Disclaimer: Only Aya is mine~ Also, super long chapter is super freakin' long.
Note: underlined words are in English
Chapter Four
Jagiya
"Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full."
- Jalauddin Rumi
The cafe was quaint, run by a jolly old grandmother-type named Jangmi. I'd been here once, my first day in Korea, and it was just delightful. While waiting for Jumin's driver, I ordered a chai tea latte and a little sweet croissant. The summer day was cool for once, the first glimpse of fall maybe, and the tea warmed me right up. I'd happened to come in when business slowed to a stand-still, so the old lady turned to me.
"Waiting for someone, my dear?" Jangmi leaned on the glass cabinet holding all the bakery goods.
I nodded, sipping on my chai, "I have a friend, an actor, who got injured during practice. Since I don't have a car in Korea, another... friend is driving me." It would be awkward to say that this 'friend' was the great Jumin Han and he was sending a driver to pick me up. I shuttered; he probably sent Driver Kim in a limo.
Jangmi clapped a hand over her mouth, "Oh dear; is it serious?"
I shrugged, "I... think so. But I keep getting told by our other friends that Hyun heals crazy fast, so not to worry about it..." I sighed and took another sip of tea, "... I'm worried. He's been so sad, because he had to give up a great role due to the injury."
"Poor dear..." Jangmi said. We were both silent for a moment, and I saw a great black limousine pull up in front of the cafe. With a groan, I slapped a hand down my face. He had sent the limo. Jangmi laughed, "Your friend?"
"Yeah..." I grumbled, "Thanks you for the tea, ma'am."
"Such a polite young woman... Here!" Before I could get a word out, Jangmi pulled out a couple large sweet croissants from the bakery cabinet, "For you and your injured actor!"
I blinked, stunned, then shook my head, "I... I can't take these!"
"You can and you will, young lady," Jangmi swerved around the counter with surprising speed for ab old woman, and pressed the now-bagged croissants into my hands, "Now get!"
"I... But..." I looked between her at the bag, at a loss for words. She merely smiled, the wrinkles on her face standing out and somehow making her look more grandmotherly. I couldn't say no to that face, "Th-thank you."
I bowed my head and ducked out of the cafe. A tall, sharply dressed man probably twice my age stepped out of the driver side of the limo, "Ms. Aya?"
"Ah! Yes um... That's me," I coughed, clutching the croissants to my chest, "... Hi?"
He raised an eyebrow, face stoic and doing nothing for my nerves, "Jumin Han sent me to take you to the home of Hyun Ryu." He stepped around the car and opened the back door for me, "Please get in."
I nodded and thanked him before sliding in. Driver Kim closed the door behind me, and soon we were off. The limo was so spacious and so empty. Seats lined the perimeter of the long cabin, a small television screen just above the sliding panel to the driver cabin, and halfway down was a working mini-fridge with... drinks and expensive-looking snacks? I couldn't help the exasperated laugh. I'd seen ostentatious before, but this was overkill.
I totally indulged on the Belgian chocolates though. I hoped Jumin didn't mind; had a thing for decadent sweets.
My phone vibrated; I took it out and saw Jaehee calling, "Hello, Jaehee."
"Good afternoon; I saw in the chat that Mr. Han has sent you Driver Kim to go see Zen?"
Ahh, I see why she'd called now. Probably to tell me to be careful... again, "Jaehee you have nothing to worry about, honest. Driver Kim is here, and I have no intentions on Hyun. I couldn't even if I wanted to."
"It's not that; I've resigned to the fact that you're going and trust you enough, though I still don't think it's good for Zen's career as an actor," She sighed, "I wanted to... apologize. For being so forceful about you and Zen. I saw you stand up for me against Mr. Han in the chatroom. You didn't have to, and I am grateful."
"Wait, that?" I laughed under my breath, "Jumin treats you like a slave, Jaehee. I don't see how you put up with it."
"The money is very nice, and there are some perks," she joined me in giggling, "Like this latest project. He has me researching for the cat line, sure, but this coffee business is much more interesting. There's so many ways to make a cup of coffee, or tea, and so many potential pairings depending on the brew..."
There was something almost awestruck in her tone. It reminded me of when I would talk about dancing or singing with my friend's before...
I shook my head. This is a happy day; those thoughts were unwelcome, "You should talk to Yoosung. I think he mentioned a barista club at one point. I got confirmation that they'll be at the party, too; you should talk to them."
"Thank you, I'll do that," There was some scratching. Was she taking notes? "Ah, Mr. Han is calling on the other line. It was nice talking to you, Aya."
"You too; talk to you later, Jaehee."
The ride went on in silence for a good fifteen minutes. I watched the streets and people go by through the limo's tinted windows. Couples laughing together, holding hands. A mother leading her toddler around. An old man picking out flowers from a little stand outside a larger shop... They all looked so happy, out there enjoying the sun.
Stop it, Aya. Today is a happy day. There is no place for envy.
An idea struck me, as I saw a red headed girl out the window. I checked the chatroom and, sure enough, Zen hadn't popped into chat since before my talk with Jumin. I quickly called Luciel, praying not to get a ringtone.
"Agent 707, at your service lovely Ms. Aya!"
"Luciel, can do you me a huge favor? I know it's well within your great hacking skills," Flattery seemed like the way to get to the hacker.
"... go on."
I smiled, "Will you hide my last chat with Jumin from Zen? He hasn't been in chat since way early this morning, so..."
"He hasn't realized you're on the way yet and you want to surprise him, hmm?" He cackled, voice low and conspiratorial, "Pretty simple, but I'll only do it on one condition."
"Name your price, oh great hacker God," I rolled my eyes.
"I get to call Zen, right now, and tease the ever-loving hell out of him."
"You'd do that anyway," I said.
"Too true, my foreign enigma. Too true," Luciel clicked his tongue, "Done. When Zen opens the app and the update auto-loads, that entire conversation will be nothing but pictures of Elizabeth the 3rd for him."
"Oh dear gods..." I leaned back against the leather seat, "Really, Luciel?"
"I never kid, Aya!" Luciel's laugh was shrill, and I held the phone a bit further from my ear, "Now I've gotta go before the boss comes after me with the whip again!"
"The what-?!" And the line went dead. I stared at my phone, eyebrow raised. That man had to be the strangest person I'd ever... not technically met yet.
But it was done. Zen had no idea I was already on the way to his place. Then, as if that thought had summoned him, my phone went off again.
"Ah, you picked up right away, jagiya~! Did you miss me?"
My heart beat like a drum. Whether from general nervousness, my anxiety, or talking to him right after my call with Luciel, I didn't know, "H-hi, Hyun."
"Ah? You sound a little... off," His voice dropped in that way it did when he was worried, "Aya, everything okay?"
"Yes, yes!" I said a little too quickly, "Sorry, just finished practicing some dancing. I'm a little tired."
The lie didn't roll off my tongue quite as smoothly as I'd've liked, but after a moment of silence Zen appeared to buy it, "... I would have loved to have seen that."
"Well, I could dance at the party, you know," I said offhand, thankful he hadn't caught on to my lie.
"I'd want you to dance for me, just me," I shivered at his tone. It was even lower, somehow light and husky at the same time, "I looked up that dancer you mentioned. If I ever saw you dance like that... ahh, it would be hard to control myself, jagiya~!"
I rolled my eyes, "You're making me sound like some high-end dancing beauty, Hyun."
"Well, you are."
My shoulders sagged, "Says the man who has no idea what I look like."
"Then tell me."
I blinked, "What?"
He laughed, "Describe yourself to me, since I can't see you."
"Um..." I looked out the window again. I was still a bit from his house and had to be careful so I didn't ruin the surprise, "Dirt brown hair, blue eyes, stick thin with a chest disproportionate to my frame, shoulders too square, and a cleft chin. Just an ugly American, really."
"I don't believe you," He laughed, "That was the most self-deprecating description I've ever heard."
"You'll see at the party, I guess," or in five minutes. But he didn't know that. The limo was getting close, so I hastily added, "I've got to go, Hyun. Errands to run at um... The college."
"Hmm... Why do I get the feeling you're hiding something, jagiya?" He chuckled, "But alright. I'll talk to you later, Aya, my sweet~."
I said goodbye and hung up, unable to keep the deep blush off my cheeks. I'd known sweet talkers before, but this man took the cake. I held a hand up to my burning cheeks and switched on the chatroom, only to see Zen railing against the 'sudden dozen cat pictures' making his nose itch. I laughed, and the limo slowly came to a stop.
The divider to the driving cabin slid open, "We have arrived, Ms. Aya."
"I uh... Thank you, Mr. Kim," I rubbed the fabric of my skirt, suddenly feeling self conscious. I was here. Looking out the window of the limo, I saw his apartment building. It was much smaller than the 15 floor downtown monstrosity I lived in. There were these little bushes around, and a door leading downward. Zen's apartment was half basement, so I guessed that's where I needed to go.
The limo door slid open and Mr. Kim stood back so I could climb out. The sun was bright and hurt my eyes, so I squinted until my vision cleared. Stupid blue-eyed lack of melanin curse.
"Miss, if you would follow me," Mr. Kim motioned for me to follow, and after tensing at the butterflies in my stomach, I did.
And then, a short walk and a doorway later, I found myself standing in front of the door. Zen's front door. The door to Zen's apartment. Zen's door.
Breathe, Aya. Breathe.
"Miss, are you alright?" I could tell from Mr. Kim's voice that he didn't really care, more like he was obligated to ask.
I shook my head and forced on an uneasy smile, "Y-yeah, I'm fine!"
Before Mr. Kim got another word in, I sucked in a sharp breath... and knocked.
At first, there was nothing, so I knocked again. There was a muffled shout of "Coming!" from the other side, and then the door was pulled open. In front of me stood an Adonis of a man, long silver-white hair cascading freely down his back, a little damp from a shower. He had a towel around his shoulders and a crutch under one arm. He was wearing a tight white tank top and black knee-length shorts that stopped just above his cast. My breath quickened, blush deepening to a brilliant tomato, and I suddenly found myself staring at his grey-white cast as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
"Hey, um... can I help you?" Zen raised an eyebrow at my silence.
I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly found my throat dry. I swallowed noisily, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, but nothing helped. I couldn't even look at him, my nerves so on fire that I started to feel a little sick. The only sound I made was a weird sort of nervous choking.
"Uhh... You okay there?" I didn't need to look at him to know he was a little freaked out. Did fans ever accost him at his home?
"Excuse me, Mr. Ryu?" Mr. Kim stepped into view from the left of the doorway. He bowed a bit, and I looked up just in time to see Zen's already confused look deepen, "I was instructed to bring the lady to you by Jumin Han and chaperone the visit."
"The... visit...?" He blinked and slowly, oh so slowly, his eyes slid from Mr. Kim to catch my eye. It was as if I could see the cogs of his mind working, ruby-colored eyes sliding from my blue ones to my hair, my chin, my body, the scars visible at my neck and wrists. I looked away, unable to handle the sheer force of his gaze.
"... Aya?" His voice that breathless, shoulders sagging. I knew it; he was disappointed. Of course he was, who wouldn't be when faced with a short little stick girl like- "You're gorgeous."
I head snapped up, "Wh-What-?"
He was all smiles then, moving out of the doorway and ushering us inside, "Come in, come in! Aya, you vixen, you never said a word about actually coming to visit! And Driver Kim - I remember you from some of the RFA parties - so that means all those cat pictures..." His eyes widened, his face lightly up with childish glee, "You got Seven to hide the conversation, didn't you? To surprise me!"
He was just go... animated. I felt like I was going in a tailspin as I stepped into the apartment. It was sparsely decorated in light colors, the sunlight filtering in from the windows that were about halfway up the wall (since the apartment was half underground). I wrung my hands, fighting to keep my nervousness from being too obvious, and took in his apartment, memorizing every chair and door, every exit and entrance. It was an odd habit, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know every possible means of escape from any room, every thing that could be used in defense from an attacker.
You're in Zen's apartment, Aya. You don't need to do that here.
"Ahh, jagiya, I knew you were lying when you described yourself!" Zen leaned back against his couch, smile soft as he watched me drink in the room, "Oooh, if I'd known you were coming, I would've cleaned up some!" When I looked back at him, Zen was laughing, scratching his pink-tinged cheeks with a long finger, "I would've take a shower earlier, at least..."
"N-no, it's fine!" I waved both hands in front of my chest, laughing nervously myself, "I um... wanted it to be a surprise, so I ah... asked Luciel to hide that conversation with Jumin, and I lied about dancing on the phone and Jaehee called right before you to talk about the visit and I wanted outside this little cafe nearish to the apartment where Jangmi gave- Oh!"
My waving reminded me of the croissants. I blushed even more furiously, if possible, and looked down at the ground as I shoved them into his hands, "Th-th-the old lady who ran the cafe, I told her... you know, that you were injured and she... Gods, Aya, calm down, stop freaking out they're just croissants..."
Zen's laugh was infectious and I felt a little lightheaded from nerves. He took the bag, fingers brushing mine, sending shockwaves up my arm. My head snapped up to see his smile, that soft smile, as he looked from me to the bag, "A present? How kind." Zen fell silent, setting the sweet croissants on the long kitchenette island before returning to the couch. I winced at his limp.
"Well then, how long do you have?" Zen looked out the window with a grin, "It's such a nice day out, and there's a park nearby." Then, back to me, his jewel-like eyes glittering, "How about a picnic?"
I giggled, so nervous and overwhelmed by those eyes that I looked away again, "I um... sure, yeah! I'm here as long as you want me, Zen." Then, realizing how that sounded at catching the dirty little smirk on his face, sputtered, "I-I mean that is... well, I came because you're hurt and wanted to make you feel better, and Jaehee is too busy with work so... Why is Korean so hard?!" And it was hard, especially with all this blood rushing to my face.
Zen pushed off the couch, a half foot from me. That was when I noticed just how tall he was. I wasn't short, not for an American female at least, but from where I stood the top of my head was just at his chin, maybe his bottom lip. He leaned down a bit, catching my eyes, and smiled, "You're so flustered, jagiya. Do I make you nervous?"
"I-I uh... well, um..." My gaze snapped down, giddy nervousness warring with anxiety at his close proximity. I hadn't had a man this close to me in years, and the last one...
Seeing my expression darken, Zen stood straight and sighed, "You look so adorable, all flustered, that I just want to give you the tightest hug~! But I won't, I know you don't like being touched, jagiya." I just caught his wink as he passed me, "But someday~!"
He strode up to Mr. Kim and, before I could get a word out, was steering the poor driver right out the front door! "Give my thanks to Jumin, but I won't need a chaperone! Aya and I will be fine, so just wait for her, hmm?"
"I... sir-" Mr. Kim, clearly shocked at the treatment, pushing against Zen's arm at his shoulder, "Mr. Han instructed I-"
"Ahh, we'll be fine, just going for a picnic, maybe a movie at home," Zen patted his shoulder and called back to me, "Right, jagiya?" But he didn't wait for my answer and, with a light shove to get him over the doorway, Zen closed the door right in Mr. Kim's face.
The click of the apartment door was deafening. Zen didn't notice, and turned back to me with that same happy, child-like grin. I hadn't been alone like this, with a man, since then. Ice settled in my stomach, spreading through me like some sick frozen flame, so even as my heart beat like a hummingbird and sweat broke out on my palms, I was frozen.
"So I was thinking; we could go to the grocery store and get some things for a picnic," Zen didn't notice my distress and limped into the kitchenette, "I don't really have anything here, so maybe some fruit and sandwich stuff, then to the park!"
The limping caught my eye. He was injured. As someone injured, I could outrun him if anything happened. And we were going outside, where I couldn't be confined. Where I couldn't be hurt without witnesses.
Aya, stop.
I came to Korea to get away from my past. To heal. And that meant learning to trust again. Zen wouldn't hurt me like he did. Zen wouldn't keep me prisoner, doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.
Zen was not Michael Stevens.
"... ya?" A hand waved in front of my face, "Aya?"
I yelped, jumped, and crashed right into Zen's chin. In a mess of flailing limbs, we both tripped over each other and stumbled backwards over the couch. Momentum threw us again, tumbling off the couch into the space between it and the table. I groaned, pushing myself up with one hand on the couch and the other against his chest.
I froze and paled.
I opened one eyes experimentally and saw that, yes, I was on top of Zen. He was staring up at me, eyes wide but expression soft, his hair missed and thrown about his face like a halo. Like an angel.
"Well, that was a tumble," Zen chuckled, pushing himself up by the elbows. I was still frozen, every cell in my body screaming to run because we were touching but unable to move in my shock and anxiety. Zen's head tilted left, almost curious with a furrowed brow. He reached forward with those long, slender fingers of his, and grazed one across my bottom lip.
He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, "What happened here, jagiya?" His voice was thick, husky, and did nothing for my poor nerves.
Zen's finger stayed against my lip, and I shivered from his tone. My mind was a haze; flee? Fight? Run to Driver Kim, get the hell out of here, book a plane back home and pretend this never happened?
"Wh... wha...?" I wanted to move, to run, to hide. Dammit, Aya, this is bad! Get out of here you fool girl! You know what happens next!
"Your lip..." His thumb replaced the finger, once again grazing lightly across my lip. It was... electric. Terrifying, "It's cut. Scabbed, so it wasn't from the fall..."
His words were so breathless, it was like Zen was on autopilot. He wasn't really thinking, and his gaze never left my lips. I raised a hand of my own, shaking like a leaf, and brushed his aside. Oh. The scab, from when I bit my lip open a couple days ago.
Then, as if touching an injury brought me back to reality, I launched backwards off Zen. I tripped, fell right back on my butt, and shot up, "Oh, um, but it on accident. No problem, um... You okay? Leg fine? Not hurt? Um, um..." I laughed, nervously scratching the back of my head and darting around the couch with a little more speed that necessary to out as much room between Zen and I as possible while still being polite.
When he groaned I peaked over the couch. He was back on the floor, running a hand through his hair and groaning. Seeing my stare, Zen looked me right in the eye and smiled, "Jagiya... You're adorable."
The grocery trip was short. We got a couple pieces of fruit, sandwiches, and this weird sort of Korean rice tea that Zen swore was delicious but I wasn't so sure about. There was rice floating in the bottle! Mr. Kim was still hanging out in the limo, now pulled a bit further down the street from the apartment. I suppose I should feel bad for leaving him there, but he was getting paid for it...
"Jagiya, you sure you've got the box?"
Zen and I packed a small box with the food and covered it with a blanket. I insisted on carrying it, since he needed his crutches to get anywhere. I nodded vigorously, "Yes, yes, I've got it. Here, let me get the door-"
He was already through it and into the hallway, chuckling, "I'm not a complete invalid."
"Oh."
Zen turned and smiled, "Come on, the Park's not far."
It wasn't, and soon Zen was instructing me where to set the box and unfold the blanket. It was a smallish park, lined with great big trees. A children's play structure took up one end if it, with little ones climbing all about with their parents nearby. We took up the other side, one with more trees shading us from the summer heat, and the last blooming flowers swaying in the breeze. It was quiet, and beautiful.
Zen set down his crutches and leaned back, "I've always wanted to go on a picnic as a date." He twisted his head to smile up at me, "You don't mind if I think of this like that, right? It's okay if you don't, Aya."
"Th-that's..." Reject him, Aya. Reject it so you don't go down that rabbit hole again, "That's okay."
"Good," Zen's eyes closed as he breathed deep, as if savoring the air.
I stared, blatantly. His skin was pale, but not in a sickly way, and with his white hair he glowed in whatever sunlight managed to filter between tree leaves. He just looked so peaceful, so angelic. He'd never given me a reason to fear him...
Maybe... maybe I should give him a chance?
You came to Korea to heal, Aya.
Zen's eyes opened, as if sensing my thoughts, and squinted when the breeze exposed a pocket of sun that hit him square in the face, "... Shoulda brought sunglasses, though."
"I-I like your eyes though-" I blushed and looked away, barely catching the shocked pink crossing his own face, "I mean... w-well..."
The blanket rustled as he sat up. I tried to look away, but he dipped his head to catch my eyes, "Ahh, don't say things like that, jagiya. My heart is beating so fast already~."
I made a show of opening the box of food and taking things out, looking everywhere but him, "H-Hyun, don't tease me!"
"Why not? It's fun," Zen laughed, long arms reaching out to help me, "I never thought you'd get this flustered in person. It's adorable." I almost didn't catch what he said next, because it was quiet and under his breath, "And hearing you say my real name like that..."
I felt a little light headed from all the blood rushing to my face. He saw, and just laughed again. We made small talk as we ate, just sort of enjoying each other's company and the cool late summer weather. Asking questions of each other - what do you like, what don't you, etc. - but little of our pasts, which I was grateful for. He probably sensed my discomfort before, on the phone.
In too short a time, we were packing the food back up and on our way back to the apartment. A bit of orange was starting to peak over the horizon. I should go home, before it got dark. Walking home from the cafe at night... I shuddered. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything, even as we passed Jumin's limo and I felt a stab of guilt at the sight of Mr. Kim on the phone.
"Oh!" Zen dropped his keys on the kitchenette counter and rounded on me with this startlingly large grin, "I forgot in all the excitement, but guess what?"
I set down the box of leftovers and started putting them in the nothing-but-water-and-beer stocked fridge. No wonder he had to go grocery shopping before the picnic, "Hmm?"
"Echo girl came by!" Zen said, still all smiles, "She already knew about the RFA, the parties, all of it. I guess she did work on a commercial for Jumin or something."
"What, really?" My eyebrows shot up, and I closed the fridge, "So... what happened?"
"Well, when I said I had to turn down the role, she insisted on changing her schedule around so I could still do it," He shrugged, then leaned against the back of the couch, looking a bit... sheepish? "I kinda felt bad for it, but here's the kicker; she's a fan of mine!" Zen laughed, "Imagine that, huh? A celebrity's a fan of me!"
I leaned against the kitchen counter, his infectious mirth spreading to me, "Of course she is. I hear all the time how famous and great you are from Jaehee- Hyun?"
He was staring, open mouth, right at me. Or more accurately, at my neck and chest. My eyes widened. My scars; could he see them? The one at my neck and wrists were hard to hide and I knew they poked out of my shirt sometimes, but they were the mild ones. Old rope-burns. Did he think they were disgusting? That would be the truth, and I expected it, but... Why did that thought hurt so much?
"You um... might not want to lean on the counter like that," Zen coughed, face growing a deep crimson as he tore his gaze away, "Good God you're hot."
"Ex-excuse me?" I looked down at myself. I wore a nice, billowy white button up with frills around the chest and the top few buttons undone. Classy, with a ruffled wrap-around skirt. Nothing promiscuous, nothing that could be-
I'd leaned forward on the counter. The billowy shirt had lifted off my chest. He could have seen straight down it.
I stifled a yelp, face turning the shade of his eyes, and stood ram-rod straight. I couldn't button the top ones, since the shirt wasn't made that way, so standing straight would have to do, "S-sorry!"
"N-no problem, jagiya," He laughed once, nervously, and tugged a bit at his shirt collar, "So... Movie time?"
In a twist of fate, we ended up watching a Japanese horror film. I'd seen it already and recommended it to Zen, who hadn't. As it turned out, we both loved the darker, more mature types of movies. It was about a girl cast as a victim in a bio-pic on a serial killer, who eventually finds out that she herself was the reincarnation of the killer. The little shocked gasps Zen made at each jumpscare or twist were some of the most adorable sounds I'd ever heard, and I soon forgot the rapidly setting sun outside.
I forgot it so much that my eyes slid closed halfway through the movie.
Something a little rough was running slowly through my hair. It felt... nice, weaving between strands as if to memorize each one. They never tugged, only smoothing down my hair after each pass. Sometimes, with my hair as long as it was, the long fingers would graze the nape of my neck, or my shoulder. And each time, I would move closer to the origin, snuggling up to their warmth.
"Aein..." A puff of air ghosted over my cheek, and I smiled. The angel with the gentle hands shifted and spoke as I drew closer to them, "The movie's over. You need to wake up."
I ignored the angel and snuggled closer. I didn't want to leave the land of warmth and dreams yet, "Just five more minutes..."
The angel laughed and it reverberated through me. His laughed settled slowly, and the hand went back to threading through my hair, "Nae sarang, what am I going to do with you?" The voice drew nearer, puffs of air hitting my cheek as he spoke, "I'm just a man, a wolf like all the others. And as much as I enjoy sitting here with you, it's late and there's something I want you to see."
A hand touched my cheek, drawing my face up. I opened my eyes slowly, vision hazy at first. The first thing that became clear was his eyes. Those eyes, the pupil dilated so much that only a thin ring of ruby red surrounded it, stared down at me. His cheeks were flushed, a pale pink against alabaster skin.
I smiled and reached up to brush his silver-white hair aside, only to wake up completely halfway there and realize just the position I was in.
I was laying on the couch, body half facing the television and torso twisted to look up at Zen. My head was in his lap, upper body covered by the fancy white jacket he always wore. My heart stopped. I'd fallen asleep on him during the movie.
"Jagiya-"
With a stranger alien sound somewhere between a choke and a squeal, I launched myself off his lap, arms flailing and body twisting in the air. Then, adding to my red-faced embarrassment, I tripped, spun, and landed flat on my butt on the carpet, staring up at Zen from ten feet away with wide eyes. I fought to not hyperventilate, and succeeded... barely.
"Ahh!" Zen threw his hands up, looking like he was torn between seeing if I was okay and utter confusion.
"N-no!" I waved both arms in front of my face, eyes squeezed shut with an almost sickening mixture of anxiety and embarrassment. I'd fallen asleep on him, a man. I had touched a man twice today. I was alone with a man. I shook my head quickly; I couldn't think like that anymore. Zen had been nothing but a perfect gentleman all day.
Mike was a perfect gentleman at first too, Aya.
No! I shook my head again. I would not think like that. I would get over this... this...
Slowly, agonizingly, Zen's stillness dawned on me. He hadn't moved a muscle, eyes a bit wide and smile a bit strained. As if he was faced with a frightened animal he wasn't quite sure how to calm. My arms fell to my sides and the silence that stretched between us was long and awkward. Oh gods, how had he taken my sudden jump, my flailing?
My face must've paled again, because Zen moved. With all the pace of a snail, Zen slid off the couch to join me on the floor. He kept his head down, lower than mine but angled up to catch my eye, and crawled until just a couple feet from me. I scooted back an inch on reflex.
He sighed, eyes downcast but still with that tight-lipped smile, "Aya... words probably don't mean much, but I swear I will never hurt you." Zen bit his lip, looking somewhere over my head for a moment before catching my eye again, "You don't have to tell me what happened in your life before the RFA, just... give me the time to prove myself, hmm?" His smile widened a bit, some of his usual flirt returning, "I really do like you, jagiya. So much that..." his gaze broke away, next words a half whisper, "... that it scares me a bit."
"Hyun..." My heart beat a staccato in my chest. His eyes drew up to mine again, holding them surer than any chain. My words died for a moment. Part of me wanted to tell him everything. The rest of me was scared of that part; how would he react? Would he run? Any sane person would run. I pulled my knees up to my chest and went for the safest route; a small truth, a small confession, a watery smile "... can I touch you?"
His eyes widened, jaw slack, mind almost visibly racing as pink colored his cheeks, "Wh...?"
I rolled forward, onto my knees, and reached for him. Zen flinched when he saw how I shook, but I swallowed my fear and lunged before he could draw back. My trembling fingers wrapped around his, gripping as if his hand was a lifeline. But Zen didn't breathe a word of discomfort, and though I stared at our hands, I could feel his gaze burning into me.
"I... I haven't touched a man willingly in three years," I reached forward with my other hand, wrapping in on top of our joined fingers. His skin was soft, smooth, but with callouses along the pads from all manner of role practicing. I twisted his wrist so the palm faced up, and traced the lines there with a finger. It was calming, slowing the painful beating of my heart from the rapidity of a rabbit to something much more manageable.
"Aya..."
I looked up at him then, really looked at him. He looked... sad. Eyebrows drawn down, a slight frown on his lips. Anxiety gnawed at my stomach, and he could see it on my face. Zen tried to pull away, but I held firm, "Wait. Please..."
And he did, smiling softly at me, "Okay."
We sat on the floor in silence for a long while. Zen had beautiful hands, but that really wasn't surprising when the rest of him looked like just... indescribably gorgeous. This was enough. My hand slipped from his. Just being around him was enough.
"Aya," There was something thick, emotional, in his tone. Looking up at him, I saw a soft smile, and he winked, "I still have something to show you, hmm?"
"Okay."
He stood, patting his knees, and gestured for follow. He led me up a small half-hidden set of stairs towards the back of the apartment, through a sparsely decorated bedroom - that was mostly taken up by a colossal bed - and onto a star-like balcony.
I looked back towards the bedroom, "I thought the apartment was all underground."
"Only half," Zen leaned forward against the metal railing, "The bedroom of each apartment is upstairs. I like it; the stairs are sort of hidden in the corner, and it just keeps the bedroom a bit apart from the rest. And this little balcony helps." He chuckled, twisting a bit to look over his shoulder at me, "Like a separate little world."
I stepped up to the railing, a foot or so from him. The sky was dark, save for the few stars whose light penetrated the brightness of the neighborhood buildings and lights, "... it's nice."
Out of the corner of my eye I saw his nod, "Yeah. The rent is cheap; I still had to work hard to afford it when I was in highschool." He chuckled, and I twisted a bit to look at him. Zen was staring up at the stars, "I feel a bit... conflicted. About accepting Echo Girl's help."
"Why? Isn't natural to accept help when you need it?" I didn't, and look what happened.
He sighed, "I promised myself I would succeed on my own merit, my own abilities, and not rely on money or connections or anything else to get there."
"That's noble..." I sighed, looking away from him to stare across the cityscape, "But impractical."
"Really? Impractical?" Zen snorted, "It's-"
"If you ignore and dismiss the help of those who care about you, who believe in you and want you to succeed, you'll drown," I leaned forward, resting my chin on my hands that clutched the railing, "No one will fault you for accepting help when you need it."
"My brother did," Zen's tone darkened. I tilted my head to see him, cheek now against my hands. He was staring at the city now, brow furrowed, "We were close, when I was younger. My mom always called me ugly; my brother, who's a lot older than me, said it was so I didn't get a big head over my looks." He laughed, once, mirthless, "I had self esteem issues for a long time."
I'd heard him mention family once or twice in the chatroom, and never with anything good to say, "What happened?"
"He got older, went off to study law," Zen shrugged, "He started talking like my parents. We were... treated differently. He was the one with the good grades, the promise... I was the screw-up. I guess I... want to prove them wrong."
"You already have, though," I pushed off the rail and smiled up at the stars, eyes closed, "You're in a charity group that raises money for great causes, you are an amazing singer and actor - and not just because of your looks - and..."
I opened my eyes, letting my gaze fall over the balcony to the lawn. A bit of nervousness crept back into my voice. Nervousness and... sadness, "... everyone back home, and some here, always pushed me to talk before I was ready. Sing before I was ready." It was my turn to laugh sadly. My eyes itched, vision a little blurred from unshed tears at the memory of all the questions and all the pity...
"Aya-"
I looked at him, eyes blinking back those tears, "You didn't. You always say you'll wait for me to talk when I'm ready. I sang for you because I wanted to. You don't..." I fiercely met his gaze as my hand grazed the visible edges of my scars, "You don't flinch when you see these. You didn't say a word about them. You look at me like... like I'm a person, a woman... not just a victim."
And then I smiled, "I know we haven't known each other long, but to me, Hyun Ryu... You're the exact opposite of a screw-up. You're pretty amazing."
"Aya..." There was something odd in Zen's expression. It was soft, lightly smiling, but somehow strained. I could see the pulse on his neck bulge a bit. He swallowed thickly, "May I... hold your hand? Like before?"
I blinked, a bit surprised at the request. But I held out my hand to him, stepping a bit closer to ease the distance between us. My breath quickened, heart jumping in my chest as nervousness snuffed out my anxiety. It was his turn now to caress my hand, running his long fingers over it, turning the palm up to trace the lines. Zen even touched the rope-scars on my wrist, but never dipped into the sleeve.
"Ahh..." He grinned, eyes focused in our joined hands, "I looked up the English words for jagiya. Have you?"
I swallowed nervously, "N-no, not yet." I hadn't really thought of it, to be honest.
"Honey, sweetie, darling, babe..." Zen's finger traced a scar from my wrist down the side of my thumb, "... among a few other ones."
"Oh..." I swallowed thickly, unsure what to say. I'd assumed it was something like that, but hearing him say it in my native language... I felt strangely hot. Suddenly, the thought of him calling me jagiya was a lot more... intimate, "And... um... when you called me aein earlier? And what was that other one... nae something?"
"Aein means, ah..." Zen's eyes were still on my hand. Was it really so interesting? He gave my fingers a squeeze, and I squeaked. My blush deepened; there's my answer, "Sweetheart is the closest English word I know of. As for nae sarang..." He raised my hand as if to kiss the knuckle, but didn't, merely examining my fingers closer. Zen looked down at me, over my hand, and smirked, "I'll keep that one to myself."
Heat pooled in my body and I chuckled, so thoroughly nervous that I couldn't even think. His hands in mine were so warm, so inviting, that for a split second, I'd forgotten why I was so apprehensive before. Only for a second, though.
"I-I... I could just look it up, you know..." I broke eye contact, unable to handle his intense gaze, and looked back at the stars with what I hoped was playful defiance.
"Ahh, don't do that jagiya~," Zen chuckled, low and playful himself, "At this point, it would just ruin my fun." When I looked back, he was still staring intently at my knuckles. Then, in a flash of a smile, his eyes met mine, "May I?"
I knew what he was asking, but I wasn't ready yet. I hesitated, the words on the tip of my tongue, but fear keeping them inside. Would he be angry? Disappointed? Sad? I honestly couldn't decide which was worse, but-
"It's alright to say no, jagiya, I don't mind," Zen lowered my still un-kissed hand, placing it on the railing and patting it once before taking a step back, "I can be patient." Then he laughed, and the sound was joyous, "I'll put forth all my talent and skills to impress you with just how patient I am, Aya!"
It worked, and I joined him in laughing. Part of me regretted it, but I knew myself. I wasn't ready for anything more than this, and he was just so... just so understanding about it. I wiped a happy tear from the corner of my eyes, "... thank you, Hyun."
His laughed quieted all at once. Zen coughed and turned from me, leaning back against the railing, "Aya, you know... it's getting late. Touching your hand like that, our talking... feeling you earlier, when we fell..." His face was calm, peaceful even, a ghost of a smile tugging at the edges of his lips. But Zen's words were serious, and final, "... but you know, I'm still a man. It would probably be better for us both if you went back now, hmm?"
I looked up, into the darkness of the sky, then down to the equal darkness of the streets. Jumin's limo was still here, poor Mr. Kim in the seat. I hadn't been on the chatroom, and idly wondered if I had a voicemail from Jumin or Jaehee asking why I wasn't home yet. It dawned on me that I would have to walk from the cafe to my apartment in the dark. It wasn't far, and on a somewhat major street so very well lit, but still...
"Jagiya?" I jumped a bit, turning to see Zen's worried expression, "Are you alright? I'm sorry if it seems like I'm kicking you out, I just... don't want to push you."
He was so considerate. I wanted to cry, but swallowed those feelings to smile instead, "No, no, I'm fine. You're right; it's late. Jumin and Jaehee are probably wondering why I'm still here so late."
"Oh, who cares what trustfund kid thinks? And Jaehee... she means well, but we're both adults; we can take care of ourselves, hmm?" Zen turned from the balcony and went inside. I followed behind him.
I grabbed my purse from beside the couch. Zen, ever the gentleman, opened the front door for me with a slight bow and a rakish grin, "My lady."
I laughed, "Learning English now?"
"Maybe a bit," His grin was infectious, as usual, "Just so I can talk with you more, hmm?"
My cheeks grew hot as I stepped into the coolness of the underground hallway. I turned to say goodbye, only for Zen to follow me out, "... Hyun?"
"What kind of man would I be if I let you walk yourself to the car?" Zen shrugged, slipping on his jacket and locking the door behind us. He held out his hand for me and I took it without thinking.
We walked to the car and before Mr. Kim could even open his door, Zen swerved in front of me and opened the back door himself. With an exaggerated flourish, Zen bowed and fixed me with a winning smile, "Have a wonderful night, jagiya, and get home safe."
The heat in my cheeks grew and spread. I probably looked like a tomato, and hurried into the limo to hide that fact, "Th-thank you, Hyun."
He leaned against the car door, "Call me as soon as you get home, hmm? I'm serious; please get home safe. I'll miss you every moment."
"St-stop it, Hyun," I sputtered. How could a man so beautiful sound so sincere?
"Oh? What's this?" My eyes widened at his teasing tone. What have I done? What have I unleashed? "Does my jagiya get embarrassed when I'm romantic?"
"Hyun..." I whined, scooting a seat away from the door and fastening myself in.
He blew a kiss at me, and winked, "Goodnight, my beautiful, kind jagiya. Goodnight, my little lamb, nae sara-"
"Mr. Ryu, if you would please," Mr. Kim's stoic voice cut through the tender moment with no sympathy, "We must be on our way. Mr. Han has been calling every half hour since six wanting to know the whereabouts of Miss Aya."
Oops. So I was right about Jumin, at least.
"Wait, one last thing," Zen leaned into the limo and pressed something into my hand. It was a small slip of paper with a phone number on it, "We all talk and call through the app. So... you know, just in case something happens to the app..." He was blushing. Zen was blushing. I giggled and stuffed the paper in my purse. He blew me another kiss, winked, and shut the limo door. Soon the engines started and the limo pulled away, but I found myself glued to the tinted windows, watching him until he was long out of sight.
Author's Note: This chapter is super, super, SUPER long. But I just couldn't find a good place to cut it xD;;
