I stared at my phone screen, writing, erasing, editing, and rewriting the same text over an over again. Finally, I had it written out the best I could and I gathered my courage to send it.
Bakugo: Hey, Deku 😊 I'll be over tomorrow around noon. If you're feeling up to it, let's play some Pokémon.
It wasn't pushy, just clear and suggestive. I needed to get him back. The only reason that I had my shit together was because I was clinging desperately onto the hope that things between Deku and I were not over. This was just a lull in the relationship, a hardship, an unfortunate intermission. We would get back together soon and it would be like this never happened.
"It'll be like it never happened." I said to the little bunny figurine on my desk. Looking at it made me think of our first "date", if that's what it was. We walked around the little boutique stores and saw a movie. Everything was so easy then. Deku didn't know about the horrible shadow following him. The tears began to fall again as I smiled at the bunny. "It's going to be okay, Deku… The bad thing already happened, right? So it can only get better from here."
When I closed my eyes to sleep, all I could see was that man and my boy screaming. I saw him in the shower with his skin rubbed raw. I saw his emotionless face telling me to leave. I couldn't… he may have been strong enough to let go but I wasn't. I was selfish, I refused to let go, no matter what. Yes, he'd probably be better with Todoroki, he'd be better with someone who didn't fight so much, who liked the same cheesy shit as him, but I wanted him and for that reason, I'd do anything to keep him with me instead.
Deku was selfless, he always put himself last. That's why he made this decision, that's why he sent me away. He would gladly suffer if it meant someone else would benefit. 'Is he alone, right now?' I wondered, laying in bed and staring out the window. 'Is he scared? What about those nightmares? Who's keeping them away? Did he hurt himself again? Who's bandaging him up? Who's telling him that everything's okay?'
Eventually, sleep forced its way in. In the morning, I looked at universities in Australia and the sort of programs they offered. It helped me not freak out to keep reassuring myself that everything would go back to normal. I needed to make future plans. I needed to solidify the fact that I was going to stay with Deku. I didn't know what was happening or what to do but I knew my end goal.
A bit before noon, I headed over to Deku's house. I rang the doorbell once then waited a few minutes without response. I rung it again. After another minute of two of waiting, Mrs. Midoriya came to the door. She smiled apologetically at me. "Hi, Katsuki-kun. How are you?"
"I'm good, Mrs. Midoriya." I said with a casual nod. "Is Deku feeling well enough to hang out?"
She looked so sorry. Had he told her to reject me? He couldn't even do it himself? What about yesterday's kiss? Wasn't that as incredible for him as it was for me? Was it really so easy for him to ignore that? To ignore me? It felt like my heart had been speared. "Katsuki-kun… I'm sorry, he's just not feeling well today." She said.
I nodded. "It's okay, Mrs. Midoriya… I understand…"
"Did something happen between you two? Deku told me you can't come over anymore…"
I shook my head, refusing to acknowledge that he had actually broken up with me. "No, Ma'am… he's just going through some hard stuff… I'll wait a little while if you don't mind. He might change him mind."
"Oh… Okay, come in, I'll made you some tea-"
"Thank you but… I'll wait for Deku to invite me in."
"I think you'll be waiting a long time."
"I know."
"We're supposed to get some rain this afternoon."
I looked up to the heavy, dark clouds. "I hope so, it's been getting a little dry recently."
She sensed my obvious denial, my forced optimism, by willful ignorance. She knew what game I was playing. "I can't stop you from standing out here, I guess. Do you have your phone on you?" She asked. I nodded and pulled it out of my jacket pocket. She tapped some keys and then handed it back. "I put my husband's number in there. Maybe you should call him if you have some free time. He's pretty reserved about romantic stuff but you'd be surprised how wise he actually is about love."
He didn't really strike me as the love guru type but I thanked her anyways. She went back inside and I sat down on the sidewalk, my back against Deku's house. I wanted him to open the door. I'd look up at him and smile then stand up go in with him. That didn't happen. Even when it began to rain, even an hour after the rain had begun. The door stayed closed. I only left when I felt the uncontrollable urge to cry. I had to do that in my own room, in private. God, I had turned into such a crybaby. I just cried all the time now. It was Deku's fault, I was so angry with him.
I raced home and shut myself in my room. I needed to throw shit. I started with softer things like my pillows and dirty clothes. 'Do you hate me, Deku!?' I wondered, grunting as I chucked my pillow against the wall. I picked it up and abused it again. 'After everything I've done for you! Everything we've been through! How could you treat me like this!?' I pulled the shoes off my feet and threw them too. 'I gave you my first kiss! My first relationship! I did everything I possibly could, Deku, so what more do you want!? What else could I have done!? I said I'd move to fuck'n Australia with you!'
I went to my bookshelf and pulled down my trophies that I had won for soccer in elementary school. With tears in my eyes, I broke them apart. "Are you really doing this out of love? Because this doesn't feel like love." I asked aloud. "Why can't you come to me when you're hurting? Why is this the best option, Deku? You don't think I can handle it? You don't think I can take care of you?"
I looked down to my feet and at the trophy pieces scattered on the ground. I had been so proud of those… I had looked at them when I wanted to remind myself that I'm not useless and that I can accomplish something. Why did I do that to them? Was I really losing my shit?
I leaned up my room, hiding the broken trophies in a box under my bed. I said on the floor and called Mr. Midoriya. I really needed someone to tell me what the fuck was going on. It rang a few times before he picked up.
"Hello? May I ask who's calling?" He answered in English. I barely understood what he was saying.
"Hey… Um, It's me, Katsuki Bakugo. I'm sorry for calling out of the blue." I said, drying my eyes with the back of my sleeve.
"Oh!" He switched to Japanese. "Kacchan. No worries, I'm not doing anything at the moment. So why the call? Is something going on?"
"You must have already heard some of it. Deku saw his dad at the aquarium the other day."
"Ah… yes, Inko told me about that. How is he doing?"
"He's… I mean… I hardly know… I got him home from the aquarium and he passed out. When he woke up, he pretty much kicked me out of his life and I haven't seen him since."
"What did he say that gave you the impression that he doesn't want you in his life?"
"Everything." I responded with frustration. "He said he didn't want to see me anymore."
"Is that actually what he said?" The man interrogated.
"Well… no. He said that my Deku was gone and he couldn't be happy ever again so he didn't want to waste my time anymore."
"I see… I'm not saying you're wrong Kacchan, I don't think that at all. I think this is a very difficult situation for everyone involved. I just think that, if you want to know how Izuku really feels, you need to take everything he said to you and turn it around. When he said he didn't want to waste your time anymore, he was saying 'I'm a waste of time'. Do you see? Izuku is struggling with his identity right now."
"Wh…what am I supposed to do about that?" When I turned his words backwards, they showed a whole different perspective.
"Show him how to see himself through your eyes."
"M-Mr. Midoriya, I'm not a therapist!" I protested, feeling weak and useless. "I can't do that!"
"Love has made more of a difference in this world than therapists have." He replied calmly. "You love him, right? If you don't, then you really should just forget him."
"No. I love him." I responded immediately and earnestly. It was the first time those words had left my mouth. My breath hitched in my throat. I did. I loved him.
"Put your pride and frigidness aside, Kacchan. He has to know how you feel about him and how you see him. Right now, he can only see himself as that man did."
"He won't even let me near him. He doesn't respond to my texts. I waited outside his house today but he wouldn't let me in."
"Why do you think he won't talk to you or look at you?"
"How the hell should I know?"
"You're not that stupid, Kacchan. Think about it."
I huffed and thought. I tried to put myself in his shoes. Whenever I was looking into Deku's eyes, I lost my better judgement and my heart came out without restrictions. "Maybe… he can't act so tough when we're face to face so that's why he can't see me. There's too much temptation to be honest. He's made such a rigid divide between us because… because he'd change his mind immediately if he didn't."
"I think that's probably true… If you spoke to him face to face, I think it would be much harder for him to push you away."
"So I have to get to him somehow…"
"Hold on, it's not something you can solve with brute force. You have to meet him where he's at. He's going through a lot. You said you went to the house today? Good, keep doing that. Show him that you haven't forgotten him and won't move on. Don't make yourself a burden though. Don't sit there shivering in the cold and soaked in the rain. You'll only make him feel worse. Come prepared."
"Okay… but what if he never opens the door?"
"He will."
"Are you sure."
"Yes. And while you're waiting for that, keep yourself busy. It's not good to harp on the past. Forgive him, forgive that man, and forgive yourself. You should take up a hobby."
"A hobby? Like what?"
"Well, winter is just around the corner. How about knitting?"
"Are you… I mean, is that a joke?" I asked, amazed by his response.
"Before you say anything about how it's a granny hobby, you should know that I have been knitting for years." He said. I couldn't imagine the huge, muscular, American sitting down with some knitting needles and making himself a sweater. It seemed too ridiculous to be true. He spoke again. "And you know… Izuku loves handmade gifts so It's not a bad hobby to start. You could have your first sweater ready in time for Christmas."
That made me want to consider his suggestion seriously. That was actually a great idea, he loved cheesy handmade stuff. "Okay. Well… uh, thanks for everything."
"It's not problem. His mother and I are keeping a close eye and bringing him to therapy. He'll be safe."
"Thank you."
"Take care now."
"Yeah, thanks. Bye."
I hung up the phone. Mrs. Midoriya was right, he was a love guru. I felt a little more stable. I opened my texting app and send Deku another message.
Bakugo: Sorry that you weren't feeling well today, I'll see you tomorrow at school. Take care.
No response as usual. I picked myself up off the ground and decided to find a distraction like Mr. Midoriya suggested. I walked to the nearest craft store and bought a set of knitting needles along with a spool of pastel yellow yarn, the same color Deku wore on our date. It suited him.
In my room, I yelled curses at a YouTube video as I tried to replicate the task that was done so easily by the old woman in the tutorial. By the end of the day, I had wasted a whole spool of yarn and all I had to show for it was a braided chord. I packed away the knitting things with a sigh. I could try again tomorrow. For now, all I wanted was to go to sleep thinking about Deku in a huge, poorly made knit sweater.
He wasn't at school the next day. I waited for him at the front gate but he never showed up. In class, his seat remained empty. No one responded to his name when it was called during role. I kept checking my phone for a message from him throughout the day. Nothing. During lunch, I sent another text. Our text conversation was tuning into a long assembly blue bubbles without corresponding white ones.
Bakugo: I'll be by after school with your work from today and a copy of Iida's notes.
The message was ignored for the rest of the school day. As promised, I brought a stack of papers to his house. Mrs. Midoriya wasn't home so a housecleaner took them from me instead. Again, I sat down right outside the door and waited. He never came down.
I can't say that it didn't affect me. Each time he ignored me, it was like an arrow to the heart. I felt hurt, betrayed, angry, and desperate. To deal with these feeling, I felt straight from his house to the craft store and got a few more spools of yarn. I knitted the hell out of my feelings, burying them under every stitch.
It actually worked. I was so focused on the task that it was harder to think of other things. Once I got going, the work became so monotonous that my brain completely tuned out. By the end of the night, I had a few 10-inch rows constructed. I experimentally wrapped it around my wrist. 'If I keep going for two feet or so, this could be a sleeve…' I considered. 'Shit… how do you make a sweater in the first place? And how big should I make it? Deku is smaller than me so I can't measure on myself.' I tried imagining him in front of me but an imaginary model is no good. I'd have to somehow get a sweater of his for reference.
Tuesday morning, I waited for him again at the front gate. He didn't come to school. All day long I found myself glancing at his seat expecting him to be there. It was empty.
During third period, an annoying voice spoke up from behind me. "It seems like Izuku is avoiding someone, don't you think?"
"He's sick." I growled, turning back to scowl at the blonde. "I thought you were going to start minding your own business."
He chuckled. "Are you going to tell on me to the principal? Come on, Kacchan, stop being such a child. Wait, child isn't one of your no-no terms, is it?" He asked sarcastically.
"You want a free for all? Okay, say whatever you want, I'll listen to it but you have to be willing to take a beating without crying to mommy and daddy either. Your nose still looks a little purple from that time Midoriya kicked your ass."
He was still pissed about it. I could tell because his cool complexion melted away into annoyance and anger. "You just try, Katsuki. Next time, I won't be empty-handed."
"Only a weak man brings a gun to a fistfight but if that's how you want to play it, I'm not scared."
Uraraka, who sat nearby, chimed in. "Should you guys really be talking like that?" She interjected.
"It's just a saying." I dismissed even though there was a very literal threat of weapons.
"Yeah, but-"
"Butt out, Pudgy." Monoma growled with a deathly glare.
She seemed completely shocked by his demand. Was Monoma coming undone? Before, he would have never said anything like that. He used to be so careful, he worded his insults cleverly so that they offended people but he couldn't be blamed. This was too blunt… he was becoming careless and more dangerous.
Uraraka, not knowing how to respond to such a blatant insult, turned away. I didn't blame her, even I was caught off guard. "You should be careful of what you say, Monoma. If you keep talking like that, you won't be able to trick anyone into thinking you're a poor, misunderstood, little kid." I said.
He flipped like a coin from rage to ecstatic laughter. There was something hazardously broken about him. "What gave you the impression that I care what these idiots think about me? As long as I graduate at the top of my class, you could all just die and it wouldn't affect me one way or the other." He laughed but he seemed completely serious.
Normally, our chats were just aggressive back and forths. Sometimes, they resulted in some routine bullying but this was different. I truly feared Monoma. There was something off about him now. Maybe Deku's beating had really flipped a switch in him. I was glad Deku wasn't at school today. In fact… I didn't feel comfortable with him in the same town as Monoma. I had no doubt that Monoma could access weapons and had a grudge against both of us.
I nodded and turned away from Monoma. My hands were shaking and I had to sit on them. After class, while the rest of class went to lunch, I stayed afterwards to mention to Aizawa about what Monoma had said. I thought he'd say something like, "keep that stupid gossip to yourself" but he actually took my concerns seriously and said he'd talk to the school counselor about it. Nonetheless, I was scared.
I thought about it as I walked from school to Deku's house. 'If Monomo instigated violence… I wonder how Deku would react. He's a brave boy but now he has trauma. He was hurt before. Maybe he'd take out his rage against that man on Monoma… maybe he would go too far. Or maybe he'd revert to childhood and be completely helpless.' I wasn't sure.
Mrs. Midoriya was home when I arrived. She took the papers and agreed to get me a jacket from Deku's closet without telling him why. "My husband's going to get back into town on Thursday," She informed me as she handed over the article of clothing. I held it delicately. "Maybe he could take you out for dinner. I know he enjoys talking to you and at a time like this, we all need to work together."
I blushed a little. Was I officially a member of the team? They considered me one of them, part of the family? I nodded. "Yeah, that would be cool. Thanks."
"Are you going to wait out here a while today?" She asked.
I nodded, carefully putting the sweater into my backpack.
"Can I get you a water bottle or anything?"
"No thank you, Ma'am. I already have one."
"Okay, well, take care Katsuki-kun." She began to close the door but halted when I spoke up.
"Before you go… um… how is Deku today?"
She gave me a pained smile. "He's doing okay. He went to his first therapy session yesterday. Today… he doesn't really want to leave bed much. He misses you."
"Did he say that?"
"He doesn't have to. He thinks I don't know but he keeps that shirt you gave him under his sheets with him."
I blushed. To be honest, I was probably going to do the same thing with his jacket just to feel some closeness with him. "Thank you for taking good care of him."
"Of course." She said before going in. I waited two hours but nothing. I wondered how long this rejection would continue to destroy me. The pain never got better and I didn't get used to it. Each time was a fresh wound.
When I got back home, I went straight to knitting to distract me from all those painful feelings. It worked for a while but Mom eventually forced me to come downstairs and eat. Eating wasn't high on my priorities. I was usually so hungry but now, I didn't even notice when eight hours went by without a bit of food.
I didn't make a lot of progress on my project that day because I kept glancing aside and seeing his sweater. I tried to avoid the temptation but after long enough, I couldn't restrain myself. I held it and breathed in his scent. It was a bad idea, my emotions got too big for me again. I had never been so emotional about anything before. I'd been bullied in many schools, I'd lost friends, I'd fallen off my bike a few times too but none of these things brought pain comparable to this. I used to be a brick wall. I never cried, I covered all my emotions with anger. This was so different; my heart was dying and I didn't know how to handle it.
I put a bag of frozen peas over my eyes before going to bed so I wouldn't wake up wearing my vulnerability. Even though I waited at the gate, I knew the whole time that he wasn't coming. Monoma was called to the counselor's office during second period. He returned with an unreadable expression. He had probably played the counselor like a fiddle. He was an expert at this game.
The day was completely dull and boring without Deku. I wasn't woken up from my mechanic numbness until lunch. I was alone on the rooftop having my lunch as usual. Suddenly, I heard the door to the roof squeak. There was a brief and intense joy in my heart, assuming it way my boy, but my heart quickly sunk again when I saw that it was just Candy Cane.
He approached me with anger and violence. I quickly rose to my feet, prepared to take him on. Unfortunately, he was a bit taller than me, more muscular, and full of passion. He grabbed my shirt and smashed me against the air conditioner unit with a thud. "What did you do to Midoriya!?" He asked, his eyes aflame.
I fought against him and eventually shoved him off. "Nothing! Jesus!"
"He hasn't been to school in three days! Are you really going to tell me it's just a coincidence!?"
"He's sick!" I said, repeating the same story I'd told everyone.
"Bullshit! Bull-fuck'n-shit!" He tried to throw a fist at me but I caught it. "What did you do to him!?"
"Nothing!" I insisted.
"Then you should have! If something happened to him because of your negligence, then it's still your fault! Did you leave him out in the rain? Did you let Monoma intimidate him? What was it!?"
I let go of his hand. He was right, I didn't do anything. I was weak and useless. "…Hit me…" I mumbled after a heavy silence.
"Wha-?" Todoroki asked, confused by my request.
"You're right! I didn't do anything! I couldn't stop it, I couldn't make it better, It's my fault! Hit me!" I wanted the pain. I wanted to feel some sort of punishment to validate all my guilt. I was a bad boyfriend, I wanted the world to recognize that too so it wouldn't be stuck inside my head anymore.
I got what I wanted. His fist rammed into my stomach, causing me to fold and hold in vomit. He kept asking what had happened but I refused to tell him. I didn't want anyone to know. This was Deku's demon and no one else had a right to it. Besides, I couldn't let those rumors spread. I hated to imagine how people would look at him.
He continued to ask and I remained silent, fueling his anger. He held my back with one hand and buried his fist in my stomach three more times. I still wouldn't tell him so he punched me hard in the face, sending me toppling to the concrete. "You know…" He said, panting. "After that stunt with your hair, I thought that maybe… just maybe you were a half decent guy. Turns out you're still the worthless sack of shit I always thought you were. Listen to what I'm telling you. Midoriya will fall out of love with you and you better believe I'm not going to hesitate to take him from you. Then I'll treat him how he deserves to be treated and he'll finally realize how worthless you really are."
He left, going back down into the school as if nothing had happened. I sat on the floor, holding my stomach and taking shaky breaths. The physical pain was a welcome distraction from the pain of his words. They echoed in my head. 'How worthless you really are…'.
I found myself chuckling. I don't know what I found so funny… maybe my own patheticness. Maybe the fact that I let one little green-haired boy turn me into this mess. I leaned back and hit the back of my head against the air conditioning system a few times. Who was I anymore? How much longer did I have to wait? Everyday, I lost more of myself. Everyday became more unbearable.
When asked about the cut on my cheek in class, I lied and said I'd biffed it on the stairs. I told Mrs. Midoriya the same story when I dropped off Deku's homework. She thanked me for the papers. "How is he today?" I asked.
"He… He had another therapy session today. He's pushing everyone away, he won't even let me in his room. He won't talk, he hardly eats… today is a hard day." She explained.
I nodded. I wished I could do something for him, I wished I could see him. We exchanged our goodbyes and I settled in on their doorstep. An hour into my waiting, a police car slowly pulled up to the Midoriya household. When it stopped and the officer began walking to the door, I began to panic. 'Did something happen to Deku!? Why is he here?' I wondered.
He didn't go in, though. He approached me. "Sir, I've received a complaint from a resident at this address. It seems you're making people uncomfortable."
My heart sank. Had Deku really called the police on me? Was he that determined to get rid of me? I couldn't speak at all, I felt as if my lungs were filling with fluid.
Mrs. Midoriya noticed the police car in front of her house and stepped outside with me immediately. "Wh-What is going on here!?" She asked.
"Ma'am, I received a call from a resident in this building asking me to evacuate trespassers." He explained. She reacted with the same expression of shock and sadness.
"Th-That must be a mistake…" She knew it wasn't but it was so hard to believe that Deku would actually go this far. He loved me… so how could he be so cruel?
The officer checked a little note pad. "It's no mistake. The call came from within this building. Regardless, once the complaint is made, I have to take action. Sir, you're going to have to leave the premises." He told me.
I regained my weak throat. "H-how far do I have to go?" I asked.
"Well, the law requires at least twenty feet from the building after the first complaint."
"So… If I stood across the street, that would be fine?" I asked.
He nodded. "That's public property so… yes. If the resident instituted a restraining order against you, though, that would change based on the level of the order."
I nodded. I couldn't believe that Deku would ever go that far. He was just trying to scare me. He was trying his hardest to get rid of me. He couldn't even stand me on his doorstep which meant… he probably felt too tempted to open the door. He wanted to let me in so badly that he had to bring in a physical intermediary. I smiled a little bit and nodded. "Okay. I'll keep my distance." I told the officer before he left.
Mrs. Midoriya looked at me, worried. "Katsuki-kun, I'm so sorry… I don't know what got into him."
I forced the smile to stay. "It's okay… I can wait across the street too. He can't push me away." I said. I found a public bench right across the street from his front door. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.
Bakugo: The sun is out today so make sure to open your blinds at some point.
His room was on the other side of the house and I couldn't see his window. I didn't care if he saw me or not, I sincerely wanted him to enjoy some sunshine. As usual, he didn't respond but I could bear the weight of his rejection because I knew that his will was breaking down. My empty hope was finally finding some fulfillment.
At home, I worked on my knitting project and finished what I intended to be a sleeve to the sweater. Mom worried about my swollen cheek, she didn't believe my story about the stairs but eventually gave up asking. Although I hated to admit this to myself, I didn't hate Todoroki. He respected Deku's decisions and had the strength to defend him. I would never hand Deku over but if I died, the fact that Todoroki was there for Deku gave me a little solace.
Thursday, the same routine. He wasn't at school. People came up to me and asked about him but I didn't have answers. Uraraka had bought a card and had everyone in class sign it. At the end of the day, she gave it to me to pass along to Deku. As I walked off of school grounds, I noticed a nice red sports car pulled up out front of school. 'What's with that?' I thought. 'Some rich twerp wants to show off their birthday present to everyone? That's so annoying.'
As I walked past, I watched a towering man get out of it and stand beside it on the street as if it were a clown car. "Kacchan!" He called, wearing a dazzling smile as always.
Students who were leaving to go home stopped and gawked at the man then looked to the student he was talking to, me. 'Does Katsuki know that guy?' Someone whispered. 'He must… he called him Kacchan.' Someone replied. I blushed in embarrassment. He couldn't help but attract attention but why did he have to bring me into it?
I approached him quickly, hoping to get this situation resolved quickly. "H-Hey Mr. Midoriya." I greeted quietly.
"Hungry?" He asked. "I know we had planned dinner but I remember Izuku telling me that you're always hungry so you don't mind getting something to eat now, right?"
My blush worsened. Did Deku really talk about me that much? It was an embarrassing and cute thought. "I could eat." I replied with a nod.
We both got into his unnecessarily luxurious sports car and started driving. With the money he probably spent on this, he could have bought a house or two. I couldn't imagine having such expendable wealth. "When did you get into town?" I asked.
"This morning."
"Did you have a good flight?" I asked, feeling obliged to make polite conversation.
"It was fine. You want to know if I've seen Izuku today though, don't you?"
I nodded. He saw right through me.
"I don't think he can keep up with this embargo much longer." He explained. "He comes out of his room a few times a day to check the window in my study."
"For what?"
"I think you mean 'for who'?" He corrected.
'He looks for me? He waits for me to visit… he wants to be with me in some way, even if it's not face-to-face.' I realized. That whole time, I thought he was ignoring me. I thought he sat cooped up in his room, hiding under his blanket. But all along, he was spending those hours with me.
Mr. Midoriya spoke again. "It's supposed to snow tomorrow so dress warm." He advised. He glanced at my backpack. "Your keychain… what is that?"
I looked at it too. "Umm, I'm not really sure. I found it in a park when Deku and I went to that local festival a while back. I think it's supposed to be an octopus or something."
"Give it to me." He said bluntly, holding out his hand.
"Huh? What for?" Was he going to throw it out the window or something? I liked it, it reminded me of that night.
"I know that, when I first met you, I said I wasn't going to get involved in any romantic things but… I think it's best when Deku's with you. I don't worry as much about him and he seems happier. Give me the keychain and I'll pass it along to him. I think he just needs a little push."
I undid the little metal latch as fast as I could and dropped it into his massive hand. He chuckled and put it in his pocket. "You know… I worried about Izuku when he said he wanted to date boys. Boys are mean and I knew his options were much more limited. I was afraid he'd settle for someone who was only interested in bedroom things or someone who pushed him in ways that made him uncomfortable. Deku isn't like those activists you see on TV, he wants a quiet, undisturbed, life. I didn't know if he'd ever find someone… I don't worry about that anymore."
My heart was beating in my throat. "T-thanks." I mumbled.
"If you don't mind my prying, when did you know that… you know… you like guys?"
My face went cherry red. Why was he asking me about this? He was my boyfriend's dad, wasn't this a little too intimate? I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Well… uh… a little later in life." I said.
"Really? Don't people usually figure that stuff out when they're little? The first time I met Izuku when he was just six, I read him a fairytale and at the end, he told me that he wanted to meet a prince too. Inko told me it started even younger than that which is one of the reasons there was so much family tension. We've always known his preferences."
"Yeah…" I didn't really know how to explain myself. "I've heard stories like that before. It seems like most people get some warning. For me, I was kind of blind sighted."
"What do you mean?"
It was so hard to talk about this, especially with him but he was going out of his way to help him and I had to show him respect by telling the truth. "Deku was kind of… um… my first crush." I admitted.
"So… you didn't know that about yourself until you met Izuku?"
I shook my head.
"Wow… so you've really been through a lot just to be with my son…" He noted.
"I guess. He put up with a lot from me too."
"I understand you. Both the Midoriyas are compassionate and selfless people. Inko certainly made me fight to be with her, it'll probably be the same fore you. After all, the treasure doesn't do the hunting, that's on you."
I nodded. We went to a ramen bar. I was kind of surprised by the cheap choice. I thought for sure someone with his money would want to go to a French bistro with only three things on the menu. "You don't mind this, right?" He asked as we sat at the wooden bar.
"No, I like this place." I said.
"Me too. You miss the little things when you're away from home."
"Where are you from?" I asked. I had always assumed he was American.
"Detroit." He answered. "But home is where the heart is, right? My folks are passed and my friends back in the states have their own families now so this is my home. I have a wife and a son, I have neighbors, I have friends." He was interrupted when the man working the counter asked him to order. He got two large bowls with all the toppings and two beers.
He was so cool. He was successful and he knew everything about love. "Mr. Midoriya…" I said, earnest with admiration, "teach me how to be a man." I requested.
"Huh?" He asked, opening the beers and handing me one. I accepted it, sipping to be polite. "You're only sixteen, don't you think you're getting a little serious for a kid?"
I shook my head. He humored me and for a few hours, he gave me his best advice. He told be to be strong but also wise about my strength. He told be to considerate and compassionate with my significant other and to always take the side of justice except when my significant other was on a side. "Always side with your partner." He said. "You're supposed to always be on their side. A problem isn't me versus you, it's both of us versus the problem. Do you understand?"
I did. After we ate, we drove back to the Midoriya house. Mr. Midoriya brought in the letter from the class, Deku's homework, and the little keychain. I waited outside a while, watching the house from across the street. Sometimes, I would just barely notice the blinds from a room upstairs tremble. Was that him? Was he up there somewhere? Peeking out at me? I smiled.
That night wasn't the night. I went back home empty-handed again but I felt okay anyways. Maybe it was just the little bit of alcohol in my system or maybe it was all the promises that Deku would come back to me soon. I began knitting the other sleeve and went to bed.
As predicted, I woke up Friday morning to snow. I let it pile up on my shoes for a while as I waited at the school's front gate. Deku didn't show up so I went to class. I heard people whispering behind back before class started. For some reason, I kept hearing the name "Hachiko" repeated. 'Isn't that the name of that dog statue?' I wondered. I turned around to the girls behind me with a hard expression, making them a little nervous. "What are you guys talking about?" I asked.
"Oh… It's nothing, Katsuki." One girl said. Her friend added, "We'll keep the volume down, sorry."
Kirishima spoke up from his desk. "Hachiko." He said bluntly. "That's what people are calling you now. You know the story of that dog that kept waiting for his owner at the train station even after the owner died? When you stand out at the gate waiting for Midoriya like that, you remind them of Hachiko."
I blushed. I didn't think other people would pay so much mind but, of course, this was high school. The girls seemed annoyed with Kirishima but I gave him a little nod of thanks. I liked to at least know what was being said about me, even if I didn't like the gossip itself.
Now that I knew, no one bothered to lower their voices. People actually addressed me as Hachiko although my cold glare quickly corrected them. Did I really look that pathetic? I had to be more careful of my image.
It was midterm time so a paper was printed and pasted in the classroom that announced the ranking of each student. I was in much the same place as before but Deku had fallen from third place to tenth because his absence. I didn't realize how competitive the top ten was. Missing one assignment could bump you down a few notches. I vowed to do anything I could to help him get back to his previous ranking once he returned to school. His grades were important to him and would help him get into the marine biology program of his choosing.
At the end of the day, I took Iida's notes to get copies made, collected his assignments from Aizawa, and headed to his place. The snow had made everything peaceful and clean. White powder coated the world and crisp, cold, air refreshed my lungs. Mrs. Midoriya accepted the papers at the door. "How is he?" I asked.
"His door isn't locked anymore, that's good. He had to get a little haircut this morning but I'll let him tell you about that when you next see him." She said.
"Oh… Okay." My heart sank. I loved Deku's hair. It was so cute and soft.
"Are you going to wait? Even with the weather like this?" She asked.
I nodded. "It's okay, I have my jacket and everything." I pointed out.
"Okay, Dear. Stay warm."
"I will." With that, I crossed the street and went to my usual bench. After an hour and a half, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and found a message from Deku.
Midoriya: Go home.
I smiled. His walls were crumbling, he couldn't stop himself from reaching out to me.
Bakugo: I will if you tell me to.
Midoriya: I just did.
Bakugo: face to face or nothing.
Midoriya: You're annoying me. Just go, I'm not going to change my mind.
Bakugo: I don't mind waiting, I have nowhere else to go.
There was no response from him. I let two more hours slip by. I couldn't leave, I knew his defenses were coming down. I had to wait. I had to be patient and let him come to me when he was ready. The sun began to go down, dimming the white world. Finally, the door opened slowly and he appeared, wearing a thick bathrobe and snow boots. My heart raced. It was happening, this was it.
I want to run to him or shout but I stayed where I was and let him slowly approach me. I noticed before he reached me that the underside of his head and been buzzed, leaving a tuft of wild hair on top. It didn't look bad, we was still as cute as ever.
He wouldn't look at me, he glanced aside as he spoke. "It's been a week; can't you get it through your thick skull? We broke up. Leave me alone." He said. There was no malice beneath his voice. He was trying to be strong and completely failing. I just stood before him, my hands in my pockets. "Didn't you say you'd go if I told you to?" He reminded.
"I said face to face. Right now, all I can see is your dandruff." I joked.
He defensively covered the top of his head. The robe opened to reveal that he was wearing my shirt over captain America pajama bottoms. I chuckled. "Which of us hasn't moved on?"
"Shut up!" He barked, closing the robe again.
"Look me in the eyes and tell me you want me to go home. I will. But I'll be back tomorrow. Deku… I'm going to keep coming every day."
"Don't call me that…" He whispered. I could sense his walls crumbling.
I thought about what Mr. Midoriya said. I had to be vulnerable, I had to be willing to speak my mind clearly and say things that embarrassed me. "But this is the name I gave you… only for you…"
"Well take it back!" He argued. "Take it all back! Everything! It never happened!" He dug into his robe pocket and drew out the little keychain, holding it out to me.
I looked from the little charm to the public garbage basket on the other side of the bench. "It's yours so… if you don't want it, you should just put it in the trash." I said, testing him. His weary eyes glanced to the trash. His hand started trembling but he couldn't do it. I took it from his palm.
"Sorry, you probably don't want to get close to that. I'll throw it out for you." I said. I took a few steps to the trash. He said nothing. I poised my hand over the trash. Finally, he broke.
"Don't!" He cried. I looked back to him to find that his teary eyes were fixed on me. Finally, he met my gaze as tears spilled down his cheeks. "Don't throw it away… I want it back…" he whimpered.
I smiled softly and returned the trinket to his hand. He gripped it tight with a shaking fist. "I didn't want to throw it away either." I told him. Silence fell upon us as the calm snow fluttered down. He cried quietly, holding the trinket against his heart.
After minutes, he spoke. "Why, Kacchan?" He asked. "Why do you keep coming back? Why do you insist on me? Can't you see that I'm a mess? Don't you realize that there are better people out there?"
"Because I love you." I responded, my words drenched in heart-felt sincerity. I felt so stupid for not letting him hear them earlier.
His sparkling emerald irises lifted to mine, trying to find the dishonesty in my face but there was none. I repeated myself to make sure he heard clearly. "I love you, Deku. I always will."
His eyes sank down to his feet. The tears plopped into the snow, wounding the perfect white sheet. "Is it bad for me want to accept your love… even if I believe it's misplaced?"
"It's not bad because you're not bad, Deku. You're so incredibly, irrevocably, good. What happened to you before… That's bad. The fact that you, an amazing flower, managed to grow out of such rotten soil just proves how good you are."
"Do you really believe that? Do you believe I'm good?"
"You're absolutely the best." I affirmed with complete certainty.
Suddenly, his little body was thrown against me and his arms tightly embraced me. I didn't hesitate a moment to hold him back. Finally. The world was right again because, finally, my boy was back in my arms. He sobbed, saying, "I love you" over and over again in a weak, watery, voice. Each time those words hit my ears, the open wounds on my heart began to heal.
I held him. I didn't care how long, I didn't care how loud he cried. He was in my arms and that's all that mattered. I would gladly stay right there, just like that, forever.
