Important note: this chapter is mostly flashbacks, with Arthur and Alfred thinking about their mates. Which means Gilbert/Arthur and Alfred/Antonio. It also means it approaches character death and mourning. So if you're sensitive to that, you can pretty much skip this chapter: you can read until the sentence that ends with "and he knew what it meant", and then you can CTRL+F to the sentence that starts with "Even though" and read from there.

Other notes: Guys, hello! It's been a while! Sorry for the wait, but we hope you'll enjoy this chapter. We'll do our best not to take so long for the next one! :3c

Answering reviews:

SzilRa: We love Emily too, she's a baby!

Cone of Depression: Emily is a smart child, hehe.

Alguien22792: we're happy to know! They are indeed living different stages of their lives, but they can still be there for each other and who knows what happens then~


Chapter 06: The Graveyard Book

February 24, 2018

Alfred was acting weird.

It wasn't something Arthur could ignore, but it also wasn't something he understood. Since that night on the beach, Alfred was... Arthur didn't know how to explain. He wasn't avoiding Arthur - he had invited Arthur to visit them the following weekend after the beach, and he kept texting and everything as usual... but he seemed to be avoiding some other things, like looking at Arthur in the eye, and avoiding being physically close to him. It was a bit weird.

Arthur couldn't help but wonder if he had done something wrong. He had already asked, but Alfred had said that no, he didn't, everything was okay and Arthur shouldn't worry about it; then he quickly changed the subject. Still... Arthur could not help but wonder. He also wondered if Alfred regretted having approached Arthur to begin with, that night at the dinner party, or if something in Arthur was bothering him - his presence? His scent? Arthur had no idea...

And as it was Saturday and those thoughts were just making him anxious, he decided to clean and organize his apartment.

He couldn't ignore that he would soon have a baby, and he couldn't ignore that his apartment had not been properly cleaned since Gilbert died...

There was plenty to do there, no matter how small the apartment was. And he needed to find a place to put a crib, even if he still didn't have one...

So he turned on the TV to have something to distract his ears with and got what he needed to start cleaning the apartment. Maybe, he hoped, it would distract him from his intrusive thoughts about Alfred as well.


The last thing Alfred wanted was to act weirdly when he was near to Arthur. He liked their friendship and he didn't want to disturb it by letting Arthur know how messed his feelings were at the moment.

He'd been thinking of other ways to explain the conclusion he reached on his feelings for his friend since that night on the beach. Maybe he was just lonely? It was possible that he had stayed too long without a boyfriend and he was now just missing that kind of contact... He could, also, just be feeling happy for Arthur and emotionally invested in his progress and had mistaken his own feelings of fondness and excitement for something else because they were so strong.

The problem with these excuses was that they didn't explain why Alfred was reacting so specifically to Arthur. To his voice, to the funny expressions he made, to his sweet and soft scent, to his simultaneously clumsy and obstinate personality…

Urghhh.

Unlike what he thought and hoped, that was not just an outburst of a strange emotion that would vanish over time. After that night, things were just getting worse and worse. From the moment he realized that he was possibly liking Arthur, he started noticing him a lot more and learning details about him that only made his heart long for him even more.

He noticed that Arthur's favorite drink was green tea, that he was quite a mess when it came to making salty dishes, that he scratched his mark when he was nervous and that he loved movies about lost animals coming back home.

He realized that had a snarky sense of humor, that when they talked about a subject that interested him, he could get too excited and talk a LOT, and that it was kinda easy to make him blush.

Every detail he noticed was like a little gold nugget being found and together they made a treasure of immense value to Alfred.

What's worse was that the more he learned about Arthur, the less he thought that what he knew was enough. He wanted to learn a lot more, much more! Share more moments with him, see his reactions to different things and…!

Oh, shit. He was a lost case, wasn't he?


Unaware of Alfred's struggles, Arthur decided to start cleaning his apartment by the kitchen. He had to use a chair to reach the top of the cabinets to dust there, which made him remember that it was Gilbert who usually cleaned those spots. He smiled faintly as he remembered how clean the apartment had been before. As much as Gilbert worked with cars and had his hands and clothes dirty with oil when he got home, ten minutes later he was all clean and smelling of shampoo and cologne. He always kept himself and the apartment spotless.

After he died, Arthur hadn't found the strength to clean it all by himself. He kept remembering the two of them laughing and Gilbert chasing after him with soap in his hands, or Gilbert pushing him off the bed to change the sheets...

Arthur sighed and tried to focus on what he was doing: cleaning the cupboards, then washing the dishes and putting everything back in place. And then cleaning the stove and the refrigerator, then going to the living room to clean everything there too. He knew the memories would keep coming, because that was what had kept him from doing that before and he had not been ready for them. To be honest, he still didn't think he was ready to face those memories, but he couldn't ignore the mess in his apartment. He needed to get ready for his baby.


Alfred eventually decided that it was better to seek advice from a friend for whom he did not feel confused or complicated feelings.

"Are you really inviting me for a drink after work?" Kiku asked bemused. "Why is that? You're not much of a drinker, Alfred."

"Yeah, I know, but I've been stressed about some things lately and…" Alfred averted his eyes, looking through his microscope so he didn't have to face Kiku directly. "... I need some advice... Or to vent... I'm not sure yet what I want, but I need to talk…"

He heard Kiku sigh, as if he was tired, but his voice came out soft and understanding:
"Today, you say?"

Alfred nodded.

"Well, I hope we can go somewhere that has a lot of different drinks." Kiku said in resignation. "I'm not a fan of beers."

Alfred's face lightened up immediately with that answer.

"Thanks a lot, Kiku," Alfred left the microscope completely aside, practically jumping over his friend for a hug. "You're the best! The best! I promise to buy any game you want later!"

"W-Wait, Alfred! There's delicate devices here!" Kiku replied, sounding somewhat embarrassed, which was a bit odd but Alfred didn't thought much of it. He probably was actually just worried about their work instruments, Alfred thought, being more cautious and pulling away from him, while giving him an embarrassed smile of apology.


They had met at a party during Arthur's sophomore year. Arthur's band had performed at a small punk-rock festival organized by some students, and Gilbert approached him after the slow, a beer in each hand.

He had said:

"Corrupted Water, huh? It's an interesting name", while handing one of the beers to Arthur. Arthur remembered very well that first impression, because Gilbert had extra light blond hair, almost white, and his blue eyes seemed purple because of the lighting of where they were, and he had a smirk in his lips and such a soft-looking pale skin and he was wearing a black tank top with a white inverted cross on it and a jacket tied to his waist and tight red jeans and boots and Arthur had looked him up and down and all he could think had been oh, wow...

And he probably stared and certainly blushed and certainly almost dropped his beer but in the end he laughed and said:

"Well, yeah, it was the best suggestion between Flasy Slime and Elite Boner, so."

And then Gilbert was laughing too, and then he was praising Arthur's voice and asking for how long he had had a band, and suddenly it was three in the morning and the two were sitting on the parking lot curb, with Arthur wearing Gilbert's jacket and the two laughing, laughing at some silly joke that had come from some serious subject, and Arthur was super tired but he did not want to leave because Gilbert smelled strong and nice and he was so funny and so incredible and then he held Arthur's face and looked deep in his eyes and Arthur even closed his eyes thinking that Gilbert would kiss him, but instead he said that Arthur should go rest and invited him to have lunch the next day and then Arthur kissed Gilbert. And it was so calm, so quiet and so serene...

And Arthur loved that memory, that quiet start they had, having lunch together, enjoying music together, making out here and there, exchanging erotic notes in the library while they studied and occasionally being asked to leave because they were laughing too loudly.

In the silence of the apartment, Arthur could still hear Gilbert's laughter if he closed his eyes. And it hurt because he remembered it so well, but everyday it seemed more distant.


Alfred and Kiku went to an English pub together. It was not the best possible place for their conversation because that environment in itself reminded Alfred of Arthur. However, it was close to work, had good prices and even had tabletop games to distract them, so it was really the best possible choice.

"I want the least alcoholic beverage you have." he asked the waitress who answered them when he was at the table with Kiku. Alfred couldn't drink much. He would drive. Still, he needed at least a bit of alcohol. "Like, something that could barely be considered alcoholic."
"And I'd like something sweet, please." Kiku asked politely.

After the waitress left them, Alfred wasted no time in talking about the issue he had been holding from himself and the world for days:

"I think I'm falling in love with Arthur." He grunted, burying his face on the table. There it was. He had finally admitted it openly.

Kiku said nothing for a moment and his silence practically weighed on Alfred's shoulders. What was Kiku thinking of him? Was he judging him? Taking pity on him? And which would be worse?

"Arthur… that omega who's expecting a baby from his deceased mate?"

Ouch.

"Yeah, him." Alfred had to say because that was simply the truth. "I ... I'm trying to figure out if I can reverse this process somehow. I just don't know how. I don't want to distance myself from Artie because he really needs friends now. I also don't want to have to go out with other omegas because that would be kind of wrong since I'm falling in love with someone else... Then, what should I do, Kiku?" Alfred lifted his head and faced Kiku with a helpless look. "What can I do to simply see Arthur as a friend again? I hate what's happening right now. Honestly, it's the last thing I wanted! The worst situation possible!"

"Are you certain about your feelings, Alfred?"

Oh yeah. Unfortunately, he was more and more sure of them. After all, he had felt something of this intensity before and he knew what it meant.


Alfred, unlike Antonio, realized that he had serious feelings and expectations about them in a very short time.
They were introduced by a mutual friend at a home party. It was pretty cliché.

Antonio was preparing to be a chef. Alfred was in his sophomore year of Pharmacy. They had an instant chemistry. They were, as their friends said, equally loud and very happy-go-lucky.

Antonio's smile was the most beautiful smile Alfred had ever seen. It was such an uninhibited smile. It was as if his smile was a star, radiating on its own.

After three dates and several nights exchanging text messages, Alfred realized he couldn't stop thinking about that guy. He often remembered the funny things Antonio said and the adorable expressions he made and wondered what their next date would be like, what it would be like to touch Antonio's soft, brown hair...

He felt his chest swell with pleasant and exciting feelings, his heart racing for no reason and his brain lighting up at night when he thought of the guy he was going out with. He had never felt anything like that for anyone before.

So he decided to tell Antonio about it at their fourth date. The occasion was very good. They went for a picnic in the park and were surrounded by nature, away from most people and sharing a nice sunny afternoon together. How could there be a better scenario for a love confession?

"Listen, Antonio, you like what we're doing, right?"
"I always love to have a good meal, Alfred." He smiled innocently. The only flaw that Alfred could possibly point out in Antonio at that stage of their relationship was how much he was an airhead at times.

"No, I mean... Duh, I like to eat too but... That's not what I'm talking about!" Alfred exclaimed, blushing. "I mean… What do you think of this!" He gestured, indicating their surroundings and then pointing to himself.

"You mean, about the park?"

"Our relationship, Antonio!" Alfred had to be straightforward this time, even if his breath was racing and his cheeks were burning. He sounded as if he was angry, but all he felt was an intense, overwhelming nervousness. His heart seemed about to escape through his mouth. He was speaking loudly like that because if he didn't make the utmost effort to be heard, the words wouldn't even come out of his throat. "I'm enjoying going out with you! I like being the alpha that is dating you! I like you! I... I'm probably falling in love with you!"

"Oh, Alfred…"

What was he going to answer? Oh, god…
"Isn't it a little early to talk about love?"


Arthur and Gilbert dated throughout college. Gilbert graduated first and immediately got a job at a great company. He studied engineering and he had earned a full scholarship. His grades were always As and Arthur found it fascinating how he could keep those grades and work part-time while Arthur was barely getting Bs even if he didn't work and had all his bills paid by his parents back in England.

They were from very different worlds.

Gilbert worked for about seven months in that great company, and during a date when they had been going out for almost two years but had not yet officialized their relationship because neither of them had bothered to do it, Gilbert sighed heavily and confessed:

"Listen, I gotta be honest with you, Art. I hate my job. Like, I've never hated anything this much in my life. But the money's good, you know? So I was trying to stay there because, uh… I know you come from a rich family, and I want to be with you, and if I'm to be with you I gotta be an alpha that can afford your lifestyle… but I just… I don't know if I can do it because if I have to see that cynical smile in my boss' face one more time I'm gonna…!"

And Arthur was so confused at the time, because Gilbert had never even asked to be his boyfriend in the first place, and now he was talking about...! Besides... his chest tightened as he realized that the person he loved the most was forcing himself to do something he hated because of him...

"Gil," he said, "I... I like you, you know. Even if you haven't even asked to be my boyfriend or anything..." He pouted and looked away, "But... but I want to be with you too! And I don't want you to be unhappy. I want you to be happy! And I... I don't want someone to pay everything to me, n-not forever... I want a job when I graduate! I want to be independent! So... you'd like to work with your brother, wouldn't you? You get radiant whenever you talk about his workshop. So... you can do that. We'll both be working, we'll be fine!" he said.

And it was so sweet the way Gilbert pretended to not have his eyes wet.

He said:

"Arthur, I'm going to buy an apartment, so come and live with me!" and took Arthur's hands, squeezing them.

Arthur blushed and pinched his cheeks.

"Court me properly first, you idiot!"


That's right, Alfred knew what he felt at that time, despite Antonio's completely skeptical response. Antonio thought he was only young and impulsive and, in the end, Alfred was right. Antonio eventually became not only his boyfriend, but his mate, husband and father of his children, and Alfred couldn't be more pleased with the progress of their relationship.

Knowing what he was feeling for Arthur, though, was absolutely terrible. Because there was no way for them to have a happy ending, Alfred knew that.

"Is it really the worst situation possible?" Kiku asked, tapping his fingers on the table. He had a gentle but slightly strange smile on his face that Alfred couldn't figure out. "You two are lonely people who understand each other's situation. I think you would make a great pair."

"No, Kiku! That's not right!" Alfred clapped his fists on the table. He felt his heart burn. It hurt to hear something that gave the impression that their situation was simple and intended for a quiet solution, when it was definitely nothing like that. "Arthur needs a friend! Not a new mate! Trying to hit on him, while he is emotionally vulnerable, would be seriously awful!"

"I see it as a win-win situation." Kiku said, clearly taking it all extremely pragmatically. "You could help each other take care of your children and keep each other company. Sounds like a good deal."

"It's not a good deal!" Alfred groaned, covering his face with his hands. "It's a bad deal! The worst possible! Arthur doesn't want a romantic relationship and I don't want to mess up our friendship, making him realize that I like him!"

"Oh well. In that case, just don't let him realize that you like him."

"It's not that simple!"


With the money he had saved during college and during his time working for the company, Gilbert bought an apartment. It was not the best apartment in the world, far from it. But it was theirs, it was a home, and they could always sell it in order to buy something better later on!

Arthur was very happy about that, because he loved Gilbert and being able to live with him made him ridiculously happy. And Gilbert's family was also happy to know that Gilbert now had a mate, and his friends as well as Arthur's friends, too.

The only people who were not happy...

"Arthur, how dare you embarrass our family this way?! We had decent mate options for you here, a good and comfortable life, and you decide... you decide to let yourself be mated by a guy who doesn't even have a pot to piss in?! What are we going to tell our relatives?!"

"Tell them I'm happy, and that I—"

"Of course, I wonder for how long. You've always received all the pampering in the world, I doubt this relationship of yours will last long. Get in touch when you get tired of playing house and decide to come back to real life, Arthur. Until then, leave us alone."

Arthur cried that night. He was scared and frustrated and sad, and Gilbert hugged him tightly and said that everything would be all right. And with Gilbert holding him tight and kissing his forehead, Arthur believed that everything would. With Gilbert, he knew he could do anything.


It was true that having a mate helped with domestic affairs. As a first-time father, Alfred didn't always know what to do and, to be fair, Antonio didn't know either. However, by sharing their doubts with each other, they managed to figure out a lot of stuff.

Toni might not have fallen in love as early as Alfred, but he definitely made Alfred know that he was loved when he fell in love too. He did a lot of the classic romantic gestures such as breakfast in bed, serenades and so on. He actually had more initiative in these romantic gestures than Alfred, who preferred to express his feelings directly with words or else subtly with thoughtful gifts.

They both wanted kids. After some time married, they decided they would try to have one in Toni's next heat. That's how they conceived Emily who, luckily for them, was a very well behaved baby for a first daughter. Still, they had some problems concerning her once in a while.

"Toooni, I've tried everything and she won't stop crying! Check if she's okay!" Alfred asked, rocking Em lightly in his arms and trying to hand her over to his husband, who was lying down, trying to sleep.

"Alfred... It's YOUR turn to take care of her. We already agreed on that." Antonio grunted in a rare moment of ill-humor. "She'll calm down eventually. Just…" he yawned, closing his eyes and wrapping himself more in the blankets. "Just keep rocking her…"

"But Toni! What if it's something serious? What if she's sick? She won't stop crying!"

"She probably is crying because you woke her with the noise of that game on your phone... " Toni sighed. "And I'm not a doctor... What difference would it make if I checked? If you really think she isn't well, make sure she is breathing right and that her temperature is normal… If she is not well, then we'll go see a doctor…"

Well, he had a point. Alfred could check those things out on his own. He just got scared. Toni, too, had those days. There had been a day when he started crying along with Emily and asked Alfred "Am I not able to comfort her because I'm a bad parent?"

They were both still learning.

"My arms hurt..." Alfred tried to appeal anyway.
"Good, the effort helps keep your arms in shape and I like them a lot…"

Honestly, it was really good to have Toni's support when Emily was a baby. Even when he was alone in bed, grumbling to Alfred that he worried too much, it already helped Alfred feel calmer and made him find the fun side in stressful moments.

Because they managed to raise an incredible girl like Emily together, they thought they could manage giving her a sibling. If they worked together, they would be able to take care of a second child. In fact, it would be a lot easier now that they had experience with the first one.


(...)

"We already live together, we love each other, we are already mates! Let's get married! I always wanted a ceremony!" was how Gilbert asked Arthur to marry him.

When they had just had sex, with Arthur almost falling asleep.

Arthur protested the lack of romanticism, but ended up saying yes because he really did love that person. And then Gilbert took a ring out of the drawer and knelt on the bed, taking Arthur's hand and placing the jewel on his finger. It was not very valuable. But it was a ring, and Arthur melted at the sight of it.

The ceremony was not long after. They wanted something small, simple. Something with Gilbert's family and their friends.

As he sent the invitations, Arthur realized he had almost no real friends.

His college classmates, for the most part, said they had other appointments for the day, or confirmed but did not come. It was kind of sad to see people he considered friends walking away, but what could be done? Arthur no longer had his parents' money to afford to go out with them or go to the places they used to go, and they apparently did not feel comfortable in places Arthur could afford.

Only two of his friends attended the small ceremony in a small church. Arthur and Gilbert exchanged their vows and spoke of hope, of love and commitment while Francis, Gilbert's best man, cried in the background.

The party was also simple, at Gilbert's family home, but it was very entertaining. There was plenty of food, drinks and affection. Toward the end of the night, when they lied down to sleep to be able to travel to the coast for a brief honeymoon, Gilbert caressed Arthur's face.

"Sorry I can't offer you everything you deserve..."

Arthur shook his head.

"Stop that. I'm happy, Gil. I've never been so happy."

And it was true.


Antonio had been invited to a culinary championship that would be worth a good cash prize, and even with Bill only having one year at the time, Antonio said he wanted to go so he could put that money into the children's savings for college.

"They're so small. Why are you already thinking about college? Alfred tried to protest, but Antonio, who had never been able to go to college, and who had had serious financial problems before he could establish himself professionally, really wanted that for his children, and insisted on going.

It would be a short trip anyway. A week in Italy and then he would return. Not to mention that he could still talk to his kids every day on video calls.

Alfred agreed to it.

Honestly, he thought it would just be a week busier than usual, and that's how it started. It was a lot of work to take care two young children alone, especially since Emily had become much more energetic after learning how to walk.

However, it still seemed that the trip had been worth it. Antonio and Alfred talked every night during and he seemed so excited and proud of himself for his performances in the competition. Even when Antonio came in second place and Alfred thought he needed to be comforted, Antonio just laughed, shaking his hand in a carefree gesture.

"I learned a lot on this trip and had a lot of fun. It's a shame I didn't get the money, but I realized by spending these days here that the most valuable thing for me is to have a family that I love and that supports me so much. With you guys, I feel like I can do anything in the future."

"Babe, that was so sentimental." Alfred laughed, rolling his eyes. "And you say I'm the soppy one!"

"Well, I'm sincere." Antonio smiled sweetly. "I think I made the best choice in the world for a mate."

"Oh, I have to go now, Tonio. You know how it is. Emily wants a bedtime story."

"Try to read one of those books in Spanish for her. You know I think it's important that she learns the language."

"I know I know! Sorry, Toni! I'm going now! Em is about to get up from the bed! Love ya! I'll pick you up at the airport tomorrow, okay?"

"Bye, Alfie. I love you too. Take good care of the kids!" Toni waved at him, laughing. "Good luck dealing with them alone till I get back!"

That was the last conversation they would have. If Alfred knew that, nothing in the world would have made him finish it.


"Your scent… is different?"

It was the first thing Arthur noticed, that Gilbert's scent smelled a bit... bitter. But it was light, almost not there, and he thought it might be a lack of some nutrient.

"I got into an argument with a stupid guy at work, that must be it," was Gilbert's answer.

And they did not talk about it anymore, as much as Arthur still felt that slight difference in Gilbert's scent.

And then Gilbert asked if they could have a baby in Arthur's next heat, and Arthur agreed because Gilbert seemed so, so excited about the idea, and because Arthur thought that together they could do it. Together they could do anything.

Arthur's heat was a bit... different from usual.

Gilbert seemed tired and rather unwell. He seemed warmer too, and when they knotted, he looked uncomfortable.

"A-are you okay, love?" Arthur asked several times whenever he noticed sweat on Gilbert's brows.

"Uhum, don't worry," he would say every time.

When the heat was over, Arthur insisted Gilbert went to see a doctor.

"I worry about you and I'll feel calmer if you see a doctor, Gil. You're always feverish and unwell... And Ludwig told me that you've been like this for some time, but that you take a lot of painkillers so I don't notice!" Arthur said, serious and annoyed but mostly worried.

Gilbert ended up agreeing, "What don't I do for you..."

Arthur took a pregnancy test while Gilbert was away, and he had great news for when Gilbert returned.

Unfortunately, Gilbert had news, too. Bad ones.


They didn't have a body for the funeral. The plane caught on fire. What had remained of Antonio... was no longer a body, so to speak.

Strangely, the reality of what had happened did not immediately strike on Alfred. At first, he did almost mechanically things like arranging the funeral, explaining to Emily that her dad wouldn't come back from his trip and contact relatives and friends for support and everything else.

Alfred spent about two months completely hollow inside. He would sit on the couch and watch television without paying attention to anything, just distracting his eyes with pictures. He didn't feel either sad or happy about anything and he was especially impatient with Emily. He even shouted and said bad words at her, his tiny daughter needing his support, when she did little mistakes, like knocking a plate out of the table.

He was becoming bitter. A completely different person. However, he hadn't even realized it yet because he, technically, was not thinking or feeling much at the time.

And then there was a day when Alfred's parents came to spend a weekend with him and the kids. Alfred tried to send them away because he didn't have the patience to spend his energy receiving guests.

They insisted.

Alfred decided they could stay with the kids while he did his own thing. Whatever, fuck that.

And then he saw something that changed everything inside him.

He saw Emily laugh when his mother placed her on her lap and began to make faces at her.

In that moment, he realized... In those two months, he had not seen his daughter smile once.

Emily was very small. She was only four years old. For her, having to face the reality of losing one of her parents was devastating as well. He could hear her crying every night in her bedroom before bed and, despite that, she had never taken out her frustration on Alfred or even Billy. She always tried to make the most of the moments when they had each other's company.

Alfred was being a terrible father. He was a mess and he couldn't do what he needed to do by himself. He needed Antonio, but if Antonio couldn't go back... He still needed someone. He still needed help.

After recognizing this, Alfred felt thick tears build up in his eyes and slid one by one on his face until they became a waterfall and he dropped to his knees on the floor, finally allowing himself to admit that he was feeling awful and that he didn't know how to deal with what was happening.


They would have a baby, but Gilbert had advanced cancer.

Upon receiving the news, Arthur felt the world crack completely beneath his feet. But he stood firm.

He said, "Let's do all the treatments possible. Let's not worry about money. I beg help to my parents if need be, but we won't give up."

He said "we" because without Gilbert he didn't know what to do.

Not even the doctors were very optimistic, but they had the support of Gilbert's family, and of their friends. They took loans, sold the car, made raffles. Everything. Debts only increased and Gilbert only got worse, but they had no other choice. Gilbert couldn't die. Arthur wouldn't let him.

However, as much as Arthur was doing whatever he could and as much as Gilbert was struggling to stay alive and fighting... the cancer was stronger than they were.

"The son of a bitch was born of me, it's obvious it's strong and persistent." Gilbert joked a few times.

Arthur hated those jokes. But at least they were jokes, and Arthur missed them when Gilbert could not even open his mouth to speak.

Gilbert died on a sunny Wednesday.

He had been in pain all day, barely staying awake, hardly speaking. About two-thirty in the afternoon, he called Arthur to sit on the bed with him, and with great difficulty and with Arthur's help, caressed his belly.

"You... will be fine..." he said to Arthur, and Arthur shook his head.

"We. We'll be fine. Me, you and the baby," he said, smiling.

He had lost weight in the last few months, instead of gaining weight. He was barely sleeping.

"... I... I love you, Arthur..." and then, "I hope... you'll forgive me... someday..."

"G-Gil... it's okay. We're going to be fine, okay? Don't push yourself too hard..." he whimpered, touching Gilbert's cheek, his skin warm and rough.

"I... don't... I can't..." he said very quietly, closing his eyes slowly, a sore expression in his face.

The doctors declared death at 2:47 p.m.

When Ludwig arrived to see his brother, a nurse was holding Arthur by the waist as he yelled and struggled and the doctors and other nurses dealt with... the body.

"No! No, don't leave me, Gil! Please, you can't die, please, please! I need you, please... please... don't leave me..."

Ludwig had to help the nurse get Arthur out of the room and hold him while she sedated him. The last thing Arthur saw was the silent tears on his brother-in-law's cheeks.

It was a miracle that he didn't lose the baby.

Ever since Gilbert's death, Arthur had been feeling lost. The world beneath him that had cracked when he learned of Gilbert's illness had finally shattered completely, and he felt himself falling, falling...

He did not know what to do.


Even though Alfred's whole world became grey when he lost Antonio, it gradually recovered its colors.

The blue color of Emily's cheerful eyes and the brown color of Bill's prying eyes. The green color of the trees in his neighborhood, which still remained so quiet and full of good memories. The new lilac color of the children's bedroom wall, which they choose by themselves when Billy got a little older. The yellow color of the pancake batter they would have for dinner in a fun evening watching a movie. The world was truly filled with many wonderful colors.

Little by little Alfred saw that he could be happy again. That he could make new plans for the future, have expectations about tomorrow, even though he still felt pain at the thought that Antonio wouldn't be in it.

He never thought, however, that he would be able to love someone so intensely again. After a few years, he wanted to go out with people again, but it was more in the spirit of eh, it might be fun than in the expectation that he could fall seriously in love with someone and trust his heart to a new person.

Then came Arthur, who didn't even try to seduce Alfred, who couldn't even be a target of his interest, and he snatched Alfred's heart like the wind carrying a balloon.

He made Alfred think again about what it would be like to have a future with someone, to share his life with an omega, and live romantic moments beside him, like kissing in the rain, dancing slowly together and walking hand in hand on the beach at night, staring at the stars.

The problem was that Arthur was the worst possible person Alfred could fall in love with.

"What would he think of me, you know?" Alfred took a sip of his drink, swallowing his bitter feelings with it. "Can you imagine, Kiku? What would he think if he knew I liked him? That I'm falling in love with him? That sometimes, when he puts his head on my shoulder, I want to cover his face with kisses? He would never, ever trust me again. We would lose our friendship and... he really needs a friend, man. Just a friend."

Kiku patted his shoulder to comfort him as Alfred buried his face in his arms on the table.

"I didn't want to fall in love like this again," Alfred said, his voice filled with anguish. "Why did I have to fall in love with a person who can't even know how I feel about him?"

Now, Alfred was once again seeing the red color of the cheeks of a special person blushing over him. The light red color on their lips. The red and shimmering color of love.


Arthur's pain was still very fresh and it was still throbbing and drawing his breath when he least expected it, but it was slowly wearing away, thinning.

A few months ago, Arthur wouldn't be able to clean the apartment and move Gilbert's belongings without crying his eyes out.

But that day he succeeded, he managed to sort things out and drag furniture almost without crying, which was a small overcoming victory.

In the end... he would be able to move on. It would be difficult, and painful and lonely, but he would succeed.

He had Gilbert's family, he had his friends and he had... he had Alfred. Sweet, kind and gentle Alfred. Arthur was so grateful to have met him...

After he finished cleaning, Arthur was exhausted, so he decided to take a hot shower before putting on his pajamas, eating something and lying down.

And as he entered the bathroom, what a surprise didn't he have when he saw blood in his underwear.