Musings
Disclaimer: I disclaim. None of these characters belong to me. Go away, lawyers.
Summary: Remus, Peter, and Sirius' thoughts on and after that fateful night when the four Marauders are together once again, the first time in twelve years.
Three: Sirius
I'm an escaped mad mass murderer. Or at least, they say I am. If I did commit murder, it would be to kill those who threaten those I care about, not innocents. Of course, the fools at the Ministry can't understand that, but that's why they're fools… fools that are in charge. How depressing.
But at least I escaped from them, with the help of an old school friend and a few of the students… one of them being the son if my best friend. I have a darn bird with me as well… though he helped me escape, he's still an animal who keeps trying to eat my dinner. We both go hunting, and still, he reaches over and steals my food. Mine, apparently, is more tasty than the ones he hunted… especially the rats. He seems to have developed a liking for those. Normally, at least, in another situation, he'd be welcome to those, but as there's only so much I can steal from the townsfolk or beg off (as the mutt, of course, as I am still being hunted, as I am being constantly notified by either my friends, or the newspapers I find scattered on the ground)… He needs to stop or I'll eat him.
One of my friends sent me a muggle rhyme the other day, telling me that it applied quite well to my situation, "Run run run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" I would have to agree, except that I'm not food and that I have been caught before, but that was as I stood in the street, laughing at the manner of the traitor's escape. Otherwise, she was right. That was me indeed…
I sometimes wonder whether the traitor or I had a worse life in these past twelve years. Him, living as a rat in relative comfort, or me, reliving all my nightmares, some familiar and some not quite as much, but all scary as hell – who am I kidding? Despite being able to remain human, I never found escape from the horror, or at least, when I did, not for long. Which is why I wish to murder him so. He got to live comfortably feeling no guilt over the betrayal and death of his best friends – people who would have given their lives for him without thinking, yet he chose his life over theirs – while I suffered for being loyal by seeking revenge that I never got.
Maybe that's why, of all of the rodents I catch, rats are my favorite – perhaps I'm wishing that every rat I consume was him, though killing him would not bring them back to life… but it would satisfy my sense of loyalty.
That's why I become a mutt at will, for dogs have a strong sense of loyalty, and would do anything to fulfill it. Azkaban again would not be so bad as long as I got to take revenge upon him first… lousy traitor does not deserve to live, yet he escaped and is probably serving the Dark Lord now, or another one of his followers… sniveling git.
I will get him. I have to, and he knows that I will, even if I have to die trying… for I am Sirius Black, and a Black never, ever, goes against his word.
I'm not too pleased with Sirius' myself… I struggled a lot with this one, as the way to write it wasn't as clear. I've always imagined Sirius taking everything with a smile, and as they come, and I tried to portray that and probably failed.
Ah well. Either way, that's it, folks. Its been nice seeing people look at this story and not review; hope you guys enjoyed it.
Back to your normally scheduled program.
