Everything I Never Knew I Could Ever Have

This fanfiction is based on the events of the movie Love, Simon, not the novel it was based on.

Chapter 6- From the Heart

10 Minutes later.

I'm so glad I listened to my mother, because getting married at home was exactly what I wanted after all. At first, I rolled my eyes when she suggested it, but after some work on the lawn, it really did look great. And this is where my love story started. It was where I wanted to give it the ultimate meaning, and then start a new chapter.

I knew I shouldn't look around for Bram, but I did anyway. People were sitting in rows of white chairs. There was a simple but elegant rose and vine covered archway at the end of a simple grass aisle. Bram loved simple. And he was so right again. Our love is what made it beautiful. For a month was discussed the wedding making all the big decisions. Flowers? Red. Type? Obviously, roses. Cake? Oreo crumble, duh. Location? My house. Big or small wedding? Small as possible! But what about who would walk up to who? When that question surfaced Bram sat cradling his wine stem lost in thought. I felt oddly nervous about the question. What did it imply exactly? Was the person who did the walking the "bride?" Did that somehow make one of us more of a man? I just didn't like all the possible meanings it could have. Bram set his glass down.

"I think you." He said simply. I blinked but somehow wasn't surprised because my mind was there too. But I wanted to put it to words. I loved putting everything into words, something I know exhausted Bram from time to time.

"Why?" I said, testing the waters.

"Because…" he said haltingly, something out of character for him. "This is our love story but your victory." He said, then took another sip of wine like that explained everything. I stared, obviously waiting for more. "Well, you pursued me from day one and you made another love pronouncement at the reunion. You always come back for me," he finishes. And for once in a grand while, I don't need to add any words myself. Because he explained it all before my subconscious worked it out for myself. It had nothing to do with bride or groom. It was all about our love story. And so, I nodded and asked the next wedding question.

And so, I was walking up to him today and it felt exactly right for me to. I asked my parents months ago if they would be offended if Leah walked me down the aisle. It just felt right in my heart. Of course not, the assured me. I think they were just so happy I was finally getting married and things were finally working out for me. We ended up choosing a piano song that sounded soft and lovely to play while I walked up to him. Nothing traditional, it just didn't suit us. I felt Leah put her arm though mine and I realized it was happening. I felt like a hot coal was dropped in my throat.

I stopped breathing and she whispered, "It's alright Si." I nodded and smiled, knowing the truth of it. Everyone stirred in their seats as the music floated up from what felt like all around us, Nora did an excellent job with the speakers. Finally, at the end of the aisle I laid my eyes on Bram. He was standing beneath the arch of flowers a light breeze pulling on his hair. Garrett grinned at his side. Bram was so beautiful. It was hard for me to process how much. His suit fit him perfectly. His beard was perfectly shaved the way he knew I loved it. He radiated happiness. He met my awestruck gaze and broke into a heart-stopping dazzling smile.

Leah tugged my arm slightly forward and my feet started moving. The crowds stood as I walked. I could feel so many smiling eyes fixed on me, but I couldn't look away from Bram. And there was something there in his eyes. Something I could feel in mine. A bittersweet ache with the knowledge that this almost never happened. That we finally were where we always wanted to be. His mouth twisted slightly, and I knew it was due to overwhelming emotion. I couldn't tell what expression was on my face. I turned and looked at Leah, because I knew I wanted to remember how she looked forever. She was staring adoringly at me, pink cheeks and curly waves of hair. And the wave of love coming off her was tangible. And I knew that after Bram, I couldn't love anyone more. She nodded slightly, and I knew she was telling me she loved me. I cradled our hands we were clasping together to my chest briefly before looking back to the alter.

Bram looked incredibly wistful as we moved up to where he waited for me. That crazy painful love ache where you can't tell if you're dying or being born again. I think it's a mix of both. When we reach him, I can't believe that I'm really here. I turn to Leah and as the song ends she looks up into my face with watery eyes, kisses my cheek then places my hand into Bram's, his beautiful hand held out to me, like this was a Disney movie, or something about 1000 times more perfect. I stand across from him holding his hand grinning at him as everyone sits down. I look away for one moment to find my mother in the front row clutching my dad and staring at me lovingly. As Leah did for me, I nod to her. I love you. Thank you. She smiles a little wider and I know she gets it.

The justice of the peace starts the ceremony and I have to admit, I'm struggling to pay attention to what he says. Staring at Bram all the sounds seem to fade away and I'm floating. And I know he knows this about me. He gazes at me indulgently and squeezes my hand, grounding me again. In what seems like zero time, the justice of the peace pauses where we are supposed to signal to him if we're proceeding with vows. Bram lifts his eyebrows slightly; a question. I smile. Yes. His eyes seem to melt, and he nods to the justice of the peace. And I realize I'm up. Leah appears at my side and hands me two things, a ring and a folded piece of paper. And I feel like my body just stops at the sight of them. She knows me too well. "You've got this Si," She breathes, and I feel like my heart has restarted.

I look down at the paper, opening it, but knowing I couldn't focus on any of the words written there. But I start as I realize Leah knows this too. In big red letters across the top she wrote. TELL IT FROM THE HEART. I shut my eyes grinning then put the paper in my pocket. Bram watches with a patiently bemused expression, knowing how emotional I am, and how I can be about lines.

"Abraham," I say and stop to clear my throat. It came out too quiet. He smiles, and I can tell he's telling me that anything I say is what he wants to hear. "I feel like I've been on a road so long, journeying to the most important moment of my life. It started in high school when I learned that you existed and with it came the knowledge that there was a destination waiting for me. I know that as the years have gone by, there were times when it felt like I'd never reach you. But I've always known, that you were the only home I could ever want, and I'd never stop until I reached you. You are my partner in life. Everything about you is beautiful, and I can't believe how lucky I am. I love you.'' And what makes it so good, is the fact that I'm calm, and my eyes are slightly teary, but I'm composed. I'm so confident and sure of myself and of him and of us. And these are the things that tell him that I think anything we do is perfect too. I know he's speechless from his expression. And I can tell the words and delivery have really influenced him, because he never cries, and tears are in his eyes as well. And I feel a pang by how much his reaction moves me.

"Simon," he says, his voice almost under control. "I've never known anyone like you my entire life. I feel like my life hadn't even really started until I fell in love with you. And I knew that you were my only future. The years we were apart, I way empty without you. And it was the happiest day of my life when we reunited…until now,'' he said smiling. There was a good-natured chuckle through the crowd. Bram was so intelligent. Everything he said and did was absolutely perfect. I regretted not showering him with more loving comments during my vows. "Simon, I love you. You're everything I never knew I could ever have." And I feel my throat get hot and my eyes burn slightly because that had been my line to him the first night we ever kissed. "And I'll give you everything," he said, and I mouthed it as well. "Always," he said, and I whispered. Then he grinned at me, his eyes half pained like I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Somehow, I managed to get the ring on his hand even though I was half blinded by tears. He got mine on my hand, his steady hands trembling for once.

We repeat the rest of the vows as the justice of the peace instructs us to and gaze longingly at each other until I hear "you may now kiss each other." And I can hear the ring of sincerity in his voice. And Bram laughs overwhelmed by the emotion and happiness of the moment, tears at the corner of his crow's feet smiling eyes. I shake my head at him slightly grinning, stunned and overwhelmed by the love in my heart. When he reaches up to cradle my face and whisper my name I feel the world stop and spin around this point; the center of the universe. And the kiss isn't desperate or quick, it's a slow sweet burn that builds and radiates out, coals and embers warming my entire self. Cheers erupt around us, but I barely notice. Eventually we part and I lose myself in Bram's…my husband's… eyes. We both know the only way for us is each other. We don't need to worry, we have everything we could ever want or need. We'll never part again. We're coming home to each other. And together we will be, always