! None of it was your fault! What she did…"

Mac waited for him to finish, but he didn't. Bozer just stared at him, eyes full of something akin to fear and grief, before he swallowed and stepped back, averting his gaze. It only made him worry more.

"It doesn't matter. It's over and it won't happen again."

Riley refused to look away from her laptop, but Mac needed to know. "Why won't any of you look at me?!"

He couldn't take it anymore. It had been almost a week already, and he couldn't stand the heavy weight of secrets that was laid through every brief glance they gave him.

They didn't say anything, but there was nothing else he could do. He left, furious in a way that he rarely was.

Angus MacGyver did not lose his patience, or his temper easily, but he was being shut out by the people he was closest to, and it hurt.

It had to be something to do with the mission, he just didn't know what it could have been. All he remembered was waiting in the bar, and being drugged by the bartender, before waking up in the Phoenix med bay, where Jack told him he was okay.

But he was beginning to suspect that wasn't entirely true. There wasn't even any point asking Jack to tell him the truth because he knew he wouldn't. So, he found out himself.

Riley wasn't the only one who knew her way around a computer, and it didn't take him long to find what he needed in the mission reports.

There was a video file, taken from the hotel they apprehended Dahlia in, and he clicked it, not knowing what he might find.

He had been under the assumption that the team had got him back, almost as soon as he had lost himself to the drugs Dahlia gave him, but it appeared that was not the case.

He watched himself stumble, almost falling as the faux bartender lead him from the bar, and he waited for Jack to find him. He waited for Jack to burst onto the screen and take him from her grasp. But he didn't come.

She led him to her room and let him fall onto the bed. He didn't remember any of what he was seeing.

She pulled her wig off, tossing it away to reveal her blonde tresses, before she leaned over him.

His heart began to pound in his chest, as he watched her take out a knife, holding it to the delicate skin over his throat. Jack had to come in any minute. He had to.

He looked so vulnerable on the bed, and the fact that he didn't remember what the woman had done, made his skin crawl.

And that was before she kissed him.

Mac pulled a hand up to his mouth, remembering the way it had felt in his dream; visceral, invasive, real.

He felt sick, clenching his jaw shut as if to ward off her probing tongue. He didn't know if he wanted to watch anymore, and the thought that the others had seen it happen, made his stomach clench in shame and embarrassment.

She finally pulled her mouth away, using her knife to pull up his shirt and trace her hands over his skin.

Mac shuddered, lifting his hands to run them through his hair in anxiety. He couldn't watch, but he couldn't look away. He could barely breathe, and he just had to hope Jack had been telling the truth when he said he got there in time.

Her hands moved down to his hips, and his eyes blurred with tears, as he watched her slip a hand down his thigh, gripping it, right before she jumped in surprise, and moved away from him.

He watched, as she crumpled to the ground, knee blown out by a bullet before Jack ran over and knocked her out. He could see Jacks rage, through the video, and sucked in shuddering breaths as he continued to watch.

Jack was shaking slightly as he walked over to him, checking him over. He could see his shoulders slump, as he heaved a sigh of relief.

Tears slipped down Mac's face, as Jack scooped him up in the video, cradling him against his chest and rocking slightly. He came just in time, but Jack had been far from truthful about what had happened.

He pulled in a shaky breath, wiping his eyes, and just watched as Jack held him.

He knew now, why Riley wouldn't look at him, and why Bozer had said what he had. He knew why they looked so sad every time they looked at him, but he almost wished he didn't.

He needed to know what happened to him, but now that he knew he didn't know what to do with himself. His skin was crawling, and his hands shook, and he couldn't get his breathing to slow down.

He closed the computer, thankful the room was empty, and stood, pacing as he tried to calm down.

His chest was too tight, and he could feel the way that woman's hands crawled over his skin.

Mac hated the feeling that was surging through him because no matter how many bad situations he got in, there was always something he could do to get out. He'd been kidnapped more than once, locked up, shot at, trapped, but no matter what, he always found a way out.

But Dahlia had taken away his ability to think, to even be aware. With her… he had been at her mercy. She could have done anything. And he hadn't even known.

If Jack hadn't stopped her-

Mac sucked in a gasping breath, whole body shaking, as he slumped against the wall, slipping to the ground as he tried to breathe.

He'd had panic attacks before, but they never got any easier.

He shut his eyes tightly against the lights, flinching when he heard the door open and footsteps approach.

"Mac?" It was Matty, and she came over to where he was huddled against the hall.

She saw the computer, and the way he was struggling to breathe, and put the pieces together.

"Oh, Blondie."

He opened his eyes, one hand clutched to his chest, the other reaching out towards her.

"Matty- I can't-"

She nodded and took his hand in hers, her voice soft and calm as she spoke.

"You're okay. You're safe here, Macgyver. Just concentrate on me."

He nodded, squeezing her hand tight, and locking his blue eyes with her warm brown ones. Her voice was adamant, as strong as the orders she gave them every day, and her gaze was unwavering; making it impossible to defy her.

"You can breathe. Everything's okay, I'm standing right here and nothing and no one is getting close to you without your say so. Do you understand?"

Mac nodded, immensely grateful to her for understanding.

Because when it came to Macgyver, being trapped didn't worry him. He could be locked in any room or any cage or cuff, and he would always find a way out. What truly scared him, was not being able to use his mind. If he couldn't use his mind he was truly and utterly vulnerable.

Matty was giving him back control, and he was so grateful, that his breathing began to slow just a little.

As with any panic attack, it took a while to calm down, but Matty stayed the whole time, not once relinquishing her grip on his hand.

Once Mac could mostly breathe again he sat, exhausted, against the wall and wiped his wet cheeks with the back of his hand.

Matty lifted her own hand, pausing before she touched him, silently asking for permission . When Mac nodded, she ran her hand through his hair, brushing it back from his face.

Her voice was quiet. "You're okay."

And although Mac didn't remember his own, he couldn't help but think, "this is what having a mother must be like."

…..

It took him the entire drive home to stop shaking but he almost started again as soon as he got there, because he knew Jack was inside waiting for him. His car was out front, and although Mac knew he needed to have the coming conversation, he was already so tired.

Jack was waiting for him on his back balcony, beer ready in hand. He smiled when Mac approached, lifting the bottle as an offering. "Hey, buddy. Come join me."

The young agent didn't say anything, chest rising and falling in quick, angry, breaths.

When he didn't come forward, Jack turned to face him, smile melting off when he saw Mac's glare.

He waited, not wanting to speak first, but he winced when he heard Mac's carefully levelled voice.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Jack put the beers down and raised his hands in defence. "Mac-"

He hadn't wanted to unravel again, but he was quickly losing his cool, and his voice shook as he got louder. "How could you not tell me?! You said that nothing happened!"

Jack could see how angry the young man was, and although he was sorry for deceiving his friend, he did not regret it.

"Nothing did happen. I told you, I got there before she could do anything."

Mac exploded, eyes wide and almost scared, as he shouted. "I saw the video, Jack! That was not nothing!"

Jack saw the anger and panic building in his partner's eyes, and stood, moving forward, only for Mac to take a step back, glaring.

He sighed and backed off, trying to hide how much the move had hurt him, as he tried to explain. "I didn't know how to tell you. And I wanted to spare you from exactly this kind of reaction. I would have gone in there and stopped her sooner but we couldn't risk her hurting you."

Mac shook his head, hands gesturing in front of him in desperation. "No, you can't do that! I have to know what happens to me. You can't just keep those sorts of things from me. Getting drugged was bad enough but that... that was..." He looked like he was about to be sick and covered his mouth with his hand.

Jack's voice was quiet. He felt terrible. He wished he could take all the hurt away, and make it better. But he couldn't. "I'm so sorry that I wasn't keeping a better eye on you. She shouldn't have been able to get that close. It was my fault."

Mac shook his head, brushing off the apology entirely.

"It's not your fault. I decided to put myself out there as bait and I'm the one that let myself get roofied."

His face creased in anguish again, his huge puppy dog eyes melting Jacks resolve in seconds. "But Jack, you can't just have those sorts of secrets. They aren't yours to keep."

Jack could never stand to see Mac hurting, and his eyes grew damp as he spoke. Mac still had a careful distance between them, and he approached slowly.

"Watching it... and not being able to go in there right away was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm sorry I kept it a secret, it just wasn't fair that she did that to you, and I thought it would be better if you didn't know. Because then, at least, for you it would be like it never happened. I just didn't want you to feel the way we all did when we saw it."

Mac wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing tight as he looked at the ground. His voice was thick and gravelly, and yet he sounded so young. "I feel awful. She was so close to…"

Jack moved closer, pleased to find that Mac didn't move away this time. He placed a hand on the kid's shoulder, as he tried to reassure him.

"Hey, I'd never let that happen. Never." He meant the words, but it still hurt to know how close it had come to them being a lie.

Ever since seeing the video, Mac had felt...exposed and defenceless, but Jacks hand was strong on his arm, and his voice soothed his fear. He uncurled from himself, letting out a small plea in the shape of Jacks name.

He allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, wrapping his own arms around Jacks back, and squeezing tight, seeking safety in the arms of the man that had protected him for the last five years of his life.

Jacks voice was thick with unshed tears. "I got you, buddy. I'm not letting go."

He hadn't wanted to crumble again, but he couldn't help but let it all go in Jack's arms.

His tears, and whimpers pressed to Jacks shoulder, broke the older agents heart; and he promised to himself, to kill anyone that tried to hurt the kid.

When Mac finally calmed, feeling better for having released it all, he wiped a hand over his eyes, Jack watching him closely.

He cracked a small, shaky, smile. "Thanks for shooting her for me."

Jack followed suit, grinning and puffing up his chest proudly. "Don't forget the punch in the face. Knocked her front tooth loose apparently."

Mac's eyes lit up with amusement. "She deserved it."