AN: Longest chapter yet. Who's feeling it?
Attention. The regarding of someone or something as interesting and important. Taking notice of something or someone. If it were anything else, literally ANYTHING ELSE, you would have given into it without resistance. You get it – it's inevitable to draw attention; you can't hide away from people's eyes forever, and by expanding past your carelessly built loner persona as well as overestimating yourself, you can blame only yourself for it. You've made a friend, two if you count he who calls you a little girl (and you don't). You've made an enemy, two if you feel like considering she who bullies and she who glosses. You've joined a club, two if you count the room in which you're exposed to ignorance. You've proved yourself 'worthy' – for lack of a better word – to a teacher, two if you count a ruthless bastard. People know your name. People assume your story. People people people.
But is it that easy? To accept the inevitable; to embrace the losing title and drop your resistance? You're beginning to open up to one or two people, and it doesn't seem as outrageous as you once thought you did. Maybe it was you who was being outrageous. Maybe you….
Lesson Of the Month: You haven't written one in two, actually, because you're content now. Relax and enjoy the attention. Baby steps. You'll get there and hopefullyhopefullyHOPEFULLY won't regret it.
Now that I'm trying to accept attention – not bask in it – I've been noticing the little things. Here's a list:
(1) People either hate Sakura with a passion, or fiercely love her. It's a conundrum I can't solve, so I've come to accept it (I've been doing a lot of that lately). If you're wondering; I'm nowhere near close to hating her.
(2) People are attracted to Sasuke. He's like a magnet and we're all pieces of metal, anxiously waiting for him to turn to us and pull us in with his charm. The thing is, I don't like him like that, but I'm not going to not admit that he's annoying.
(3) Nori Tanaka likes Hinata. More about this later.
(4) Sasori has caramel eyes with flecks of amber in them. I mean, who ever said only women could be called pretty needs to meet him, have a staring competition with him (I'm obliged to say he won, that jerk) and appreciate his prettiness.
(5) I believe that when he gets speechless/surprised, he moves past his only two expressions (boredom-amusement) and settles on a cold, calculating look that no word can do justice. I didn't regret calling him pretty and receiving it.
(6) Noriko Tanaka has been trying to mess with me. Shall not be addressed for self stubbornish reasons.
(7) Kakashi-sensei has been fawning lately, and I wouldn't be permitting myself to wonder why if I hadn't broken the surface and started accepting things. It's ominous.
(8) Ino wants to sleepover. It's as if she sniffed out my turning-a-new-leaf attitude. She invited Sakura too. I don't know whether they're more friends than enemies, or more enemies than friends. But hey; you know what they say – keep your friends close and your frenemies out of closure.
(9) Naruto is making a bucket list. I'm helping. So far, he plans to score the most goals in his football games, woo Sakura, steal Kakashi-sensei's books, get a strand of Madara-sensei's hair, expose Ebisu-sensei (I didn't ask), and get a tattoo on his stomach. Gutsy and stupid.
(10) Almost everyone I know has a crush or something along those lines. And I don't. Am I welcome to the idea? No. Will I encourage it? No. Do I prefer my kitty Ice Cream? Yes.
"Hey, babe, what're you writing?"
I lean back on my chair and fold my list into a small note. "A list."
Ino scrunches up her nose and places a hand on my elbow. "You don't have to do that to yourself."
I roll my eyes as I shove the note into my diary without pulling it out of my bag. If she notices, I've made precautions by decorating the cover in a similar style to my notebooks, so neither Ino nor anyone else could have even a shred of an assumption as to what it is. Once upon a time, I couldn't care less if anyone got their hands on it, let alone knew of its existence. But ever since I stopped writing two months ago, inherently avoiding it and neglecting it, I've just now begun to write more personal things. It's not that I would make a scene if someone read it, but if I could prevent that, I will and I am.
"A list of what?" Sasuke asks against his palm.
"Stuff."
"A list of what stuff?" he counters with a smirk. I roll my eyes.
"A list of unmentionable stuff," I flip him the big L, and even Ino laughs at his appearing scowl whole-heartedly. The seat beside Sasuke remains empty, so the atmosphere is comfortable.
"Good morning class!" Kakashi-sensei chirps as he shuts the door behind him with his foot, a stack of crumpled sheets in his hands and an unusual book on top. The students who were formerly all over the place besides a short few scramble to their assigned seats, and the mood is a little dampened as I realize Nori Tanaka was indeed present, as he claims his seat across Ino and beside Sasuke.
"I've finally found the in-class assignment and even though I was kept busy with correcting tests, I barely managed to read through them all and bring it in today."
"It's been three months," I mumble, folding my arms across my chest and narrowing my eyes at him scrutinizing his expression. He catches my eye and before I can pointedly look away, his own crinkle with mirth. Bakashi.
"From what I have noticed, there are a few commonly occurring issues in your characters."
Kakashi-sensei places the stack on his desk and after ruffling through it for a while, he removes a sheet and places it separately, and before he hands the rest to Sakura to distribute them.
"The biggest of them was that they were two-dimensional."
Murmurs erupts between the students who got their papers back, as Kakashi skims over the single sheet he had and Sakura rushes hurriedly.
"If your character doesn't have enough flaws, particularly ones that hinder their development, it seems unlikely that the reader would connect with them emotionally – and that's what we're going for."
Sakura takes her seat quickly.
Everyone is either skimming through their sheet, or facing the front of the class.
Where the hell is my sheet?!
"If your character sounds like a brushed-up self-insert, the reader would buy your book and burn it without a second thought; or at least that is what I would do."
Did he leave it in the teachers' lounge? His house? Am I the only one without one?
I glance around as inconspicuously as I can, my hope steadily crumbling as I notice that everyone else has their damn sheet!
"And adding points in the same line as past abuse, bullying etcetera does not do what you think it would – make the reader sympathize and connect – and instead does the opposite; especially if you're not well informed on behavioral patterns of such."
After staring at him since I realized I hadn't gotten my paper back, he made it a point to look at anywhere besides our direction! Is this some sort of sick joke he's trying to pull?! Oh, I will so raise my hand and show HIM!
"Characters shouldn't also be able to overcome flaws quickly. You can't make them clumsy to be funny, and not clumsy in battle. You can't make them cowardly and then immediately overcome it after some occurrence. It shouldn't be as convenient."
NOW!
"There is a major difference between quirks and flaws –"
DAMMIT STOP TALKING SO I CAN SCHOOL YOU!
"For example, being idealistic and overzealous is a minor flaw, so can be considered a quirk," he reads from his sheet, his eye crinkling in – oh, hell no!
"A major flaw could be vanity, fixation in the sense of distraction, and incompetence."
No no no no no no NOOO!
I feel something hit my shin underneath the table, and look up with a horrified expression to meet Sasuke's questioning gaze.
His eyes widen in realization.
"To be frank, the most interesting character I've read from you guys is right here," he gestures to the paper in his hand, while I steadily sink down. "Not only did she avoid all that I mentioned before, she managed to surpass points that I have yet to teach, furthermore giving enough to spike interest and not enough to keep it."
I promise to be good and sociable and help Sasuke instead of laughing at his shortcomings and quit calling his uncle a bastard and invite Sakura over and everything else I've ever dodged. I'll quit claiming that I hate you Kakashi-sensei if you do not in any way or form mention me, my name, my entire existence to this class that may already know me but please please please just read it and give to me after class please!
"Who is it?" Noriko Tanaka asks impatiently, as I wonder how she managed to annoy the hell out of me, even unintentionally. But I knew Kakashi-sensei since middle school, which gave me a little relief, because if he did intend on saying it, he would milk it until nobody cared anymore –
"Kushina."
ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!
All eyes turns to me, and the wave of scrutiny that hits me makes goosebumps erupt on my skin and a knot to form in my gut. I try my best to keep my eyes on Kakashi-sensei who decides to look my way now and not when I was vying for his attention earlier, and there is the telltale crinkle in his eye; I scowl at him in disdain.
"Although I'm very curious as to why you named him Limbo, and picked this particular archetype, I believe there are no further problems in your assignment."
I grumble as they gradually turn away, sitting a little straighter in my seat and tearing my eyes away from him as I stare into my open notebook. I release a breath as I get over it quicker than I would have three months ago (I'm not ashamed to say I hold grudges) and just hope he doesn't read it aloud and draw more attention towards me. When I said I'd accept that more from then on, I didn't mean an entire parade.
He reads it aloud.
I begin to plot his destruction in my notebook.
"Woah, Kushina, he's literally a walking flaw!" Ino hisses beside me, her eyes glued to the front of the class. "Maybe Kakashi-sensei just likes sad characters."
I ignore the insensitive jab, because it's Ino, and that is ultimately how she is, and her intentions are never really bad either. One of the reasons why we're friends – she knows I don't take things to heart (I try not to).
"Maybe," I whisper back.
As soon as Kakashi-sensei finishes reading my layout, the class is dead silent. He stares at my paper in a way he'd stare at his books – loving and proud (he doesn't read children friendly books; these emotions shouldn't be valid), and I feel a little guilty all over again since he seemed to have so much faith in my writing abilities and had to persuade me for an entire year until I started my diary. He indirectly supported me, you could say, when I believed that it wasn't anything special.
I still don't, but I guess it's gotten a bit better.
I find myself steadily relaxing as he continues to fawn over Limbo, like I was a weary parent and my child seemed to be harmless and not likely to hurt himself, and soon as I was back in my content cloud again with barely-there hints of guilt and resentment.
"It sounds like a self-insert to me," Noriko Tanaka pipes up, studying her nails seemingly uninterested, when I pick up on a slight tug at her cheek as if she was suppressing a satisfied smile. I glance at her, then at Kakashi-sensei, while the rest of the students mutter between themselves in anticipation, and he merely nods towards her as a gesture to respond.
I take a less than a moment to weigh in my options, before settling for, "Doesn't seem so bad to me."
Noriko sits up and faces me. "You think you're so clever, well, have fun being a teacher's pet with no friends!"
I shrug placidly, not bothering to face her. "Doesn't seem so bad to me."
"You bi –"
"Enough."
I bite the inside of my cheek at the freaky ominous tone Kakashi-sensei uses; the serious edge that rarely breaks surface and commands the fear of anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity, let alone the cause. And even though Noriko was the one who started it, and pushed it, I'm pretty sure I was the cause. And you know what they say – if you want to solve an issue, you remove what caused it in the first place.
Kakashi-sensei scribbles on a pad that looks similar to the one in my bag between my History textbook, and I mentally settle for the fact that I will be getting a detention and miss the Art Club today.
He hands it to Noriko.
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.
"Detention for a week," he states quietly, placing the paper on her desk before moving towards his own. The silence is stifling, horribly so, everyone including me is relieved to hear the bell dismissing the class. I know there would be rumours circulating about me today as soon as the first person left the classroom, and didn't much care for it, as I had bigger things to do.
Ino is gone, but Sasuke seems to want to wait for me as I take my time gathering my things, so I tell him to leave without me and he nods and does so.
Soon all who's left is me and Kakashi-sensei.
"You really did well in this," he says with a sigh as the last of the students leave his class, and I approach his desk to pick up my sheet.
"Thanks."
He stares at me, his covered-up chin placed against his hand, whilst the laid-back demeanor resurfacing once again.
"Don't I get a detention?" I take the initiative to ask, as confidently and as indifferently as I can, but he merely shakes his head and continues to stare with his all-knowing amusement painted in his entire disposition, and I find myself getting frustrated. "Well I deserve one as well," I try again, more forcibly, this time he releases his hands and leans back onto his soft chair.
"Are you telling me how to do my job, Kushina?"
"No…"
"Do you not have anything to do after classes are over?"
"Not necessarily."
"Ah, so you want to chat!" he says in delight, sitting up and scooting closer with his chair, I take a step back.
"NO! It's just that it was my fault for initially provoking her and I don't want –"
"Kushina," he interrupts in a tone void of any former playfulness, I'm left helplessly listening as I already know I won't be getting what I came for. "If you let people bully you, I'm just going to have to give out writing punishments and detentions."
"But –"
"I know very well that you have a lot to say," I can't help but huff at that, and his seriousness deteriorates a little. "As long as you say it sometimes, I won't need to intervene."
I look down at my paper, and harrumph a little when I find he covered it with smiley face stickers.
"How's the diary coming along? Does he die in the end?"
"I haven't decided yet, it'll probably come to me at…" I drift off as a thought dawns upon me. How does he know about that?
"Well, in any case, I found you wrote about Uchiha a lot, and got a little jealous I must admit, even though it seemed like you weren't fond of him – so I forgive you."
Kakashi is smiling underneath that mask, I just know it. I find myself agreeing with him, until I process what he said and –
"You read my diary?!"
