Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 2- Sweetheart

He walked over making a point to sound loud, so Simon could have warning of his approach.

"Hey, Simon?" He said his voice barely shaking, pretending like he was looking for him. Simon gave a start and straightened up. He wiped his swollen eyes with his sleeve. It looked painful. "Oh, sorry I didn't realize," said Bram, clinging to his cool, which was slipping.

"Hey Bram," he said, voice cracking. "What's up?" Hearing Simon say his name in this moment with such obvious anguish almost derailed him. He pushed on.

"I was walking by and I thought I saw you. I wanted to ask you about tonight," he had no idea how his own face looked. He drifted forward and perched on a bleacher. Simon shrugged.

"I think it's clear," he managed and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, sorry man that sucks," he said sounding fake to his own ears. He cringed mentally. "Do you want to talk?" He offered trying to sound as sincere as he felt.

"D..don't know if I can," he replied laboriously.

"Well if you want to I'm here. I only know some of it." Or every part of it. There was a long pause.

"I was waiting for Blue", he said in a monotone voice quietly. Bram made a motion like he couldn't hear and then moved up to sit next to him. He left a reasonable space between them and felt a pang when Simon cringed and turned his face away. "You probably know about the emails. We got pretty close these past few weeks. After Blue found out...he ghosted me." And his poor beautiful Simon seemed to choke on the last word and a few suppressed tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. "I'm...sorry I just can't... fuck," he said turning away, his voice low and thick with tears. And suddenly Bram couldn't not touch him. He reached out and placed a trembling hand on his shoulder. Simon froze but didn't pull away. Bram realized he craved the comfort. Both of them. Because being this close to the man he loved, broken down this way, was more than he could bear. He'd do anything to right it. He moved closer than a casual friend should, and Simon was so lost he didn't notice.

"Shhhh," he said so quietly it sounded more like a sigh. "Shhhh...Si," he crooned to him and rubbed his shoulder. And Simon stopped breathing. He turned to look at him, eyes swollen and streaming. They met gazes and Bram suddenly realized his own face was wet. A noise like an animal moan fell out of Simon's mouth as he realized; like wonder and sadness, pain and love.

"Blue?" He whispered. Tears blinded Bram has he reached and pulled Simon into a hug. "Blue?" Simon gasped again.

"Yes, sweetheart," he breathed. "I'm here," he kissed his shoulder and the nape of his neck. "I've got you," he said comfortingly.

"Oh God," Simon moaned, a new ache in his voice; relief. Bram cradled the back of his head and pulled him closer, so he was almost resting in his lap.

"Shh," he crooned again. "I'm so sorry." he choked. He felt Simon hold him tighter.

"I thought you were gone," Simon managed in a thick voice.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry I hurt you. I was a fool. A selfish fool," he said tripping on words. He pulled away and reached up to cradle his face. He used his thumbs to wipe away Simon's tears. Simon's puffy eyes looked into his; sad loving puppy dog eyes. Bram kissed him softly on the lips, tasting his tears. And tangled one of his hands in his hair. Simon's body was so new to him, but he knew his mind, his heart, and his soul. But his body was beautiful. His eyes, hair, the curve of his shoulders. His slender frame. He pressed his forehead to Simon's and closed his eyes. "Can you forgive me?" he asked suddenly terrified.

"Yes," he said, "I already have." Their fingers twined together reaching in the same moment.

"Simon, I love you," he spoke clearly and with conviction. Simon seemed to melt.

"I love you," he moaned, more tears in his voice. The ache of happiness; the surge. The gulf of emotions.

"Easy..." He said gently. "I know your emotional right now, and it's okay. It's okay." Simon took a hitched breath to settle himself. "I just want you to rest for a while," Bram breathed. "You're so.." he didn't know what to say.

"Overwhelmed," he supplied, his nose sounding blocked but his voice steadier.

"Yeah," Bram said. "And it's totally fine Si, really, I'll hold you all night," he pulled back and gently dabbed Simon's face with his own shirt. Bram dug some tissues out of his back pocket and handed them over. Simon gratefully pulled away and blew his nose, lessening the misery by a few degrees. "Let's go to one of our places," Bram said. For a moment, fear flickered in Simon's face, and Bram heard his own comment again. "No, no sweetheart, I don't mean anything like that." He said taking his hand and squeezing it. "I'm not rushing anything, I just want to put you to bed, you poor thing," he said patting his back.

"Thank you...for well... everything," Simon said. "You're everything I never knew I could ever have," he continued, trembling. Bram loved him. He loved his emotions. His vulnerability showed how much he trusted him. He liked being his rock. Taking care of him. He was the man from the emails. Brave, genuine, loyal, trusting, delicate; a delicate treasure to protect.

"I'll give you everything," Bram said and kissed his eyelids and then finally kissed his lips. "Always."

Later in Simon's room they laid on his down-covered bed. A soft haven that enveloped him in Simon's smell; and he liked it. Light from an open laptop cast a dim light in the room. Bram couldn't sleep. He leaned back on the pillows holding Simon, his arms cradled around him. At first Simon was restless. The raw emotion made him too tired to sleep, which can happen. Bram kept his breathing even, and eventually Simon relaxed.

Bram stroked his hair at an even tempo, "sleep Si," he breathed, and Simon did, slipping out of consciousness. He still carded his fingers through his hair, so soft, so lovely. Bram sighed. He was at total peace. So happy and content; like he was floating. Months of stress fell away. He hugged him tighter and kissed the top of his head. He didn't want to sleep, he wasn't even that tired. Simon looked peaceful as well. Eventually he slipped into a stupor. Awake and out of it, on the edge of sleep. What felt like minutes later Simon moved and roused him. He blinked and felt Simon move again. He caught the sound of a gasp.

"Si" he breathed sitting up more. "Si, what's wrong?" He said feeling him tense up. Simon didn't answer. Bram reached over and stroked his face. He felt tears. "Oh." he said feeling awful. A nightmare. "It's not real," Bram whispered. Simon nodded so weakly. Bram turned him to face him in bed, and he resumed stroking his hair.

"I dreamt you never came and left me" he said, impossible tears slicing down his swollen face.

"It's been a really emotional day for you," Bram said gently. Simon nodded but still looked upset. "Come here," Bram said pulling him so Simon's back was pulled tight against his chest. He wound his arms around him. "I love you, I won't leave you." He whispered into his ear. He kissed his neck and his hair. Eventually Simon's tight shoulders relaxed. Bram breathed in his sweet scent and felt a warmth radiate from him. He hoped Simon knew, the he really could never leave him.

"I love you…Abraham," Simon breathed before slipping back to sleep.