Chapter 6
Leaning against the school wall Usagi watched as Kino Makoto's form became smaller and smaller, her frame still towering those who walked near her, till she was no more than a distant line. Scrapping her shoe between the lines of the pavers she set her mind to concentrate away from the grip in her heart that spread throughout her chest. She felt like a fool for seeking out Kino Makoto today. The warm smiles, the gentle green eyes. The past two weeks Kino Makoto was nothing if kind to her. To be noticed bought anxious flutters in her gut. But today there was nothing. Like it never existed.
Usagi pushed herself off the wall and began to walk away, down her usual route home.
Head hanging low, she walked past the landmarks she saw every day. The black coated Shiba-Inu across the road dashed and barked at every who crossed his line. The small balcony with numerous empty flower pots. The three vending machines that stood next to a small store and across from a set of concrete stairs descending down.
Usagi grabbed the metal handrail looking over towards the horizon with little enthusiasm and stuck close to the wall to allow quicker people to rush down past her.
Another landmark crossed her sight, a large green road sign.
Azubu 10km -\
Shinzo 7km /-
Usagi had not returned to Shinzo district since the occurrence. The stores were destroyed, roads uplifted, buildings bared to the outside world.
An earthquake struck Shinzo, Usagi remembered Yamahato saying to her, the day she was collected from the hospital.
She wanted to go back and see for herself the devastation that had occurred nearly a month ago but could not bring herself to travel to Shinzo to sate her morbid curiosity.
Usagi waited by the crossing of a busy road, she watched with mild interest as hands reached for the crossing button. Some pressed once, others numerous times before they seemed to be satisfied that their demand will be met shortly.
It was thanks to Chio-san that Usagi received a job at '6-11'. She vouched for Usagi to her brother, earning a spot in the small convenience store, until the earthquake struck Shinzo.
Cars halted to a stop at the red lights. The little red man changed green. The horde of people pushed forward, rushing towards the other side of the road.
People were injured, people had died, Yamahato said. Usagi wished she could go back and see. To see for herself what her eyes had missed. But all she could remember was the long winding body of a grotesque creature, jagged teeth, curved claws, the ball of light that clung to the creatures back. It must have been a dream, an illusion. Ever since she found the creature dead in her dreams it no longer plagued her, she never saw it again.
And darkness always plagued her dreams. Though she knew no better. What else would she dream of? Sleep was a living death.
Slipping through the cracks.
Drowning in black.
Until you woke up gasping.
The little lamp shop, the candy store, the small grocery store, the book store. Usagi passed them every day. She never went inside them. Your needs were given, you did not need any more than you received.
Usagi saw Chio-san one last time a week after the Shinzo earthquake. She was given her last small pay check.
She felt a rough push from her right shoulder, causing her to nearly stumble down onto the cement ground. She hissed a curse. Every day she fought through crowds, she avoided them by staying away from the centre, always walking on the edge. Yet sometimes you were caught.
Tomorrow was Saturday. School was only for half a day and she would only have to fight with students for a piece of sidewalk.
But tomorrow was Saturday. Though the school day was shorter Usagi dreaded it.
Tomorrow Saturday morning Usagi would come face to face with a teacher she feared. Suibo Aiko-sensei. Her arts teacher.
Usagi cringed at the thought. The feeling of Suibo-sensei's firm grip on her shoulders, her breath down her neck, the whispers of encouragement to release herself through her art. Her teachers voice edging towards maniacal as she happily criticised her art. Usagi always was asked to stay behind. Every week. To see that wide grin up close, as Suibo-sensei would hold Usagi's art. That gleeful smile when she opened Usagi's art portfolio.
Usagi shuddered.
She was not looking forward to tomorrow. Or the next week.
Usagi finally left the bustling centre of the Juuban's shopping district down another set of stairs. Electrical wires hung low beside cramped apartment buildings. Stunted winter trees grew along the sidewalk. A few small stores jammed their wares outside their doors.
One more road to cross, one more set of stairs and Usagi would reach Juuban train station.
Stopping by the zebra crossing, Usagi crossed the street with two older men.
A loud growl rumbled to her right. She glanced spotting a large, black polished car approaching. It was approaching them quickly before the black car began a screeching swerve, smoke bellowed from its back wheels, trying to brake. The two men gasped, fear struck them, an elbow struck Usagi's chest thrusting her straight onto the asphalt.
Landing onto the hard black ground, her briefcase flew open, fanning her notebooks out. Pain struck her left wrist, her hip taking the brunt of the ground. Screams that resounded from the sidewalk was silent in her ears. Usagi whipped her head towards the oncoming screeching black car, it's large grill more visible.
Her heart strike heavily once within her chest. Time slowed down. The screams and cries stopped for a second. The swirling black smoke behind the car stilled. Never tearing her eyes away, Usagi rose her right arm against the black beast.
The second finished, the large black car lurched to a halt.
Her heart began to beat again, rapidly pounding against her chest. Usagi had yet to release a breath. Sitting in the palm of her hand was a deep pressure nestled firmly in front of the vehicle that stood no more than half a metre away from her. The heat of the engine flowed down towards her. A jumping feline was perched above the black vehicles grill.
People rushed to her, picking her up from the crook of her arm, the pressure in the palm of her hand disappeared and the large black car hiccupped forward, its engine shook then died. A crew of men and women threw curses at the driver of vehicle.
Inside the car a muffled voice screamed "What the fuck is wrong with you! You fucking psycho!
Unknown hands held Usagi up as they pushed to the sidewalk, dusting her off. Her left arm twinged, but after flexing her wrist and fingers the pain soon dwindled to nothing. Usagi nodded vehemently to questions that she was alright, they pushed her to sit on a bench. She took her briefcase from a concerned woman.
Usagi lifted her head towards the car. Voices were thrown back and forth within the black car till the passenger door unlocked. The car started up and growled, moving slightly forward, receiving louder curses from the sidewalk pedestrians. The voice from inside screamed again. "Oi Oi Oi! I'm fucking getting out!"
A leg in black shoes and grey pants emerged. "Don't you dare speak to your Father that way!" A firm, deep voice yelled within the car. A row of cars began to trail behind the black one, they began to blast their horns. "Get back in the car, boy!"
The car swung open, a tall frowning boy barged out. He cursed turning his dark mop towards the driver "Learn to drive old man!" he growled, forcefully slamming the door closed. The dark tinted window scrolled down, "Mamoru!"
"Shut it, I prefer to be late than dead! I'll get to CRAM and home myself!" He finished by swinging his briefcase over his broad shoulders. He pushed through the angry mob and rushing across quiet street up towards Juuban's district centre.
The black car roared off, a pitch of speed from the back of the wheels before it quickly disappeared down the street.
"You're bleeding." A middle-aged woman announced. Usagi followed her line of sight. A gash of red and brown marred her left calf. "Come, we'll clean it up for you."
Swiftly standing up from the bench Usagi bowed deep towards the woman. "N-no! It's quite alright, I live close by." Noting that there were others around her, Usagi bowed to them as well, sending her thanks and hurried towards the set of stairs.
Letting out out a shaky breath she grabbed her braid with a tug before dropping the thick plait onto her breast. She cupped her eyes. Her hands were clammy and smelled of asphalt. She was nearly hit by a car, she would have been hit the car, should have been hit by a car.
Yet she felt at peace with it.
An odd sensation rose, a crawl prickled down her spine, a shiver that caused her hairs to stand. She rubbed the back of her neck and stopped mid-way down the staircase to glimpse back to the top of the stairs.
She gasped.
On the top stood the dark-haired boy from the black car, frowning straight down at her.
Thick, black hair crept past the boy's brows. Tall. Broad. His physical structure resembled more of a grown man rather than a teenager if not for the private school suit he wore.
His head tilted, examining her before he brought a foot down. Then another slow step, his eyes never leaving hers.
Usagi quickly peered behind her, there was no one else, only streams of people at foot of the staircase. The tingling rose to as sharp pricks in between her shoulder blades. Her eyes quickly slide back to see who only stood only a few steps up.
Usagi could see the colour of his eyes. Deep blue.
He smiled. His teeth were white. It reached his eyes as if he came to recognise her.
She took a step down and so did he.
He slowly dropped his shouldered briefcase to his side as Usagi caught the hand rail, her foot scrapping along the step to find the dip down to the next step.
The boy licked his lips, his mouth opened, prepared to say something. A group of teenagers walked up on the other side of the staircase. They eyed them with a raised eyebrow, focusing more on the boy than her. The boy frowned, his attention momentarily taken away from Usagi who then tore down the stairs at the chance.
The shivers slowly faded the more people Usagi pushed aside and disappeared completely as she urged herself up the pedestrian bridge that spanned over the busy road. Once Usagi landed on the other side she instantly looked back.
There he was, on the other side, looking straight at her. But he made no move to follow her and soon turn back towards the stairs
Usagi rushed for the subway, looking back often for any black mop of hair. Although Usagi saw him ascend the stairs, she could not shake the feeling that there were eyes on her. It was not until the train doors closed that Usagi could release the heavy breaths she held inside.
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Usagi slammed the heavy brown doors with a loud thump.
She was safe.
These walls protected her.
Stripping out of her boots and tearing her coat off she winced at the high-pitched cries echoing from upstairs.
She spotted Shou standing by the entrance to the playroom, his backpack hanging loosely from his shoulders. His eyes gazed up at her as Usagi peered inside from the corner of the door.
Matsu was beating the ground with his hands and feet, his face red and swollen from tears. Anego, the new caretaker, attempted to sit him up but he thrashed too much for the caretaker to lift him. Another child wailed with another older caretaker, Miyu.
Usagi spotted another fight brewing at the corner of the room, or maybe that was where it all started?
Miyu-san held a little screaming girl hands, ordering her to stop with no success. The little girls whipped her head in hysteria, kicking Miyu straight in the shins.
This was nothing new. You eventually grew out of it, once you realised nothing belonged to you, that you belong to no one.
This was a scene she had often seen. This was normal.
"You're bleeding." A hand grabbed onto Usagi arm. Nagisa-san, a caretakers who had been here the longest, looked down at her. The older woman tilted her head towards Usagi's leg before dragging her towards the staff room with a firm grip. Shou continued to watch the playroom.
Nagisa-san sighed heavily as she closed the door behind them and lead Usagi to sit down.
Usagi landed on the with a scrapped along the vinyl floor and watched as the middle-aged caretaker released a heavy sigh. Yanking out a red first aid kit from a cupboard above the small bar fridge, Nagisa-san dropped the red bag onto the table, pulling out packets of gauze and ampules of liquid. The doors swung open when Nagisa-san finished wetting the gauze.
"Arg! The new girl is useless! Nagi have you finished your meal break?" Miyu-san huffed as another pitched screams crawled inside, followed by Anego's rising voice. Miyu-san slammed the door closed muffling the screams.
Nagisa-san tsk'ed at her co-worker. Miyu ruffled her head and grunted. "I've had it up to here!" throwing her arm over her head, "The elementary's are on their way back and we need this racket to settle down!" Miyu-san heaved out.
Nagisa-san cursed beneath her breath, pinching her nose causing her glasses to rise above her brown eyes. With another heavy sigh Nigasa-san looked up at Usagi "Can you clean your own wound?"
"Y-yes."
Nagisa-san stood then, hissing as her knees popped. She leaned onto the table and slowly stretched her cracking back.
"Make sure you leave once you're done." Nagisa-san-san ordered, slamming the door behind her. Nagisa-san own voice rose over the screams. Usagi could hear the walls being smacked till eventually all she could hear Nagisa-san voice as she began to dictate to the younger children, very much the same way Yamahato had done with her several weeks ago.
Usagi picked up the damp gauze and began streaking up her leg. She observed as the woven gauze lifted her blood and the grim off. Some moisture from the gauze leaked, trailing bloody liquid down her leg till it rested on her bloody socks.
There was no string, there was no pain.
Swapping the dirty gauze for the next, Usagi again streaked up her leg.
No sting. No pain.
Once the leg was cleaned Usagi inspected herself.
There was no wound.
Just healthy skin.
Usagi frowned, placing the dirty gauzes back into its packet. Usagi pressed and dragged her thumb down hard along the wet skin, searching source of the bleed. She could not find it.
Maybe it wasn't her blood?
Usagi walked out of the office frowning, closing the door with a click.
Before walking towards the stairs Usagi peered one last time inside the playroom. Each small child sat in front of the bland yellow wall in a long row that nearly spanned the entire room. Small, quiet sniffles were the only thing that came out of the playroom now. It seemed that every child was punished, regardless if they were involved.
Youko, the girl who now shared her room, was dragging herself up the stairs before she spotted Usagi. The two walked together to their dorm.
Youko slid the shoji doors closed. "How was your day today, Usagi-san?" she then asked.
"Fine."
Youko sighed sadly and watched as Usagi stripped in front of the girl with little care. Her eyes lingered on Usagi's form "You know you're really thin. I can see your ribs and spine."
Usagi scowled back at the girl before pulling her long-sleeved jumper over her head.
"I suppose that's what happens when you don't have parents." Youko continued, her voice was soft. "My mother says that some girls do it on purpose. She's a nurse, she's seen things." Usagi hung her uniform on small course rack by her metal bed.
"So how long have you been here? There are so many younger kids, you're the only other girl my age." Youko leaned against her futon.
"They've left."
Youko waited for Usagi to continue but the silence dragged instead. "Mama and Papa are still fighting custody for me. I don't want to stay here. I don't want to be like everyone here. I... " Youko stopped as Usagi's frame shadowed hers. Her blue eyes wore no ill expression as she gazed down. "I told them I want to go with Papa. Mama was the bad one, having an affair with that doctor." She hissed. "I can't do anything here, it's boring, the food is horrible. It's a prison!"
It was then Usagi lifted her gaze and sneered at the girl, her small frame showered Youko's face.
Every child here at the orphanage was here for the same reason. There was nowhere else for them to go.
Not everyone arrived here for the same reason either.
Not all orphaned children came from a gentle home. Like Shou and Shinozuke. Sadly, it is more than common than one may think.
Not all orphaned children here have lost their parents. Like Matsu and Takara. That is, in itself, rare.
Not all orphan children are forced or ran away from their families, some... their poor parents, unable to feed and support themselves, let alone their most precious possession. Rare as it is, the poor exist in Japan. Like Hamato. He sees his parents, often. He is loved. He has not forgotten how to smile outside the white building walls.
Then there are the unheard of, the abandoned. Like Usagi. Thrown away, for what reasons one can guess.
Youko cried every night as her parents battled out for custody of their only child. She was wanted by both. Youko only desired her father. But the words of a suffering child held no ground in the eyes of the law.
"Don't let the caretakers hear you talking about your past. It's not allowed. You shouldn't burden others with your past. You shouldn't burden yourself either. It's your own story to keep and not to share." Usagi hissed, her voice monotone. "No one here cares. We're all here because we don't have anywhere else to go."
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