I didn't see Deku for the rest of that weekend, he was busy with his "dad". I worked a few hours each day and managed to save up a little bit for the next time we hung out. Although I tried to think about pleasant things like holding his hand or watching him eat ice cream, I found my mind always coming back to his scars. Who gave them to him and why? I wanted to hurt that person. I wanted to create scars on them, I wanted them to beg forgiveness for hurting a creature as pure as Deku.
On Monday, Deku didn't come to school. He had already told me it was because it was his dad's last day in Japan before he had to go back to work. Over text, it was easy to pretend like I didn't care but I really did. It was going on three days now without seeing him. I had completely rearranged my life around him and now that he wasn't there, I felt a gap in my reality. The person I usually talked to and ate lunch with and hung out after school with was gone. I found myself staring at his desk, my mind trying to come up with a plan B.
As I sat alone that Monday, lazily annotating my notes, a girl came up to me holding a little pink card. She tapped my shoulder to get my attention. I looked up at the annoying blonde. What was her name? Yoga? Something like that. "What?" I asked, my voice cold.
"Izuku-kun isn't coming to school today?" She asked.
Her words made me hyper-aware of the note in her hands. She fumbled with it anxiously. I grew more possessive. "No." I answered.
"You two are good friends, right?" She asked.
"Yeah." Each of my one-word replies stung with annoyance.
"Hey… can you tell me… Does Izuku-kun have a girlfriend?"
"There's someone he likes." I answered.
"Really?" Her face fell. "Who?"
"You wouldn't know her, she goes to a different school." I lied. "They're pretty serious, though."
"Who is it?" She asked again. "Is she from Iwadobi High? Or Makuna Prep?"
I was caught off guard by her knowledge. "I- I don't know." I stuttered.
"Hm? It can't be that serious if his best friend doesn't even know what school she goes to." Monoma chimed in from a desk at my diagonal. He'd been onto my feelings since early on, I absolutely couldn't let him find out that Deku had those same preferences.
"Yeah, that's right~" Toga agreed. "If he didn't tell you something like that, he must not be that into her."
I gritted my teeth. "I think she's homeschooled."
"Homeschooled? How does he know her?" Monoma pushed, trying to break my lie.
"Can you mind your own business? He's already interested in someone else so don't bug him, you'll just annoy him." I said again.
"Well, there's no harm in Himiko-chan leaving him a note, is there? After all, if they're not dating, then she's really not intruding." Monoma learned forward, boasting his cold smile. "Who knows, maybe that other girl is just confused and Izuku really doesn't like her at all. It's so pathetic but unfortunately, it happens like that sometimes. So Kacchan, can you think of any reason that Himiko-chan shouldn't confess her love to Izuku?"
'Because he's mine!' I objected internally. 'Because he has feelings for me too and she should keep her grubby mitts off of him!'. "No." I answered in a dry, harsh, tone.
The girl opened the drawer of his desk and stuck the note in. I watched her place it then leave before turning around and scowling at Monoma. "You're going to tear up that card, right?" He asked once Toga was out of ear shot. "You're so pathetic… people like you are so annoying. You think that, because someone is nice to you, they must be in love with you so you have the right to covet them like some primitive dog."
"Stop talking or loose your teeth." I threatened. Deku wasn't here to tug my sleeve or look at me with fearful eyes. I was quickly losing control.
"I feel bad for Izuku. Your sick selfishness is going to be what keeps him from finding a real relationship. He's always going to feel responsible for you so he'll stick around to spare your feelings. That's the curse of being nice. You acquire these parasites that feed off your kindness until they've taken your life for themselves. I'm just guessing here but I think it's fair to say that you're the worst thing that's ever happened to Izuku."
I lunged out of my desk at him, ready to go for his throat when a hand grabbed my arm and roughly jerked me off course. I tumbled to the floor, landing hard on my back. Fuck, my spine hurt like all hell. I instinctively got to me feet despite the pain and looked to my assailant.
The red-and-white-haired student glared back at me with a calm but stern scowl. "Is that really how you behave yourself in a classroom? This is high school, not the plains of the Sahara. Grow up." He scolded. He looked to Monoma who was also cautious of this stranger. "You. How did this fight start?" He demanded to know.
The way he commanded respect forced even Monoma to submit. The blonde explained that Toga had left the letter in the desk then said that I had tried to throw it away. It seemed like the junior didn't full believe the story he was being told. He opened Deku's desk and retrieved the note, reading the memo on the front. I recognized on his face a familiar look of jealousy and possessiveness. I was no longer cautious of him and instead aggressive. "Shouldn't you be in your own classroom?" I questioned harshly.
"I came to retrieve Midoriya's homework since he's absent today." He replied in a sturdy voice, not afraid to make eye-contact with me. "A note like this isn't appropriate during school hours. I'll dispose of it." Was all he said before taking a paper-clipped stack of papers off Mr. Mori's desk, snatching the note from Midoriya's drawer, and leaving.
I watched the junior go, confused and angry by his actions. 'He tutors Deku, right? Is it possible that he acquired the same feelings as me for the green-eyed boy? That look in his eyes… I know that look…" My blood ran hot. 'Of course so many people are interested in him too. Who wouldn't they be? If I really want to stay with him, I'll have to be prepared to fight for him. I have to be the best. But… I'm not the best… That candy-cane guy is really cool. He even intimidated Monoma. And he's way smarter than me… Fuck…'
Class began but I found myself suck in a cycle of reassurance and doubt. 'At the festival, it really seemed like he had feelings for me too… but then again, I initiated everything. I held his hand, I pulled him against me on the train. Was he just going along with it like Monoma said? No… no. He told me he drank the coffee that Todoroki gave him because he wasn't as comfortable around him, which means he likes me better. But Candy-Cane-Head is taller than me and he's not hideous either…'
I was so relieved to be released to lunch. I needed a break from my thoughts. When Deku was around, it was easier not to worry. The day passed so slowly. I checked the clock over and over again but it seemed like it wasn't moving at all. While walking home, I tried to think of a reason why I could stop by Deku's house but there was none. Todoroki would be dropping off his assignments and the last thing he needed was his invaluable time with his dad being interrupted by me.
I went home and did my homework in silence. When I struggled with a question, I asked about it out loud, still used to having my tutor at my side. When the homework was done, I really didn't know what else to do so I read through the texts between Deku and myself. 'Should I text? No, I'll just bother him.' I thought. 'Well… I should at least check and make sure his homework got to him. That Candy-Cane-Dipshit let him walk home alone in the rain, I can't trust him to do anything right.'
Bakugo: Hey. Did Candy-Cane bring you your homework?
Midoriya: Is that your nickname for Todoroki-san? Yeah, he just left.
I checked the clock on my phone. 'What does he mean he just left!? School got out two hours ago! Has he been over there all this time?' I wondered. 'Did that note this morning encourage him to confess his feeling to Deku? That little fucker, I'll kill him.' I started typing angrily.
Bakugo: Oh really? Did you guys hang out?
Midoriya: Can we talk about it later? Gtg. Are you free for dinner tonight?
It was a simple yes or no question so why did we have to talk about it later? Did something actually happen? I absolutely did not want to have dinner with Deku's huge dad but I couldn't stand not knowing what happened with Todoroki.
Bakugo: Yes.
Midoriya: Great. 7pm my place. Ttyl.
Bakugo: K
I put away my phone, frustrated. 'I guess it's fair for other people to want to confess to Deku, we haven't really made anything official… but still! There's an unspoken relationship between us, a mutual knowledge that we're on the way to a real relationship. Shit. Do I have to speed things up? Should I confess today or tomorrow just to keep him from choosing someone else? Is that fair, though? Rushing things so he can't find someone better than me? No… I shouldn't be so selfish… Monoma was right… my selfishness could drain his life away if I'm not careful. Maybe he should be with Todoroki. He's rich and tall and smart and he's the captain of the swim team. If he started dating Deku, I bet everyone would treat Deku well and he would be cool. On the other hand, if he ends up with someone like me… they'd whisper about him behind his back and he's loose friends. I have to want what's best for him, right? So if Todoroki confesses, then I should just let him accept and give up, right?'
I tried to let that resolution settle in my mind but I couldn't. 'No! Todoroki already has so much! He has good grades and popularity and a wealthy family, he doesn't get my Deku too!' I stopped myself upon realizing that I had thought of the greenette as 'my Deku'.
"Dammit, Deku…" I grumbled, shoving my head in my pillow. I was so frustrated. I wanted him to mine, I did, but I wanted to take my time making it that way. I didn't want to have to rush, I didn't want to spit out those words at some random time, in some random place. What I wanted was to stick my head through a fuck'n wall.
Seven came around much later than I wanted it to. I shoved my shoes on and made my way to Deku's house. Mr. Midoriya opened the door for me. "Kacchan!" He welcomed in his overly loud voice. I forced a polite smile. Having him call me Kacchan felt weird.
"Hello, Mr. Midoriya. Um… is Deku here?" I asked.
"Mr. Midoriya? You can just call me Yagi." He said. I nodded. There was no way in hell I was going to be that casual with Deku's dad. "Izuku had to get some last-minute ingredients, he'll be back soon."
My brows knit together in concern. "Is he out alone?" I asked.
"Of course not. Mr. Tamura drove him. Do you really worry about him that much? It's good to see that my boy has such a considerate friend." The American blinded me with his huge, radiant, smile.
I nodded again. "Hey, um, was a red-and-white-haired kid over here earlier?" I asked. It was killing me.
"Him? Oh, yeah, he and Izuku talked for a while. Why? Is he giving my boy trouble at school?" The man opened the fridge and pulled out two beers. He sat down on the couch and invited me to sit with him. I did so out of awkward obligation.
"No, he's no one to worry about." I replied although I was very worried.
I watched in awe as Mr. Midoriya opened the beers with his bare hands. He held one out to me. I looked to the beer then to him then back to the beer. Was he serious? Did he know how old I was? "I-I'm not old enough…" I began.
"How old are you?" He asked.
"I'm almost seventeen…" I answered.
Surprisingly, he kept holding out the drink to me. "Go ahead, you're close enough. This is how men talk." He said.
I accepted the drink, not knowing what else to do. I took a sip of the vinegary piss juice and bit the inside of my cheek to restrain a grimace. "What did… um… what did Deku and Todoroki talk about?" I asked.
"I don't know, they spoke outside." He answered. "Why?"
"Nothing." I responded defensively.
"What do you think that boy wants from him?" He took another sip from his beer so I did too.
"I don't know." I lied bitterly.
"Izuku is a good boy, he attracts a lot of people." Mr. Midoriya explained. "Good people and bad people. He easily trusts everyone, that's why I worry about him. I'm not here all the time to make sure people are treating him right and, in all honesty, that's not my job anymore. He's growing up, he can decide who to trust for himself. I know he trusts you so I'll take his word for it and trust you too."
I blushed and raised the bottle to my lips as a distraction. Did Deku tell his dad about me? What did he say? "D-did he say that?" I asked.
The man chuckled. "He talks about you a lot." He revealed, making my blush worse. He noticed. "Oh? You're not drunk already, right? You've only had three sips. So that face must mean…"
I looked away from him. I did not want this strange man prying into my personal and confusing feelings.
"Relax, Kid." He said. "I'll just give my speech and we'll never mention what is or isn't happening right now." He said. I was still too embarrassed and panicked to make eye-contact. "Son, a man looks a man in the eyes when they're having a conversation." His voice was stern now. I obediently lifted my eyes to him. He was so big and intimidating. My instincts told me to either hop onto my feet and fight like a deranged animal or roll over. Thankfully, he began the speech before I could choose. "Izuku always sees the best in everyone which means that, more often then not, he'll allow people to treat him badly. He's not weak, it's quite the opposite. He's strong enough to love people, even in their ugliest moments. That is a beautiful thing about him but that doesn't give you the right to abuse his good nature. Those scars on him are from someone he loved and trusted, someone he wouldn't say no to or turn away from. The man who hurt him like that… I destroyed him." He said in a completely serious and harsh voice, making my skin prickle. "I broke his ribs, I made him bleed into the street, and I made sure that he will never see Izuku or Inko ever again. Physical and emotional abuse is all the same to me so, I suggest that if you don't have the ability to treat Izuku right, then you quietly disappear from his life. What happened to him before will not happen to him again. Do we understand each other?" He asked.
'He's going to kill me… Oh my God, he's going to murder me.' I nodded quickly, fearing for my well-being. His smile easily returned.
"That's all, then~" He said in a relaxed tone as he drained the last of his beer.
I sat at his side silently for a long minute before gathering my courage enough to speak. "Hey… um… So, what does Deku like to do?" I asked. I needed to change the subject so he would hopefully fell less inclined to kill me.
"Hmm…" He thought. "He likes exciting places but it's kind of a double-edged sword because he can get a little overwhelmed when things get too loud or too tight. Here. He picked this up today at the mall." He pulled a folded-up brochure out of his pocket and handed it to me. "It seemed like he wanted to go but he wouldn't ask."
I looked it over. It was a brochure advertising a new exhibit at the local aquarium. I quirked my eyebrows. "He wants to go here?" I asked.
"Seems like it. Now look, that's the only freebee I'm giving out today so don't ask me relationship advice. It's better that I don't get involved in stuff like that."
I nodded and put the brochure in my pocket. "Can I ask you one more thing? It's not a relationship thing." I promised.
"Sure." He took my half-empty beer and downed the rest of it.
"The person who hurt Deku before… were they blood related?" I asked.
He sighed. "I think it's clear to you that I'm not Izuku's biological father. Well… Izuku conveniently forgot that and he seems happier this way. He forgot the man before me, the one who hurt him. To be honest… I don't mind. No one needs to live with painful memories like that. If he thinks I'm his biological dad, as far-fetched as that seems, then I'm perfectly fine with it."
I nodded. So my suspicions were right. "Will he ever remember?" I asked.
"I don't know. He might. If he does, then I'm relying on you. He won't want to come to his mother or I so let him go to you. He'll need someone."
I nodded, taking the responsibility seriously. The front door opened and the cute greenette entered carrying two huge brown paper bags full of groceries. I got up and snatched one from him without asking. He protested a little but I didn't react. We set them down in the kitchen. "What were you two talking about?" He asked before catching sight of the empty bottles. "Dad! Did you make Kacchan drink!?" He scolded then grabbed my cheeks, looking at me with concern.
My face flushed at the contact. "H-hey! Let me go." I complained, trying lamely to wriggle out of his grip.
"You're so flushed, are you drunk?" He asked.
"No, I'm not drunk." I grumbled, knocking his hands off me. "Don't just grab people." I scolded.
"I'll make you some green tea. You should lay down." He said.
"I'm not drunk!" I insisted.
Mr. Midoriya chuckled and got up from the couch. "I just remembered I have to get a new checkbook while I'm in town." He announced, leaving with Mr. Tamura. I knew damn well that he was just making up an excuse to leave us alone. The door closed and I turned back to Deku, wearing a scowl.
"Hey, why was Todoroki bothering you? What did he want?" I asked. I had to know.
"Huh? Nothing…" He said, avoiding eye-contact with me. He was such an obvious liar. I stepped closer to him, causing him to back up slowly into the wall where I cornered him, bracing myself against the wall so he was boxed in by my arms. He looked up to me with wide-eyes.
I hated thinking that Todoroki was stepping in on my territory, it triggered my possessive personality. "This isn't something that I'm willing to back down from, Deku. What did he say to you?" I asked again, my voice low and commanding.
"He… He just mentioned that he met a few of my classmates. He told me about the letter… he told me about how you tried to rip it up then tried to kill Monoma." Deku answered. I rolled my eyes. That candy-cane fucker was trying to exaggerate everything to make me look bad. Deku wriggled a little. By watching him, I would tell that he wasn't afraid of my behavior, he was actually responding well to it. "He told me that I should ignore any letters I get and that no one in my grade is suitable for me."
"Let me guess, he suggested himself?" I assumed.
Deku blushed bright pink and diverted his gaze. I felt a rock in my stomach. For a moment, there was more than just jealousy and possessiveness. There was a little fear too. 'This could be it…' I thought, 'this could be where the story finally changes direction and a new love interest steals the show…' Deku's sparkling emerald eyes shyly lifted. "He said something like that… but…of course… I had to reject the offer…" I could see in his eyes that he was trying to say more to me. He wanted to make sure his point was coming across clearly so I assured him it was.
One of my arms slipped from the wall to hook around the small of his back, jerking him closer to me. His chest was against mine, sharing warmth. I still held a cold seriousness in my gaze. "Good. He should learn to keep his hands off what isn't his." I growled.
Deku melted into my touch. I could see what he meant when he said he liked strong people. My aggressive advances were met with submission as if it were completely natural for him. His behavior only fueled mine. I felt like a more confident and dominant version of myself. I curiously leaned my head in against his cheek until I could clearly smell his body wash. My lips met the soft warmth of his jaw bone not once but twice, lingering on each kiss for a moment. He stayed completely still for me, trusting and willing.
I leaned back, looking him in the eyes. "Don't accept anyone else's feelings." I ordered in a much softer tone. He nodded, his face burning red. With that, I loosened my arm on him and let him free but he didn't dart or even look away. He stood in front of me, watching me closely. He raised a hand and tapped his cheek twice with one finger.
"Can I have one here too?" He asked innocently.
"Wh-what?" My face was so hot from all the blushing.
"Please?" He encouraged.
"F-fine…" I grumbled, still trying to play it cool though he had clearly caught me off guard.
He nodded, showing me his cheek. I leaned in and pecked it. Deku was smiling. "Other side too." He requested.
"Knock it off." I grumbled, embarrassed. "Being pushy is annoying, not cute."
He smirked. "I'm not cute? That's weird…Todoroki had a different opinion…" He said, perfectly aware that he was irking me. 'Is he trying to piss me off? That little shit…'. "He said the way I smile is really cute…"
My hand cupped over his mouth. "Shut up about him." I ordered harshly. Fuck, he was playing me like a goddamn fiddle. He was getting exactly the reaction he wanted.
"He said I'm cute even when I'm pouting." He antagonized, his voice muffled by my hand. Dammit. I just wanted to shut him up! I removed my hand and replaced it with my mouth, locking his lips into mine. I succeeded in shutting him up but I really didn't know what to do next. That was my first kiss. The only people that I saw kiss were my parents and actors, I had no idea how to do it. After a few awkward moments, I broke contact and leaned back, completely embarrassed. Not only had the little greenette manipulated me so easily, I had just had my first kiss and it was super weird.
"I gotta go home." I excused, turning to leave for the door when my sleeve was caught by the short boy. He held on hard. I looked back at him, embarrassed, angry, and scared. 'That was shit. That kiss was complete garbage. Oh my God, I look so lame right now. Fuck! That's not how I wanted that to happen. I thought I'd be ready, I thought I'd have more time.'
"Sorry for teasing you like that, Kacchan. Please don't go." He couldn't hide his smile. He rubbed his lips together, diverting his eyes and blushing. "I just… you've always been shy. I knew you wouldn't do something like that unless I pushed you. I know you wanted to wait and prepare, I'm sorry I messed that up… it just seemed like you were freaking yourself out." His green eyes lifted to meet mine. They were sparking with effervescent joy. "So there, I gave you my first kiss so you don't have to worry anymore. I'm definitely yours."
I was stunned into silence by his cute forwardness. Had he actually just said that? Had he called himself mine? Deku led me by the sleeve to the kitchen island where I sat down, completely mind-fucked. "You're not angry at me, are you?" He asked, sitting next to me. "If anything, I should be angry with you for being so stubborn. During the fieldtrip when you found out about me, you must have known then that I really liked you. That was more than a week ago." He put his pouty face down on the counter.
I still couldn't respond. 'Deku is mine? He said so himself… I didn't even have to claim him, he just willingly gave himself to me… Who is this person? Where's shy, cute, Deku? No… he's always been like this. He's shy and cute but he's also clear about what he wants and the kind of person who will push others. He was the one who kept insisting on following me around and forced me to take his phone number. Even now, He's the same way.' Having a romantic relationship with him was not exactly what I'd imagined. I thought he'd be passive and timid, I forgot how determined he was too.
"Kacchan…" His little voice said, breaking my train of thoughts. His voice was suddenly scared and sad. My protective senses became alert. "Kacchan… could it be that… you regret what happened? Did I really push you too far? I… I'm sorry… don't hate me…" He whimpered. His eyes pickled with tears. It was time to stop freaking out and just be a man about it. I affectionately ruffled his hair.
"Idiot…" I grumbled. "You're so stupid… I'm the one who kissed you, right? So obviously, I wanted to…"
"But I bullied you into it." He sniffled. He seemed to switch between two different versions of himself. One was blunt and driven while the other was submissive and sweet. I liked both a lot.
"Well… I kind of needed to be kicked in the ass so… I guess it's fine." I muttered, offering a little smirk. After a minute, he was able to smile back. "Hey, I want to take you somewhere." I said, pulling the brochure out of my pocket. "The aquarium just opened a new exhibit, have you heard about it?"
His eyes lit up. "The jellyfish room!" He answered. "I-I saw this brochure too, it looks really pretty, right?"
I nodded, glad to see his spirits high as ever. "Let's go this weekend." I suggested. "If you're not busy or anything."
"Yeah, I want to go~" He approved, beaming a smile at me. This seemed like a good time to bring up my most recent mistakes.
"And about school… I kind of told Monoma and that blonde chick that you're super in love with some homeschooled girl that no one knows." I told him.
I read a confusion on his face clearly. "Wh-What? Why did you tell them that?"
"Monoma already knows how I feel about you, he's always known. I wanted to make sure he didn't think you felt the same way. And… I was kind of peeved when blondie wanted to leave you that note." I admitted, embarrassed by my pettiness.
Deku rolled his eyes. "How am I supposed to keep up a lie like that? You know I'm bad at lying."
"Just never, ever, talk to Monoma about anything. It's not lying, it's just not telling the truth."
"Are those two different things?" He asked with a little giggle.
"Yeah, of course." I laughed too.
"So… I really shouldn't say anything about what we are to each other?" He asked.
My heart sank a little. 'Am I being an asshole by asking him to hide this? Of course, normal couples want to be recognized in school but… we're not a normal couple. There's so much that could go wrong and I'm not ready to tell my parents. I don't know what to tell them or how.' I shook my head. "For a while, let's keep other people out of this." I said.
He nodded silently, looking down at his hands.
"I'm sorry…" I muttered. "I-I…I just… I don't…"
"It's okay, I get it. I don't know what to say either." He comforted. "It's just between us right now. Speaking of which, dinner is going to be just between us too if Dad doesn't get home soon. My ham is going to get dry if I leave it in the oven much longer."
My mouth watered at the mention of ham. "I think he left to give us space. Maybe we should just eat without him." I suggested. I could smell the savory meat already.
"You didn't eat when you got home, did you?" He slipped on oven mitts and got the ham out of the oven.
I flushed, embarrassed. I had been too busy worrying about Todoroki's confession. "I didn't have time." I lied.
"Then we can start eating without Dad. He'll be out a while." He said, moving around the kitchen to put things in bowls and collect dishes. I couldn't help but curiously peek down his sleeves at the many scars. Who could really do something like that to a person like Deku? And a father of all people… That man had to be a completely broken human being. If I ever met him… it would be extremely difficult for me to not kill him. It was all I could think of when I saw those scars. I wanted to hurt him.
Deku set a plate in front of me and I served myself from his many bowls. It seemed like he kind of overdid it with the cooking. Not only had he made a ham but there was also marinated cucumbers, grilled peppers, sautéed pineapple, mushroom soup, pickled radish, and a chopped salad. I tried to take some of everything so as to not offend him. He soon noticed that I was only taking little amounts of everything and understood. "I made too much…" He mumbled.
"Uh… well, there's just a lot of sides." I acknowledged. I hated that he was frowning so I started serving myself more, knowing I would regret it.
"Kacchan, you don't have to." He said, his voice obviously upset.
"Huh? I'm starving, I could eat a horse." I replied confidently.
"Take some home to your family too." He offered.
"Sure, if there's left overs." I replied, knowing there would be leftovers. Deku smiled a little which was good enough for me.
He sat beside me and gave himself measly portions since he had been tasting his food the whole time he was cooking. It was just as good as the breakfast he'd served me before. I was hardly paying attention to anything else, just focusing on the food, before he finally spoke up. "I usually cook too much like this, even when I'm making my lunch so… since I have extras, why don't I just bring them for you?" He suggested, making my cheeks get a little warm.
"Do you mean like pack my lunches?" I asked, my mouth full.
"Yeah, if that doesn't bother you." He was blushing too, it was the cutest shit I'd ever seen. He really was like the girls from the comics I read. Packing lunches, wearing my shirt, teasing me, getting all flustered all the time. Was this boy real?
"I-It doesn't bother me." I stuttered, red-faced.
A coy smile crept onto his face as he took a bite of the cucumber. 'Dammit, he's adorable.' I thought. I leaned a little closer, creating just a bit of contact between our arms. It surprised and flustered him.
We finished our dinners and I went home before his dad returned, parting ways with a tiny, heart-racing-and-face-flushed kiss in the doorway. All the way home, I thought over and over to myself, 'I kissed a boy, I kissed a boy, I kissed a boy.' It seemed like an insane statement. 'Shit, I have to tell Mom, don't I? That was my first kiss, it's kind of a big deal, right? Fuck… what do I even say? I don't know what to call him, he's mine but he's not my boyfriend. Do I call him my someday boyfriend? God, the word boyfriend is so weird… Can't I just call him my special friend? Wait, does that imply sleeping together? Shit… is that something that would even happen? I've never really considered it… I mean, I like his body, obviously, but… no. I can't think about that right now, that's too much."
I arrived back at home and found mom in the kitchen, looking through the fridge for something to make for dinner. "Hi, Katsuki. How was dinner at your friend's place?" She asked.
"I held up the tupperwares of leftovers. They were still warm. "Good. I brought home some extras. He made too much." I explained before setting them on the counter.
She closed the fridge and came to look at them. "He really sent you home with leftovers?" She asked, surprised.
I nodded. "Yeah, he's a pretty good cook. He's going to start bringing lunch for me to school too." I said. I thought she'd be as touched as I was by the sweet gesture.
She rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed. "Kacchan… do the other kids pick on you?" She asked.
I was completely caught off guard. "Wh-what? No."
"Don't let these rich kids make you feel less than. We're doing fine, you don't have to accept embarrassing stuff like this just to be polite. They don't understand what middle class is, they think you're either filthy rich or living under a bridge and relying on government subsidies. I know they mean well but next time, you should just nicely stand up for yourself. Tell them that we really don't need gifts like this and that we can afford to eat three meals a day just like everyone else."
I was heart-broken. I thought Deku's gesture was cute and sweet, I knew he didn't mean to patronize me. 'He's been to our house, he knows that our pantry is full of food. Mom just doesn't understand… but then again, why would she? It's not like I told her about our relationship.'
She continued. "Thank your friend for these but tell him that I'm going to continue packing your lunch. I don't want you to become a school charity case." She began to empty out the containers into the trash and put the tupperwares into the sink. He'd made that food for me out of kindness, not pity. My heart sank into my stomach.
'No… she's got it all wrong… This isn't good… I can never tell her… she wouldn't understand. She'd never accept it…' I thought, the color draining from my face. She looked up and noticed my expression. She held my face and brought me close comfortingly. She had completely misunderstood the situation.
"Oh Kacchan… it's okay, don't take it personally. I'm sure he likes you as an equal, he just doesn't understand." She said sweetly. "I know it's hard at school… you're not the same as the other kids, I know that's difficult, but as long as you stand up for yourself, everyone will treat you with respect."
"Mom…" I mumbled, trying to interrupt her.
"If your friends can't do that, then maybe they shouldn't be your friends. The last thing you want is a friendship where the other person thinks they're your savior. Tell that boy that you don't need anything from him. Honey, does he make fun of your lunch?"
"Mom, of course he doesn't. He's not like that." I said.
"Whether he thinks that way or not, you should tell him not to bring you lunch. It's better to just not accept charity and remain an equal. If you let him give you things like that, he'll start to feel like you owe him."
"But mom, I… I want him to bring me lunch." I admitted, my heart pounding in my ears. I bit my bottom lip. I knew she wouldn't understand but… I didn't want her to think Deku was that kind of person. "I want him to bring me lunch because… it makes me happy to know he's thinking about me. It's really cute when he hands me a bento box with a smile, it makes me smile. I want to eat his cooking and tell him it's good so he'll smile and feel proud of himself. It's not about money, it never was. Deku's not like that, he never made me feel bad about that." I took a deep breath and forced the words out. "He wants to make me lunch because he likes me…and I like him too."
Silence followed my confession. When I looked into her eyes, I saw that look of confusion and shock that I had worn when I realized my own feelings. "Y-y-you like him?" She echoed finally.
I looked away and nodded. I was still embarrassed, ashamed of my preferences. I knew it wasn't normal, I knew those horribly cartoonish TV personalities that boasted the same preferences. They were always the joke. They carried purses and little dogs and talked funny. Now, I was one of them. I wasn't the son she had wanted, I was something foreign and weird. Something to be laughed at and feared. I wouldn't marry a nice girl and have cute babies, this changed everything.
I broke out of her arms and jolted up the stairs. She weakly called my name but I didn't turn back. I went up to my room and locked myself in just in time. Tears started spilling out. I didn't know what to do except pull out my phone. I open mine and Deku's text conversation. I didn't want to expose myself to him like this, I didn't want him caught up in my drama but my heart desperately sought out him for comfort. I knew no one would understand but him.
Bakugo: Hey.
He responded quickly.
Midoriya: Hey! Did you get home safely? Dad's back too, btw.
Bakugo: Yeah.
Midoriya: What's up?
Bakugo: Nothing.
Midoriya: You okay? You're not much of a texter.
Bakugo: I'm fine.
Midoriya: Tell me the truth.
Bakugo: I told my mom.
There was a longer delay in response.
Midoriya: About the kiss?
Bakugo: Not exactly the kiss but yeah.
Midoriya: I'm coming over.
Bakugo: No.
Midoriya: I should help explain.
Bakugo: No.
Midoriya: Are you okay?
Bakugo: Yeah.
Midoriya: Kacchan, I know it's hard. It's going to be okay. Let's talk about it at school tomorrow, okay?"
Bakugo: K.
I put away my phone, my eyes too blurry to read anyways. I got into my bed and covered myself with the sheets. That felt safe and hidden. There, I could hide from Mom, her impending disgust, and my own fears. She never came up to my room or knocked on my door. The house was painfully silent until I eventually fell asleep.
