Chapter 9
The arts club ended with the Outama twins announcing both projects and financial plans for the new year. Suibo-sensei clapped overly with joy, signing off every piece of paper President Seiichi passed her with Hatsumomo diligently standing behind her brother to retrieve the approved papers. Once the prim leaders of the art clubs marched back to stand beside their desks, one by one each member walked in a line, in a very specific order to Suibo-sensei's request. 'First the worst, last the best'. Usagi glanced at Kino Makoto's quirked brow as the class orderly line up, with the twins last -Hatsumomo before her brother. Usagi gently rose from her chair, clutching both her bag and portfolio as she stood at the end of line, and to her surprise Kino Makoto hopped up and followed her. The line treaded down quickly, members placing their complete art portfolio's for a new books till all there was left was herself, Kino Makoto and Suibo-sensei.
Suibo-sensei took her portfolio personally from her, tut'ting as she opened to four clean pages. "I do believe I requested for 'everyone's' portfolio to completed before the commencement of last semester."
"I'm sorry." Usagi bowed.
"I hope so, my rare little-bird. No one has placed so much energy into their work as you have, one would think you would not struggle to fill in four pages before brining them to me." Suibo placed Usagi's book beside the large pile, her immaculate red nails gently scrapping the black woven cover.
"Why should Usagi-san apologise, this is an art club not a class." Kino Makoto quipped behind her.
Suibo-sensei gave a curt laugh, "Tsukino-san has a history of not completing her work, not that the quality given is poor. Very much the opposite."
Usagi stuttered an apology again but her teacher only waved it off. "It is lovely that you brought a friend Tsukino-san, to join our merry group. We started out with only four at the start of last year, now we have now eighteen." Heat rose up Usagi's neck, looking up at Kino Makoto shyly.
Suibo leaned down beneath her desk pulling out an extra black artbook and passed it to Kino Makoto. "Oh –no I can't possibly take one! I'm really bad at drawing!"
"Nonsense—" Suibo chuckled thrusting the black hard cover book into Kino Makoto's hands. "—it is not the content or the quality I'm after, but the energy put into it!"
Kino Makoto laughed, awkwardly, shaking her head as she only gently pushed the book back. "No really, I can't, I'll make a myself a fool in this club!"
Suibo brushed off her words, forcing Kino Makoto to take the book by releasing her hold as she fished out an artbook from the bottom of the pile- "As I said Kino Makoto-san, it is not the quality I'm after, but the energy put into it!" - she split the book open to crude drawings of samurai's and demons.
Kino Makoto sputtered out a laugh "Alright then... if you're happy to have me... at least I'll know someone." throwing down a wide grin down at Usagi. "Let's do our best Usagi-san!" fist pumping the air.
"Y-yes!" Usagi stumbled, her voice hitching higher than she intended.
"Wonderful!" Suibo-sensei clapped too cheerfully, her grin plastered wide even as she attempted to slot the book back under instead of on top. "And before I leave for the day, I need to have a chat to Tsukino-san."
Kino Makoto bowed, "Thank you, Suibo-sensei, for welcoming me and for this book." She tucked the book beside her hip as she leaned down towards Usagi's ear "I'll wait for you outside Usagi-san."
Usagi only hummed her reply as the heat from her neck spread to her cheeks. She managed, somehow, to smother the heat of her blush by focusing on her teacher who lowered herself back onto her chair, crossing her legs in the process. "I will say, again, that I am very disappointed to find you did not complete your arts portfolio again Tsukino-san. I had had high hopes that you would bring me more after the winter holidays."
Usagi dropped her gaze to the ground and a few seconds of past as Suibo-sensei gaze travelled up and down her form "Are you eating well? Sleeping at all."
"Y-yes."
"Don't doubt yourself." Holding out a black book. "You have given so much, so much energy. You are my star, an unending light. You have so much more to give than anyone else I've met. Show me how much you can give, my little rare-bird, before I leave for... bigger pastures. Please."
Usagi gazed down at their hands and found a large polished black stone in the centre of her new portfolio book. "Something to entice you." Her teacher winked. Usagi's lip twitched as brushed the oval shaped ornament with her thumb and marvelled as the stone glowed violet before turning dark once more. "Thank you, Sensei."
Usagi left room afterwards, sliding the door closed she admired the smooth stone once more, brushing her thumb along the surface to watch violet glow. She perched her bag along the windowsill, jiggling the lock then carefully slotted the book inside. The old little lock struggled to clasp close but a firm press of her thumbs the lock latched on.
She turned her gaze left and right looking for the tall silhouette of Kino Makoto, but she found herself alone in the corridor with one of the boys from her club seated on the floor. 'I'll wait for you outside.' Maybe she meant outside-outside?
She took the stairs slowly, even skipped on the last step. Her stomach fluttered. She was going to with someone, out of school hours, to do what normal teenagers did. Usagi released a shaky breath as she dusted off her skirt and brushed the loose strands of her hair behind her ears. She threw her braid behind only to fish it back, grasping nervously the silky ends. Should she redo her braid maybe? Her shirt wasn't too creased was it? Biting back her smile she strode downstairs. She could not decide whether to hold her bag under her arm and in front of her? Did it really matter…?
And there she was, Kino Makoto, with her long wavy ponytail that reached past her shoulders and the wrong uniform amongst the blue. There she stood, waiting by the school shoe lockers.
Usagi smiled despite herself, taking the last step onto the main corridor. She took a left so those warm green eyes could spot her as she went around.
She potted Mizuno Ami standing in front Kino Makoto, her hands clinging to her arms, seeming to try to shake the giant. Mizuno Ami's voice hissed low as she frowned up at Kino Makoto who mumbled under her breath. Mizuno Ami's face contorted, confusion wrought her brow as she shook her head till she spotted her. Shocked or surprised her eyes went wide and raised her voice. "Look! Look! It's Tsukino-san, didn't you say you wanted to take her to the Crown Arcade today?"
A wave of embarrassment caused Usagi's back to go rigid at the sound of her name. "Ehh... Tsukino-san?" Kino Makoto sneered as her attention turned, shoving Mizuno Ami roughly aside. "Suibo's pet? Who would want to hang out with her."
What?
In three large strides Kino Makoto crossed towards her, dull green eyes glared at Usagi as Kino Makoto grabbed her roughly by the shirt till only her toes supported her. "Listen here runt-" Kino Makoto spat. "-I will be on top of Suibo's pile and no little throw-away is going to get in my way!" And Kino Makoto threw her back against the cold hard floor.
A crowd lingered around them. Usagi shook and staggered back against the wall, her heart seizing as the giant took a step forward. "Mako-chan!?" Mizuno Ami cried out thrusting herself in between them, attempting to push back Kino Makoto's firm wide shoulders. White wisps rose from the tips of Mizuno Ami's fingers, shoving hard against the larger girl one more time before raising her hand and slapped her across the face. A black book that Kino Makoto's clutched tumbled out as the giant fell to her knees.
The crowd bowled over rushing in towards the two. Usagi stood, her feet still unsteady and backside sore from the impact, she quickly limped away and heard Kino Makoto hiss. "Aami-chan! Why did you freeze my face?!".
Usagi wrenched her school slippers off and shoved her boots on. Tears were brimming her eyes, her vision blurry as she threw her scarf around her neck messily and ran out the door of the school without looking back.
'-little throw-away-'
So, Kino Makoto found out who she was...
What a fool she was. Nothing lasts forever, not even warm smiles. No matter... there was nowhere where she belonged. The kind girl with a gentle smile turned, changed at a moments notice. She should have known better.
Home was where it was real, where she understood how things were, how things are and how things will be. The same routine. Normal. Familiar. Steady.
Usagi avoided the thrum of Saturday crowds. Facing down she stuck to the edge of the curb stepping onto every crack and shadow. Usagi bolted across the quiet road where, only yesterday, she encountered the black car. And that boy with blue eyes. Her heart tugged as she looked back across the road before entering the subway.
The ride home washed the colours off the buildings as train picked up speed. She sat by the window, her head perched against the window.
'-little throw-away- ' Kino Makoto's voice echoed. Swallowing the knot willing her tears away. She was used it, the name calling. It shouldn't hurt... but it did. Every time.
'I'll wait for you outside.' She didn't know then... did she?
'-who would want to hang out her?' No one did...
The white noise of the train lulled Usagi's weary eyes to sleep. And her world became black. The glide of the train was gone, the voices of other passengers silent.
A wisp cried out. "Give it to me." Echoing softly as the dark swirled and coalesced into a claw, its length growing spindly, bent and warped. It slivered across the black, the fingers tapping the surface like antenna. "Give it to me, give it to me. Your energy!" it repeated, the appendage sleeking with more feverously.
Usagi looked over her form, she was naked and dully lit. She followed the claw as it drew closer to her body. She held no fear as she played with a golden beaded bracelet on her right wrist. It hung loose around her slim wrist and even with form shake the beads did not slide off. Chains rattled behind her back, the claw stopped -its spindly fingers swaying in her direction now. "Give it to me." Usagi took a tentative look behind herself, her eyes went wide finding thick golden chains holding down a pair of white feathered wings. She had seen stranger things in dreams but on her person. And her world within the dark became darker – the claw shot out suddenly engulfing her head, and struggle as she might the heavy chains held her in place. Clinking, clinking. The chain held her up and held her down. Usagi could not move either way and for the first time, in a very long time, she began to fear her dream.
The claw demanded and forced itself on her. "Your energy, your energy! Give it to me!" She grabbed on the dark claw, it hissed and loosened its grip, and Usagi took in a breath of air before her mouth was clamped over once more. And the more Usagi wrench and struggled against the dark, the more it hissed and wailed. It tore itself off her for a second and no longer looking like a claw as deep rivulets of bright pink light bled down its form -its fingers and palm looking more than burnt. It twitched and backed away. The black filled with emerald at the opposite point of the dark claw and Usagi gaped as green lightening tore through the spasming claw. The black faded away as did the green sparks. Her dream blurred, and she noticed that her naked body shone a little bit brighter.
…-lo... "Hello miss?" Usagi gasped pulling herself to lean against the seat in front of her. "I'm sorry to startle you..." her eyes drifted sideways to a middle-aged man. "...but I'm afraid your briefcase is broken. I think I was able to catch your items before they got too far." He spoke holding her briefcase with both hands, the flap wide open and the contents nearly spilling. "You'll need to get a new bag, the lock on this is broken." He pointed out kindly, passing her items.
"Thank you, sir." She nodded. He tipped his hat as the train slowed down and he exited the train at Konchu station. Usagi rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she was only at the second stop of her trip.
She thought little of the dream she just had, the train began to move once more and Usagi sifted through her notebooks and papers, separating them neatly. She eyed forgotten tests papers where she scored '86' on her maths, and only '28' on her English. She closely inspected the lock and tsk'ed. She will have to request a new bag from Yamahato. Stacking her items back neatly in her broken bag Usagi felt dismayed to find the polished stone on her artbook was cracked in the centre. Pouting, she glumly touched the surface finding that it no longer glowed violet at her touch but to only crack further into smaller pieces tumbled down onto her lap. Dusting off the flakes she sighed. Everything broke. It was only just a matter of time.
The orphanage welcomed her with its usual creaky door, Usagi hung her coat and scarf in the closet room and stacked her boots next to much smaller ones. Here she was safe. The cheers and cries from the younger children, voices of her caretakers were familiar. The musky smell of every room was intimate and comforting. Here... Usagi was safe.
A recognizable cry wailed from behind Yamahato's door. Usagi peered from the corner of the stairs, it was unusual for the orphanage manager to be here on a Saturday and she watched as the doors swung open with Yamahato holding the door for elderly couple, with little Matsu clinging tightly to an old woman by her skirts. The adults bowed, the elderly gentleman thanked Yamahato for seeing them before turning his attention to Matsu.
"There, there Ma-chan, just a little longer and you can come home with Grandma and me." Matsu cried harder, his wail reaching a pitch that even the stoic Yamahato eyes twitched to.
The grandfather patted Matsu as the grandmother wiped his eyes and nose. "We're not leaving yet, let's go for a walk. Maybe we can find a hot desert place. Would you like that Ma-chan?"
The small child nodded, already dressed in his best clothes to spend the day with his grandparents.
How lucky of him.
Usagi threw her broken bag onto the bed, the contents fanned out along the mattress and reached down between the mattress and the head of the bed, grunting as she pulled out a simple brown box. Placing the box onto her bedding Usagi carefully lifted the frail carboard lid. Inside laid a droopy eared rabbit with a pink frayed ribbon around its neck and single thick envelope.
Lifting the rabbit out she patted its dapple coat that was no longer soft or white. Usagi brought the small plush to the crook of neck caressing the silky lining of its ear. She clung to the small plush and released a stuttering breath out. Her little toy rabbit was slowly withering away. It no longer smiled, it was missing an eye and some stuffing was lost from the junction of its arms and legs. Nothing lasted forever.
Usagi sneered at the toy, it was the last memory of a time she barely remembered, and she thrusted the rabbit onto the mattress imbedding her thumbs against its neck, the threads holding it neck and body popping one by one.
What a fool. What a fool! A gentle smile made her swoon so easily, kind eyes made her forget, a warm touch made her hope.
"What are you doing?"
Usagi choked, releasing the toys neck and fumbled for the box. "N-nothing—!" she announced slamming the lid down as she sniffled subtly, and shimmied the box between her knees, covering it from view with school skirt.
Youko's soft footsteps approached with the sound of rustling paper bags. Usagi glanced over her shoulder, spying numerous shopping bags in the crook of the girl's arms. Youko placed the bags lightly onto her bed by the window, looking through a few before fishing out a soft pink blouse. Usagi deftly glided the box at the head of the bed, slotting it easily then placing her pillow on top.
"I told my Papa about you today." Youko began casually as she held the garment against herself. "He says girls like you usually end up as prostitutes."
There was a seconds pause before Usagi stammered "...What?..."
Youko glanced at her, throwing the blouse aside "You know... whores."
Usagi bolted off the bed, snarling. "What would your Papa know!? He doesn't know me and neither do you!" she growled, barring her teeth.
Youko chided. "It's common knowledge. Papa wasn't the only one who said so."
Usagi stood flabbergasted, her eyes everywhere but Youko's. Her anger rose and clenched her hands, refusing to look at the girl across the bed. "Papa says if you don't have a Koseki there's little to no hope for you to ever get anywhere in life."
Cold sweat replaced Usagi's fuming anger, her posture turning stiff as she gaped at Youko. Her body held fast, as if the gold chains from her dreams reappeared.
Koseki... the Japanese family registry that accounts for everything that happens in your family. The grand family tree of Japan. It records the births and deaths, marriages and divorces, adoptions and disruption of adoption.
For a child to be adopted or even given to foster care, the biological parent must agree to it first. There is great shame to giving away your child. There is great shame as well to take upon another one's child. Blood ties within families were important, and social stigma stops biological parents from releasing their child in the care of another, whether it be adoption or foster care. Thus, both are very rare. Japan's non-adoptive children. And the Koseki is for all to see, for both benefit and discrimination of your future.
And Usagi did not have one. She did not know who she was, no knowledge at all. She did not know the names of her parents.
Usagi rushed down the stairs in a flurry, past the downstairs playroom and into the playground courtyard. The cold air bit her, seeping past her thin uniform. Usagi dropped on the cold winter-dead ground and shivered from more than just the cold. Tears fell over her cheeks in streams, heaving in breaths as she curled into a ball. She was here the longest, she remembered all the names of her previous caretakers, of when Yamahato took the position as manager. She remembered their backs as they all left for one final time.
When one child left… another would replace them. It was only a matter of time. So long as you had family –one that you could return to one day, even when you were older or... just were legally waiting to be your official guardians, there was hope for a better life. The Koseki would have been given to you by your family, until you registered your own. The stepping stone to adulthood.
Shou the Neglected still had a mother. Shinozuke the Abused had his father. Hamato the Poor had his parents. Usagi the Abandoned had no one.
By the time Usagi returned to her room Youko was sound asleep. The light sweeping from the curtains was enough to help Usagi manoeuvre around the room. She carefully placed her broken briefcase and notebooks under her bed, checked her brown box under her pillow before wriggling into her pyjama's that rode past her ankles and sleeves that hung halfway. She should ask for a new pair, but these were comfortable and enough to shake off the cold. She wrapped herself into a cocoon, tucked her feet under the blankets and watched the little shadow demons play in her light of vision till her eyes hung heavy and then black.
A hand tilted her cocooned front in the morning. Moaning Usagi squinted to see the caretaker Nagisa concerned brow and soon left as quietly as she came. The next time Usagi awoke to the sound of children stampeding screams. Still cocooned Usagi sat up noting, with bleary eyes, that Youko was nowhere in sight, her bed was made, and her favoured handbag was gone.
The cycle begins anew.
A simple breakfast. The younger children taken to the playroom. Usagi returned to her room and settled down at the small desk, placing on top a maths textbook, pencils and her notebook.
She stared blankly at the opened page, her thoughts running through yesterday events. Nothing new was learnt and the implication of her status loomed over her even more. Was there any point in doing her homework? Was there any point in studying? Usagi reasoned that her actions were... unjustified. If the nation viewed her as an alien because of the lack of blood ties, then what was the reason for her to schoolwork. What was the reason to do anything? The point of existing?
The door slid open behind her then closed. Usagi paid no mind to it. She was determined not to face Youko. But instead of two even steps walking in she heard shuffling close the floor. Looking over her shoulder Usagi spotted Shou and Miki crawling towards her. "What are you doing!" Usagi berated turning in her seat.
The two boys stopped on their hind legs in front of her, the breaths laboured as they looked up at her. "There are policemen here." Shou whispered with Miki nodding.
"So?" Usagi tsk'ed, turning back to her textbook with a scowl.
Shou edged closer, his head almost touching her leg. "We heard them say your name."
Usagi looked up from her textbook. The police never asked for children, they only brought children. She placed her pen in between the pages of her maths book. "How many are there?"
"Two."
Usagi stood slowly, tentatively peeked out of her room. She heard Anego's voice corralling the younger children for a midday nap. It was then she spotted Nagisa form rushing up the stairs, their eyes met when she reached the last few steps. "Usagi come with me now." Nagisa gestured and turning back down the stairs.
The two boys peered up at from the floor. "Did you do something bad?" asked Miki.
Usagi shook her head slowly. Her heart pounded heavily, twisting and gnawing as she hurried down after Nagisa, and was soon escorted her into Yamahato's office.
Yamahato stood there with two police officers in long duster coats. One spoke with Yamahato, while the other held a pan and small notepad. For Yamahato to be here on a Sunday... was unheard of... what had she done to warrant the orphanage manager out of her own home?
Yamahato gaze was not what Usagi had expected, not at all stern or angry, instead an unsteady frown marred her face. When she spotted Usagi she gave way to relief, rushing towards to grasp her shoulders.
"Am I in trouble?" Usagi trembled.
"No. No, the officers are here to ask you some questions." The smile Yamahato attempted to give failed, instead she brushed back Usagi's loose strands behind her. "Come, sit here. Nagisa-san and I will be with you, don't worry."
Usagi bowed and introduced herself to the officers, seating herself in front of Yamahato's desk clutching her hands firmly on her lap.
And the unfortunate events spilled. Students of Juuban Junior High have been found dead under mysterious circumstances with only one thing that linked them all. They were all part of the arts club. Suibo Aiko missing and the prime suspect.
Nagisa growled from the door. "What is going on in Tokyo!? Freak earthquake at Shinzo. People are dropping dead. A terror attack at Tokyo Airport and now this!"
An attack at the airport?
Yamahato exhaled. "Nagi-san..."
Nagisa came to stand behind Usagi, placing her hands onto her shoulders. "Usagi is a good girl! She always comes back home. I hope you aren't thinking she is a suspect."
And the unfortunate events spilled. Students of Juuban Junior High have been found unconscious under mysterious circumstances with only one thing that linked them all. They were all part of the arts club. Suibo Aiko missing and for the moment the prime suspect.
Nagisa growled from the door. "What is going on in Tokyo!? Freak earthquake at Shinzo. People are dropping dead. A terror attack at Tokyo Airport and now this!"
An attack at the airport?
Yamahato exhaled. "Nagi-san..."
Nagisa came to stand behind Usagi, placing her hands onto her shoulders. "Usagi is a good girl! She always comes back home. I hope you aren't thinking she is a suspect."
"A number of deaths occurred at home." Nagisa's gripped onto her shoulders gently, Usagi thought back to this morning how Nagisa came in, "Two of your classmates were found unconscious at Juuban, followed by the rest within a short spam of time. We believe they are all connected. With the number of sudden unconscious and deceased students there is little to go by. Autopsies on the dead are being performed to find the cause of death and tests on survivors." The officer turned his focus to Usagi, brought a chair from against the wall. "You are the only one to have been unaffected. Did your art class take anything, Tsukino-san."
Usagi anxiously looked to Yamahato, who simply nodded to for her to continue. "We...we were given new artbooks?"
"Did you eat anything in class yesterday?"
Usagi shook her head, the officer with the notebook spoke. "Could you show us this new artbook?"
Usagi left with Nagisa following. A trail of children sat along the bottom of the stairs, their whispers silenced by Nagisa's stern words. Once they reached her room Usagi pulled out the black book tracing the missing stone before heading back to the office.
"Have you opened this book yet?" the officer asked as he carefully handled it. Usagi replied 'no' as the second officer fished out a clear plastic bag from a suitcase.
An hour roughly past, they questioned about her teacher, Siubo Aiko and of each club member.
What did she know of her club-members? Nothing. There were the twins... both prude and proud of their hierarchical status within the club. There were the two boys that told amusing stories. The girl that slept more than participated. And the others? What redeeming traits did they have? There were ten –no twelve... or was there eleven of them? No wait... there was more of them than that, wasn't there?
"What about Kino Makoto?" Her heart skipped a beat. "She was the one who found your club members. She only signed up yesterday, is that right? How well do you know her?"
A soft brush of breath on her ear 'I'll wait for you outside.'
A sneer from dull green eyes turned to her "Ehh? Tsukino-san? Suibo's pet? Who would want to hang out with her?"
Kino Makoto's size breathed down her "Listen here runt, I will be on top of Suibo's pile and no little throw-away is going to get in my way!"
"I... I don't know her. She hasn't officially signed up with the club..." Usagi replied flatly.
The officer released a frustrated grunt, shaking his head towards his partner before rising from the chair.
"Thank you for your time. School is to resume as usual however, the eastern block is closed off for investigations. We may come back for further questions, at a later date." The officers bid their farewells, bowed and walked out leaving the three alone.
Nagisa accompanied Usagi back to her room. "Are you alright?" she asked, tone both concerned and soft. Usagi nodded. One of Nagisa's brow rose. It was odd to have caretaker sit next with her on her bed and all Usagi wanted was to be left alone.
Usagi stayed in her room for the remainder of the day, leaving only for dinner. She noticed the caretakers grouped together, their eyes occasionally fixating on her. It was unnerving to be noticed. Should she be sad? Should she cry? Were they waiting for her to do that?
People cried in anime and movies. Was it wrong she felt nothing? She wasn't sure what to feel. Should she cry for someone she didn't know?
The insistent questions from Shou and Miki were promptly ignored. The policeman's visit had roused a buzz among the younger children. Hamato, who sat across from her, threaten them with their dinner. Two failed to take his warning, and they sat with soured looks as Hamato inhaled their dinner quite literally.
Again, Usagi sat alone in her room by the window when night set, the wanning moon already hung above the buildings. A white car parked outside the orphanage and Youko emerged a few moments later hugging a balding man in a tight embrace. She looked away and slipped into bed.
All she needed now and in the future was somewhere to keep her warm, dry and fed. She was content to strive for that. And so what if someone died, someone else will cry for them and that was enough.
One day she would die, and no one needed to cry for her.
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