Alex slammed the door to her apartment, letting out the last of her anger. She leaned against the door and rubbed the heels of her hands against her face. The energy was draining from her body. Suddenly, her black pants and collared shirt felt too stiff on her.
She pulled off her clothes and left them where they fell on the floor. Once in her bedroom, she rooted through her clothes. Frustrated, she flopped on her bed when she realized that she hadn't done laundry in over two weeks. She rooted through her hamper, looking for a pair of sweats she could throw on. Tonight was a night for sitting in front of the TV with a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
Her hand closed around a sweatshirt, and she pulled it out. She had to suppress a sob when she saw it. It was Olivia's navy blue NYPD sweatshirt. She had left it there the last time she spent the night. Alex pressed it to her face and inhaled. It still smelled like her.
She pulled it over her head, not bothering to put a shirt underneath it. She found a pair of jeans in the bottom of the hamper and pulled those on as well. Grabbing her car keys, she hurried out to the car.
She didn't know where she was going until she found herself parked outside of O'Malley's. She hadn't been there since the night of Olivia's death.
She seated herself at the bar and signaled for the bartender to come over. She hadn't been there for more than twenty minutes when she felt someone sit down next to her. Without looking, she knew automatically who it was. "Stabler," Alex greeted.
"Hey, Alex," he returned. "How are you holding up?"
She opened her mouth, prepared to lie. But she knew that she couldn't. Elliot was the one person who knew how much pain she was going through, how much she was hurting. "I'm just barely keeping it together," she answered honestly.
He nodded his head. He waved the bartender over. "I'll have two of whatever the lady's having," he said. The bartender shrugged his shoulder and then turned his back to the two. A few seconds later, he was putting down two glasses of a clear liquid. Elliot handed Alex the second one.
They sat in silence for a moment longer. "She loved you, you know," Elliot said softly.
Alex looked up sharply. "She told you?"
"Not in so many words," he answered. "But I could tell. Every time you walked into the squadroom, her face would light up. She couldn't stop smiling when she was around you. She was in love."
Alex smiled sadly. "I loved her too." She sipped at her drink. "I just can't believe she's gone." She blinked away her tears.
Elliot placed his hand on her arm. Suddenly, he remembered something. "Oh, they gave me Olivia's personal effects." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small ziplock bag. She opened it and pulled out a small silver ring, identical to the one that she was wearing.
"Thank you," she whispered, not trusting her voice. "I have to go," she said quickly, getting to her feet. She fumbled in her purse for her wallet.
"Don't worry about it," he replied, throwing down a handful of bills. He watched her walk away. From his place at the bar, he could see out the window. He watched her lean against the side of her car. He could see her body shaking from the sobs. He contemplated going after her, but he figured that she could use some time alone.
Turning to his drink, he threw his head back, readying himself for the burning rush of liquid. He almost choked when he felt the cool liquid hit his throat. He put his glass down and looked at it. Alex hadn't been drinking vodka; she'd been drinking water.
