The Basement Chapter 4

Donna: So I m organizing the party for Eric s birthday. Can you come?

Midge: When is it?

Donna: Next Friday at six. It s a surprise.

Midge: Oh.

Donna: You can bring someone if you want.

Midge: Well, sure, I can come. But I don t know if I ll bring anybody. Oh! That jerk Bob. He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me. He has no right. I m not giving him a penny. Who does he think he is?

Donna: He s your husband my father!

Midge: He s always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed, that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I m dying.

Donna: You re not dying, mom.

Midge: I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.

Donna: Look, don t worry about it. Everything will be fine. They re curing lots of people every day.

Midge: I m sure I ll be alright. Oh! I heard Edward is talking about me. He is a hateful man. Oh, I m so glad I divorced him.

Donna: Don t worry about it. You just concentrate on getting well.

Midge: Well at least you have a good man.

Donna: You re wrong! Mom, he s not what you think he is. He didn t get his promotion. And he got drunk last night. And he hit me.

Midge: Eric doesn t drink! What are you talking about?

Donna: He did last night. And I don t love him anymore.

Midge: Eric is your financial security. You can t afford to ignore this.

Donna: Yeah, okay mom. Can I just talk to you later?

Midge: You don t want to talk to me.

Donna: I just got done talking with a client, and I have to get ready to meet him. Can I just talk to you later?

Midge: Okay. I will see you later. Bye bye.

Midge exits. Cut to an exterior shot of the house.

Cut to the room. Jackie and Kelso enter, nervously.

Jackie: How much time do we have?

Kelso: I dunno, uh, a couple hours? At least.

Jackie: Well, let s have some fun.

They sit on the couch and Kelso opens a box of chocolates.

Kelso: Did you, uh, know, that chocolate is the symbol of love?

Jackie: (laughing) Feed me.

Kelso puts a chocolate in Jackie s mouth and then makes out with her. He puts a chocolate on her chest and eats it off of her.

Jackie: Yum!

Kelso: It s delicious!

Jackie: Arms up! (she takes off Kelso s shirt) Chocolate is a symbol of love.

Jackie places a chocolate in Kelso s mouth and then makes out with him. She starts to go down on him, although he begins reacting with comically exaggerated orgasm faces before she s in position to do anything.

Cut to an exterior shot of the painted ladies.

Cut to the room, where Kelso and Jackie are startled by Donna and Midge entering.

Midge: Hello? What are these characters doing here?

Donna: They like to come here to do their homework.

Midge: What homework?

Donna: Mom, this is Jackie s boyfriend Kelso. Kelso, this is my mother.

Kelso: It s a pleasure to meet you.

Midge: Mm.

Jackie: Uh-huh.

Kelso and Jackie exit.

Midge: Unh. Oh, all that shopping wore me out.

Fez enters.

Fez: Hi Donna.

Donna: Hey Fez. Fez, this is my mom. Mom, this is Fez.

Midge: How many people come in and out of this apartment every day? This is worse than Grand Central Station!

Fez: I just need to borrow some sugar.

Donna: Help yourself, Fez.

Fez: I also need a cup of flour and half a stick of butter.

Midge: Doesn t your home have a kitchen?

Fez: I ll come back later.

Fez exits.

Midge: Tell me, what does Fez do?

Donna: Eric wanted to get his parents to adopt Fez. It s really a tragedy how many kids out there don t have parents. When Fez turned eighteen, Eric wants him to move into the basement and he s paying for it until he graduates from school. Eric really loves Fez even though he doesn t say it much. He s like a brother figure to him. I told you, mom, Eric is very caring about the people in his life. And he gave Fez his own set of keys to our place.

Midge: Please, don t hurt Eric. Now if you really don t love him, so be it, but you should tell him.

Kelso enters.

Kelso: I forgot my, uh, book.

He grabs a book but somehow this leads to Midge holding his underwear.

Midge: What s this?

Everyone laughs.

Kelso: That s nothing!

Kelso takes the underwear and exits as everyone continues to laugh.

Midge: Homework!

Donna: (laughing) Don t worry about it.

Midge: If I were a burglar, you would be my best friend.

Donna: Look, I don t want to talk about it.

Midge: You know I worry about you. I have to go home.

Donna: Okay, mom.

Midge: Bye bye.

Midge exits.

Donna: (sighing) Oh my god.